How can I support a mom who had an emerg. c-birth? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 04-04-2004, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I found out this morning that my hairdresser had her baby. She was a week "late" and baby was born via c-section at 6lb 10oz and 21 inches long. Kinda small for overdue (and long too)! Anyway, her water broke and 24 hours later they did the c/s. She is going back to work in six weeks so she will not be bf'ing at all. I guess she is pretty tired and out of it and could barely hold her baby because of the IVs.

She is 34 and has been married for 14 years. They thought they would never have children and then bam... after all those years she was pregnant!

Anyway, I'm going to take her some dinner later this week. Is there anything I can do for her? She trims my 3yo dd's bangs for free anytime and is very sweet. I admit I'm a bit bummed that she's not even going to nurse at all, but it's not my decision and I need to get over it.

TIA!
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#2 of 13 Old 04-04-2004, 09:33 PM
 
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When I had my daughter by emergency csection, I just wanted people to hear me and listen. Don't offer any advice, dont be critical of the drs, etc. Just listen. Also bring some foos with you. And you may want to put together a basket of small goodies. I was really sore after my first csection and I had a basket of baby stuff, candy, protien bars, note pad, etc. to have in my family room or where ever. I would also be there a week or a few weeks from now. I would offer to watch her baby one afternoon so she can sleep. Offer to do laundry or vacuum -- things she cant do.

Kim
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#3 of 13 Old 04-04-2004, 10:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good ideas! Thanks...

Keep 'em coming! She won't be released until at least Tuesday, so I have several days to come up with ideas.
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#4 of 13 Old 04-04-2004, 11:35 PM
 
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Take her some food, and offer to sweep/mop/vacuum, do the laundry, the dishes, etc. Ask her to take a nap while you're helping out. Run errands for her. These were things people did for me, and it helped so much...
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#5 of 13 Old 04-04-2004, 11:39 PM
 
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Just treat her like any new mom, especially one who's had a baby after such a long wait. Like the others said, don't be judgemental; just help her with the stuff that she'll need help with both as a new mom and as someone who's had surgery. Let her be as excited as she can be--this was her birth experience. Whether or not is was the one either she or you would have chosen is really irrelevant now.
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#6 of 13 Old 04-05-2004, 01:53 AM
 
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My birth story was quite similar to the one you posted about your hairdresser. (except 40 hours)... Everything they said above is right. Also, remember how tired she'll be... Don't hesitate to leave after a short bit.

When I first got home, it was hard for me to lay flat in my bed, hard to sit, I couldn't get up without help, and I didn't poop for a week... Really, everything was uncomfortable. Just love her and congratulate her.

I'm curious about her story --- was the baby posterior? Mine was due to my heart shaped uterus, and I learned after birth that posterior babies have 80% chance of c-section. Amazing, eh? Funny what they don't tell you in birthing class. :headscratch
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#7 of 13 Old 04-05-2004, 04:47 AM
 
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If she's not home til Tuesday can you do something for her before she goes home? Offer to stop by and straighten up? Make sure there are fresh sheets on the bed and plenty of towels? (Many people suggest doing laundry but I think that is kind of personal for many people... but linens less so, ya know?)
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#8 of 13 Old 04-05-2004, 10:07 AM
 
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How nice of you to think of her like this. One of the things I appreciated was when people didn't project their "stuff" on my experience. For example-I had people ask me if I was disappointed, etc.-those interactions always made me sigh.
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#9 of 13 Old 04-05-2004, 10:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! She has lots of family who live in my county, so I think she will have lots of help with laundry and stuff. I'm going to call her and see if she would rather me wait until next week when she's more likely to need the help because her sisters work and she might need more help during the day after everyone goes back to work.

Fisherb- I'm not really sure if the baby was posterior or not. I don't think she was dealing with the contractions well. It didn't sound like she had an epidural or anything, but she stayed in bed because the contractions were so hard and she was losing control (maybe she had an epidural and it didn't take?). She didn't dilate all the way either... her sister said the baby had a bit of a spot on the top of her head from mom's cervix. Her sister's were her labor support and it didn't sound like the sister I talked to knows all the names for body parts like cervix etc so I wasn't totally clear on everything.

I'm thinking maybe she and her husband opted for a c/s because of exhaustion?
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#10 of 13 Old 04-05-2004, 11:27 AM
 
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Here's a great link of things you should and should not say link

Try very hard not to analyze the situation too much. Don't assume you know what she's feeling, as that is likely to keep changing over the next few days, weeks, even years.
Just be there for her when she needs to talk, but keep your own comments to a bare minimum.
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#11 of 13 Old 04-05-2004, 04:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by stafl
Here's a great link of things you should and should not say link

Try very hard not to analyze the situation too much. Don't assume you know what she's feeling, as that is likely to keep changing over the next few days, weeks, even years.
Just be there for her when she needs to talk, but keep your own comments to a bare minimum.
Great link, thank you! I know it was a year before I totally internalized my dd's hospital birth and although I consider it less than ideal, I'm sure it isn't as involved as healing from an unplanned c.
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#12 of 13 Old 04-08-2004, 04:49 AM
 
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stafl, great link!

i would be careful of bringin things to the hospital that she can't use or eat right away. it's just more to lug home.

i would second or third the idea of housecleaning, feeding the pets, etc. (although i'm sure some would feel weird about it.)
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#13 of 13 Old 04-10-2004, 09:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just received word via the prayer chain that the mom in ICU with adult respiratory failure on a ventilator in critical condition. I have no idea if this is a result of her surgery, meds or exactly what... her newborn is staying with a family member who is an RN. Please pray if you do!
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