C/S recovery & support thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-15-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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CherryBomb- congrats on your new little one! I'm sorry the birth didn't go as planned, but it does seem like there was a reason for this one, and I'm so glad you've got your little one in your arms safe and sound.
Thanks! I second guess myself now of course, but I'm sure if I had continued with bedrest for another week or two and wound up with another c/s I'd be kicking myself and thinking "why didn't I just do the induction!" Sigh. Too bad I don't have a crystal ball. Finn is my rainbow baby too (technically my second, but we lost our first rainbow baby) so I've been a total paranoid mess the whole pregnancy, just waiting for something to go wrong. So when my bp went up out of nowhere it seemed the start of something really bad! But who knows. I had some bad baby blues yesterday but I seem a lot better today. Got my staples out and I'll be heading home in a couple hours!

IDK what the future holds re: more kiddos. Dh and I are observant Catholics so birth control is totally out of the question (I use Creighton). I talked to the OB today and while she didn't say "don't have more kids" she made it clear that another c/s would have serious risks for me. My lower uterine segment is paper thin and she said that while she didn't think that increases my UR risk, the on call ob that did the c/s said he had a difficult time suturing my uterus because it was so thin it was basically falling apart when he would try to put in the stitches. And I have lots of bad internal scarring so getting down there to my uterus was difficult and will probably be worse next time. I didn't ask about vbacing with her if I do have anymore, but I think it might be a possibility with her. Our family feels complete for now, but since sterilization and such is completely out of the question, I have to consider the possibility (I'll be a good girl about my NFP, though!)

Oh, and apparently my scar is super low and bizarre. He just went over the old scars, but for some reason the first c/s the doctor did it really low and in a weird curly q shape that goes out to my left hip/leg! Every new nurse I got said they've never seen such a low scar.

Hugs all around.
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Old 10-15-2010, 05:36 PM
 
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I am now at the point where I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of the evil troll. I'm tired of feeling like I'm broken and feeling broken emotionally. I'm tired of looking back with sorrow. I'm really ready to move on and not hurt. How do I do that? How I do I go from here to healed? I know 'it's a process' like everyone says, but is sitting around waiting to 'get over it' the only option? I know it sounds impatient, but that's where I'm at.

I know there are a lot of those out there who think that we should just get over it and move on, but do they know how hard that is to figure out how to do, let alone do?
AustinMom,

I think its different for everyone. For me, a lot of my healing has come from figuring out exactly what I felt about DD's birth. The biggest feeling is that I failed HER. My only job was to keep her healthy, bring her in to the world naturally, and keep her safe. And I failed her. She was so dehydrated...sick...3 wk NICU stay. My body failed her, and no amount of anyone telling me that it didn't is going to change the way I feel about it.

It DOES make me feel better to hear my husband tell me how hard I tried. To see my midwife tear up with sadness for me, and remind me that I made the best decisions I could. It helps me to read birth stories good and bad, and see that sometimes you can do everything "right" and still have an awful birth. My daughter is almost two, and I've just stopped having flashbacks to the section. We got through it together, and I've ALWAYS done everything I can to keep her from fear/pain, and that's the best i can do.

So I tell myself, "It's okay to be disappointed. Maybe you'll VBAC someday, maybe not. All you can do is your best." And that's all I've got....

I wish there were an easy way for us all to find peace.

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Old 10-15-2010, 05:39 PM
 
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Oh, and apparently my scar is super low and bizarre. He just went over the old scars, but for some reason the first c/s the doctor did it really low and in a weird curly q shape that goes out to my left hip/leg! Every new nurse I got said they've never seen such a low scar.
That is really interesting. The OB that did mine went over an old scar (back before they did laproscopic surgery for ruptured cysts) and it is very low too. My midwife told me she would be surprised if he could use that scar, and that I would probably end up with "railroad tracks" if it were necessary... I wonder what that would mean for a future VBAC?

[/thread derailment...]

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Old 10-15-2010, 11:38 PM
 
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I thought this would be a great spot to ask mamas if you were going in to have a c-section what would you really want to bring with you? I've got basics like pjs and my own blanket and pillow and toiletries, but anything that specifically would have made the hospital stay a little nicer after surgery with a newborn?

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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Old 10-15-2010, 11:53 PM
 
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I thought this would be a great spot to ask mamas if you were going in to have a c-section what would you really want to bring with you? I've got basics like pjs and my own blanket and pillow and toiletries, but anything that specifically would have made the hospital stay a little nicer after surgery with a newborn?
I've had three scheduled sections, and can't really think of anything else. I like to take a good book and my Discman (or iPod, I guess). I can't always hold the baby, and sometimes have to put the baby in the bassinet...and the hospital is boring.

This one's possibly a little controversial, because you're supposed to wait until you pass gas (in some places - some of them go by being able to hear intestinal/bowel sounds) before you eat. In my case, that was once almost two weeks (at least that I noticed), so I obviously didn't wait that long! But, I find the hospital food very bland, and I hate being stuck eating it. I also drink a ton of water post-op, but constipation can still be a - painful - problem. So, I always get dh to load me up with juicy fruit...grapes, plums, peaches, etc. I also like a couple bananas and some yogurt. It makes me feel more hydrated, less constipated, and gives me a taste treat.

And, honestly - that's about it for me. The underwear thing goes two ways. Many people like "granny panties" post-op, so that their underwear isn't sitting on the scar. I prefer underwear along the incision line - there's a dressing there, anyway, and I hate having the bottom of my belly sitting along the incision.

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Old 10-15-2010, 11:56 PM
 
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I thought this would be a great spot to ask mamas if you were going in to have a c-section what would you really want to bring with you? I've got basics like pjs and my own blanket and pillow and toiletries, but anything that specifically would have made the hospital stay a little nicer after surgery with a newborn?
Prunes Seriously. I had them packed last time, and I'm packing them again this time.

4 days in the hospital is a while, so I made sure to bring some craft projects, a book, and definitely my laptop.

Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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Old 10-16-2010, 12:56 AM
 
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I thought this would be a great spot to ask mamas if you were going in to have a c-section what would you really want to bring with you? I've got basics like pjs and my own blanket and pillow and toiletries, but anything that specifically would have made the hospital stay a little nicer after surgery with a newborn?
I had a 7 day stay due to baby being in the NICU and I can say that I never had the pleasure of being bored. I feel that moms who do are lucky.

I also was told (and surprised to hear) that you don't have to wait till you pass gas to eat. In fact as soon as I got in the recovery room the nurse asked if me and hubby wanted a sandwich. Very nice to have real food and no liquid diet. But, if your hospital is not willing to do that, I'd say yes, smuggle snacks, and smuggle snacks that will make you pass gas sooner (without pain or bloating) and poop. No BRAT diet, bananas, rice, apples, and toast that is.

On the discussions earlier about BFing in the OR, have a plan to do this, and since the top of the mom is considered 'anesthesiologist space', you would have to clear it with them not the OB. Once the cord is cut, the OB has no say in what goes on with the baby. Also, you obviously want to state that this would be in the absence of medical need. But if baby comes out pink and vigorous then there is no need for suctioning, only if there is meconium then to do suctioning with the aspirator. I'm pretty sure that's the AAP protocol.

I'd say bring lots of pillows, as you can't have too many, especially for nursing, and just in case you have a longer than expected stay, bring some kind of mat/foam to put on top of your bed, as I can't tell you how painful it was come night 4-7 to sleep on that awful hospital bed. More cushioning would have been great.

Also, bring your own heating pad as since they pump your abdomen full of air for the surgery and that air can move around to be shoulder pain from H#$%, it'd be nice to have a nice warm pad to help with that. The hospital's was crap for us.

Thanks all for the replies to my last post. I like to think, as bad as this sounds that if there was a way to measure the intents of a mother, those who do what they can to bring their children into the world peacefully get extra points, and though I was not able to do that as an average mainstream mom gets lucky enough to, I still have the intent and I still have the rest of my kids' lives to be a high scoring mom. you know what I'm trying to say?
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Old 10-16-2010, 02:01 AM
 
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NM...serves no purpose.

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Old 10-16-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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The underwear thing goes two ways. Many people like "granny panties" post-op, so that their underwear isn't sitting on the scar. I prefer underwear along the incision line - there's a dressing there, anyway, and I hate having the bottom of my belly sitting along the incision.
I like the granny panties, but I don't like my stomach laying along my incision, either. I've been rolling up a clean wash cloth and putting it over my my incision, keeps my belly off it (I have a rather large pannus).

Re: when you can eat, so funny even in the same practice it's different. The on call ob did my surgery and said no eating until I passed gas. But my OB came in in the morning and said she's not as strict and that as long as they can hear bowel sounds and I could eat some jello without getting nauseous, I could eat. I also lucked out because our hospital actually has pretty good food! And you can order whenever you want off a menu, so you don't have to wait until a certain time and choose from one or two things.
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Old 10-16-2010, 05:22 PM
 
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I thought this would be a great spot to ask mamas if you were going in to have a c-section what would you really want to bring with you? I've got basics like pjs and my own blanket and pillow and toiletries, but anything that specifically would have made the hospital stay a little nicer after surgery with a newborn?
For my last section - I had a just in case mentality and made sure to pack the following:

pjs
Sweat Suit (my favorite sets of sweat/yoga pants & zip up hoodies)
several nursing tanks
wool socks - incase my feet got cold
books
movies - check to see if the room has dvd or vcr
my favorite soaps - citrus, jasmine etc. as these made me feel so much better and less "hospital" like post-section day1 especially as you're trying to scrub off the betadine and etc. Lemon and such scents lift my spirits

As for underwear - I love sporting the mesh ones they give you post section. Less laundry for me. But I agree with StormBride - I don't like my belly hitting my incision so I wore my belly band on top of my sweat pants/yoga pants through my entire stay, to the point one of the MAs came in to take my vitals while we had friends visiting. She asked my friend who was the patient (as I was in my sweats) and she was flustered, and muttered out ... well usually the mothers are wearing hospital gowns. Those things are awful, to the point I didn't wear one until they had to wheel me into surgery and then post-op I made my DH help me change back into my tank. I said they could cut it off if necessary but I wasn't wearing one of those gowns.

treehugger.gifAnd you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.treehugger.gif

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Old 10-16-2010, 05:27 PM
 
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I was stunned by the underwear issue after my first section, it never occurred to me that a) I'd end up have a csection and b) that EVERY single pair of underwear and pants I owned would hit exactly at the incision site. I ended up wearing those mesh undies they give you and LOVING them. They're so freakin hideous but man they're comfortable.
I second bringing your own bath products and clothes and using them as soon as you can, it'll make you feel more human. Other than than that I used my laptop a lot and bring snacks because hospital food is Awful.

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Old 10-16-2010, 05:46 PM
 
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My steri strips are off and my incision is healing quite well. I have a little scab on one side,but it should dry up and fall off soon. Right? It itches. The whole belly under my my belly button itches and feels like sunburn. I don't scratch though since it then hurts in that weird sunburn feeling way. I'm to scared to touch it right now. In the shower I don't wash that area at all,just let the water flow over it and don't use soap though I know I can. It's also hard to see the incision with out pushing the rest of my belly down and away from it. Is that normal?

StarMama I wish that I'd brought more pillows! Different maxi pads as well. I only brought some HUGE heavy duty Always pads with me since I expected a vaginal delivery. I wish I'd brought a few different types of pads,like for different flows,thinner ones. The big ones started to irritate me after a couple of days and I really didn't have much bleeding at all. My hospital didn't provide pads for us. Bring a pen! Bring extra pens! I didn't bring one and really needed one for so many things.

I have some questions for the mamas who had both a vaginal and a c-section birth. Did you feel differently about the birth or the child after each one? Did you feel you did more for the vaginal birth then the c-section birth? Did you feel that with the c-section you didn't really birth your baby?

For me since this is my first baby I can't compare but I can't help but feel I missed something by not having a vaginal birth. I didn't get to feel that sensation as he came out of me and I didn't see him come out of me either. In fact I had no idea they had even started the c-section when they were doing it. I felt nothing and the doctors were speaking French the whole time so I didn't know what they were doing behind that little curtain. I don't know if I can say that I gave birth to my son.
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Old 10-16-2010, 06:02 PM
 
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I continued to wear my undies right on the incision once I stopped wearing the mesh ones (I don't take my own undies to the hospital, to minimize having to deal with my own laundry). But, I found the dressing was enough padding. However, I've also had really severe numbness on the incision line every time, which probably makes it easier to tolerate the underwear band.

It's bizarre how many little things there are to consider, really. Bring slippers...

I've never had a belly band, but they sound like they'd be worth considering. Most of the moms I know who have tried them post-section have loved them.

_ktg_: I've never worn my sweats in the hospital, but I do get out of their gowns and into my own nightgown and robe asap. I hate wearing hospital gowns. I've just always found getting in and out of pants really, really hard in the early days - undies are bad enough. If it weren't for the bleeding, I wouldn't wear anything under my nightgown until about day three or four.

ETA: I've never even thought of bringing extra pillows, but that would be nice. My nurse gave me some extras last time, so I ended up with about six...used some to keep dd2 from being mashed against the railings on the hospital bed, a couple for my legs, etc. It's so hard to get comfortable after a section, and pillows do help. I like the firm hospital ones around the baby (less likely that she'll get her face pressed into them), but a couple softer ones for me would have been nice. The hospital ones tend to slide around on each other a lot, too.

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Old 10-16-2010, 06:07 PM
 
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I don't know much about the bands or belly binding. Would having one be helpful now even though I'm a month out? What's the point of them? I probably could have used one on the way home from the hospital since my belly was so jiggly and it did not feel to good in the car with my my insides moving all about.
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Old 10-16-2010, 07:13 PM
 
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_ktg_: I've never worn my sweats in the hospital, but I do get out of their gowns and into my own nightgown and robe asap. I hate wearing hospital gowns. I've just always found getting in and out of pants really, really hard in the early days - undies are bad enough. If it weren't for the bleeding, I wouldn't wear anything under my nightgown until about day three or four.
I totally agree - having your own clothes makes the world of difference. Those gowns are just the pits! Especially when you have to do the bathroom shuffle, trying to make sure your feet are moving, but your tookus isn't hanging all out there for the world to see. OT- but the elimination of the hosptial gown might be a humanizing element for me.

Pants are not the easiest to get on, and I am not much of a nightgown kind of girl... but that's where the timing of the pain meds comes in extra handy

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Old 10-16-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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I swear I'm the only person comfortable in hospital gowns!

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I have some questions for the mamas who had both a vaginal and a c-section birth. Did you feel differently about the birth or the child after each one? Did you feel you did more for the vaginal birth then the c-section birth? Did you feel that with the c-section you didn't really birth your baby?
My first two were c/s, then a vba2c, now another c/s. I definitely don't feel any different about the babies. The birth part is really disappointing, though. I think it's worse now that I've actually had a vaginal birth, knowing how much easier it is to recover from and everything. I think there are so many factors that play into it, especially with regards to how necessary you feel your c/s was. I'm not sure that this c/s was really necessary (I think if I had my OB and not the on call I probably would have had a long and tiring vaginal birth, but a vaginal birth non the less). OTOH, he had a true knot and refused to move down, and even at -2 station he was getting post contractino decels, so maybe the cord would have been an issue for him and he knew what he was doing. IDK. Mostly I hate that I had this c/s because I really wanted a large family and idk if that's going to be possible now.
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Old 10-16-2010, 07:29 PM
 
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That is really interesting. The OB that did mine went over an old scar (back before they did laproscopic surgery for ruptured cysts) and it is very low too. My midwife told me she would be surprised if he could use that scar, and that I would probably end up with "railroad tracks" if it were necessary... I wonder what that would mean for a future VBAC?

[/thread derailment...]
Interesting! I'll have to ask my OB at my pp visit if she has any idea why my original scar was so low. FWIW I don't think your external scar will have any impact on vbac. My 3rd birth was a vba2c and it was never an issue.
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Old 10-16-2010, 07:31 PM
 
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Oh, and I was too fat this time for the mesh panties So I'd say if you're plus sized, make sure to bring your own post partum panties in case the mesh ones aren't large enough!
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Old 10-17-2010, 11:48 PM
 
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I, too, am jumping on here early. I had my first baby via unmedicated vaginal birth but she had a pretty bad shoulder dystocia. I am now 20 weeks with #2, and midwife has expressed that C-section may be advisable if this baby is the same size or bigger than my first. She/we'll make the determination at 38 weeks. I am terrified of the surgery and saddened by the possibility that I won't be able to birth my baby the way I want to. But I am equally terrified of making a foolhardy decision that could jeopardize my baby's health. So I'm trying to stay open to all possibilities and learn all that I can. I am thankful for this thread and am sending healing vibes to all of you currently recovering, both physically and emotionally.
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Old 10-18-2010, 12:44 AM
 
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I was also really scared,but I got through it with the help of my doula. She was amazing. She asked me what I was most scared of and I told her it was not being able to recover fast enough and take care of my son alone. If you know what your most scared of before going in then maybe you can prepare yourself better. You may also be able to ask for something to relax you right before the section. You can also make ac-section birth plan if you know you'll be getting one. Some doctors will try and make it a more AP sorta of birth rather then all medical and impersonal you know. I saw a birth plan for a c-section on MDC actually. I wish I could remember when and where though.
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Old 10-18-2010, 12:15 PM
 
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Ismama- my first was a c/s, my second child was a VBAC with shoulder dystocia (and a 4th degree tear for me), and my third was a VBAc with just a hint of sticky shoulders. I'd be happy to PM you the resoruces I have on birth after SD. Like VBAc itself it's a complicated picture, but I'm a big fan of data and knowing the numbers when balancing risks. I can say that the fear of a repeat SD and 4th degree tear played a big role in how I went about planning my second VBAC... I switched from a homebirth to a hospital birth, I quized my doula and DH for months about SD scenarios, I talked everyone's ears off about sidelying birth positions, I wrote a birth plan that basically said "I want another VBAC but if things start slowing down we are moving to a rc/s rather than risk another SD/tear". It was on my mind a lot. In the end, ds's birth was fast and furious, there was only a little sticky shoulders, I had a small 2nd degree tear along the previous scar, and we were all fine. But I was prepared for a rc/s. Anyway, if anyone wants my research list PM me and I'll dig it out.

Oh, my c/s baby was 9lbs5oz. My VBAC babe with shoulder dystocia was 9lbs even. My "VBAC after SD" baby was 9lbs8oz. So at least in my case, it wasn't size that made the difference. Positioning made a lot of difference and I think having had a vaginal birth (even with the SD) helped too.

Birth plans and recovery- check the Birth & Beyond sticky. One of the threads saved there is the Natural Family Living Cesarean Resource thread. Lots of books, websites, articles, birth plans, and recovery ideas from MDC moms.

What to bring- I found pregnancy skirts (my binsi birth skirt and a super soft t-shirt style cotton skirt from Target) to be super comfy. You can lift the back while sitting (no leaks!), they can be worn over or under the incision/belly, they cover the bum while standing/walking, and they look cute (or whatever your personal style might be ). I also find them easier to get on/off since I can pull them over my head...no bending/twisting required.

Other than my skirts, I pack soft new socks and then those socks get left at the hospy. It's a bit wasteful I know, but I love the feel of brand new socks and I"d rather not bring hospy floor ick home with me so.... a 6 pack of white cotton socks isn't a huge cost.

I also bring a travel sized french press and some good coffee, good tea. Most hospy wards can bring you hot water but their coffee/tea? Ick! A few cans of coconut water go in my bag too... it "counts" as a clear fluid if your hospy is being difficult about intake and it has more taste/good stuff than the fruit juice they're likely to offer.

Hmmmm... everything else I bring is pretty standard. Toiletries, laptop, a Terry Pratchett book (I've brought one to every birth so it's a formal tradition now ), cell phone, camera, aromatherapy/homeopathics, etc. I'm in the "I love mesh undies" camp and I don't mind the hospy pads during the first few days so I'm set there....

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Old 10-18-2010, 02:39 PM
 
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I also bring a travel sized french press and some good coffee, good tea. Most hospy wards can bring you hot water but their coffee/tea? Ick! A few cans of coconut water go in my bag too... it "counts" as a clear fluid if your hospy is being difficult about intake and it has more taste/good stuff than the fruit juice they're likely to offer.
Wow. I wish I'd thought of both these things. A cup of really good coffee would have done a lot for my morale! And, the coconut water is brilliant.

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Hmmmm... everything else I bring is pretty standard. Toiletries, laptop, a Terry Pratchett book (I've brought one to every birth so it's a formal tradition now ),
I love that. I always take a book that I haven't read, but I don't have any particular author that I bring. Pratchett would be great...except he might make me laugh, and llaughing really hurts when I'm post-op.

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Old 10-18-2010, 04:44 PM
 
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Thanks all for the replies to my last post. I like to think, as bad as this sounds that if there was a way to measure the intents of a mother, those who do what they can to bring their children into the world peacefully get extra points, and though I was not able to do that as an average mainstream mom gets lucky enough to, I still have the intent and I still have the rest of my kids' lives to be a high scoring mom. you know what I'm trying to say?
I hear that.

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I was stunned by the underwear issue after my first section, it never occurred to me that a) I'd end up have a csection and b) that EVERY single pair of underwear and pants I owned would hit exactly at the incision site. I ended up wearing those mesh undies they give you and LOVING them. They're so freakin hideous but man they're comfortable.
HECK yes. Ask the nurses for extra mesh panties so that you don't have to wash. And ask for extra chux pads to sleep/sit on for another week, just in case.

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I saw a birth plan for a c-section on MDC actually. I wish I could remember when and where though.
A woman in my (Feb. '09) DDC had a planned section due to medical issues and the previous loss of a child. She had a great birth plan, from what I can remember, if you want to look in the archives. I can PM you her name if you'd like.

I'd just go ahead and take Colace or the equivalent, if you want. No problems with 'roids from the 2 hours of pushing, PP BMs....that's another story.

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Old 10-18-2010, 05:24 PM
 
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That would be great if you could link the birth plan or give me her name. Then we can have an idea of what a c-section birth plan can look like.
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Old 10-19-2010, 10:13 AM
 
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Gobs and gobs of natural family living c/s info here... including c/s birth plans written by mdc moms.

Books- Dh had packed a Terry Pratchett novel in his hospital bag... that birth turned into a c/s and one of the few pictures we have of dd1 in the first few days is DH holding her while reading Pratchett. We're big Discworld fans and he is so prolific that it's been easy enough to find a "new" Pratchett for each birth. I like that his books can be read while still pretty loopy... you can read them again for the deeper storyline, but still enjoy them while sleep deprived and on pain meds.

french press- I can't remember who told me about that trick, but having decent coffee/tea really does make the world a little better. And the travel sized ones are great in general because they amuse toddlers/preschoolers too. A box of those "coffee-bags" is another option... not really great coffee, but still better than the average hospy patient fare.

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Old 10-19-2010, 03:45 PM
 
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Books- Dh had packed a Terry Pratchett novel in his hospital bag... that birth turned into a c/s and one of the few pictures we have of dd1 in the first few days is DH holding her while reading Pratchett. We're big Discworld fans and he is so prolific that it's been easy enough to find a "new" Pratchett for each birth. I like that his books can be read while still pretty loopy... you can read them again for the deeper storyline, but still enjoy them while sleep deprived and on pain meds.
I've read all the Discworld books at least twice - most of them four or five times. I think I've read Hogfather about eight! They're really nice to re-read. DH hooked me on them a long time ago.

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french press- I can't remember who told me about that trick, but having decent coffee/tea really does make the world a little better.
Yup. I find the meals - including the coffee - to be a major slam on my morale, honestly. I remember being in the hospital with ds2, and the OB had told me I wouldn't be on liquid diet. The first morning, my "breakfast" tray came and it was coffee, water and juice. I actually started crying. However, my OB's instructions had reached the kitchen, so I got something that more closely approximated food a few minutes later.

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Old 10-19-2010, 03:58 PM
 
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That would be great if you could link the birth plan or give me her name. Then we can have an idea of what a c-section birth plan can look like.
birth plan thread Feb. 2009 DDC scroll down to Post 5. She had a healthy baby girl.

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Old 10-20-2010, 04:28 PM
 
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Thanks for this thread. Very short version, I had a c/s 15 months ago after my posterior DD got stuck and my cervix swelled up. It's been on my mind a lot lately because we might be getting ready to start TTC again.

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I think that after the fluke way of losing Joseph, then the pre-eclampsia with ds2 and then 2 c/s, those around me see me as 'broken'. I mean, how many 'bad' side of the stats can one woman be?
I also get the feeling of being broken, especially to other people, even though no one has said that to me. My DS was born at 25 weeks due to a placental abruption. Then my pregnancy with DD was going great until I got diagnosed with GD. I was able to control it with diet, but I spent the rest of the pregnancy with HCPs pretty much treating me like a ticking time bomb.

All of the issues I've had have been weird, random flukes that no one could have predicted. So on one hand, I know that they're not likely to happen again, but on the other, I seem to have really bad luck with that.

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I think the more you know about risks, options, and decisions, the more you can be disappointed. I wish I were one of those moms who thought a CS was just another way to birth, and no big difference and formula and breastmilk have minimal differences, etc, so I would just be in the dark and not care.
Sometimes ignorance is bliss, huh? I think that too sometimes.

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At this point in my journey, the hardest part is envy. I want to be a supportive friend who celebrates my friends' joyful birth experiences. Instead, I have this claw of jealousy & self-pity that grabs my chest and makes me feel ill when I read their FB posts. My congratulations have this wan flatness to them. And I have this weird hope (is that the right word?) that someone I know will also have a prolonged, traumatic birth so that I can relate to them for a change. Did I just say that? It's so petty & horrible!!! Of course I don't want anyone to go through what I went through & I am happy for my friends when things go well. Except for this small, dark, heavy troll inside me that hates everyone who has a nice birth. Ug. I just hope that my weirdness is less legible to my friends than it is to me. It's not who I want to be, but there it is. I hope over time this part will get easier.
I have a bit of that troll too, though it has gotten better over time. I don't want anyone to have a traumatic birth either, but sometimes I wish some of the people I know could see the things that I've seen happen so that they'd understand. For example, I have a very close friend who has had 3 hospital births under a variety of circumstances (midwives, OBs, elective induction, spontaneous labor, med-free, epidurals) and she's never even come close to having a c/s or been treated badly by a HCP. All 3 have been fairly uneventful, vaginal births. Her last 2 were with the same practice that did my c/s (different doctors, though). So I think she thinks that I've overreacted or something to the way that I was treated by OBs, especially during my pregnancy with DD. It's weird and hard to explain because I know that she believes me, but she must not think it's that big of a deal because she kept going to the same practice for her 3rd.

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And then a doctor from said hospital responded with 'sure, as long as she had had a previous vaginal birth'. Which, technically, I do have. Except it's not usually counted since I was 'only' 16 weeks.
I've only had one c/s, but I've been wondering if my previous vaginal birth "counts" since I wasn't full term. I guess I'll find out when I start interviewing HCPs.

Right now, the hardest part for me is thinking about a future pregnancy. We want to have at least one more baby, maybe 2. I really really need to be able to trust my HCP and I don't give that trust blindly because of my previous experiences. Right now, I'm pretty set on a VBAC, but options around here are limited. I'm not really comfortable with a home birth (for myself) because of both our location and my previously mentioned luck. VBACs aren't allowed in birth centers in my state. So, that leaves hospital. There is only 1 hospital within a reasonable driving distance that allows VBAC, and only 2 practices that do them there. I had a mixed experience with one of them in the past, but they're not particularly natural birth friendly, and it's probably worse with a VBAC. The thought of having to fight through another 9 months and then during labor just makes me want to cry. The other group, I don't know a lot about yet....I've heard mostly positive things but a few concerning ones, and I think I'd probably have a lot of the same potential issues in labor with them anyway since they're at the same hospital as the other group.

Amy, wife to Paul 5/20/01, SAHM to Daniel 5/23/07, Claire 7/15/09, and Elaine 9/4/12

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Old 10-20-2010, 04:40 PM
 
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Oh and I wanted to add that I felt very prepared and educated going into DD's birth. I had researched and I knew that I didn't want any interventions without a clear medical need. I had originally planned a birth center birth but got risked out due to the GD (another rant altogether). I hired a doula, who was great and extremely helpful. I took NCB classes. Of course I knew that birth is unpredictable, but I still felt that my odds of a c/s were very low and that it would be very clear if I truly needed one. (Yeah, not so much.) So next time, I have even more stacked against me now that I've had prior uterine surgery, and that's daunting.

Amy, wife to Paul 5/20/01, SAHM to Daniel 5/23/07, Claire 7/15/09, and Elaine 9/4/12

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Old 10-20-2010, 05:53 PM
 
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I wish I'd done things a little differently and been more open to a couple of things that I was viewing as interventions. The nurse said I should have a cath. when I arrived since I couldn't pee,I really could NOT pee at all. I was also offered the IV fluids b/c I was dehydrated. I finally said yes to both,but now think it would have been better to say yes earlier. I now realize that neither of these are "real" interventions in the way that say an induction would be.

The last few days my abs have been sore. Not sore enough to take any pain meds,but still sore and tender. How long can I expect this to last for? It's been 5 weeks now since my boy got here.
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