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#181 of 319 Old 01-07-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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hug2.gif Ami.  I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm glad you're doing better, I think recovery has high points and low points.  I hope this low point passes soon for you.

 

ktg, I'm glad your OB is willing to take you on.  My OB was also always very honest, which to some people is "unsupportive," but I'd rather have brutal honesty than sugar-coated half-truths, ya know?

 

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#182 of 319 Old 01-07-2011, 06:22 PM
 
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Ami

Much love sent your way.  Sometimes I think that Iwould be better off not knowing that birth can be beautiful and then i wouldn't be so pissed off that mine was everthing but beautiful.  You really are doing a great job working through this.  At the end your babies will have a complete mama who truly is honest with herself and can raise them to know the real vaule of working through hard times. 

 

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#183 of 319 Old 01-11-2011, 02:00 PM
 
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No time to post but wanting to give lots of hugs.  We are so strong.

 

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#184 of 319 Old 01-11-2011, 06:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

Ami...I'm off to bed in just a minute, and can't stay online long. I just wanted to say that I hear you. I did end up having multiple sections (five) and it was just as scary (in some ways, even scarier) the last time as it was the first time. I'm 18 months out from my last one - and it's my last one, as I also had a tubal - and I'm not "over it"...and it's harder than ever to talk about, because people think I should be. I'm done, right? I "chose" the last one, right? What's the issue, anyway? *sigh*

 

I wish I had something to say that would help, but I really don't. When a c-section is traumatic, it's traumatic. And, facing more of them, after having a bad experience, is really, really, really hard. I feel for you about maybe not having any more kids, and I feel for you about your sex life (my issues weren't exactly the same, but there have definitely been some screwy sexual issues from the c-section).

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.


hug2.gifI wonder if we can ever really be 'okay' with it. If there is a way or a time during which we will have fully processed it and it won't remain a trigger. And I totally get that others around don't understand. My husband told me he doesn't feel done. Period. Great. Increase my anxiety. At least, if we were both unsure, I wouldn't feel that pressure, kwim? And others wonder why I went through such a horrible panic cycle. I mean, it's 'just' a c/s. It shouldn't be causing PTSD. One psychiatrist even told me, after listening to my symptoms, that it sounded like I had PTSD, but I couldn't have that, because I haven't been in combat! Needless to say, I dropped her.

 

 

 


 

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Many hugs, Ami.

 

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I don't have any wise words to say that will make everything better but I can offer my support as someone who is going through similar emotions.  I hate that I am afraid to get pregnant again and the impact that this fear has on my life.   I  hate when strangers tell me that "two is better" because they have no idea what I went through.  I especially hate when friends tell me that "two is better" because they do know what I went through.  

 

As for me, I thought I had processed the fact that I had a section and that it went so poorly.  Now I'm realizing that my difficulties connecting with my son are likely a direct result of the fact that his birth was so hard for me.  I remember being pregnant and I remember holding my son hours after the surgery.  What I don't remember is how he got from my belly to my arms and I'm finding that hard to deal with these days.


 

I am so sorry, Canadianne. I felt that way after my first c/s. I had to be completely put under, and I didn't see ds until 24hrs later. I barely remembered the first 12hrs post op. Looking back, I am sure I had PPD. It is much more common among c/s moms. This time around, I have PPD really bad, which I chalk up to a much more traumatizing birth experience. Now that I've gotten help for it, I find that my bond with both boys is getting better. I started to feel that same disconnect with Elias, but now with early treatment I feel really bonded to him. It took much longer with my first son. I did lots and lots and lots of skin to skin contact. That and nursing really helped me connect to him. It's hard to admit, but for a long while, I wondered if he was even my baby, because I wouldn't have been able to pick him out of a bunch of babies. He knew me though. So, at least, if I didn't know, he did.

 

I think it's hard for those who know what happened to really grasp it. Unless you've had a c/s, unless you've had your uterus tear as you did, one doesn't really get it. At least, that's the nicest interpretation I can think of. It hurts too, because, for me, I would love to have lots more kids. I love my children, I'd love to have more. The only thing stopping me is undergoing that horrible, scary birth experience again. And, in a way, it's not fair. And really, really hard.


 

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*many hugs* Ami!  I know that I was/still am a bit in the place you are with the fear of getting pregnant.  There is no joy if I would get a BFP, fear would be the first thing which sets in.  Are you able to talk with your doula at all and see if there are any local c/s support groups?  I found myself healing with these women in person so much more because there was no judgement, because we were all in the same boat.  And our doula was great, because she never plays the blame game or if she does its not with us as people trying to heal. 

 

grouphug.gif

 

FYI - I had a recent chat with my OBGYN and asked about his thoughts on a possible VBA2C.  He was honest with me (thought I would have little success), but that I handled TOL and everything else like a champ and little scarring and adhesion etc.  He stated he would be more than happy to take that journey with me for a 3rd TOL.  That was a huge thing for me because I value his opinion greatly since this MD has been very (almost brutally) honest with me from day 1.


There's an ICAN, but I'm trying to get control of my anxiety before going there again. So far, my anxiety is lessening, but hearing certain things/seeing certain things/smelling certain things triggers me. This past Friday I took my mom to the hospital because she wasn't feeling well. As we walked in, the smell of the hand sanitizer they use hit me...and took me right back into that L&D room. I was able to breathe through that attack, and after talking about it over and over and over again with friends and family, I've gotten rid of that 'shaky' feeling.

 

I think I'm in the anger phase of grieving. I'm angry that what should be a joyful occasion (BFP) will be a scary one. I'm afraid of being afraid the entire pregnancy. It's not like, halfway through, I can decide to get off that train, kwim?

 

I also like the sound of your OB. The ones here weren't happy to give me a VBAC try, so forget VBA2C. From everything the surgeon said though (no rupture, uterus perfect, etc) I don't think it should be a problem. What I'm worried about is the 'what if'. What if it ends in a c/s again? I think the only way I would be completely comfy with another pregnancy is if I could somehow let go of this fear of c/s that I have. But, then again, how does one get over the fear of feeling people tugging on your insides? Of the smells? Of lying there, completely helpless for half an hour or even LONGER. Ugh

 


 

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Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post

hug2.gif Ami.  I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm glad you're doing better, I think recovery has high points and low points.  I hope this low point passes soon for you.


It has passed, for now. I think I'm processing through everything, still in the anger phase of grief. This second c/s brought up a lot of undealt with issues from my other two births. It also brought up some new things as well. I just wish I could reach that magical zen place where I am okay with what happened and okay with whatever will happen in regards to possible future births. And if it could happen in, say, 2 days time, I'd really love that!lol.gif

 


 

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Ami

Much love sent your way.  Sometimes I think that Iwould be better off not knowing that birth can be beautiful and then i wouldn't be so pissed off that mine was everthing but beautiful.  You really are doing a great job working through this.  At the end your babies will have a complete mama who truly is honest with herself and can raise them to know the real vaule of working through hard times. 

 


Thank you! I totally get what you are saying. It's even harder listening to others' 'perfect' birth stories. One woman was saying how her labor was 'whatever'. She went in at 5cm, had an epi, then she watched tv until they told her to push. Gah, why can't I at least be like THAT????

 

And I worry what I will tell my boys when they ask about their births. How do I tell it to them without all of my baggage? I don't want them to be scared of birth, either, but I don't want to completely 'normalize' the experience either. Have you thought about any of this/reached any conclusions?

 

Ami


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#185 of 319 Old 01-11-2011, 08:37 PM
 
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I stumbled upon this thread while searching for something else and I am so glad I found it. I'm scheduled for my cs this Friday and I am terrified. My last pregnancy ended with an emergency cs after 3 days of laboring. I was up a full 24 hours by the time 4 am rolled around and I was told it basically needed to be done or baby could die. I was completely distraut and just wailing like a baby, and then my honey, sister, mom and mil all were in tears feeling so powerless and in pain for me. I was naive and believed my ob when she said there was no way I'd end up with a cs, which I openly told her was my biggest fear. I'm still not okay with having it done but I know I can't go through with a similar situation happening again and have accepted it for what it is.I just pray baby is okay and that I will handle it okay without hyperventilating and having a major panic attack. 


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#186 of 319 Old 01-12-2011, 06:06 AM
 
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Thank you for the kind words, Ami.  It has been a long road for me and my son but I feel like we have finally hit our groove.  One of the hardest things, as you said, is that people who haven't experienced it don't get it.  No one understands how your emotional connection with your child can be effected by a difficult birth experience unless they have looked at their son and wondered if he was theirs because they have no memory of his birth.  People can offer sympathy, and I appreciate people when they do, but empathy is another thing altogether.  That's why I appreciate this board so much.

 

I'm very fortunate that my husband lets me talk things through as much as I need to.  I've also been watched very closely by my husband and my Doctor for any signs of PPD because they both recognize that it is a distinct possibility for me.   I had never thought about PPD being more common in mama's who have sections but it makes a lot of sense.

 

If it is any consolation to you as you process your grief, please know that your insight and understanding regarding c-sections has helped me considerably as I walk my own road.  I'm very grateful to you for being so open and honest. :)

 

Whoami, I'll be thinking of you as your c-section date approaches.  The one benefit that I can think of for this scheduled section is that at least you will go into it well-rested.  A c-section after 3-4 days of labouring is horrible, plain and simple.  

 

 

 


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#187 of 319 Old 01-12-2011, 11:15 AM
 
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Ami-

When it come to telling your kids about birth, I think you should be very honest with them on how you view birth.  For me, I plan on telling them that Birth is beautiful.  It's a process of the beginning of one's life into the world and the beginning of a couples (usually, if not, a mother's) life as parents.  The first moments that the two people meet.  It's wonderful, powerful, and eventful no matter how you slice it.  There are safe ways to go about it and those should always be taken into consideration, and when the choice is given it's best to choose the safest choice available.  For me, I wanted the easiest birth for my babies and tried to give each of you that, only I wasn't given a typical hand of cards when it came to birth.  It is risky to go through interventions, for safety and emotional reasons, so it's best to avoid them when possible. Sometimes it's not possible.  Y'all's births were very hard on me, and I wanted a better start to y'all's lives and I hope my grandkids have a better start.  You will always remember when you gave birth.  Those moments will always be in your mind, and in your heart and part of your life, either positive or negative.  More importantly, they will always be part of the baby's life.  Have a good support system and be well educated on your options and know what your options are.

 

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#188 of 319 Old 01-12-2011, 02:49 PM
 
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Whoami, I'll be thinking of you as your c-section date approaches.  The one benefit that I can think of for this scheduled section is that at least you will go into it well-rested.  A c-section after 3-4 days of labouring is horrible, plain and simple.  


Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. It will for sure be 100% better this time around.

 

Random questions, anyone know what causes the shakes afterwards? Perhaps the anesthesia? Also, still need to decide on epidural or spinal. I have a super low pain tolerance and don't want to have any pain while I am in the hospital. Right now I have down on my plan that I would like an epidural with continued pain relief with a PCAP. Not having a catheter in is appealing though, just worry about pain management afterwards. They started me with ibuprofen last time and that did not cut it and I was in so much pain until they gave me a shot in the bumm.


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#189 of 319 Old 01-13-2011, 12:03 PM
 
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I thought you had to have a cathater?  I've never had the spinal so I can't say.  I will say that I felt a lot of the surgery on my second CS, I think that was due to me not being calm and relaxed.  I would say do some yogic deep relaxation before you go in and really focus on positive warm thoughts during the surgery.  After wards, why didn't they give you Vicodin?  I had that with both.  I though had referred pain and gas built up that went towards my shoulder after the surgery and nothing touched that.  Also, maybe look into a belly binder for immediately after?

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#190 of 319 Old 01-13-2011, 12:25 PM
 
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Ami...I'm off to bed in just a minute, and can't stay online long. I just wanted to say that I hear you. I did end up having multiple sections (five) and it was just as scary (in some ways, even scarier) the last time as it was the first time. I'm 18 months out from my last one - and it's my last one, as I also had a tubal - and I'm not "over it"...and it's harder than ever to talk about, because people think I should be. I'm done, right? I "chose" the last one, right? What's the issue, anyway? *sigh*

 

I wish I had something to say that would help, but I really don't. When a c-section is traumatic, it's traumatic. And, facing more of them, after having a bad experience, is really, really, really hard. I feel for you about maybe not having any more kids, and I feel for you about your sex life (my issues weren't exactly the same, but there have definitely been some screwy sexual issues from the c-section).

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.


hug2.gifI wonder if we can ever really be 'okay' with it. If there is a way or a time during which we will have fully processed it and it won't remain a trigger. And I totally get that others around don't understand. My husband told me he doesn't feel done. Period. Great. Increase my anxiety. At least, if we were both unsure, I wouldn't feel that pressure, kwim? And others wonder why I went through such a horrible panic cycle. I mean, it's 'just' a c/s. It shouldn't be causing PTSD. One psychiatrist even told me, after listening to my symptoms, that it sounded like I had PTSD, but I couldn't have that, because I haven't been in combat! Needless to say, I dropped her.

 

 



Our culture is so inconsistent about this. On the one hand, we treat childbirth as the worst, scariest, most horrifying thing that can ever happen to a woman...we're expected to feel as though our lives are in imminent danger and the lives of our babies are in imminent danger. We're in pain (usually), exhausted, etc. We're encouraged to feel powerless! But, after all that, if we experience trauma or major negative emotional reactions, we're treated as though we're being over the top! No. I haven't been in combat. I have been in situations where I was in great pain, my life and my baby's life were in danger, as far as I knew, and I had no say over what was happening to me (first c/s was done while I was saying "no"), so I felt trapped. Those sound like a lot of the components of combat that result in PTSD to me. For someone - especially a psychiatrist!! - to say you couldn't have PTSD because you haven't been in combat makes about as much sense as me saying that a combat vet with no physical injuries can't have PTSD, because he/she doesn't have any physical scars. Sheer incompetence.


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#191 of 319 Old 01-13-2011, 12:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Canadianne View Post

 

Whoami, I'll be thinking of you as your c-section date approaches.  The one benefit that I can think of for this scheduled section is that at least you will go into it well-rested.  A c-section after 3-4 days of labouring is horrible, plain and simple.  


Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. It will for sure be 100% better this time around.

 

Random questions, anyone know what causes the shakes afterwards? Perhaps the anesthesia? Also, still need to decide on epidural or spinal. I have a super low pain tolerance and don't want to have any pain while I am in the hospital. Right now I have down on my plan that I would like an epidural with continued pain relief with a PCAP. Not having a catheter in is appealing though, just worry about pain management afterwards. They started me with ibuprofen last time and that did not cut it and I was in so much pain until they gave me a shot in the bumm.


When I started shaking post-op, one of my nurses told me it was shock (as we have been cut open, after all, even if we can't feel it!). I've also been told it's a reaction to the anesthesia. Someone else told me that it's from being in the cold OR. So, I don't know what really causes it, but both shock and anesthesia reaction sound possible to me.

 

I have no advice re: spinal vs. epidural. I've only had general anesthesia or a spinal. I, personally, would never want an epi for post-op pain management, because I have extremely low tolerance (psychologically) for knowing something is stuck in my spine. That would wig me out really badly. If I were really worried about pain management, I'd still probably opt for the spinal and oral meds for the pain (at my hospital, they usually use a combo of Tylenol 3s and Voltaren, which is an anti-inflammatory). But, I opted for a PCA (patient controlled analgesia) pump with my last one, because I hate pain meds, and only used them when I really needed them (either so I could go to sleep, or the first time I knew I'd be getting out of bed).


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#192 of 319 Old 01-14-2011, 09:00 AM
 
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I totally agree.  I think our mainstream society says, "You are going to be waiting for something bad to happen." and if something DOES happen that is scary, you are told "It's just having a baby (even if it was MAJOR surgery) women do it all the time, what's the bid deal?" Or worse, they just say "Having a baby is really dangerous, and if you experience danger, we want to hear that you did, but don't want to hear about how it's effected you."

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Our culture is so inconsistent about this. On the one hand, we treat childbirth as the worst, scariest, most horrifying thing that can ever happen to a woman...we're expected to feel as though our lives are in imminent danger and the lives of our babies are in imminent danger. We're in pain (usually), exhausted, etc. We're encouraged to feel powerless! But, after all that, if we experience trauma or major negative emotional reactions, we're treated as though we're being over the top! No. I haven't been in combat. I have been in situations where I was in great pain, my life and my baby's life were in danger, as far as I knew, and I had no say over what was happening to me (first c/s was done while I was saying "no"), so I felt trapped. Those sound like a lot of the components of combat that result in PTSD to me. For someone - especially a psychiatrist!! - to say you couldn't have PTSD because you haven't been in combat makes about as much sense as me saying that a combat vet with no physical injuries can't have PTSD, because he/she doesn't have any physical scars. Sheer incompetence.



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#193 of 319 Old 01-14-2011, 04:13 PM
 
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I know after my first c/s I felt depressed and then angry. I was angry at my midwife for not detecting pre-eclamsia. I was angry that she let my go 7 1/2 hours of pushing. I was angry that I couldn't have the birth I envisioned and that all my dreams of a beautiful birth was dashed. I was depressed that my baby wouldn't latch on (eventually he did) and that I had a big scar. I was depressed and mad at a lot of things. It took me having a failed VBAC with my DD to realize that I had to let go and it wasn't my fault (I have a strange shaped pelvis that will not allow babies to turn their heads). Healing after my DD's c/s was much easier because I was at peace that I did all I could. I healed a lot from having her and I am prepared to have a c/s with baby due in July. 

 

I agree that can be traumatic to have an unexpected and unwanted c/s. It is major surgery during a very emotionally charged time in a woman's life! 

 

I was told the shaking is anesthesia too. Also I was given a spinal with each c/s (no choice for epidural) and was given morphine drip after for the pain. 

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#194 of 319 Old 01-21-2011, 08:10 PM
 
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Spinal vs. Epidural - I had a spinal, I also had a catheter (I would expect they'd give you a catheter for either).  Here's what my doc said re: spinal vs. epi - the needle for the epi is larger and if they do puncture the dura you'll be more likely to get a spinal headache from that.  The needle with a spinal is a finer needle and therefore less likely to cause a spinal headache even though they do go through the dura.  A spinal headache is caused by leaking of cerebrospinal fluid.  CSF helps keep your brain bouyant, when you don't have enough (as with a leak), it can give you a wicked headache. 

 

With the spinal they gave me some kind of post surgery pain meds in the spinal.  I then had pain meds administered through my IV once I got into my regular room.  My pain was very well managed - no complaints.


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#195 of 319 Old 01-21-2011, 09:11 PM
 
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With the spinal they gave me some kind of post surgery pain meds in the spinal.  I then had pain meds administered through my IV once I got into my regular room.  My pain was very well managed - no complaints.



Oh, right - I forgot about the post-op meds they administer in OR. I refused them last time, because I've had them before and they make me itch and I just go nuts with it. I'd rather deal with the (admittedly quite awful) pain than with that itching.


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#196 of 319 Old 01-22-2011, 06:35 AM
 
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Oh, right - I forgot about the post-op meds they administer in OR. I refused them last time, because I've had them before and they make me itch and I just go nuts with it. I'd rather deal with the (admittedly quite awful) pain than with that itching.


Well this clears up why the anesthesiologist kept asking if I was itchy.  I never was and he was always really surprised.

 

I was never told about any post-op meds except for the Advil and Tylenol that I took by mouth.  Once I was out of the recovery room I was only given antibiotics and saline via the i.v.  Oddly enough, I never really experienced much pain.  I'll count that as a blessing. :)


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Oh, right - I forgot about the post-op meds they administer in OR. I refused them last time, because I've had them before and they make me itch and I just go nuts with it. I'd rather deal with the (admittedly quite awful) pain than with that itching.


Well this clears up why the anesthesiologist kept asking if I was itchy.  I never was and he was always really surprised.

 

I was never told about any post-op meds except for the Advil and Tylenol that I took by mouth.  Once I was out of the recovery room I was only given antibiotics and saline via the i.v.  Oddly enough, I never really experienced much pain.  I'll count that as a blessing. :)

 

Yes. The itching is apparently very common. Sometimes, people take an antihistamine to offset it, but I've never cared for the "take a med, then take another med to counter the side effects of the first med, then take another med, etc." approach. My late grandmother was on about 5-6 medications, and they were largely for the purpose of countering the side effects of the other medications. Yuck!

 

I was given a suppository (Voltaren) in OR, and they didn't tell me about it. It's no a painkiller, as such - it's an anti-inflammatory. But, the last time I was in, they gave me oral doses of it, which I much preferred to the suppositories. I really prefer to know what I'm taking,  yk? It kind of creeped me out to know they'd given that to me and I hadn't even known about it.


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Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#198 of 319 Old 02-02-2011, 07:27 AM
 
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Just checking in to see if everyone is doing ok and if Whoami had her baby!  I hope you did and are enjoying your babymoon comfortably and had a relatively less stressful c/s smile.gif


treehugger.gifAnd you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.treehugger.gif

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#199 of 319 Old 02-02-2011, 09:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post


When I started shaking post-op, one of my nurses told me it was shock (as we have been cut open, after all, even if we can't feel it!). I've also been told it's a reaction to the anesthesia. Someone else told me that it's from being in the cold OR. So, I don't know what really causes it, but both shock and anesthesia reaction sound possible to me.

 

I was shaking during the section, and was told that it was shock.  It was also really cold in there, and the anesthesiologist was putting warm blankets on my arms and chest.  Given the emergency nature and the PTSD-type symptoms I had afterwards, I lean towards shock.  But anesthesia reaction seems reasonable too.


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#200 of 319 Old 02-02-2011, 09:53 AM
 
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Sorry that I'm not replying to everyone; I am sending you all hugs and empathy.

 

JTA'smom, I too had PTSD without a doubt. The flashbacks, the shock-like feeling that you slip in to, the triggers to be avoided.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  It took me about a year before I wasn't back in the OR (in my mind/body) at least once a week.  I'm so sorry that that doc said that to you. My DH is a combat veteran and I can tell you it isn't one bit different.

 

Hugs all around.  grouphug.gif


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#201 of 319 Old 02-06-2011, 09:44 PM
 
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I just stumbled upon a product online randomly that claims to really work to heal up c section scars- it claims to make the scars much less colored and much softer and less visable. I am wondering if anyone knows anything about it? It is some silicone sheets and it is called scar away sheets. It got good reviews on amazon. My c section scar really does not bother me much! But it is kind of purple! I wonder if I might some day try out those scar away things to lessen the scar. Anyone ever used them?

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#202 of 319 Old 02-07-2011, 10:04 AM
 
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Never heard of them, but it's worth a shot, especially if they don't have any risks to them. 

 

I'm doing well, thought I'd check stop in.  I'm going through a lot of therapy now for the sexual abuse that I went through when I was a kid, and feel that has a lot to do with why my labors, birth, and CSs were so hard on me emotionally which is why I feel they ended in CS.  It's really helping, and really helping with everything.  It's costing an arm and leg, especially while paying off the CS, but it's worth it.  I feel whole again.

 

I also, wanted to say that I had an AMAZING 1 day get-away a few weeks ago.  I went to a hotel, by myself, after dinner on Friday night, had wine and cheesecake, got up the next morning (without being woken) went to the spa (had a gift certificate) and got a massage and pedicure, and spent my entire 2 hour lunch journaling about everything.  It really did help.  I feel much stronger now. 

I've also really started my Doula practice as well, really looking forward to launching that this year. 

Hope everyone is well!

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#203 of 319 Old 02-22-2011, 07:51 AM
 
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Introducing myself. I had a c section after 40 hours of trying to induce, on 2/11. As my contractions picked up, her heart rate declined significantly.

 

The surgery actually went very well, and I felt very supported by the surgical team who were very compassionate.

 

To be honest, I struggle with feeling like a failure in the eyes of the natural birth/parenting community. I keep reading my breastfeeding/parenting books and so many sections seem to start out: 'assuming you had a drug free natural labor, you baby will be, bla bla bla."  Nobody writes naturally minded advice for moms who have had a section. I also feel like my Bradley class set me up to feel like a failure for how things ended up.

 

Anyway, I do have a question. I have been off pain meds except tylenol for two days. surgery was 2/11. Do you think it is OK to have one glass of wine??? I could really use it.

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#204 of 319 Old 02-22-2011, 11:26 AM
 
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Greenmulberry-

I don't know about the meds.  I do know that 2-3 drinks is dangerous if you are taking tylenol, but maybe if you switch to mortrin and have just one drink you would be okay?  I'd call your family practitioner and ask.  I'm sure a nurse could answer that in the office on the phone.  :)

 

I think you are very right.  I think birth advocates need more understand and training in how to help a mom who didn't have a natural birth.  I think the fear is that it will not encourage moms to have a natural birth, or it's won't be as discouraging to have a medicated birth.  I think this is wrong, and I think as a whole we need to be better at helping moms in that grey area.  I hear this from a lot of moms, and I both times was that mom.  I planned an out of hospital birth both times and ended up with a cesarean.  I think the lack of support I had in coping with that lead me to feel I was a failure because I didn't/couldn't birth 'normally' in everyone else's eyes.  As a birth professional, thanks for this reminder, it's easy to forget.  :) 
It may help to make a list of all the things you did on your own.  Like if you went into labor on your own, how you coped with contractions, things you did to speed labor, what tools you used, if your water broke on it's own, how many cm you dilated, how much you effaced, how far the baby descended.  It may be hard to see how great these are but try and look at them positively that you worked with your body the best you could with the situation that presented itself.  I think people talk a lot about surrendering and letting birth happen, and they say this in context of opening up to speed labor and dilate, but I don't think every birth unfolds that way.  I think sometimes we need to surrender that some things are truly out of our control and we can't and couldn't change them.  That's the truth, and it does happen.  I think it's what we learn from our births that is really important.  Of course, it's easy to see how strong you are when you have an amazing empowering vaginal birth, but it's much harder to see how strong you are when you undergo major abdominal surgery, cope with loss, heal, recovery, and reflect.  That to me, is much harder physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually than a easy vaginal birth. 


You are so strong.

 

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#205 of 319 Old 02-22-2011, 09:10 PM
 
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Quote:


Oh, and those people saying I 'cheated' or got the easy way out. Honestly, sometimes I want to take a scalpel and cut them open, stitch them up and then 1) sleep deprive them, 2) force them to pump every 30min to 2hrs (randomly too, and sometimes in chunks back to back), 3) make them walk around, changing clothes/diapers/etc. Then ask them how 'easy' it is.
 

You said it! Oh no, add the 9 months of pregnancy before it, with its nausea, hip pains, SPD, water retention, weight gain in weird places (I am not complaining because of aesthetics; gaining weight HURTS). Oh and add an infant who only wants to be with you. I love having my baby with me all the time, but hands do hurt, regardless, you know. Don't get me wrong. I will do it again in a heartbeat if I weren't hoping for a VBAC next. But sometimes I think that I should go ahead and plan another pg and have a scheduled c-section done. Known beast, unknown beauty(?)... take your pick....
 


CDing, BFing, co-sleeping, combination of BWing and stroller-using mama to DD, 05/2010. Pursuing a back to nature lifestyle.
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#206 of 319 Old 02-23-2011, 04:01 AM
 
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Greenmulberry, I wouldn't drink wine at this time.

 

Reading this thread crystallized some things in my head. I had an unplanned c-section because of fetal distress 9 months ago and feelings of failure...you know the picture.

 

We as mothers are very strong. We do what it takes to keep our babies safe.Even if it means throwing our belief systems straight off a cliff.


CDing, BFing, co-sleeping, combination of BWing and stroller-using mama to DD, 05/2010. Pursuing a back to nature lifestyle.
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#207 of 319 Old 02-23-2011, 09:18 AM
 
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I'm new to this thread but not this subject I'm going on my fourth c/s in a few months.  Trust me if I could change things I would.  I have assisted at home-births and they are so special.  I always dreamed that I would be able to do that too.  It was a hard reality to face when I was told that I simply cannot due to a structural issue with my spine and hips...I'm defective, or that is how I felt. 

Its hard because I feel I got heat from both sides of the argument.  I had my doc. saying it was dangerous to even think vbac.  I had others saying that I should have done it anyway.  I did feel broken, and like a wimp, but also like I had missed out on a part of motherhood that I would now never get to have.  I had those well meaning friends who would say things like "that's horrible" or "I'm so sorry".  I felt like in some of my peer groups I had become a sort of sad second class mother.  And worse was when I was treated as if I had somehow taken the easy way out.  EASY!!! Do you know how I have watched other mothers who can seemingly just hop up shortly after birth to care for their baby, and shower, and use the bathroom.  I have envied those who don't have to have everything handed to them or done for them.  Who don't have to be on pain meds for weeks and who haven't had the number of children they can have be decreased by a scar that runs across their belly.  There is NOTHING easy about a c/s!!  

I have gone through hating myself, and depression and guilt over this but I have come out the other side and here is what I have realized...

I will always wish deep down that I had been able to deliver on my own, but I have three healthy, funny, energetic little children who are at the moment playing knights and dragons at my feet.  I care less about how they got here and more that they ARE here and will soon be joined by another. I look at them and think how once I was told I would never even have children .  I have decided that regret is no place to live, especially when I AM SO BLESSED!

I also know how long it took me to reach this point and I just hope I can help others.  

For all you Mamma's who are about to have a c/s I can give you a list of things that will help things go more smoothly.  They are my own little helpers and they have worked for me.  I'm no specially trained coach, but I have been through it and am about to do it again, so maybe at least one of my suggestions will help one of you.

 

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#208 of 319 Old 02-24-2011, 04:49 PM
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I think you are very right.  I think birth advocates need more understand and training in how to help a mom who didn't have a natural birth.  I think the fear is that it will not encourage moms to have a natural birth, or it's won't be as discouraging to have a medicated birth.  I think this is wrong, and I think as a whole we need to be better at helping moms in that grey area.  I hear this from a lot of moms, and I both times was that mom.  I planned an out of hospital birth both times and ended up with a cesarean.  I think the lack of support I had in coping with that lead me to feel I was a failure because I didn't/couldn't birth 'normally' in everyone else's eyes.  As a birth professional, thanks for this reminder, it's easy to forget.  :)

 

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#209 of 319 Old 02-25-2011, 04:36 PM
 
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Hey, Sunday, you can't advertise on here. Please delete that part of your post.


Karen love.gif James -- DS drum.gif (2/07) DD baby.gif (11/05/10) angel1.gif (9/05) (10/09)
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#210 of 319 Old 02-28-2011, 11:57 AM
 
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Just wanted to check in and say "hi."  I'm still following the thread, but I'm finally in a place where I feel okay about DD's birth and am looking forward to the opportunity to try for a VBAC (someday).  The lingering difficulty for me is when others' babies are born--my neighbor who pushed her first baby out after 2 hours of labor; her second (recently) after 20 minutes.  My cousin who just had a routine elective c-section because "the baby was going to be over 9 lbs."....  I have some sadness there.  But the pain is fading, I think.

 

Sending everyone healing vibes.  goodvibes.gif


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