sex after birth -- is it better for you than before? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 04:07 PM
 
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Another one here who finds sex better post-birth (2 vaginal) than pre. I was too tight for my own pleasure.
I just wish the rest of me (abs, rear, etc.) remained in the prebirth condition, ah, such is life.
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#32 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 07:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lotus.blossom View Post
I think its less about vaginal birth and more about hormones. Or the idea of stolen moments with your honey while the kids are sleeping.....

Because things are quite good here and I have had 2 cesareans.
I agree.. one cesarean here and things are just as good as, if not better than, before (and it was always really good for me pre-pregnancy/pre-baby).
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#33 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 07:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kijip View Post
I'm another one. 2 c/s- one after full dilation and hours of pushing, one after a scheduled due to medical need (we had planned for a VBAC at a birth center but I developed severe pre-eclampsia). Sex is def better now than before kids, but in my case I think it is being older, more comfortable with my husband and us just knowing each other better. I don't think the c/s specifically helped.
I actually think it's going better for me these days, but I'm sure it has to do with the relationship status and increasing age (for me, at least, my libido went down as I aged, but my sexual satisfaction went up, overall).

Having had multiple c/s, in two different marriages, and at different stages of our relationships, I know the sections have been detrimental. (If nothing else, the nerve damage screwed things up in a big way.)

I learn something new about the effects of c/s here (MDC) all the time. Even though I try not to fall into the trap of thinking my experiences are universal, I still do it a little, and it's good to be reminded that they're not.

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#34 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 09:04 PM
 
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Better for me. I had issues with pain and the feeling the "head" kept getting caught up in there; it went away after the birth of #1.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#35 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 09:19 PM
 
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I am another c/s mama and I see not much difference, but if I had to say, definitely better. I agree that it is mostly hormones, although I have noticed that things seem to have been rearranged a bit. When I was prego, I definitely had some raging hormones, and my poor DH tried to keep up with me...We never had any problems with sex prepregnancy and enjoyed it often.

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#36 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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before my first birth, i had orgasms easily, and enjoyed sex just fine.

after my first vaginal birth, things were about the same, once my minor tear healed.

after my second vaginal birth, once another minor tear healed, sex was astoundingly better, especially considering how orgasmic i was before my first birth. dh says that i don't feel much different to him, perhaps a bit tighter, but for me, whatever happened during that birth really changed things for me. i wonder what the difference is? i didn't expect that at all!

after my third vaginal birth, sex was the same as after my second birth-- amazingly good... and i didn't have to wait for any tears to heal!

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#37 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 10:14 PM
 
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After dd1, I had one small tear that the midwife stitched up too tightly. Sex was not comfortable for me, and dh said it was different for him too.
I tore with ds also (about 2 years later), but let it heal naturally and things went back to "normal" for me.

Dh did say that after having kids, I have a spot (very small-think pin head) that he says "bites" him. He tells me it is a very sharp, direct pain and only effects him in some positions. Don't know what causes it, but we just have to be a bit more careful.

Overall, sex is better for us, but I think it has more to do with our partnership improving than any physical thing.
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#38 of 57 Old 10-18-2010, 04:11 AM
 
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same? still good... however i don't go on for hours because it does get sore a lot faster. fwiw my partner is intact and that makes the biggest difference imo. oh and i had a 10lber

mama to one '07 and one '09
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#39 of 57 Old 10-18-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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No, a vaginal birth didn't make intercourse particularly more comfortable for me, at least not in the specifically physical way you're asking about. No worse, no better. Dh did notice that I was looser after our eldest was born.

However in the long run I think the whole experience helped me lighten up and enjoy sex quite a bit, in a way I hadn't enjoyed it before.

My vagina being examined and poked and prodded repeatedly throughout pregnancy was just the start. Being on the table with feet up, private parts under a bright light does something to a person. Or me, anyway.

Then labor and delivery with strangers attending, allowing the L and D nurse to stick her fingers up my vagina periodically throughout the day, holding my knees up to my shoulders for everyone to see, I just had to get over my intense self-consciousness.

And to add humiliation on top of an already intensely self-conscious situation, there was the pooping while pushing that no one warned me about. That took a long time to recover from.

Regardless, this all led to better sex! I'd been forced to get comfortable with my sexuality and my reproductive system, I finally felt like a grown woman, and I was able to allow Dh 'in' in a way I hadn't before. There was a lot more to this metamorphosis than this, but suffice it to say, per the title of this thread, Yes, sex was better after birth than it was before birth.

Off to read the rest of the responses.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#40 of 57 Old 10-18-2010, 04:06 PM
 
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I wonder how much your experience of birth affects things? It seems obvious that it would but I don't want to jump to that conclusion iyswim.

I had two idyllic home births that left me feeling so empowered, strong and womanly and I couldn't wait to dtd with dh afterwards. I think we waited 10 days first time round and only 5 or 6 the second time around. Both times I had a small second degree tear that was left unstitched and healed naturally. The first time around it was uncomfortable to a small degree afterwards altho I still got a lot of pleasure out of it but the second time all the old scartissue tore open and healed much more quickly and better and I've had no pain there since about a week after her birth.
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#41 of 57 Old 10-18-2010, 05:17 PM
 
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journeymom is on to something. For me, it was the fact that DH finds me more (or at least equally) attractive after everything he saw/did for me that makes us more bonded, and consequently more intimate.

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#42 of 57 Old 10-18-2010, 05:26 PM
 
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Dh couldn't keep his hands off me after I gave birth to our oldest... apparently he was quite impressed. That probably had something to do with it...

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#43 of 57 Old 10-19-2010, 05:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sparklefairy View Post
At first it got worse because my ex demanded things his way and was not open to changing the routine to include things that brought me pleasure too. He was also always very rough and I think that I wasn't quite as deep as I used to be or something because it hurt more and he just wouldn't understand that.

Now with a partner who is invested in my pleasure plus the confidence of maturity, it's the best ever!

(I had two vaginal births in my 20s and I'm mid-30s now.)
Yup.
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#44 of 57 Old 10-19-2010, 09:39 AM
 
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definitely better...and better and better following my 5 natural homebirths. One thing that was a great surprise was that my nipples/breasts became SO much more erotically available (before BF, I just didn't have much sensation one way or the other)--to the point that nipple stim alone has sometimes brought the Big O for me. Wonderful. Actual intercourse and all else also just got better and better.

HOwever, my last birth was an emergency csec and it did have a negative effect on my pleasure. Well, it took a year before I was even willing to have sex (PTSD), and at first it was painful, actually in my scar, with penetration. I have been single for years now (so I haven't have sex with anyone else ) so I have no idea if that is different. I do know that with my self-induced pleasure I seem to have returned to my pre-csec abilities to have incredibly great O's when I want to. Besides physical healing, I think I've also healed emotionally in ways that have positively affected my sexuality. Perhaps one day I will have a partner again and will discover whether I've also healed from the pain in my scar that occurred during the early times after returning to intercourse a year after my csec...it could happen!
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#45 of 57 Old 10-19-2010, 10:05 PM
 
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Different.
After the first, there was some tenderness for a while...I had several small tears requiring one or two stitches each. After that healed, things actually went downhill with my h as our marriage fell apart. With my next couple of partners, after he left me, things felt great, and I was more willing to try new things.
After birth two, I was almost completely anorgasmic for a year and a half. Damage from a weird birth? Emotional damage? A really terrible second marriage? All of the above?
After the third birth, orgasm was much harder to acheive, but so much more worth it! Sex still wasn't great with my husband, who became increasingly abusive, until I left him. With the couple of partners since, things have been freakin incredible. Orgasm is still harder to achieve than pre-babies, but much more powerful. I'm far more adventurous than before kids, which is partly to do with age, and partly because I now know that my vagina can do awesome things
FWIW, none of my partners have ever noticed a difference in my vagina, whether comparing before and after my first birth or before and after subsequent births, except in the immediate pp period.
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#46 of 57 Old 10-19-2010, 10:23 PM
 
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Better. Much better. I tore into my clitoral tissue, which hurt like a beach, and a little into my perineum, but after 7 weeks, I was able to have intercourse again. I didn't get any stitches anywhere. After a few more months, whammo! Orgasms like you wouldn't believe. I don't have orgasms during intercourse, at least not as intense as clitoral ones. But, I began ... er, ejaculating with my clitoral orgasms. Sorry if that's TMI. But yes, I much prefer post-baby sex. Awesome.
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#47 of 57 Old 10-19-2010, 10:28 PM
 
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could just be me being older but when I got with DH (age 29) I finally had a O for the first time. never did all those years of being sexually active with many many different partners.
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#48 of 57 Old 10-19-2010, 10:47 PM
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Sex is pretty much the same as before 5 vaginal births. It was good then and just as good or better now. I think the one thing that's changed is even though we have less time for sex with all the kids, we have gotten better connected emotionally because of going through the process of pg and birth together. I also think I've gotten more comfortable with my body in general and that's helped.

 
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#49 of 57 Old 10-20-2010, 03:08 PM
 
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#50 of 57 Old 10-20-2010, 04:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by indigosky View Post
My theory is that "society" tells us sex will be worse after a vaginal birth. (in terms of both pleasure and frequency.) But at least for me, while babies aren't very good for sexual frequency , vaginal sex is both more comfortable and more pleasurable since I gave birth. (Once I was well healed, of course.)
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Much better. Not only is my G-spot lower and gets better stimulation, my orgasms are longer, better, and easier to have.

I also feel sexier, even though I have some stretch marks, I feel more self-confident after having a child.

Oh, and I don't do Kegels much (ok, never,lol), so I Know I don't feel the same as before, but dh is fine with that, no complaints!
Same here, nothing to add.
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#51 of 57 Old 10-21-2010, 02:01 AM
 
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Sigh.

I feel envious of all you ladies!

Since the birth of DS (13 month old), DH and I..have yet to DTD. We've tried several times, and it has been incredibly painful for me. I had 3 degree tearing, and was stitched up, so I don't know if that's the cause or what. DTD was never really comfortable beforehand, and now it's just unbearable.
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#52 of 57 Old 10-21-2010, 03:35 AM
 
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Yes, but I think it's as much a functioning of our developing relationship as anything.

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#53 of 57 Old 01-28-2013, 01:39 AM
 
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The experience of giving birth has gotten me thinking a lot more about the relationship between vaginal birth and vaginal intercourse. I'm a sex educator by profession (although mostly my work is about teaching healthy sexuality to college students).


My theory is that "society" tells us sex will be worse after a vaginal birth. (in terms of both pleasure and frequency.) But at least for me, while babies aren't very good for sexual frequency
, vaginal sex is both more comfortable and more pleasurable since I gave birth. (Once I was well healed, of course.)


I think it's really interesting if this is one more area where there's "good news" about women's bodies, women's relationships with their partners, and vaginal birth, yet all the media tells us is bad and scary news.


Are there others who would agree that for them, intercourse became more pleasurable after having given birth vaginally? Or am I the only one?
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#54 of 57 Old 01-28-2013, 01:44 AM
 
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After many years of lovely clitoral orgasms I assumed the g spot was a myth or not in an accessible place for me, till I met my OH. G spot orgasms EVERY time we had sex, amazing! But then I got pregnant and haven't had one since. My son is 15months now and I'm 5 months pregnant again, still no sign of them. It's very upsetting, any advice? Has it moved? Where's it likely to have moved to and what can we do to try to reclaim my fab orgasms? Help please!
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#55 of 57 Old 01-28-2013, 02:17 AM
 
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G spot, not girls spit! Stoopid auto correct!
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#56 of 57 Old 01-28-2013, 10:02 AM
 
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Yes, better, but I don't think that had anything to do with the births, except maybe in a bonding experience sort of way. I think it's more age (experience, maybe hormones too, increasing comfort and familiarity over the years, that sort of thing.) The births certainly didn't have a negative effect. This topic always makes me think of the theory that men are turned off (permanently) by seeing their babies born, some psychological thing. Definitely not true for my husband and me!
 

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#57 of 57 Old 01-28-2013, 11:29 AM
 
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One birth so far, and yep, better.  :)  I still don't O during penetration, but it feels waaaay more enjoyable.  Fingers crossed that number 2 rearranges the furniture a bit more.  lol.gif


WOHM to Leo (4/08) reading.gif and enjoying the journey with DH geek.gif

Announcing the arrival of Clara in August 2013! homebirth.jpg

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