Mothering Forum banner

Shamed, embarrassed, depressed, HUMILIATED

7K views 43 replies 22 participants last post by  cyclamen 
#1 ·
I am a bit teary as I even write this. I had no idea this was going on, and I already felt so ashamed about myself.

It's been 2 years since the birth of my second boy. He was 9 pounds, 21 inches. I was proud to have such a big baby being small myself at 5'1 95 pounds pre-pregnancy. I was hoping the joy would just continue and continue, but it didn't.

We are now trying for number 3 and I have fallen into somewhat of a depression for the first time in my life. I feel shamed, embarassed and utterly saddened. My stomach after giving birth to him, was a huge hernia- I looked 6 months pregnant for months after the birth, along with skin so baggy and so wrinkly I looked like an 80 year old in my tummy area.

Well, the big new news is that my vaginal floor muscles are completely deteriorated. I had wondered why the past 2 years, I haven't been able to keep in urine, now I know why. I was also wondering why doing kegals religiously (and I've been properly trained how), were also not doing anything. In fact, they wouldn't even budge when I tried. When I saw the specialist last week, she measured everything, tested everything, and determined that huge fat buldge in my "area" was in fact, bladder prolapse- there are no muscles holding it in place. They're in a constant state of jitteriness and weakness.

I guess I am just looking for mutual experience or just plain flat out support. I feel like the ugliest 25 year old girl out there, and since finding out about my floor muscles, I have even more reason to completely hate my body. DTD is often difficult because of my lack of confidence and now I am even less confident because of my muscles.

Suggestions, or even personal experiences are so welcome. I am hoping this will all pass, that I will be able to figure this out, and that I will gain my confidence back, because I just don't have it anymore, and it's saddening my husband, and most of all, me.

To top this all off, my best friend told me "I think this means you should only have c-sections now". Well, that's not the best thing to tell someone who is so passionate about natural birth and what it means to have a beautiful bonding experience. I can't just do that so lightly, KWIM?

But maybe I should just shove natural birth out the window now. If physical therapy won't cure this, I have no idea what's in store for me, my health and our dream of a big family.

greensad.gif


Thanks in advance for anyone who responds...
 
See less See more
1
#28 ·
My grandma had the same exact problem after she had all her kids back in the day. Her doctor had her use a pessary for the pelvic prolapse and it helped her a lot, from what she told me today when I told her about your post. She also said that kegels didn't do a thing for her and she eventually decided to use the pessary. She also uses bladder spasm medicine like Ditropan to help with the leakage. I asker her what pads she used for the incontinence and she told me that she likes Tena Serenity Ultra pads that are a little longer in the back (not the ultra thin kind). She told me that these ones don't leak hardly at all and they are comfortable.

I thought I'd let you know all of this. I know its coming from a grandmother, but she thought that she'd let you know about all of this that helped her.

Jessie
 
#29 ·
As much as i agree with using a good midwife and having an unmedicated birth, I do know a woman who suffered through a lot of these problems after a homebirth with a very reputable midwife in the area. It was just one of those crappy things that happened. :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by miriam View Post

I am sorry for both of you! It is for this reason that I tell women birth with an unmedicated birth with a midwife is worth the extra $.
 
#30 ·
Destroyed pelvic floors can most certainly happen after natural childbirth. I actually find it distressing that the implication is that it won't. Sure, instrumental delivery in the hospital may up your chances! But that isn't particularly common nowadays. But look up obstetric fistula and have a gander at what some of the women giving birth without any obstetric assistance, in developing countries (very natural, indeed) deal with.
 
#31 ·
I have mild rectocele and cystocele. I might have been the one to tell people about the benefits of squatting to go to the bathroom... and give birth (google the lillipad squatting platform).

I LOVE the whole woman DVD and book. I've been trying to walk and stand using the whole woman posture and I haven't felt "hangy" in awhile now. I've heard the forums can bum people out because there are some bad cases on there, but the DVD with the exercises made me feel beautiful and empowered...proud to be feminine. Everything she said makes a lot of sense. I am worried about having a second child now, but I can't really let it freak me out. And everyone is right, it can actually be the pregnancy itself that causes this.

Btw, I had a natural childbirth that lasted 33 hours- though I ended up with an epidural for 6 hours and episiotomy at the end. DD was 9lbs 1oz. I gained too much weight and couldn't squat at all during labor because my feet were turning purple...but I hate that I had to basically give birth on my back. Everyone was saying holding my legs was just like squatting but that is plain stupid. I really hope to build up my balance and such and gain less weight next time so I can squat to give birth. It opens up the vaginal canal something like 20-30% more than other positions and I hope that will make things easier.
 
#32 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calliope84 View Post

Btw, I had a natural childbirth that lasted 33 hours- though I ended up with an epidural for 6 hours and episiotomy at the end. DD was 9lbs 1oz. I gained too much weight and couldn't squat at all during labor because my feet were turning purple...but I hate that I had to basically give birth on my back. Everyone was saying holding my legs was just like squatting but that is plain stupid. I really hope to build up my balance and such and gain less weight next time so I can squat to give birth. It opens up the vaginal canal something like 20-30% more than other positions and I hope that will make things easier.
I have heard conflicting reports on the squatting position and trauma to the pelvic floor on the gentlebirth.com archives... but I actually went into labor Thursday and literally labored horribly all day with ABSOLUTELY no change. The entirety of my perineum and cervix was SO sensitive from contraction after contraction and no change... and at 2:30am yesterday I had to resolve to be induced with an epidural too. I had to give birth on my back since I had an epidural but it turns out his cord was only about 13 inches long and it was wrapped around his neck once. He coded on the way out and had to be clamped/cut at the perineum.

I was trying VERY hard to go easy since I have a separated symphasis and an ailing hemroid- but the emergency of his crowning sort of prevented me from doing that/// and as Im going home today I will finally have a chance to inspect the damage. But it doesnt look good. My midwife is tlaking about having some pelvic floor PT.... *sigh*
 
#33 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jynuine View Post

I have heard conflicting reports on the squatting position and trauma to the pelvic floor on the gentlebirth.com archives... but I actually went into labor Thursday and literally labored horribly all day with ABSOLUTELY no change. The entirety of my perineum and cervix was SO sensitive from contraction after contraction and no change... and at 2:30am yesterday I had to resolve to be induced with an epidural too. I had to give birth on my back since I had an epidural but it turns out his cord was only about 13 inches long and it was wrapped around his neck once. He coded on the way out and had to be clamped/cut at the perineum.

I was trying VERY hard to go easy since I have a separated symphasis and an ailing hemroid- but the emergency of his crowning sort of prevented me from doing that/// and as Im going home today I will finally have a chance to inspect the damage. But it doesnt look good. My midwife is tlaking about having some pelvic floor PT.... *sigh*
Wow... that site has a lot of info. Can you tell me what you read on there about it? Since Avalon was big, I just thought squatting might help for the next baby. If you are dealing with hemorrhoids, I am telling you- get yourself a lillipad for the toilet. I had some hemorrhoid issues and actually I still do. If I try to go on the toilet sitting it hurts and I can't. I have zero issues with squatting, though. No pain unless I get constipated (which never happens now if I avoid dairy and soy. Guess I'm sensitive just like my baby!) I just think it is the natural way to go.
 
#34 ·
Oh! Also, I've had that Walk to Beautiful movie on my instant queue netflix for awhile now. I'll have to watch it. You know... everyone talks about how you have to birth naturally and all this junk- but look at this. Even though the female body is meant to give birth to children - that does NOT mean that it is natural and great and my body will do everything just perfectly. I bought into all that before I actually had this child. I don't 100% believe it anymore. I also don't believe we need such a high rate of interventions and c-sections but clearly there are pros and cons to both natural birth with no doctors around and a medical childbirth. My views are more balanced now I think...
 
#35 ·
I have a first degree uterine and bladder prolapse, as well as a second degree rectocele. I wanted to chime in on the "ugly stomach" thing though.

I've have a big abdominal separation ever since the pregnancy and birth of my second child (he was 10 lbs and the birth was a disaster). I hate the way my stomach looks (especially my belly button)- but even worse, I could feel my organs poking out. I found a physical therapist online and I am in the middle of 6 week program she offers called "Core 4." So far, I am very pleased with the results. My organs have gone back in, which has taken about 3 inches off the diameter of my stomach. That's pretty big for me! The only thing that might be difficult for anyone with a major POP is that you are supposed to wear a tummy splint the whole time and I know that too much pressure around the mid-section can cause the POP to feel worse sometimes. However, I think you could do the exercises without wearing the splint and still see results. Have you ever read the book, 'How to Lose Your Mummy Tummy" by Julie Tupler? The exercises from the program I am doing are similar to the Tupler exercises, but WAY less repetitions.

Just thought I would throw that out there. Many women are able to improve their diastasis through specific exercises. For me, even though my stomach has gone down, it's still "ugly." I'm resigned to it always being unattractive and saggy. It's hard not to cringe when I see myself naked... but at least I am starting to look better with clothes on....
 
#36 ·
Squatting- My 4th degree tear (and the POP that happened as a result of that particular birth) happened while I was squatting. DD2 was smaller than dd1 but at 9lbs even she was still "bigger than the norm" and I pushed for about 4 hours. So at least my own anecdotal evidence is that squatting is NOT a silver bullet for preventing pelvic floor injury!

After doing gobs of research I decided that side-lying or even hands and knees were the best positions for preventing repeat tears/pelvic floor injury, and I made sure to deliver my ds while side lying... worked like a charm with about 30-40 minutes of pushing and a small 2nd degree tear along the old scar tissue. Again it's anecdotal, but I'll be side lying or hands/knees with my next birth just in case!

I did that research several years ago now (dd2 was born in 2007) and on a different computer so I'm not sure I still have my research folder easily accessible, but I'll take a look to see if I can share the various studies, papers, and midwifery conference notes I used! :)
 
#37 ·
I have a sneaking suspicion re: squatting, that if you are not able to arch your back enough while squatting (see the katysays "you don't know squat" blog for pictures)... that it is no help for pooping or giving birth and you would, as wombatclay suggests, be better of side lying or on hands and knees so that you can keep that healthy arch in your back and healthy pelvic angle. Because it is the pelvic angle that is important, not the squat itself. When I first began squatting, my pelvis would still curve forward so my back was in a c-shape and that would cause increased pressure on my pelvic organs. Only improving my hip and calf flexibility to squat properly has helped in that regard, and I still have much work to do before I would consider squatting to be a useful giving birth position for my body.
 
#38 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyclamen View Post

I have a sneaking suspicion re: squatting, that if you are not able to arch your back enough while squatting (see the katysays "you don't know squat" blog for pictures)... that it is no help for pooping or giving birth and you would, as wombatclay suggests, be better of side lying or on hands and knees so that you can keep that healthy arch in your back and healthy pelvic angle. Because it is the pelvic angle that is important, not the squat itself. When I first began squatting, my pelvis would still curve forward so my back was in a c-shape and that would cause increased pressure on my pelvic organs. Only improving my hip and calf flexibility to squat properly has helped in that regard, and I still have much work to do before I would consider squatting to be a useful giving birth position for my body.
I don't know about her... why aren't her feet flat on the floor? And the c-shape thing... that is how stuff comes out more easily

. images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRN05ZluWbaICoEUYYLTyudMhH65C0913PCyZIyzBE21OULmZ5qIg This is the kind of squat I am talking about and the back definitely isn't arched...

But I think I will look into side lying and all 4s for the next time, too, though. I have a feeling it is kind of luck. I'll do what I can to minimize any further damage but really there is no way of controlling it probably.
 
#39 ·
It isnt really arched, but there is a definite difference in pelvic angle that seems like an arch in the back to someone like me, who has spent a lifetime sitting on chairs and slouching my whole back into a C-shape when I sit at a computer. I can really see the difference between my mom squatting and myself. My mom looks like Bowman's ideal. She grew up squatting for toileting, work, eating, and waiting, and continued to do so for her whole adult life (for work and waiting, and often eating), so her knees go way past her toes, her feet are flat on the ground, and her quads are nearly parallel with the floor, and her pelvis is in the same position it would be if she were standing, so her butt kind of appears to be sticking out, but it's not really. And she has total mobility in a squat... she can sort of duck walk and sweep the floor while squatting, or chop veggies, or do all kinds of work. I've seen her, at age 55, squat dozens of times a day. I can do this too, but I lose my balance more quickly, and I look much more like that guy (not a c-shape... he has a pretty flat back and so do I in a squat like that). I am considered to have pretty open hips by most yoga teachers, etc....but my hips just aren't nearly as flexible (nor my glutes as strong) as they would have been had I squatted more in my teens and early 20s. I look at a toddler and they are able to move through a range which includes a squat like what that guy is doing, to, as they get older and stronger, a squat more like what my mom does. I do think ankle flexibility plays a big part. Anyhow, those are the experiences that sold me on Bowman's ideas... and it's just my guess that the working squat like my mom does is the one that is best for birth, but I'm no scientist.

I agree though, ultimately, luck probably plays the biggest role in terms of birth outcomes.
 
#40 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyclamen View Post

It isnt really arched, but there is a definite difference in pelvic angle that seems like an arch in the back to someone like me, who has spent a lifetime sitting on chairs and slouching my whole back into a C-shape when I sit at a computer. I can really see the difference between my mom squatting and myself. My mom looks like Bowman's ideal. She grew up squatting for toileting, work, eating, and waiting, and continued to do so for her whole adult life (for work and waiting, and often eating), so her knees go way past her toes, her feet are flat on the ground, and her quads are nearly parallel with the floor, and her pelvis is in the same position it would be if she were standing, so her butt kind of appears to be sticking out, but it's not really. And she has total mobility in a squat... she can sort of duck walk and sweep the floor while squatting, or chop veggies, or do all kinds of work. I've seen her, at age 55, squat dozens of times a day. I can do this too, but I lose my balance more quickly, and I look much more like that guy (not a c-shape... he has a pretty flat back and so do I in a squat like that). I am considered to have pretty open hips by most yoga teachers, etc....but my hips just aren't nearly as flexible (nor my glutes as strong) as they would have been had I squatted more in my teens and early 20s. I look at a toddler and they are able to move through a range which includes a squat like what that guy is doing, to, as they get older and stronger, a squat more like what my mom does. I do think ankle flexibility plays a big part. Anyhow, those are the experiences that sold me on Bowman's ideas... and it's just my guess that the working squat like my mom does is the one that is best for birth, but I'm no scientist.

I agree though, ultimately, luck probably plays the biggest role in terms of birth outcomes.
I wish I could see what you are talking about! I don't even know what I look like when I do it. I am just happy I don't fall backward anymore lol.
 
#41 ·
I'm right there with you on "happy I don't fall over." I tried squatting while I was pregnant because it's supposed to be good for you, but I kept falling over, so I gave up... lol.

I noticed that I can get "all the way down" in a squat if I tuck my pelvis in. Without tucking, I can get about halfway down to the floor. So I have been squatting that way - really gripping in my glutes to protect my knees - and am finally starting to get deeper into it... not much. But a little... I read somewhere that flexibility is a function of strength rather than relaxation, and since I started thinking of it that way, I feel like I've seen more progress.

Ooh, actually here is a great picture e0KbsAHHKeRmYJ0Uv2Hl7a.jpg:

Now just imagine a little old lady doing this, lol, and that's my mom.

I do kind of believe it's part of a range of motion, though, which does include a squat like the guy upthread on the pot.

The ones that really showed a good pelvic angle were all of bodybuilders for some reason. But like this

overhead-squat.jpgIf only she weren't wearing heels on her shoes.
 
#42 ·
A little off topic but just as a note the heels on the weightlifting shoes are hard (usually made of wood) & are not any higher than regular running shoes but they don't crush & move when a lot of weight is handled.
 
#43 ·
so, are those (pics above) the ideal squats for improving bladder muscles? i can pretty much sit on the floor in a full yoga squat (i'm a little too flexible. my chiropractor warned me that i hurt myself without even knowing it sometimes.) so if that will help me with my own bladder issues (esp after i give birth to baby 3), i'm all for it! tell me more?
 
#44 ·
Yes, according to one biomechanicist: http://www.katysays.com/2010/06/02/you-dont-know-squat/

Not everyone agrees with her, but I've spent some time reading her stuff and since I've been following her posture recommendations, I've seen an improvement - I used to have a hard time peeing through my urethrocystocele (which I had pre-baby), and it's gotten WAY better in the last six months. I didn't buy anything either, just started doing the stuff she recommends on her blog. I also do the other squat like the guy on the toilet, but I'm also working towards a feet flat, butt out squat.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top