Midwives won't take us...... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 04:22 AM - Thread Starter
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My DL and I are expecting our second child. Having not had the happiest of birth experiences in the hospital she has decided this time she would like to birth at home. No problem.

We go see the local midwives at their office. We chat with them for awhile and during that time the midwife we were talking with told us that "We're booked up through August so we may not be able to take you" and "We're closed in August so we probably can't take you".

Okay, odd, but stuff happens. We had an ultrasound about 10 days later so we could have a ballpark due date. First week of September. We hadn't heard anything new from the midwives after that so this past weekend when they had an open house my DL went to have a chat with them.

I was working and couldn't go with her. My DL talks to a different midwife of the midwifery group and is told,"That's odd. They've put 'Do not Accept' beside your name." Needless to say my DL was surprised. That midwife is going to call us back by next monday and tell us why we aren't good enough for them and why they hadn't called us to let us know.

Questions.....

How professional is this?
Has anything like this happened to any of you?
Have you heard of this happening to anyone you know?
What further steps should we take?

My DL wants a home birth. To the point where she is considering an Un-assisted home birth now if the midwives can't/won't come. With perhaps a doula we know giving a hand. We live in a relatively small community so our non-hospital options are limited.
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#2 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 07:08 AM
 
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That sounds very odd!! I wouldnt want to go to those midwives anyhow....they have treated you rudely. The only thing I can think of is maybe is there a high risk factor? They would have told you this directly though. Like if there was a history of GD or preeclampsia or something. I dont know but I would try to figure it out and find a new midwife. Have you tried http://www.birthpartners.com?

Desiree

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#3 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 08:49 AM
 
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What is DL? Dear lover?

I get from what you said that the midwives are booked solid and do not want to take you if they can't guarantee a high level of care.

Are they the only midwife group in your area? If they know you will do a UC if you can't find a midwife, would they at least see you for prenatals or something?

If they really have an issue with something about you 2 that turns them off, they should tell you. I have a SIL and BIL who were refused b/c SIL wanted a homebirth, but BIL is kind of an asshole, so the midwife said she couldn't work with them, and told them why.
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#4 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 10:28 AM
 
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Whoa. That must have been weird to find that out. If your partner had been ruled out due to a high risk physical condition, they would have noted what it was on the chart.

If they were full for that month, she wouldn't have written that, not 'do not accept' . This means that you were ruled out based on a non-tangible concern, a psyco-social issue, or something. Maybe she misunderstood something that one of you said or did.

Quote:
How professional is this?
It was not professional at all that midwife B told you what midwife A had written. She should have known better than that. Since she did, you deserve an explanation. Maybe when they talk, they can decide together wether to take you on as clients. Sounds like you have a chance with midwife B as your primary midwife.

Quote:
Has anything like this happened to any of you?
I'm a midwife, and I've ruled people out for concerns that I had. For example, someone said to me "I'd rather die than transport to the hospital if something goes wrong." Another said, "we can't pay you, and you shouldn't ask to be paid because you are doing the Lord's work." And "I don't want a homebirth, my husband is making me so we can save money" It wasn't that they 'weren't good enough' for me as you said in your post, it was that I was choosing not to be involved in what felt like a bad situation.

I hope that it was some kind of weird misunderstanding and that things work out for you!
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#5 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 12:48 PM
 
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You just need to clarify. It sounds like they are closed or booked up for August (and that would include an early Sept. date).
If that's they case, search around. If you want a midwife at your birth I hope you will find one.
Peace,
L
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#6 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 12:55 PM
 
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Also check out the National Association of Registered Midwives. Call around to Bradley, Birthing From Within, and ALACE instructors and ask if there are any experienced CPMs or direct-entry midwives you could get in touch with. Also look up doulas in your state on Doulas of North America's website, and call around and ask for a list of homebirth practitioners.

I'm sure you'll find one. Good luck!
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#7 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 01:07 PM
 
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I dunno..........I wouldn't go jumping to any conclusions about professionalism or rudeness just yet. It could be as simple as a lack of communication on their end. If they are booked up, they are booked. At least they are being honest with you about that.
I say find out but keep an open mind......it could be simple.
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#8 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 02:25 PM
 
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I think it is best to assume the best until they prove wrong. It could be that she noted that on your chart, because of your due date. Or for another reason. Who knows? I would just ask directly why. They should be able to tell you.

Like honey said, we have refused people for similar reasons. We have refused people who have an unhealthy home environment, as we aren't comfortable sending a four hour old baby and an immediately pospartum mom home to an unstable situation (we are a birthing center), for certain health conditions, and for philosophical differences. For example, if a mom is expecting certain interventions, we aren't the place for her, and we refer her to someone who we think would be able to accommodate her in a better manner.

I'm surprised the other midwife said anything to you at all about the "Do not accept" without being able to expand upon why. That seems particularly unprofessional.

Let us know how it goes. I hope you can find the right mw for you!

Lori
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#9 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
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To answer questions and to expand on comments.....

The only risk factor we have had is that last pregnancy my DL had GBS. Our DS shot out within 90 minutes of our arrival at the hospital.

DL, btw, stands for Dear Lady. We aren't married and we both play in the SCA so we already are used to saying "My Lord" and "My Lady", so it seemed a natural outgrowth.

It is odd that Midwife B told us what Midwife A had wrote and I do understand that any business has the right to refuse service. There could be a psyco-social issue. During our first pregnancy we did a lot of work and studying with Gloria Lemay. Who as far as the BC midwives are concerned is either a dedicated visionary, rogue midwife or dangerous fanatic. Depending on who you ask. Secondly, because my DL is very informed and knowledgable she does tend to debate with health care providers about courses of action and such.

Most health care professionals (ie doctors) do not appreciate having their recommendations second guessed.

Candiland, do any of those resources you mentioned operate in British Columbia? We live in the northern half of Vancouver Island and the midwife group here is the only local one. We are hoping that by Monday coming we will have some clarification on why they don't want us. Its both annoying and confusing.

We are at roughly 16 weeks so we have time. We definately do not want to birth at the local hospital here. Although they apparently do have a very low C-section rate my sister had a 60 (6!0!) hour labour via induction. Oy!

Anyway when we hear more I will post it. Thx for the input so far.
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#10 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 05:08 PM
 
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sounds like it could be political. did they know about the history with gloria?

why don't you have gloria attend you again? does gloria have any leads to other midwives?
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#11 of 25 Old 03-16-2004, 07:22 PM
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oi vey.
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#12 of 25 Old 03-17-2004, 01:11 AM - Thread Starter
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We live about 6 hours from her now. I am pretty sure they know of the history with Gloria. DL checked with Gloria about any contacts she might have. One is a 3 hour car drive away. The other is 2 ferry rides and a 30 min car trip away....


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#13 of 25 Old 03-17-2004, 02:52 AM
 
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Seems very weird to me. I would wait for the call back- but also do you really want them at your birth? My DP wanted a UC he was very certin that we didnt need anyone! And I am all for that- but I labored 39 hours and then went to the hospital and guess who came an hour later : My DPs thoughts were "this is one of the most magical moments in our lives- we only need to be there" Well, I think having someone even if they sit out on your couch and never see the birth is a good idea:LOL You do have time to look, and you can always go a bit outside of your area. Most MWs will drive an hour, but then again, will she still be pregnant after an hour in labor

BTW I love Dear Lady!!! We are not married and Scott always tells me "My Ang" like I am a pet or something. I would like "my lady" better! I need to tell him

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks
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#14 of 25 Old 03-17-2004, 09:52 AM
 
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I drove four hours to see my midwives. Don't let a little distance stand in the way of having the right care providers for you!
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#15 of 25 Old 03-17-2004, 04:21 PM - Thread Starter
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Its not us going to them its how far they are willing to come to us when the time comes. The standard range is about an hour worth of driving each way.

I also hope that this labour runs a little differently then the last. At the end my DL had about a week where she had a rising -falling pattern of contractions before she gave birth.

6 hours of increasing strength, closer together time, then 6 hours of fading, only to repeat again. We'd call into the hospital tell them what was going on. They would say,"come on in". We'd get there and things would start to slow down. Our ob got pissed and gave us a lecture about how we were wasting resouces and his time. The next day my DL gave birth. 90 minutes after we got to the hospital. OB got told off by hospital staff as when asked why we waited so long to come in we repeated to them what ob told us.

In a nutshell that's why DL wants a home birth this time. Now me, I'm a student of science and big-believer in all that "Western medicine" stuff. But I also believe in the GWWW principle. Go With What Works. Hospital birth didn't work out too well for us last time. So at DL's request and desire we go with something different this time. No problem. Nervous, yup. Probably gonna panic somewhat, hope to hold off until after Bun-Bun comes into the world.
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#16 of 25 Old 03-18-2004, 03:05 AM
 
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I had 16 midwives refuse me. Some were outright rude and told me that I was putting my babies in danger by having a homebirth.

The only, I REPEAT ONLY, reason they refused me is because I had twins.

2 of the 16 told me they believed that I could do it and that my records and levels showed me to be an EXCELLENT candidate for HB with them. They told me that the midwifery atmosphere in Seattle was really in bed with the AMA and that insurance had them strapped.

My midwife who caught my 2nd born was 3 hours away and was planning to come up to Seattle for the birth. I prayed about it and decided to find someone to manage the pregnancy locally and in the event my MW couldn't make it in time.

So I began to call lots of midwives only to hear some awful things.Things that I thought you weren't supposed to say to pregnant women and things that assumed I was an idiot.

I did end up getting discouraged after a week of phone calls and called an OB who specialized in twins ONLY to be told that I wasn't high risk enough for her office.



Anyway, I finally called Anne Frye. She was a HUGE encouragement and help. She gave me four names and the first one I called took me. I was 29 weeks with twins when I found an official midwife.

I had a great twin HB. My MW who was three hours away walked in just as I was pushing and she was key to the birth of my babies.

Hang in there and trust your gut.

Love & Prayers,
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#17 of 25 Old 03-18-2004, 05:43 PM - Thread Starter
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Yah, see I am worried we are getting bounced for something equally trivial. Living on an island is nice but it limits your range for things significantly. We were told by Lemay that the MW's in BC are basically an extension of the doctors here and transport fairly regularly.

We have no idea how true that is because Lemay thinks the worst possible things about the BC midwives and they think the same stuff right back. So even approaching the midwives has been a step for us. But DL is adamant about not going through a hospital birth again. As long as there are no significant complications.

Thursday, and still no call.......
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#18 of 25 Old 03-19-2004, 01:11 AM
 
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Oooops....... I meant North American Registry of Midwives

Even if those sites I listed can't help you directly, they still may have links to lay midwives in your area, if there are any.

Good luck!
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#19 of 25 Old 03-19-2004, 01:47 AM
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I live in BC and the political situation here for lay midwives is hazardous to be blunt. Homebirth BC
Quote:
There are a select few midwives who chose not to register with the BC College of Midwives in 1998 when this regulation came into effect. The College of Midwives is now pursuing these women in court in order to revoke their rights to attend birthing mothers, hailing they are dangerous to the community. They have chosen their first battle against Gloria Lemay, an experienced, revered, sought after birth attendant, who is no doubt one of the most experienced in BC (she has attended over 2000 births over the past 25 years.)
I was at several of Gloria's court dates. It wasn't pretty. Even when she offered to leave the province for a year for training in another province and come back and get tested by them, they refused her. They don't want any lay midwives. Some of the news reports about her have been.. well.. horrid. "Maverick Midwife," "incompetent" and more.

The midwifery and doula training she gives isn't worth the paper her certificates are printed on here. You'd have to go to another province or even the states for your certificate to be recognized.

The lay midwives or traditional birth attendants have a pro/con sitehere. What I find frighting is that they will transfer at the slightest hint of problem, registered midwives that is.
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#20 of 25 Old 03-19-2004, 01:55 AM
 
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#21 of 25 Old 03-21-2004, 12:56 AM - Thread Starter
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Okay, the midwife group left a message on our machine while we were out today.

They say that they are overbooked and understaffed during that time of the year. Disappointed, yup. Wish they would have confirmed that when we first met them or at least a little earlier than this.

They did tell us that there is a midwife who travels the island with a portable hot-tub and does home water births, which would be right up my DL's alley. Now we gotta find her. Sent an email to the NARM. No reply as yet.

So we are overall we are bummed out somewhat but now at least we know.
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#22 of 25 Old 04-12-2004, 11:31 PM - Thread Starter
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We finally found a Midwife.

We had our first meeting with her today and so far she seems pretty good and not wanting to transort at the first whiff of trouble.....

Wish us luck!
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#23 of 25 Old 04-13-2004, 12:12 AM
 
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Good Luck! I hope it works out well and she is the perfect mw for your family!
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#24 of 25 Old 04-13-2004, 04:45 PM
 
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I'm glad you found someone. And thanks for posting a follow up; I've been wondering how you have been doing!

Lori
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#25 of 25 Old 04-15-2004, 03:40 AM - Thread Starter
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The MW we found is a mother of 7 herself and a bit of a technophobe. She seems really interesting in reading about alternatives and such for things like GD and GBS. Now we just gotta dig out our old info and back issues of Mothering.

The only thing is that GBS is a sticking point with her but she is willing to listen and read about alternatives before she jumps to hospital.

We had a big long initial meeting with her (2 hours!) and went over DL's history, the MW also did some vitals and requisitions some standard blood work. She is also willing to do a water birth but we will have to get a pool ourselves. All in all so far so good.

DL can be........well lets just say sometimes she lives to fight the good fight, even if she has to start it herself. I tend to be a little too much the diplomat. We make a good team. Which is why I am so glad we feel good about this MW as well.

Thx for allowing me to vent and for the info....if any of you have any knowledge of alternative treatments for GBS or for prevention of it let me know.....we are trying to avoid that as well this time around.

thanks again
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