sex after birth -- is it better for you than before? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 57 Old 10-14-2010, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The experience of giving birth has gotten me thinking a lot more about the relationship between vaginal birth and vaginal intercourse. I'm a sex educator by profession (although mostly my work is about teaching healthy sexuality to college students).

My theory is that "society" tells us sex will be worse after a vaginal birth. (in terms of both pleasure and frequency.) But at least for me, while babies aren't very good for sexual frequency , vaginal sex is both more comfortable and more pleasurable since I gave birth. (Once I was well healed, of course.)

I think it's really interesting if this is one more area where there's "good news" about women's bodies, women's relationships with their partners, and vaginal birth, yet all the media tells us is bad and scary news.

Are there others who would agree that for them, intercourse became more pleasurable after having given birth vaginally? Or am I the only one?

Feel free to reply either publicly or by private message if you prefer.
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#2 of 57 Old 10-14-2010, 10:26 PM
 
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This caught my eye because sex is so so much better for me now than before I had my kids. I think for different reasons though. I don't really think it has much to do with the actual birth but more my hormones. I first started reaching O while I was pregnant and now it happens all the time. I am 27 years old and never ever thought this would start happening for me. And all because of being pregnant

I know this wasn't exactly what you were looking for but thought it might be helpful. I hope I stayed within the UA

Jamie, busy Mama to my sweet little O Man, loving wife to Brian, and very excited about our new addition, the J Man, here after ourh20homebirth.gif
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#3 of 57 Old 10-14-2010, 10:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I first started reaching O while I was pregnant and now it happens all the time. I am 27 years old and never ever thought this would start happening for me. And all because of being pregnant
Fascinating, I love it! So you never reached O at all before you were pregnant? Or you couldn't reach O from intercourse alone, and now you can?

To me these are important conversations about sexuality after birth (and how they are related!) -- it seems to fit well within the guidelines to me!
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#4 of 57 Old 10-14-2010, 11:01 PM
 
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Fascinating, I love it! So you never reached O at all before you were pregnant? Or you couldn't reach O from intercourse alone, and now you can?

To me these are important conversations about sexuality after birth (and how they are related!) -- it seems to fit well within the guidelines to me!
I rarely reached O before and it was A LOT of work! lol And never ever from intercourse. Now it happens from intercourse every time, without a lot of effort. Sorry if this is too much info. lol I actually have a thread about it somewhere on here. I was so worried this wonderful "side effect" of pregnancy would stop once I gave birth. Well it definitely didn't And as you can imagine, since this is all new to me, my sex drive is through the roof. DH is in heaven!

Giving birth has been nothing but wonderful for my sex life!

Jamie, busy Mama to my sweet little O Man, loving wife to Brian, and very excited about our new addition, the J Man, here after ourh20homebirth.gif
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#5 of 57 Old 10-14-2010, 11:04 PM
 
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no, i was too tight before and now I'm even tighter. dh told me he read that episiotomies can make you smaller and he was worried about that and he was right. It was never frequent but now it's like once every couple months. But I've always had a high sex drive and still do I just chose the wrong spouse and vangina I guess.
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#6 of 57 Old 10-14-2010, 11:09 PM
 
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I think its less about vaginal birth and more about hormones. Or the idea of stolen moments with your honey while the kids are sleeping.....

Because things are quite good here and I have had 2 cesareans.

mama to L (4) and G (1.5)
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#7 of 57 Old 10-14-2010, 11:14 PM
 
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I also find it easier to achieve O since giving birth

Mommy to DS1 July '09 and DS2 Oct '12
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#8 of 57 Old 10-14-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lotus.blossom View Post
I think its less about vaginal birth and more about hormones. Or the idea of stolen moments with your honey while the kids are sleeping.....

Because things are quite good here and I have had 2 cesareans.
Congratulations. You're the first c-section mom I've heard say that. I've talked to quite a few moms who had vaginal births and whose sex lives improved, but never a mom who had a c-section (or more than one). Of course, I've known women who had their babies both ways, and whose sex lives stayed about the same or got worse. There's definitely no guarantee, either way.

For me, my sex life got a lot better when I met dh. I wanted more sex and enjoyed sex more than I had in a long, long time - if ever. Since I had dd1 (my second section), it's been really, really up and down. Since I had ds2, there have been a lot more downs, but that section caused extensive numbness in my abdomen and pelvis, and it definitely took its toll on my sexual enjoyment.

It is coming back (the enjoyment, I mean - the numbness hasn't changed), though...it's just been much, much too slow for my liking.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#9 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 12:45 AM
 
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it definitely got better for me. i had a pointy part on my ischial spine (which i don't know how to spell) which made some positions and some partners' penis piercings painful. dd1 bent/broke that, and so sex felt much better afterwards. i also noticed that my g spot was easier to stimulate after giving birth, even more so after dd2, and that orgasm was easier to reach in positions other than my favorite one. i was in a crappy marriage though, and so didn't get to practice enough. i did find though, that the changes in my appearance, like sags and stretch marks, impacted my sex life- i was insecure about my body in different ways than before.
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#10 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 05:22 AM
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Much better. Not only is my G-spot lower and gets better stimulation, my orgasms are longer, better, and easier to have.

I also feel sexier, even though I have some stretch marks, I feel more self-confident after having a child.

Oh, and I don't do Kegels much (ok, never,lol), so I Know I don't feel the same as before, but dh is fine with that, no complaints!
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#11 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 05:58 AM
 
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Totally agree, so so much better since having children.

Gspot much more easily stimulated, orgasms happen so much more easily, everything utterly totally wonderful despite what media tells us about needing to be tight and neat, I have scar tissue all through one side of my labia from two second degree tears that both went upwards instead of down and things are not like they were before giving birth at all but in the most wonderful way.
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#12 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 06:35 AM
 
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I didn't finally find my g-spot (well, actually, DH found it for me) until well after I had given birth to my first baby. Vaginal intercourse with a man felt MUCH better for me after having a vaginal birth- throw in the G-spot discovery when I met DH and it's stellar
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#13 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 07:35 AM
 
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I have had three c-sections. I think my sex life has stayed the same/gotten better in a lot of ways. However most of the ways it has gotten better have to do with getting older, being sexual partners for such a long time, etc. However I really hate my c-section over hang. It is so gross and it doesn't help that I need to lose about 50lbs. We assumed our sex life very soon after all the births(my idea) and there was never any pain.

Maggie(35) Wife to Frank(44) since 6/6/1998
Mama to Annabelle 11/10/1998-11/17/1998,Francesca 3/15/2000, Natasja 6/17/2004, EDD 08/19/2014

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#14 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 09:23 AM
 
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I actually had a really hard time with sex after giving birth. Both times (there wasnt a lot of time between pregnancies)

I couldnt get out of my own head. I had two totally natural vaginal births, the first one of which I needed 3 stichtes. I could not seperate the use of my vagina from that to ultimate pleasure, and it really effected how much I enjoyed sex. I still have a hard time sometimes.
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#15 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 09:25 AM
 
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At first it got worse because my ex demanded things his way and was not open to changing the routine to include things that brought me pleasure too. He was also always very rough and I think that I wasn't quite as deep as I used to be or something because it hurt more and he just wouldn't understand that.

Now with a partner who is invested in my pleasure plus the confidence of maturity, it's the best ever!

(I had two vaginal births in my 20s and I'm mid-30s now.)
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#16 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 09:28 AM
 
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Better here too and I had a caesar. I think it was more about pregnancy for me. It seemed to finally get rid of the lingering side effects of the OCP.

Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012  mdcblog5.gif

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#17 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 09:35 AM
 
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I've had one vaginal birth. I never had any problems (since DH) with Oing, but I notice that nowadays I'm more able to do so from vaginal stimulation only, which was a rarity before the birth. DH likes it better, I was too muscular before and now I'm softer.

Funny, I was worried about it too, before giving birth.

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#18 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 09:51 AM
 
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Two vaginal births.... I wouldn't say sex is better now, but it's definitely not worse.
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#19 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 10:19 AM
 
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Two vaginal births.... I wouldn't say sex is better now, but it's definitely not worse.
That. It hasn't really changed much.
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#20 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 10:28 AM
 
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It got [a lot] better for me after the first birth, but it's been holding steady since (except for hormonal issues lately).

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

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#21 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 01:47 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Barbie64g;15948736]
Quote:
I could not seperate the use of my vagina from that to ultimate pleasure,
I went through something similar for opposite reasons. I've really struggled with my vagina only being used for pleasure. When we're going through a rough patch, because I'm tired or breastfeeding (I so wish I were one of those women who enjoys sex as much when breastfeeding, but it's painful at first, and then uncomfortable for a long time), I get kind of mad...at dh, but mostly at my body. It's hard to handle the fact that my vagina works just fine as a sex toy...and doesn't work at all for what I wanted it to do.

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#22 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 03:19 PM
 
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Worse, way worse. I had O with vaginal intercourse about 95% if the time before birthing my first. After he was born, 0% of the time. It's been that way for about 5 years now and it sucks.

I did have stitches with my first and was hoping things might get rearranged after my second was born but he ended up a c-section and I still don't O. Manually it takes a lot of work.

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Mom to Elijah (6/05) and Moses (6/08) and baby Joshua, UBAC February 18, 2011!

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#23 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 03:46 PM
 
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My feedback is that before giving birth my vagina was fairly tight. This had pluses and minuses. For DH and previous BF’s it was ideal. For me it meant having to go slowly and sometimes discomfort during sex. It also made cervical exams more uncomfortable.

After birth I was way stretched out. Too much. It was not good for sex and we were both upset about it. After time and some kegals, things tightened up again and seem to be in a happy middle ground. And sorry if this is graphic but DH has said prebaby my vagina had ridges and now it is smooth, which takes away from the stimulation. I thought that was interesting.

All in all though the sex has been amazing because we know, trust and love each other - and this grows more each year. And we don’t take time for sex for granted anymore either LOL And when things seem different or not good, we found ways to try new things to make the whole experience better. Yeah for new things!

Rhianna
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#24 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 04:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by indigosky View Post
My theory is that "society" tells us sex will be worse after a vaginal birth. (in terms of both pleasure and frequency.) But at least for me, while babies aren't very good for sexual frequency , vaginal sex is both more comfortable and more pleasurable since I gave birth. (Once I was well healed, of course.)

I think it's really interesting if this is one more area where there's "good news" about women's bodies, women's relationships with their partners, and vaginal birth, yet all the media tells us is bad and scary news.

Are there others who would agree that for them, intercourse became more pleasurable after having given birth vaginally? Or am I the only one?
I agree that "society" puts that thought in our heads. For us, we acknowledged that things might change, and went into it with an open mind.

I didn't get to have a vaginal birth, but I made it to 10 and spent hours pushing... DH says he prefers the way things are now. Physically, things are the same for me. I think the emotional side of intercourse has changed--we are more intense now. I think 1) decreased frequency (I too am one of those that CANNOT comfortably have sex when breastfeeding); and 2) surviving DD's birth, hospitalization, and first 20 months together have made us more emotionally connected re. sex.

I think we (not we on MDC but we as humans) really underestimate the impact the birth of a child has on an engaged, loving parent. Its sort of unfathomable to me, and I think it affects the whole family relationship, including the parents' sexual relationship.

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#25 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 04:23 PM
 
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Better for me, definitely!

Lovestruck luxlove.gif mama to Girlie #1 energy.gifand Girlie #2 on the way!
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#26 of 57 Old 10-15-2010, 04:52 PM
 
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Yes, I have definitely noticed that it's better than it was before my VBAC 5 months ago. Without getting into details that would violate the UA, I will just say that the apparent difference in architecture has only been an improvement instead of being to my (or my husband's) detriment. My twins were a c-section, and I was so physically uncomfortable and just plain old not in the mood for months and months after their birth. The difference this time around has really been a pleasant surprise!

Mom to twin boys (7/15/05), another boy 5/9/10, and our latest addition born 9/13/11!

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#27 of 57 Old 10-16-2010, 06:22 PM
 
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No change here really. Things were a bit looser shortly after the birth - not in a good way - but everything went back to normal over time.

Me, DH, DD1 (5/2009) and DD2 (10/2011).
I'm not crunchy. I'm evidence-based.

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#28 of 57 Old 10-16-2010, 11:49 PM
 
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better for me after dd2 (VBAC) but not as good as pre-dd1 (c/s). Of course back then, it was different. I was younger, I was dating, having a good old time.

I'm a lot happier in my marriage now in general then I was after dd1, and have been pretty much since dd2. I do think it has something to do with the whole sex/ birth cycle though. It's a powerful thing for me.

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#29 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 02:34 AM
 
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I had a 4th degree tear with DD1. Our first attempts at penetration (about 8 weeks out) were unbearably painful. It took 4 months for it to be tolerable, and 6 months to be pleasureable. Now, however, it's WAY better than it ever was pre-kids (and I've been nursing or pregnant since my first birth). I do think some of that is physical changes after the birth. I suspect some of it is also hormonal.

Some of it is also my relationship with DH. I fall more in love with him every day watching him father our girls. Our connection is much more intense now than it was prekids (and we were together 12 years total and married 7 of them before kids).

Some of it is also related to tta/ttc. We spent our first years of having sex actively tta. It was a source of much stress and concern on my part, and definitely interfered with our sex life. Then, we spent 2 years actively ttc DD1, including fertility treatment (oh the irony).

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#30 of 57 Old 10-17-2010, 03:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Congratulations. You're the first c-section mom I've heard say that. I've talked to quite a few moms who had vaginal births and whose sex lives improved, but never a mom who had a c-section (or more than one).
I'm another one. 2 c/s- one after full dilation and hours of pushing, one after a scheduled due to medical need (we had planned for a VBAC at a birth center but I developed severe pre-eclampsia). Sex is def better now than before kids, but in my case I think it is being older, more comfortable with my husband and us just knowing each other better. I don't think the c/s specifically helped.

Katie, mama to one big boy (6/03) and one little boy (12/08).
It is never the wrong time to do the right thing.
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