How long do you plan to wait for next baby? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 03-22-2004, 09:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello everyone! I am currently pregnant w/our first baby. I was just wondering what everyone's opinion is on how long to wait for baby number two. This pregnancy has been slightly complicated, so adoption may be our next choice. When is it too soon? too long? I know it's personal for everyone, but dh and I really don't know where to start. We don't want our kids to be ten years apart by any means, but we dont want them to be a year apart either.....any thoughts? help!!
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#2 of 24 Old 03-22-2004, 10:11 PM
 
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I don't think there's a 'perfect' spacing. My first 2 are 19 mos. apart and #2 will be 2yrs 1 month when #3 was born. We have a busy, active household and my boys are best friends & constant companions. I like our spacing, but it's all I know.

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#3 of 24 Old 03-22-2004, 10:11 PM
 
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After Austin was born we wanted another one right away! I knew though that since I had no PP AF I probably wouldn't get pg right away, and that it was best to wait at least a year so that being pregnant wouldn't conflict with his nursing (since some babies wean during pg).

We thought that 18-24 months apart in age was the perfect age for our first 2 kiddos. I'm due 8 days after Austin turns 2, so we got our 24 month age bracket pretty well. Most moms I know say that 2-3 years apart is their ideal age, and this is what we want.

Long run: After Hunter is born we plan to TTC in order to have Hunter be around 3 years old when #3 will be born (mostly because we can NOT have 3 kids in this house we're in now, and we plan to build our dream house after this house so we need time to get money & building plans together). Then we want #4 to be about 2 years younger than #3. (Hope that all makes sense). This way Austin will be 7 when our youngest is born so we'll have 4 under age 7 which sounds perfect to me.

I know this is an ideal plan for us, and that God may have different plans for my fertility. I think that 2-3 years apart per kid sounds pretty good. I don't think I could do it with kids less than 18 months apart, and for sure not less than 15 months apart!

I've heard too that adoption processes can take up to 2 years, so you may want to look into that soon to get all the info you can before starting that process.

Good luck!

Rissa
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#4 of 24 Old 03-22-2004, 10:19 PM
 
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There is 2 years 4 months between my girls which IMO was perfect. But because of my body really feeling worn out (mc at 12 weeks and then preggo the very next month, carried her for 42 weeks) I wanted to wait a couple of years, we also had plans to fix an old building up for our house. Well I am preggo again not planned at all and there will be 2 years 4 months differance between my youngest and the baby.

After this baby i really want to wait about 3+years to let my body rest from being preggo and bfing.
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#5 of 24 Old 03-22-2004, 10:48 PM
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We wanted ours to be 2 yrs apart. Less than that seemed too close to having 2 babies at the same time. My younger sister and I are 3 yrs apart and growing up I always felt she was *just* too babyish to play with. Like when you are in jr. high and the dolls you played with last summer are *SO* childish. LOL Dh and his sister were about 2 years apart and were each other's playmate for most of their childhood. Since we only want 2 kids, it is important to us that they are close. We planned on starting ttc when ds turned 1 yo. But when his birthday rolled around, we just weren't ready. So we started trying 3 months after his bday and it took us about 4 months (I was wrong about fertile days : ), so ds will be 2 y, almost 4 mo when this one is born. Perfect.

I have heard that adoption does take a long time as well, so you really should look into it now if that is the way you want to go. International ones can take a year, even after you and your child have been matched together. Domestic takes even longer, from what I hear.
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#6 of 24 Old 03-22-2004, 11:12 PM
 
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ditto to BurnsideMama

Dd and ds are 22 mos apart (ds is now 3 mos old!) and I LOVE it!! They are so close in relationship already and it is so much fun. I also want to wait till Ds is about 3 for the next baby and then have another 'set' about 2 yrs apart (making 4 total). It might even be nice if ds weans before I'm pregnant again...but we'll just see what happens.
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#7 of 24 Old 03-23-2004, 12:53 AM
 
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my first two were 2.5 years apart, and 2/3 were 3.5 years apart. it was easier for me physically to do the 3.5 year split. i think three years would be as close as i'd do it again, if i were planning (which i wasn't at the time!).

k
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#8 of 24 Old 03-23-2004, 01:21 AM
 
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My two are almost 2 years apart (just shy by 3 weeks) and in the planning I though it would be perfect - but in the reality it was really hard for me. At 2 ds was still such a baby - and I realize that even more now as dd is now the age he was when she was born and I can't even imagine having another one with her so little. .... So anyway I really struggled with the 2 year age gap, and we are just now thinking about #3 - but it will most likely be another 6 months of so before we TTC if we decided we even will....

Grace - photographer, wife and mom to 4 great kids (Ethan 5.00, Ainsley 4.02, Owen 12.04, and Ellis Ann 10.07) :
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#9 of 24 Old 03-23-2004, 11:06 AM
 
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Our first two are almost 3 yrs apart---and it's pretty nice right now. My next two will be not even 2 yrs apart, and I'm quite frankly scared! My youngest is in the nurses like a newborn phase....who knows how he'll take another nursling......It will work out no matter how far apart they are----we deal with what we're given!

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#10 of 24 Old 03-23-2004, 11:45 AM
 
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My brother and I are four years and three months apart, which I thought was great! I was able to help when we got him and for the most part really loved having a younger brother.

I hoped my children would be between 3-4 years apart and it turns out they will be! DS will be two months shy of 4yo when new baby is born. I'm glad he's mostly potty-trained and can understand the need to wait once and a while. I think, although he won't like it, he'll be able to cope with the extra time the baby will require from me and DH.

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#11 of 24 Old 03-23-2004, 12:58 PM
 
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I think you'll hear people talk about all kinds of spacing being "perfect" for them. I think it's your family, what you're used to, how YOU grew up.........all those things need to be taken into consideration........there is no perfect spacing, just a perfect spacing FOR YOU.

That said.........we are having #2 in May and my dd will be 5 and I feel that it's PERFECT spacing. I got to spend my daughters babyhood with just her, she's old enough to appreciate and enjoy and *remember* the pregnancy and birth and she can "help" with the baby, and I will have a good ammount of alone time with the baby while my dd is at school each day. I personally would be overwhelmed if I had my second while my first was still a toddler. We have talked about having one more and, again, we'll wait at least three years to try more than likely. I like the idea of my body fully recovering, I like the idea of having some baby time just for the baby.......I think thats the perfect spacing for *MY* family.

I'll toss in there that I come from a long line of kids who are 5 years ish spaced from their siblings, and my DH is 8 years younger than his only brother, so this is the kind of family spacing we *know* and are comfortable with as well.
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#12 of 24 Old 03-23-2004, 03:40 PM
 
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my first two are 2 years 2 months apart. My second two are almost exactly 18 months apart. I much prefer the spacing of my first two.
When I got pregnant with #3 it was hard for me to focus as much on the pregnancy because#2 was (is) still a baby. having 2 in diapers can also be a challenge. i am constantly but who isn't?
also--having 3 kids 3 and under can make one a little

they do get along marvelously though and i think (hope) that this will only grow stronger.
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#13 of 24 Old 03-23-2004, 06:39 PM
 
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My two are 19 months apart. I love it, but it's definatly not for the faint of heart:LOL At first it was like having two babies at the same time and ds 1 who had always been a heavy nurser, nursed just as much as the baby did. I am newly pg now and this babe will be born when ds 2 is 2 yrs 10 months. I think this will be a much easier split. I do love how close my first two are though
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#14 of 24 Old 03-23-2004, 10:36 PM
 
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mommy2be, thanks for posting this thread! i am constantly wondering the same thing. there are so many things to consider. dd is 5 months and while i cannot fathom having another one to take care of, i want to be surrounded by babies! i loved being pregnant, had a lovely homebirth and love love love being a mom. the funny thing is, i never even imagined motherhood would be such a perfect fit for me (DD was a big surprise). so i'm trying to balance my primal desires (more babies NOW!) with practicality. Right now I am a few credits shy of finishing my midwifery degree, we live in a teeny apartment and have load of student debt. i will probably always need ot work part time, so it seems like waiting until dd is 2 to start trying seems like the best best. on the other hand, sometimes it feels like it would be nice to just pop these babies out so that we can get all the diapering, car seats, etc out of the way. my sister has two boys who are 4 yrs apart and she thinks that is perfect spacing. they get along great. sorry if i rambled, it's an issue i think about daily. right now i'm actually glad that technically i probably can't get pregnant and may not have a period for quite some time. it sort of takes the decision out of my hands if you know what i mean. good luck and congratulations on your little one!
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#15 of 24 Old 03-24-2004, 02:58 AM
 
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momsgotmilkfor2~~ I'm going to have my second baby in july, and my babies will be 19 months apart. You say it isn't for the faint of heart? I have to admit that I'm a little bit scared about the whole thing. I had PPD issues with the first baby, and having another so quickly (which I did not plan on happening) is making me wonder what it'll be like having a toddler to look after as well. Cause I know, when your pregnant, it's all good, but after the baby comes, wham, the hormones are gone. Anyways, I want to get all the advice I can before it happens, about having 2 babies-in diapers-breastfeeding-getting into trouble. *sigh*

BTW, on the topic this thread is dedicated, I think 3 years would be optimal, in my mind. Your body has time to regenerate, and the older one can "help" you with the new baby.
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#16 of 24 Old 03-24-2004, 12:27 PM
 
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My dd is 14 months now, and honestly I couldn't even imagine having another baby right now. She is still such a baby herself, she constantly bfs, and is a clingly momma's girl. DH and I have decided to start talking about TTC in another year or so, but I am not even considering it before then. Besides dd has really done a number on my body, I've lost so much weight, I need to built up my stores again before another pg.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#17 of 24 Old 03-24-2004, 03:09 PM
 
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Ok - we don't plan. We try to plan but once I went off the pill (health reasons) it's been one baby after another. We just get pg.

DS is 24 months, DD is 8 months and #3 is due July/August. So 16 months apart and then 12 months apart!

I am 27, will be 28 when #3 is born, and apparently hit my peak fertility.

You don't have time to think about it you just do. DS and DD don't know any different and they are already starting to connect. I am busy and tired but have a fantastic DH. I am still nursing DD but that hasn't stopped my from gaining weight. I am pretty hungry and thirsty all day and forget trying to pee!

I agree the only attention this pg gets is at night when I try to go to sleep or am up every 10 minutes to pee or when I go see my mw!

At this point my aches and pains pick up where I left off after the last pg. That stinks. We want more kids but have no idea how to space them after this!!

carrots - i'm trying to envision three in cds - I do enough laundry as it is.

I have a 9 yo step-daughter. For me that is too much of an age gap. There needs are so different and I don't like that she wants to parent the kids. My sister looks to me a parent (only 4 years apart but family issues) and I think we missed out on a lot of fun that way.
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#18 of 24 Old 03-24-2004, 03:23 PM
 
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My kiddos are 3 yrs. 10 months apart. We have loved that spacing. During the pregnancy Jake really understood about how the baby was growing in me. He loved to listen to the baby's heartbeat with the fetoscope and feel him kick. We had *zero* jealousy issues when Kai was born, I was relieved about that. They are best pals and love playing together. Jake loves to teach Kai new words and games and Kai just worships his "bubba".

We're planning on waiting until Kai is 4 before TTC, that's not for sure though. We'll see....
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#19 of 24 Old 04-02-2004, 04:03 PM
 
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I would like to wait three years -- uh oh, already two years and five months.. Time flies. My first is seven months already..
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#20 of 24 Old 04-02-2004, 05:53 PM
 
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ketilave-all i can say is "hope you have a good washer": :LOL
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#21 of 24 Old 04-02-2004, 11:24 PM
 
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I am pregnant with my 3rd child now and due in Sept. My other children will be 6.5 and 2.5 when this one is born.

I would like to have 1 more baby after this and I think I will want to wait until dc #3 is at least 2 years old before we TTC.

I think 2 or 3 years in between children is probably a good age difference, but I def. think 4 is too much. My son and daughter have a hard time playing together and I worry that they wont be very close until they get a LOT older.
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#22 of 24 Old 04-03-2004, 09:26 AM
 
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carrots - got new ones as gift when DD was born this past summer. Who would have thought that would be exciting but I can get a stain out of anything and my dipes are nice and fluffy:LOL
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#23 of 24 Old 04-04-2004, 06:55 PM
 
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Hmm... I'm still talking dh into a third! LOL We are adding onto our house (it's only 2br and 1ba, so we are adding on a bedroom and bath) and he is doing it himself... I think once he is done with all that manual labor in addition to working 40hr/wk we'll talk about it.

Dd was 2 years and 3 months old and I love that age gap. I would like a similar age gap, although closer to 3yo might be nicer for the third baby. Hmm, I am so undecided. I don't want more than a three year age gap though, I am 6.5 years older than my middle brother and my mom had my youngest brother 17 months later. She said it was hard, but the smaller age gap was much better. My youngest brother died at 14months old and that just left me and my brother. We loved each other to death, but fought like cats and dogs... after all... when I was 13 he was seven and a very annoying little boy.

I do know that I personally will not consider ttc before ds is 18 months old because dd weaned when I was two months preggers (she was 20mo) and I don't want ds weaning because of my milk supply diminishing. As it is, ds is 11mo and no pp AF as of yet although I feel that she is trying to find me!
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#24 of 24 Old 04-18-2004, 12:19 AM
 
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Just wanted to toss this in as food for thought... My MIL had nine children ... with the last five ALL BOYS born within SIX AND A HALF YEARS!!!

(Dad was in the hospital shortly after #9--lucky for me, 'cause that's who I married!)
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