Anybody else with no due date? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 03-25-2004, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My last two births I didn't know when I conceived, so my due date was anyone's guess. I mean, I had a general idea, but it could have been off by even a month. So I ended up having a due "range" which I was pretty conservative about, meaning that I put it as late as it could possibly be.

Psychologically, I can't tell you how nice this was. You know, it's the "watched pot" syndrome. If you're not thinking about it, the water boils before you know it. If you're focused on it, though, it seems to take an agonizingly long time. (Actually this probably doesn't apply to those with gas stoves, but you know what I mean. )

I'm not saying the physical discomfort was less, in fact I was in quite a bit of pain, but somehow because I wasn't focused on a particular day as the goal, it made it easier to bear. I guess because not knowing forced me into a kind of limbo where the passage of time didn't register, so therefore it didn't feel long or short. It just was. Has anybody else had this experience?
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#2 of 22 Old 03-25-2004, 02:53 PM
 
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Me, me!

I had really messed up cycles, so I don't know when I conceived either. I tend to go 'early' so I would feel a little better knowing my dates, so I can know I am not going TOO early... but I am not really worried about it. Everything has always been fine.

It doesn't seem to bother my MW, and I even have a certified one this time. She said she will do an u/s later on to to and figure it out more.

I like the way you described it! I am going to think of it like that from now on. I am due in the early fall... sometime.
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#3 of 22 Old 03-25-2004, 03:27 PM
 
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It's a wonderful way to look at it. I had a client who didn't have a clear cut date and her midwife was cool with it! The last weeks weren't frought with stress, wondering if she was past any date or being concerned with non stress tests and trying to bring labor on etc... Now if we could just get ob's on board....:

Sahm mom to three lovely girls, and happily married to a great, sweet guy
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#4 of 22 Old 03-25-2004, 03:35 PM
 
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Even though my cycles were regular and I knew when I concieved, I have been intentionally like this for my births (although my dd was born on her due date!). The midwife I apprenticed with was really clear that it was really a "due time", a several week period when the baby could be born. I think it is great to let go of the dates and timing and just focus on trusting your body and baby to do exactly what it is meant to do.
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#5 of 22 Old 03-25-2004, 04:18 PM
 
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I refuse to have a due date.

IMO its turned into one of those things that "they"just use to make women worry. My baby will come when it comes.....I'm not worried about it.
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#6 of 22 Old 03-25-2004, 10:45 PM
 
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Hi, Me Too! I know when I conceived (we'd been desperately trying for 5 months after a m/c) but I'm not calculating a due date. All I know is that my babe will come (probably) sometime in November. I agree that babies come when they're ready so there's no point in putting a time frame on it.

Kate

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#7 of 22 Old 03-26-2004, 02:13 AM
 
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I can understand not wanting to be tied to a particular day or even week, but don't all of you have some idea of the month, at least? I think it would be impossible not to, especially if you relied on symptoms like disappearing m/s, movement and fundal height to give you a rough estimate of fetal development.

With #1 I found out the due date with u/s because I thought it would be important for some reason, but even without it I figured that when I got the positive test back I was between 6 and 8 weeks. (She was unplanned.) And my cycles were highly irregular back then, anywhere from 14 to 120 days long! But according to the u/s I was right; I was 6 weeks when I tested.

I would want to have some idea of the date within a 3-week range on either side, so that when I went into labor I wouldn't be worried about prematurity.

So with this one I do have a due date, but 3 weeks before and after I have no plans and will tell dh to keep his phone on!
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#8 of 22 Old 03-26-2004, 02:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Greaseball
I can understand not wanting to be tied to a particular day or even week, but don't all of you have some idea of the month, at least? I think it would be impossible not to, especially if you relied on symptoms like disappearing m/s, movement and fundal height to give you a rough estimate of fetal development.
Oh totally! If you go by my "EDD" I'm due May 20th, but there isn't going to be any induction or anything. I just say "sometime in May the baby will be here". The actual date, I'm sure, will come and go without fanfare.
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#9 of 22 Old 03-26-2004, 02:03 PM
 
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Being an obsessive charter, I knew exactly when I'd ovulated. But I decided not to share EDD info with anyone other than my husband and caregivers. Everyone else was told "sometime in September."

I explained to all who inquired that the standard 40 week pregnancy estimate isn't very accurate, espcially for first time moms. I had no intention of further perpetuating the mythology of the due date. Drove 'em nuts. I thought it was great. Good thing too, because DD wasn't born until about 42 weeks. I'm sure if I'd told them my EDD, many well-meaning friends and relatives would have hounded me about going to the hospital to be induced.

Carolyn
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#10 of 22 Old 03-26-2004, 03:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It was pretty hard for me to ignore the early symptoms of pregnancy, and pretty hard not to automatically work out what time frame that meant, since it's been ingrained in my head since childhood that pregnancy is approximately nine months long. So I do have a due range. My point was really that setting a goal date for the birth makes people tend to focus obsessively on the passage of time before and after it, which can be unpleasant and trying, and I didn't want to do that to myself.

I'm not even sure, though, how helpful a due range is either. I have issues about pre- and post-maturity. Medical methods of determining a baby's age and condition of placenta are not totally accurate (which is one reason there is such an epidemic of premature babies in this country.) Better to err on the "safe" side, of course, but I'm not sure what that even means for me. If I started having contractions early, I'm not convinced that the right thing to do (for us) would be to take drugs to stop them. If I gave birth to a very premature baby, I'm not convinced that the right thing to do (for us) would be to put it on life support in an NICU.
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#11 of 22 Old 03-26-2004, 03:25 PM
 
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I have always knew (charted everything when trying) when I was due with my others but this baby it totally a surprise so I have kept tract of nothing. I KNOW I had a period December 22 and I had a lighter period about January 14. Dd weaned mid December.

February 14th I told dh that for a couple of days that my favorite pantrs where way to tight. He said your preggo, sure enought the next day I took a test +.

My mw is totally comfortable with my 3 weeks range in dates She did say tho that I feel like I am about 11 weeks along which means Mid october for me.

Ya gotta love most mw as they are totally relaxed
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#12 of 22 Old 03-26-2004, 04:05 PM
 
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My standard answer to "When is your baby due?": Late May/ early June

Only my partner, midwives and I know an actual "date" (I charted and know my ovulation date) and I think my mom and sister know, too, since they were in town and at the first midwives appointment with us. I've told them repeatedly late May/early June, though, so I think that's what they are telling people, too. And besides, they're all on the east coast...

And we are purposefully avoiding telling my partner's family a specific date since his dad is a surgeon and they call us "too earthy" now that we live in Oregon. :LOL His dad was already asking me last weekend whether we had done an ultrasound and I told him no and that we weren't planning on getting one unless something came up that might indicate we should have one.

warmly,
claudia
mama-to-be in late spring 2004!
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#13 of 22 Old 03-26-2004, 04:16 PM
 
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I tell people the due date because I'm hoping I will go late, and this might be an opportunity to educate morons - "Look, my baby was x days late and is fine!"
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#14 of 22 Old 03-26-2004, 05:25 PM
 
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I have one, but don't really put too much stock in it. Neither one of my boys were born on thier due dates or even all that close. One was 3 wks early and the other was 1 week early. I would want to have a date though, just to make sure the baby is not going to be too early or too late. I doubt that will happen anyway though, considering how healthy my last two pregnancies were.

What is it with people and bugging you about having the baby at the end of your pregnancy anyway? Drove me NUTS last time! My sil kept making comments about my baby being lazy or taking his time in there and I had him 8 days BEFORE I was due! I guess everyone expected him to be 3 wks early like his brother, but honestly I think his brother would have been better off had he stayed in there a week or two longer. He was soooo sleepy.
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#15 of 22 Old 03-29-2004, 11:56 AM
 
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I think it's a neat idea! However, I know my body too well and know when I O. I knew the exact day and moment that ds was conceived. (dd was conceived before I knew about TCOYF, so I knew what week she was conceived, but not the exact day)

I haven't seen AF yet (ds is 11mo) and I do think I could be surprised by a pregnancy now because every couple of weeks I feel like my body tries to ovulate... but we are using barrier methods so it's not real likely.

I would always try to be vague ("end of April", my edd was the 25th) but people would always press for the date as though it's set in stone.

Next time I will be vague and stick to it.

a bit OT, but I won't be having internals either... I was 3-4cm and 90% at my 37wk appt. Ds was born at 39w6d... I was going nuts because I thought I was always on the verge of true labor. I was 3cm and 80% effaced at 37 weeks with my first baby and she was born at 38w1d (induced : ) so I think I must be one of those that has a long latent phase... once labor gets going it goes quick, but I hated knowing I was so far dialated already! Like you said, BV... the watched pot never boils...
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#16 of 22 Old 03-29-2004, 12:40 PM
 
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Based on conception date my edd is 7/23, based on LMP it is 7/31, based on u/s it is 8/4 and based on previous experiences this kid is not expected before 8/10. Therefore this baby is due this summer.

Since I always go late people don't bother asking when I am due anymore. I did 1 internal with my cnm to check out the landscape of my pelvic area - I needed serious adjusting - but other than that I don't care. If they are done I don't want the info so what is the point. You can kind of tell there is no dilation when there is no fluid change! I am someone with a whole lot of nothing and then baby.

Plus, my parents live abroad and it puts pressure on them to be here at a certain time and then what if I am early or late. So now I just tell them to come when I'm done. Actually, this time my Dad will miss the whole thing.
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#17 of 22 Old 03-29-2004, 02:26 PM
 
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With #1, I had a LMP date and an ultrasound date, but there was a 2.5 week discrepancy between the two. So, I really didn't have a due date and I was very happy with the situation . I had been on Depo Provera for a long time so my cycles were all screwed up and still very much in the process of normalizing, sooo...it was anyone's guess as to when I had ovulated. ANyhow, I really enjoyed not being able to obsess about due dates and what not! I figured the baby would come when she was ready to come and that's what happened.

Now with this pregnancy I wasn't on any kind of hormonal birth control and my cycles were regular, so alas, my LMP date and my ultrasound date were only one day off. So, I know...but I still don't tell anyone. If they ask, I just say "mid-May."

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
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#18 of 22 Old 03-29-2004, 06:27 PM
 
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I have had 7 pregnancies in which I told people the due date, it came and went, and people bugged the HELL out of me! :LOL

This time, I say "Sometime in June"...they ask "What date?" I say "I don't have a date, and I don't want one. It owuld be worthless, the baby doesn't have a calendar." They keep pressing, I keep being vague. : It is kind of funny to watch their frustration and irritation.

I don't do it to frustrate them, really, but of course it is mroe to protect myself.

Oh, incidentally, I do know exactly when this babe was conceived, and I know what the 40 week date would be, but I have conveniently let it slip my mind.
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#19 of 22 Old 03-30-2004, 02:08 AM
 
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My last two pgs, I chose to add 5-7 days for my cnms, to avoid pressure with them, and it worked out well, as babies were each 2.5 weeks "late."

I just replied with the month last time, and like you, wildthing, people still asked for a specific date! I just gave in then, because I agree with Greaseball on educating "other people" about the real norms of babies' dates, and letting them see a healthy, 42+ week pg.

Where else would most folks have the opportunity to see a pg go past 3 weeks?:
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#20 of 22 Old 04-01-2004, 03:05 AM
 
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I never had a due date. MW and I decided that the baby would probably come sometime in March.

He came mid February:LOL
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#21 of 22 Old 04-02-2004, 02:23 AM
 
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This is really reassuring me, because my O date and u/s do not correlate )I had an u/s because of spotting and weird blood test results.

I'm doing okay about it for the moment, but I started to wonder about what I should base my due date on, when I know in my heart it doesn't matter my baby is coming in it's timing not mine.

I actually care more for the pregnancy than for the birth because I love following that this week you baby is getting lungs type of thing.
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#22 of 22 Old 04-02-2004, 02:29 AM
 
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My dd had a due date b/c I had an ultrasound...... they wanted to rule out ectopic pregnancy.

My second was an "oops". My cycle did not return; I was still bf'ing my dd at 22 months and I got pregnant before I even got my period back! Going by morning sickness, fundal height, etc., I told people that I was due anytime from the end of April 'til the end of May. I really enjoyed all the odd looks I got!
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