Were you anxious for your second birth? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
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If you had a perfectly fine first birth, were you anxious for the second?

DD1 was straightforward and pretty easy. I didn't struggle with pain until pushing, and then I had more problems with the pain I thought I was going to feel than I had with pain I was actually experiencing. Minor hemorrhage, some pitocin and methergin and cord traction to get the placenta out, and we all moved on with our day. Relatively simple.

Pregnant with DD2 and I cannot stop thinking that having another HB is a terrible idea. Like I'm pushing my luck and testing fate. Like this is not a HB baby. I have zero evidence to back this up. Blood work looks great, ultrasound is great. Same midwives, same house.

I don't want to go to the hospital out of fear. I don't want to ignore intuition (if this is intuition and not just me being chicken).

Another complicating factor is location. I live in Fairbanks, Alaska and we're 7 hours away from a NICU. The hospital here is basically set up to stabilize and medivac any problems. That's about all they can do. I mean, they could do a C-sec or whatever if necessary, but if there are real problems they'd just fly me to either Anchorage or Seattle.

On the plus side, if I HB I have a fire department (with ambulance) just down my street. A transfer to the hospital would be about as easy as possible (if it couldn't be done in our cars).

There is an OB in town who seems pretty HB friendly. I'm trying to get a consult now to see if she'll back me up. But I'm not 100% sure I want that. I really wonder if I just want to be in the hospital. DH does not want to be in the hospital unless necessary. There is one other midwife in town who delivers in the hospital, but I've heard mixed reviews. She may be too hands off, and the OB she works with has a very high C/S rate. That may be because he handles the C/S from this midwife, I don't know.

So, tell me, if you've made it through my novella, did you feel a lot of trepidation before birth #2? If you had a HB, did you ever want to try a hospital birth just to see the difference? (Maybe my anxiety is born out of curiosity???) If you had concerns, were they validated or erased at the birth?

Sarah. Married to my Mirus, raising my DD1 (Aug. '09) and my DD2 (March '11) and waiting for my newest (April '14)!
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#2 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 10:23 AM
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#2? Heck, I'm anxious about #5!

I've had to make some difficult decisions with both #4 and #5. I chose to go with my gut on #4, despite having extremely smooth deliveries with #1-3, and I'm glad I did.
I'm *this* close to going with my gut on #5, as well.

The way I'm looking at it is that there's a huge difference between doing something because it's expected (whether that be a hospital or homebirth, depending on your circles and philosophies) and doing something because you've made a conscious decision after weighing the pros and cons of all of your options. When all of the options come with some hefty cons (as I've felt mine have), sometimes intuition is the only thing left.

I sometimes have a twinge of second guessing, but the truth is I can never go back and see how the other options would have played out. Knowing I did what I felt was best at the time helps keep me at peace with it. I'm not sure I'd feel the same if I had gone against my intuition, even with the same outcome.

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#3 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 10:27 AM
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I had an okay birth with #1. Induced, hated that part, but the rest was great. Was still anxious about #2.

#2 I had nothing, no induction, no pain meds, no iv... just a natural hospital birth. Awesome, 3 hours from getting to the hospital and having her. Seriously I thought it was the best birth I could possibly have. I was STILL anxious about #3!!!

#3 was an awesome homebirth. When I get pregnant again in the future I WILL be anxious about #4. Thats normal.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#4 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 10:38 AM
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I had a water birth with DS1 and almost as soon as I got pregnant I started getting anxious about having another one--like it was really dangerous. I have since calmed down about it and spoken with one of my midwives about the safety of it, but it was really a strange feeling. I knew I had had one already, but for a while I just felt nervous about the possibility again. And the water really helped me cope with the contractions.
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#5 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 10:39 AM
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I had a rather traumatic induction with #1, but I wasn't anxious with #2. I was more excited than anything....
I had a wonderful natural birth with #2. Can't wait to do it again with #3!

Michelle, Mama to ~ F (10/06) ~ S (7/08) ~ H (2/11) ~ B (11/12)
Expecting a surprise (5/15)
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#6 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 11:17 AM
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I had a pretty straightforward, although somewhat painful, manageable NCB with DS. You could probably call it "easy." Did all the labor at home (accidentally!) fought the urge to push for the 25 min drive to hospital, pushed him out in 45 min with no problems. Same MW is now friendly (under the table) to being 'backup' for my HB.

But I DO have some anxiety. Like the whole 'tempting fate' fear. I know what you're saying. PLUS - pregnancy with DS was honestly pleasant! Just a little bit of fatigue & nasuea sometimes the 1st tri, whereas I was horrifically ill from week 7 -17 - to the point of being incapacitated this go round. I worry about that impacting the birth. Not that 1st tri MS would cause a difficult birth, but I worry that the whole thing is going to be miserable start to finish. Even at implantation I had bad cramps & spotting! I didn't even notice implantation with DS until AF was late.

BUT - I worry about it, but not to the point that I want to go to the hospital. I just worry a little.

That's a tough one - I do think it's good to trust your instincts, but only you can decide what is just a little anxiety that you can work through versus what is a serious internal 'alarm' going off warning you to birth in the hospital that you may want to listen to. If it turns out you want to birth in the hospital, could your HB MW go with you & act as "doula" so she could at least still be supportive? That might be a great compromise if the hospital MW is very hands-off, the HB MW could help with more FHT checks, etc.

Best of luck either way!
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#7 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 11:42 AM
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I was definately anxious for #2. I had been induced with #1 and really I have almost no memory of that birth until I got an epidural 16 hrs in. So I had no idea what to expect with labor. I'm anxious again with #3. I keep going back and forth between looking forward to the labor process (#2 turned out to be a great labor/delivery) and thinking I must be absolutely insane to have another homebirth and go through all that again. I think its pretty normal to be apprehensive about giving birth. Its a pretty big deal! Normal, but not everyday, kwim?

That being said-it sounds like you're a little more than just concerned about it. You seem kinda freaked out to me. Have you talked with your mw about your concerns at all? She might be able to help you dispel your fears. You could work through it all together and see if there is some deep seated issue that needs resolved or if your intuition really is talking to you.

Good luck!
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#8 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 12:55 PM
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This will be my 9th, and I still get anxious! All of mine have been healthy deliveries, the last 6 being homebirths after short, uneventful labors. Still I have that little inside fear of the possibility of something going wrong, even though I know chances are far better for everything to go great. I also dread having to go through labor again, and that gets worse with each baby for some reason. Reading through my Hypnobirthing book or listening to the relaxation cds helps.

Happily married, busy mom to a houseful :-)

Expecting again early Oct 2014!

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#9 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for your responses. It's nice to know that some anxiety is normal. I've talked about my thoughts with my MW and she encouraged me to work through it. She said it's not uncommon for someone to have the first a the FBC or at home, the second at the hospital, then come back to the midwives' practice for #3. Some people just need to be reassured by seeing all their options.

I thought I'd wait and think and see how it played out, and for a while the apprehension waned, but now it's back again. I think I'll be looking into my hospital options and waiting to see how my gut feels.

Sarah. Married to my Mirus, raising my DD1 (Aug. '09) and my DD2 (March '11) and waiting for my newest (April '14)!
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#10 of 11 Old 11-05-2010, 10:57 PM
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moved to birth and beyond

Being right is not always fair, but being fair is always right
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#11 of 11 Old 11-06-2010, 01:20 AM
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There was a REALLY similar thread about this recently... Another HBing mama who felt like she would be "pushing her luck" the second time. So it's a common fear, and I think it comes from societal expectations and beliefs. *hugs*
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