What do you do if unexpected overnight guests show up after the birth? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 02-23-2011, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hope I'm putting this in the right spot.  I have made it clear to dh that his parents are NOT to set foot in our house after our birth this time. I allowed it after the last two and they were more of a problem than a help.  Do I have any options? I could care less about preserving a relationship at this point. If they don't like me after 10 years, I don't think there is much hope and I'm tired of  "being nice for the sake of dh and the kids"  I told him they will not see the baby no matter how long they stay. Baby and I will stay locked in the bedroom and he can bring me my food.

 

Do I have any recourse at all if they show up? Dh has no backbone when it comes to his parents. He's said he will make sure that they don't come but has also in the same breath said it's going to be really awkward and hard to tell them...and they never listen to anything I say...ever...especially when it comes to our kids.

 

Thanks. The possibility of this situation (and the fact that they were so bad after the last two) has really been bothering me throughout pregnancy. 

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#2 of 5 Old 02-23-2011, 09:12 PM
 
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Oh my gosh. Uninvited overnight guests after you've given birth? No effing way. 

 

Honestly, it sounds like your DH is going to have to gather himself and just tell his parents that they can't come. Backbone or not, his job is to look after you and the baby for a while, and that includes preventing unnecessary stress. I hope you're able to convince him of this! 

 

Or, since you already have a crummy relationship with the ILs, can you just call them and be extremely blunt about them staying away? 



 
 
 
 

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#3 of 5 Old 02-24-2011, 03:10 AM
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Yeah, your dh needs to step up and grow up. He is a father now and he is obligated to be the family protector. Maybe he could see a counselor to figure out how to not be emotionally manipulated by his parents. You can lock the doors, and just not respond. You also have the option of calling them and laying down the law, but I would only do this as a last resort- dh needs to man up.
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#4 of 5 Old 02-24-2011, 04:00 AM
 
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 How about inviting them to come at a specific time? That is what we did with my in laws. I could not handle the thought of them coming to stay right after giving birth and having a couple of toddlers in the house. They wanted to come that first week and we had to say that we will send some pictures right away but we would love to have you come in 3 weeks. We didn't really love the idea of having them come but we knew it mattered that they see their new grandchild and for our older kids to see their grandparents. We also knew how much energy they require and that it's never sunshine and roses with them and toddlers but it was a compromise. We figured after a couple of weeks we could handle a visit much better than right away.

 

My in-laws balked about the delay but we held our ground. They weren't thrilled and neither were we but neither side had their needs/wants completely dismissed either. Knowing when they could come made it a whole lot less stressful than if we had just said "Don't come, we'll tell you when and if you can." It really deflated the animosity that is often just beneath the surface with us and his parents and I sure didn't need to deal with that right after having a baby.

 

If they just show up can you and your dh insist that they stay in a hotel? That way they can visit some during the day but you can have some privacy as a family at night. Just say it is really impossible to have them stay in your house for the next couple of weeks and if they want to visit even though they were asked to wait a little while they are going to have to make other arrangements.

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#5 of 5 Old 02-24-2011, 10:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah. They are going to pick up the older kids a week after the birth (if it is convenient for them) but honestly, I don't want me or the baby to see them then. I told dh may when the baby is two or two and a half months old, we'd go visit them.  They don't listen to what I have to say anyhow so I don't think calling would do anything except make me seem rude.  Maybe since this one is a boy it won't be as big of a deal? They tend to think of our older two (both girls) as the daughters they never had.  However our children are their only grandchildren...so I'm not sure it has anything to do with them being girls.

 

The strange part is that they can't wait to get here but then they don't even want to hold the baby.  Not even long enough so that I can take a shower. They spend a lot of time just looking at our walls or looking at me when I'm having to do stuff I really shouldn't like pick heavy stuff off the floor left their by dh (their son).  I mean there is NO help. None. Not even unwanted help.

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