Ever feel guilty for being so "fertile" - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-31-2004, 04:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
hnybee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: southern california
Posts: 900
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We have never had any troubles concieving (in fact quite the opposite). But i've had a few friends that have been unable to conceive (or spent a TON of $$$ trying). And I have a couple of friends that have had miscarriages. I don't have any of these problems. DH barely has to be in the same room for me to conceive. I feel really guilty that it's so easy for me and so difficult for my friends.

anyone else feel guilty for being fertile???
hnybee is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-31-2004, 04:40 AM
 
oceanbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 11,167
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My little sister was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure, and at age 28 told that she would never be able to conceive a child (unless she happened to be one of the 1% with POV that magically conceive naturally). She has not had any children yet.

So yes, I sometimes do feel a little guilty. Dh and I have conceived both our children on exactly the first try each time. I wonder why we couldn't have had our fertility spread out a little more evenly between my sister and myself, rather than both being at such extreme ends. I would gladly try for 6 months before conceiving if it meant she could conceive at all.
oceanbaby is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 05:29 AM
Administrator
 
adinal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 24,482
Mentioned: 23 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 71 Post(s)
From an infertile gal....

Don't feel guilty. Fertility is not a finite resource, just because you get it doesn't mean that someone else won't. The bottom line is that life isn't fair. Some people are more fertile than others. Some people have better hair than others too. But I don't feel guilty for having good hair. You know?

You guys are so very sweet to even think about it.

Anyway, I just wanted to you to know that I don't hold it against any one who conceives easily. I seem bitter from time to time, but it isn't directed at anyone who gets pregnant easily. I just wish that I was one of those ones. Infertility is a condition(well a bunch of condition grouped under one heading) that sucks. In a way I could have never imagined. But it is also a part of me and my life, and it has helped me grow a lot. I think in some ways it has made me more ready for a child.


Now I just gotta get knocked up! :LOL

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

adinal is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 05:54 AM
 
kama'aina mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Watching Top Chef, eating Top Ramen
Posts: 19,143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Not guilty... but sort of embarrassed, yes. It is sometimes awkward. "Oh yeah... that thing you've been moving heaven and earth to get? Fell in my lap. Crazy huh?" I wish it were more practically transferable. You know... I'm not using my fertility for the next four years.... who needs it? It's a crazy world. Thank you for your nice words Adina.
kama'aina mama is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 09:24 AM
 
Artisan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 5,329
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Yes, I do feel a little guilty sometimes. Especially when one of my friends makes a comment about how I "happened" to get pg with this baby. She was feeling like it wasn't fair that I could get pg without trying.
Artisan is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 10:52 AM
 
Mothra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,939
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't feel guilty, but I am grateful. I'm also sensitive to those who do not get pregnant so easily. I NEVER talk about how easily my children were conceived unless I know for a fact that the woman I'm talking to is not TTC and did not have trouble conceiving. Even then, I'm cautious because I don't know everything about everyone I meet.

I have really rough pregnancies. I get hyperemesis and have been in the hospital and out with a central line by 6 weeks in each of my three pregnancies. I puke my guts out until the 20th week of my pregnancy, even with IV meds and fluids. I don't eat. It is miserable. I know how I feel when women say, "Oh, I just ate a few crackers in the morning and I was fine," or, "I NEVER threw up when I was pregnant. I ate really well and was very healthy!" Good for them, and I genuinely am happy for women that have textbook pregnancies, but it makes me wistful for something that I will never have. Some women have been very hurtful to me, probably without even knowing it, by implying (or stating outright) that I must have done something wrong or they must have done something right. I never want to make another woman feel that way.
Mothra is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 11:28 AM
 
guerrillamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: heck-bent on anarchy
Posts: 4,072
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
a little guilty and a little bitter at the same time.

neither of my pregnancies were planned (ds #1 was relinquished for adoption 8 yrs ago). ds #1 was conceived in the itty bitty window between pill and depo-provera. ds #2 was conceived despite a condom (broke) and a morning-after pill (reduces average risk of pg from 8% to 1%). so in other words, i've had unprotected sex once and been pg twice. a friend of mine likes to tell me i can get pg by walking past a public swimming pool.:LOL

i know i'm fortunate. i know so many other women are suffering w/ infertility. at the same time, i'm like terrified of my own fertility. i HATE birth control. i hated the pill, i hated depo, i hate diaphragms, iud's are scary, norplant is scary, and obviously i don't trust condoms anymore. i have seriously decided no more men for me until i'm ready for another child. lucky for me i like women too!:LOL but it still kinda sucks. what really sucks is not that i'm so fertile, but that this stupid woman-hating society can invest its resources into developing viagra for chrissakes but not a safe effective form of birth control.

i do feel guilty, tho. especially b/c both my pgs were so super easy, problem free. (i think in another time/place i probably would have had at least 10 babies by now, my body is just built for it... what a wierd concept.) a good friend of mine who is 10 years older than me, wanted a baby so bad and was so afraid she would never have one... she was one of the first people i told, and she was so cool about it. but she admitted she felt wierd about it, and i felt just horrible, whenever i was around her while i was pg i knew she was feeling so jealous and fighting it, yknow? but now she is pg!! due in sept. i'm so happy for her.

maybe this is wrong for me to say, easy to say coming from the fertile one... but maybe b/c of my experience as a birthmother, i have the philosophy that we all come to parenthood in our own way. and i'm so glad there are people out there, like the couple that adopted ds #1, who are wonderful parents who couldn't get pg. what a blessing for him and for me. and i guess they're glad for people like me, right? and then there are those who are not parents at all, but who make the work of parenting possible by contributing to our children's lives in so many other important ways... anyway, i ramble, i procrastinate, i gotta go.
guerrillamama is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 04:03 PM
 
mamameg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Wine Country, CA
Posts: 2,654
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't know if guilt is the right word, but I definitely feel *something*. Two of my friends (one lives next door, the other across the street) have fertility challenges, and since I've been pg, it seems the topic comes up every time I am around the two of them. One of the women is going to be 50 this year and never was able to carry a baby to term (suffered several, like 7, miscarriages), and the other woman is in her mid-thirties and recently had an ectopic pregnancy without even trying to conceive! She thought her appendix had burst and found out about the pg in the emergency room. I felt so awful for her and her dh - they were devestated and completely unpreparred for such news. I completely appreciate the needs of these two women to talk about their challenges and experiences, but it always seems to stem from a conversation about how I'm doing with my current, healthy, conceived in 3 months after going off the pill, pregnancy. It makes me feel awkward (guilty? maybe... not sure), but I know their need to talk about what they have been through is not about me, so I just listen and try to honor their feelings and experiences.

Megan
mamameg is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 04:09 PM
 
rebasea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Seattle
Posts: 76
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Had the same experience. People around me where spenting tons of money and I got preggers right away. It made it hard to talk about with them, I wanted to be there but didn't know what to say. After the baby came, I still feel the avoidance between us, I just hope over time it will work out.
rebasea is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 04:19 PM
 
daria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 242
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't feel guilty, but I felt very badly for a friend who had been married quite a bit longer than I had and had been TTC the entire time...about 5 years total, I think. I never said anything to her about us trying or how long it took. But it turned out so happy, when I was in my third trimester she found out she was finally pregnant! She is due next week and I am so happy for her.
daria is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 04:23 PM
 
stafl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: standing in a doorway
Posts: 9,123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think the word awkward describes my feelings better than "guilty"
I have very severe stage IV endometriosis, and I know women (in real life as well as online) who have less severe endo but cannot seem to get pregnant, or if they do get pregnant, end up having miscarriage after miscarriage.
While it's true that it took me a little longer than average to conceive, I did in fact conceive and give birth to two little miracles.
I know my friends are happy for me, but I am very careful to not bring up certain subjects that can be quite painful for them.
It's always in the back of my mind, when talking with these women, that anything and everything I might say about pregnancy, birth, or raising kids could possibly cause them a lot of upset feelings.

Tons of ~+~+~BABY DUST~+~+~ to you, Adina! What a great outlook you have!
stafl is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 09:36 PM
 
anothermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: somewhere between here and there
Posts: 2,736
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by hnybee
DH barely has to be in the same room for me to conceive. I feel really guilty that it's so easy for me and so difficult for my friends.
:

Uhm......no not really.

My friends I know who have problems with fertility have problems in other parts of their lives too......they are stress cases no matter what, and I'll be honest, it seems to me like the more pressure you put on your body to reproduce, it seems like the more it says "WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!! But on the brakes!".

Everyone I know who stresses out about it has problems with it. Everyone I know who just *lives* and lets nature happen seems to get preggo when they want.
anothermama is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 10:01 PM
 
guerrillamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: heck-bent on anarchy
Posts: 4,072
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
cmon, that's not fair. of course being a stress case does make it harder to conceive, or ride a bike, or make a delicious curry, or do lots of other cool things. but there are other, purely medical reasons to be infertile too. not nice to kick girls when they're down, infertile women suffer enough blame as it is.
guerrillamama is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 10:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
hnybee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: southern california
Posts: 900
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, I totally agree with that. I know a couple that spent their life savings on invitro (several attempts) and then on medically detoxing, then it was herbal remedies. she charted every day her temp, fluid, etc.. they had sex every night (whether they wanted to or not). It never happened. Finally, exhausted and broke, they decided to take a year off and guess what happened 2 months later?? They got pregnant naturally!!

not to discount women that have medical conditions, but stress does seem to play a role.

stress damages all of us in so many ways!!
hnybee is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 11:10 PM
 
momsgotmilk4two's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Lake Forest, CA
Posts: 1,629
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't feel guilty, but I do feel for women who have a hard time concieving. Most of my friends have been fortunate to get pg when they wanted to , but ds does have a cousin who suffered multiple miscarriages and that was right before I concieved ds #1. I think she felt a little bad, but happy for us at the same time. She is wonderful with my kids and really in her situation it worked out for the best. She finally found out what was wrong and would have been able to sustain a pregnancy but then she didn't move forward with it because her "dh" was an abusive jerk and an alcoholic who would have made a horrible father. She does have a dd from another marriage though. She got a divorce finally and we were all really happy for her. Wow, what a long ramble that was:LOL Anyway, yes, I do feel badly for women who can't concieve and don't try to rub thier noses in it.

I don't agree that women who can't concieve are probably all just stress cases and that is the problem. I have a few friends online who are not stress cases and have had problems, and also, infertility itself puts stress on a marriage. I know that it would stress me out if I wanted to have a baby and tried for years to no avail. That has got to be hard on everyone. I know that having kids has put stress on my marriage (we are fine and happy, but there certainly seems to be more at stake now) and just more life stress in general. I wouldn't like it if someone said, "Oh, all those mothers. They just stress themselves out over nothing" every time I was worried about my kids or exhausted from caring for them.
momsgotmilk4two is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 11:12 PM
 
Mothra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,939
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by anothermama
:

Uhm......no not really.

My friends I know who have problems with fertility have problems in other parts of their lives too......they are stress cases no matter what, and I'll be honest, it seems to me like the more pressure you put on your body to reproduce, it seems like the more it says "WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!! But on the brakes!".

Everyone I know who stresses out about it has problems with it. Everyone I know who just *lives* and lets nature happen seems to get preggo when they want.
That is a very common misconception about infertility that is hurtful to women who have trouble conceiving. Here is a link to very well written article that explains quite clearly why.

http://www.resolve.org/main/national...&tag=etiquette
Mothra is offline  
Old 03-31-2004, 11:20 PM
 
Mothra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,939
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also want to point out that women in abusive relationships, women living in a war zone, women enduring famine, and women who are raped conceive children. Those are about the most stressful situations I can think of. Why is it that women's health issues are always blamed on "stress"? You don't hear of doctors telling men with a low sperm count or low motility or something to "relax", do you?

By the way, infertility affects men and women equally. Only 10% of the time is infertility unexplained. Unexplained doesn't mean "caused by stress." Many medical conditions are unexplained.
Mothra is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 12:10 AM
 
Piglet68's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Vancouver Island, Canada
Posts: 10,977
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
While stress can interfere with fertility, it is a complete myth that stress is the reason MOST women cannot conceive.

In fact, I dare say that those of you posting this have never spent much time on an infertility board. I would venture to guess, therefore, that you have little idea how incredibly hurtful and dismissive your comments seem to those who are struggling with infertility.

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

Piglet68 is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 01:22 AM
 
Quirky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Princeton, NJ
Posts: 11,770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ditto to the above - I cannot believe anyone would have the gall to post such insensitive comments with a laughing smiley attached.

Shame on you.

Come visit the NEW QuirkyBaby website -- earn QB Bucks rewards points for purchases, reviews, referrals, and more! Free US shipping on great brands of baby slings and carriers and FREE BabyLegs or babywearing mirror on orders of $100+. Take the QB Quiz for personalized advice!

Quirky is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 01:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
hnybee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: southern california
Posts: 900
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I totally apologize if my comments were hurtful. I am very sad for my friends struggling to have babies and I want to encourage them. I just know how stressed and all consumed my friend was when she was TTC and how happy she was when she finally did.

I was 19 when i had my first and it was totally unplanned. I had to work every day with a woman that was very bitter that she could not concieve and I was having an unplanned, teen pregnancy. I had to struggle with the guilt i felt for having my baby (and obviously i still stuggle) with why God has given my an opportunity to have babies and concieve easily and others have to try for years.

There was a point in my life that I even considered being a surrogate mother because I love to help people and that would be the ultimate "help".

Anyways, i'm rambling now...just wanted to say I'm sorry if i offended.
hnybee is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 01:35 AM
Administrator
 
adinal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 24,482
Mentioned: 23 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 71 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by anothermama

My friends I know who have problems with fertility have problems in other parts of their lives too......they are stress cases no matter what, and I'll be honest, it seems to me like the more pressure you put on your body to reproduce, it seems like the more it says "WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!! But on the brakes!".

Everyone I know who stresses out about it has problems with it. Everyone I know who just *lives* and lets nature happen seems to get preggo when they want.
Wow of all the things someone could say, that was one of the worst.

Yeah, stress is all it is about. : Cause if I relaxed I would get pregnant. Guess what? I WAS RELAXED FOR THE FIRST YEAR OF TRYING. And I still didn't get pregnant. I didn't even get stressed about it until the SECOND YEAR of trying.

For you to say that it is JUST stress is the most dismissive and hurtful things I have ever heard. It gives credence to the "it's all in your head" argument that so many people love to shove down our throats. Do you know that most infertile women don't look for a remedy for infertility until way into it because they are told just to relax and all will be fine??? By their own doctors. What total BS to tell a woman with a MEDICAL problem to just relax. Kind of like telling a cancer patient to just relax, and it will go away.

Stress interefering with fertility is more myth than anything. If it really interefered as much as you say it does, how do you explain women in war zones conceiving? or abusive relationship? Or as a result of incest? Think they were relaxed and stress free?

In the future, please think about a comment like that, and what it means to some of us. Because that was honestly one of the most hurtful things I have ever heard.

I will concede that stress will influence my hubby. His sperm count drops to nothing when he is stressed. But that also has to do with the way he eats, and how he cares for himself when he is stressed. But even at my most stressed, my cycles behave exactly the same damn way as they do when I am relaxed and calm.

I will also concede that stress can affect your relationship with your hubby, and that can lead to no sex - which will obviously not result in pregnancy.

But to blow infertility off as a, "Just relax." What a load of horse you know what.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

adinal is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 04:00 AM
 
3_opihi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: home
Posts: 3,721
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sometimes I feel a little uneasy about being able to concieve so easily---around certain people. I had my children in my early twenties, and sometimes I get the feeling from older, infertile moms that I'm like, undeserving or something. I was even told by someone that their children were more loved because they had too try so much harder to have their children...

In a way, I understand what they meant. I can't imagine the pain of not being able to have a child, and the joy and miracle of finally concieving after years of trying.

That being said, I don't think its a competition of how much we all love our kids...and it does irk me a little when people say they love their kids more than me.

Anyways,big bear hugs to all of you mamas that are trying so hard. Saying its "just stress" is just so hurtful and ingnorant...I can't believe anyone would say something like that.
3_opihi is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 04:11 AM
Administrator
 
adinal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 24,482
Mentioned: 23 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 71 Post(s)
mamamaya - I am so sorry anyone ever said anything like that you. Loved children are loved children, I don't think anyone should ever quantify it like that. Being deserving has nothing to do with it. That makes it sound like someone who tries deserves them more, which is a lod of hogwash. Simply put, life ain't fair, and some of us have to try harder.

You sound like a great mommy!

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

adinal is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 04:15 AM
 
MamaSoleil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 4,008
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Everyone I know who stresses out about it has problems with it. Everyone I know who just *lives* and lets nature happen seems to get preggo when they want.
Can't believe you ever ever put that out there. Just hurtful!!!
MamaSoleil is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 04:33 AM
 
anothermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: somewhere between here and there
Posts: 2,736
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by Quirky
Ditto to the above - I cannot believe anyone would have the gall to post such insensitive comments with a laughing smiley attached.

Shame on you.
YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!

HEAR HEAR!!!!!!!!!
The laughing smiley was at the comment another poster made about her DH simply having to be in the same room. It was not in relation to women and infertility.

I didn't mean to offend anyone and I apologize if my words hurt. Do you want me to edit?

Yes, I have VERY little experience in it other than what my infertile friends tell me. I don't hang out on infertility boards.....not my place to be.

I was really just replying to the OP about the guilt thing and explaining why I don't feel that guilt but, again, it wasn't meant as an insult and as I thought about it over diner, I realized that what I said may have come out wrong. I'm sorry.
anothermama is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 04:36 AM
 
anothermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: somewhere between here and there
Posts: 2,736
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by AdinaL
Wow of all the things someone could say, that was one of the worst.

Yeah, stress is all it is about. : Cause if I relaxed I would get pregnant. Guess what? I WAS RELAXED FOR THE FIRST YEAR OF TRYING. And I still didn't get pregnant. I didn't even get stressed about it until the SECOND YEAR of trying.

For you to say that it is JUST stress is the most dismissive and hurtful things I have ever heard. It gives credence to the "it's all in your head" argument that so many people love to shove down our throats. Do you know that most infertile women don't look for a remedy for infertility until way into it because they are told just to relax and all will be fine??


But to blow infertility off as a, "Just relax." What a load of horse you know what.
ADINA!!!!!! I"M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!

I know how it's easy to infer what you did, and I'm not being dismissive of that but your inferances are TOTALLY incorrect.....thats not what I think, ok!!?????

PLEASE don't be angry.........PLEASE don't be hurt. My words were not chosen carefully......I mentioned in another thread....maybe I should edit it out completely? I was really just giving an off the cuff answer to the OP.........I feel TERRIBLE that I hurt you and offended you so much............

:
anothermama is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 02:15 PM
 
Mom2baldie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: North Texas
Posts: 1,467
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, sometimes I feel guilty or "nervous" that I have never had trouble conceiving. I have a cousin who has been through years and years of TTC and it has never happened for her. Everytime I get pregnant I am very nervous about telling her because I dont want her to be upset or "mad" at me. I am only 25 and am pregnant for the 4th time (3rd baby though). She doesnt know I am pregnant yet...I just dont know how to tell her. Im afraid she is going to think I am too young to have so many kids or something like that.
Mom2baldie is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 02:50 PM
Administrator
 
adinal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 24,482
Mentioned: 23 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 71 Post(s)
anothermama - Thanks for apologizing. It is a very sore spot with every infertile woman I know. We are constantly told to relax, or stop trying or we are trying to hard. Where women who get pregnant doing the exact same thigns (charting, meds, OPKs) we are doing, are never told that. But because we don't get pregnant WE must doing something wrong. And being infertile you blame yourself enough, to put it all on our shoulder by saying it is just stress, well, it tends to piss us off a touch. So no worries! Now you know not to say that to an infertile couple in real life! You might very well get the same response.

It is tough if you haven't been there, because from the outside the solutions seem so simple. Elevate your hips, have more sex, relax, etc. But when you are in the middle of it and have tried everything, or are trying everything, it stops being so simple.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

adinal is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 03:02 PM
 
anothermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: somewhere between here and there
Posts: 2,736
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by AdinaL
So no worries! Now you know not to say that to an infertile couple in real life! You might very well get the same response.

It is tough if you haven't been there, because from the outside the solutions seem so simple. Elevate your hips, have more sex, relax, etc. But when you are in the middle of it and have tried everything, or are trying everything, it stops being so simple.
I dunno......I just don't get it so...........

I have two couple friends who are dealing with it and they are just constantly talking about their drugs they take for this and that so thats all I ever really hear about.

For the record, I don't believe it's an "all in your head" thing, and ....elevate your hips? Isn't that, like, 1950's advice for getting preggo???
anothermama is offline  
Old 04-01-2004, 03:15 PM
Administrator
 
adinal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 24,482
Mentioned: 23 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 71 Post(s)
anothermama - no worries. Like I said, if you haven't been there, it is tough to get. My best friends doesn't get it and I have known her since I was 15. I am not angry, though I am sensitive about it. I am sure my friends all think I talk about my infertility too much too.

Elevate your hips is not a bad idea, but it isn't the cure all. :LOL And I have heard it aong with other assorted advice about a dozen times. Some of the things would just make you laugh! LIke roll on the floor laugh! :LOL

Again, no worries, I am totally not angry.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

adinal is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off