MAJOR ETHICAL DILEMMA, Please Help :) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 84 Old 06-04-2011, 08:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A friend of mine had a baby exactly 10 weeks ago.  The baby was born 7lbs 2ozs via c-section after both a failed induction.  She hired one of my other friends (they previously didnt know each other) to nanny for a few weeks for her while she tied up some loose ends before summer at work (shes a professor at a very prestigous public health school, im not kidding).  Since  my friend has been nannying for them she has witnessed some very sad and disturbing behavior.

 

The mother is giving the baby breastmilk, exclusively from a bottle.  The mother will only allow my friend to feed the baby 2 ozs every 3-4 hours!!  The baby screams all the time.  Before he eats, then keeps sucking and sucking on the empty bottle, but the mother insists that he is fine and doesnt need more.  The just took the baby to the doctor last week, he only weighs 9lbs!  The doctor is so concerned he told them they need to give the baby formula.  

 

The mother also wont touch the baby at all.  She wont even breastfeed or hold the baby at night.  The husband is friends with mine and told mine he does all the nighttime feedings with a bottle.  This week she left for two days for a business trip and literally didnt hug or kiss the baby at all when she left just said "mommys leaving, bye bye."  Waved. And left.  My friend was so put off.

 

The husband is just really weak and thinks because his wife has a doctorate that she must know everything.  But I think she must have post partum depression or something, because she is literally starving her poor baby.

 

My husband and I are so upset we arent sure what to do.  I sent her a text the other day asking her how things were going after she sent me one and she NEVER RESPONDED?!

 

Im at a loss.  My husband thinks its child abuse and is livid.  Im more from the "let people damage their own kids" mentality, but if something happened to this poor baby because she is mentally unstable and her stupid husband just trusts her judgement, I will never forgive  myself... 

 

PLEASE, someone give me some insight!!  We are so concerned and would really like to hear everyones opinions.  Have any of you experienced this with anyone you know??  Is this normal?  Are we being over-concerned?

 

Thanks so much in advance!!!

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#2 of 84 Old 06-04-2011, 08:16 PM
 
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No. You are not being nosey or overly concerned... and this is not normal behavior. You need to get a hold of someone from CPS and let them know what you (or your friend) have witnessed. If they decide that nothing abnormal is going on, then fine. But, it really sounds to me like this mother needs some help. She obviously isn't treating her baby this way out of ignorance....there have to be some underlying issues. Don't let this baby suffer anymore- please tell someone what is going on!

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#3 of 84 Old 06-04-2011, 08:23 PM
 
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Wow! I think I would have your husband talk to her husband about it. It sounds like she a) hasn't bonded with the baby at all and b) doesn't know the first thing about babies. 

 

If I were your friend who is nannying, I would be very inclined to quit, as I couldn't stand by and watch such horrible treatment, but then what happens to the baby when the mother is supposed to be caring for her?

 

How close are you to this person? Could you talk to her about it in person ( I really don't think a text would cut it.)

 

Could be she's grieving her c-section and has post partum bad, and then someone needs to help them. If it were me I would most likely choose the baby over my relationship with the mother (as in if I offended her so badly she broke the friendship, at least I would know I had done my best for that baby.) But I tend to think that someone has to defend the ones that can't defend themselves.

 

Good luck, it sounds like a crappy situation all the way round.

 

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#4 of 84 Old 06-04-2011, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for responding so fast you guys!

 

So, I would totally sacrifice the friendship.  In a heartbeat.  But the husband is one of my DH's bestfriends.  :/  And hes not too keen on turning them in to cps.  The MIL is visiting and my DH wants to tell her and see what she says, but Im sure my friend is too smart to starve the baby in front of her MIL and that will just buy the baby sometime getting fed more for two weeks.... and then the mom will put the baby into day care (she cannot afford a full time nanny, so my other friends last day was today).  my husband thinks at least the day care will feed the baby or tell the mom its not enough food... but if the mom really has PPD or worse post partum psychosis, then the baby is not much better off... just eating more during the day.  but he still comes home to a mother that doesnt want to touch him or feed him what he needs.

 

i dont think she will talk to me about it.  shes totally closed off emotionally even before the baby.

 

 

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#5 of 84 Old 06-04-2011, 10:54 PM
 
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Well, if the friend is going to continue nannying, I think she should get some formula and feed the baby more.  She can't sit by and watch the baby starve.  If your friend knows who the pediatrician is, maybe she can document what she is seeing and bring it up with him.  He might be willing and able to talk to the mother.

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#6 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 05:27 AM
 
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I'd make a last ditch effort to talk to the mother and father. Maybe they are just so stunned by depression that they can't think straight, maybe the father senses something is wrong but is second-guessing himself because no one is saying anything. Because surely if something was wrong, someone would say something??? At the very least, you could yourself get a feel for what's going on.

 

Does your friend know who the pediatrician is? He needs to know why this baby isn't gaining and there needs to be a documented history of behavior here from a witness. 

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#7 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 06:01 AM
 
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Isn't it standard for a Dr. to ask how much a baby is eating and how often? I know some don't generally do this but I'd especially hope that they would in a "failure to thrive" type situation. 

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#8 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 06:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So my friend (the nanny) had her last day on Friday.  Now the baby will go into day care most of the time.  And my friend the nanny literally just moved to America on a student visa just a few months ago.  And is totally afraid of saying anything to anyone other than me, because she wasnt supposed to be nannying as a student visa doesnt permit "working."  I tried to tell her that just a few weeks, every couple of days, for a few hours isnt working, its more like helping and that the regular police are so not interested in that.  But foreigners can be very afraid!!

 

I talked to my husband again.  We are going to invite them over for dinner this week and see whats going on.  If we see anything odd, we will either say something to them, or just call cps.  i hate to think of that baby crying through the night because his little belly is empty.  its really sad.  i wish she wasnt acting like this!! 

 

I mean, does anyone not feed on demand??  do parents really setting a feeding schedule?  Ive never heard of this.  Where you let the baby cry until its "time" to eat?  Its so counter intuitive.

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#9 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 06:37 AM
 
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There is no ethical dilemma.  This family needs help.  Presumably, they don't want to be harming their baby, but they are. 

 

You need to contact someone who can intervene.  Not 'if something seems odd' at dinner.  Now.

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#10 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 07:00 AM
 
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Hi - I agree - there is no dilemma here - that baby clearly needs more food. I would confront both parents together - directly, and compassionately explain that 2 oz of breastmilk every 3-4 hours is clearly inadequate and then take it from there asking questions.  I'd do it in person in as non-threatening an environment as possible.  I'd also document everything that happens.  This is truly serious.  That baby must be starving, and needs an advocate if the father is being passive.  


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#11 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 08:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ugh, this is so hard!  I will have my husband call them today.  The fathers parents just got in from out of the country and now the MIL will be caring for the baby while the mom is out of the country for a few days.  so the baby will definitely be getting fed (likely overfed knowing the culture).  So, when the mom gets back we will go over and talk to them.  :(  

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#12 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 09:28 AM
 
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I think this is one of those cases where day care is better than home. I am pretty sure day care worker will ignore the direction of feeding the baby 2 oz as they really do not like crying babies in day cares.

 

This sounds like something quiet a bit more serious than depression.  You can file an anonymous report with CPS . Bad things happen not because everyone o bad thing but because one person does bad thing while others are silent.  Sometime the best thing is to report a persona and home they get a referral to mental health professional.

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#13 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 10:14 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BenimBebek View Post

The MIL is visiting and my DH wants to tell her and see what she says, but Im sure my friend is too smart to starve the baby in front of her MIL and that will just buy the baby sometime getting fed more for two weeks....


OK if your friend will adjust her behavior for her MIL, then it sounds like what she is doing is intentional and outright abusive... rather than just clueless or careless. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I think you need to report it to someone ASAP. If I calculate this generously (assuming the baby actually gets fed at night and minimum every 3 hours) then the baby is only getting about 16oz of milk at most. I never bottlefed but I'm pretty sure that is barely HALF of what he should be getting. Please don't stand by and watch that baby starve to death, just so your DH can keep his friend... greensad.gif I just want to cry now, that poor baby.

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#14 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 10:16 AM
 
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Since you're friends, any chance you know her parents and her dh?

 

Is there any chance at all that there was some confusion? Like she told the nanny to only thaw 2oz at a time and not to leave it out for more than 3-4 hours? (Okay, that's a really long shot, but we can live in hope.)

 

Really, I'd start by talking to her, asking about the baby, asking how pumping is going, etc, etc. And be prepared to call CPS.

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#15 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 10:19 AM
 
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Man this is really getting to me. bawling.gif I just had a mini-breakdown over this. Usually we hear about these things when it's too late... but it's not too late yet...

If you want to PM me info, I wonder if I could report to CPS for you??? Or could your other friend report it if you don't think you can? I've never dealt with CPS but if there is anything I can do I would be more than willing to.

This is going to haunt me....

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#16 of 84 Old 06-05-2011, 01:15 PM
 
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OK if your friend will adjust her behavior for her MIL, then it sounds like what she is doing is intentional and outright abusive

 

I took this to mean that she doesn't agree with everyone telling her to feed the baby more formula but will do so in order to save an argument with her MIL. 

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#17 of 84 Old 06-06-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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Hmmm....  I bet this is part of the problem.  She is a smart woman.  Everyone (including herself) assumes that she should know what to do and shouldn't suffer PPD, though hopefully most people know that Princeton-educated Brooke Shields suffered terrible PPD.

 

I have no idea how much my breastfed baby takes but I thought the rule of thumb was about 1oz per hour which means this baby is only getting about half of what he needs.

 

I wouldn't hesitate to call the pediatrician if you know who they go to.  Doctors can only help if they have all the information and they often depend on other people to get it. I used to see the same NP as a friend of mine who was literally starving herself to death.  I discussed the situation with other friends and we had no idea what we could actually do.  i finally said the hell with it and told our mutual NP who was really appreciate because this friend was constantly coming to her with ailments and never admitted her food habits.  

 

Perhaps some advice from a similarly educated professional will help this woman.  I'd probably try that before CPS but the CPS in my state usually waits until children are eating drywall before they intervene.  :( 


 

Quote:
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The husband is just really weak and thinks because his wife has a doctorate that she must know everything.  But I think she must have post partum depression or something, because she is literally starving her poor baby.

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#18 of 84 Old 06-06-2011, 09:36 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BenimBebek View Post

I mean, does anyone not feed on demand??  do parents really setting a feeding schedule?  Ive never heard of this.  Where you let the baby cry until its "time" to eat?  Its so counter intuitive.


My sister's friend had her NB baby on a feeding schedule and WOULD NOT feed her unless it was time to do so, even if the baby was crying!  They were two very educated people, but I guess were just mis-informed...?  However, once they saw a doctor about her crying all the time, they fortunately listened to him and started feeding her on demand.  What's bothering me the most is the mother is not listening to the advice of others and feeding her baby more.  I understand babies eventually get on a schedule, but isn't it usually set by them, not the parents?

 

Something needs to be done here.  You either need to get info to the husband ASAP and try to convince him his child is literally starving, especially if the mother won't listne to reason.  OR call CPS.  They can at least give her a referral for a mental health professional or have a record in case, GOD FORBID, something happens to the child.  However, I agree with others.  Daycare will be good for this baby.
 

 


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#19 of 84 Old 06-06-2011, 09:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BenimBebek View Post

I mean, does anyone not feed on demand??  do parents really setting a feeding schedule?  Ive never heard of this.  Where you let the baby cry until its "time" to eat?  Its so counter intuitive.


Actually, yes, it still exists. I teach group fitness classes & on a forum for fitness instructors, someone was talking about scheduling her baby's feedings. I posted a TON of info about how awful this is, but she defended the practice! I wrote, "Surely, you didn't BF? That would be so detrimental to supply." She claims she not only BFed, but baby gained fine eating only every 3 hours. Of course, some babies just ARE fine eating only every 3 hours (the recommendation is BFing every 8-12 hours daily, so that's possible!) - I'm not sure if she left her babies cry until the 3 hour interval or it just happened to work out that way anyway.

 

As for weight, my DD was only 9#9oz at around 12 weeks, exactly 5th percentile. BUT - she was born 6# 4oz, and she has continued to stay on the same curves (15th % height, 5th% weight). *I* was the one paranoid, my pedi repeatedly told me not to worry at the 6 week check and the 12 week check when I went back ONLY because of my paranoia about weight. Of course, she BFs on demand & is held or worn nearly all the time but when I'm asleep.. but anyway, my point being, 9# at 10 weeks old doesn't necessarily equal a starving baby.

 

All that being said, yes, eating only 2 oz at a time, and only every 3-4 hours is awful! And failure to touch a baby, I"m pretty sure, is a standard sign of PPD, so I do think something is very wrong here. I'm inclined to think CPS isn't the way to go, but I agree with the others who say you should do something. Maybe rather than accuse, give a suggestion to the husband, like let him know how not picking up/hugging babies is a PPD sign. Just give him that FACT, so he can realize something isn't normal & try to act.

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#20 of 84 Old 06-07-2011, 03:36 PM
 
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I would talk to them first, and make CPS a LAST RESORT. While I agree this child should be fed more, I have also seen CPS abuse their power under "guilty until proven innocent" mentality. In talking to them, find out more info- make sure the amount is accurate. "Are you really feeding her x amount of milk?", etc. Get the full story. 

 

Also, is this a Babywise mom? It sure sounds a lot like Babywise to me. I have a friend who has her baby on a feeding schedule and it's a time limit. She doesn't nurse past a certain amount of time, even if the baby is still eating. The baby is growing, so that's good, but it still freaks me out. It's so unnatural.

 

Sorry you're in this situation! How awful!

 

But yes, definitely intervene, and also just beware of CPS and what they can do. I don't know if I would advocate them taking the baby away, especially if this mom has depression. The mom needs HELP. She needs a good friend to set her straight, and her depression will only worsen if the baby is taken away. Sorry to be coming from the other side like this, just cautioning, as I have personally seen CPS wrongfully ruin lives rather than help them. Just my two cents.

 

Maybe if you do call them, request that they just make visits? Request a more minor form of intervention before outright taking the child? Like a warning per se? I know if I were in this mom's situation, getting a knock on the door from CPS would FREAK ME OUT and I'd be willing to change almost anything to cooperate with them to prevent getting my baby taken away. But maybe that's just me...

 

However, I do realize this is serious! This is a toughy. And it's difficult to know what the wisest action is. I pray you will get wisdom and find good advice from people on this issue!

 

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#21 of 84 Old 06-07-2011, 03:59 PM
 
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Quote:
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Maybe if you do call them, request that they just make visits? Request a more minor form of intervention before outright taking the child? Like a warning per se? I know if I were in this mom's situation, getting a knock on the door from CPS would FREAK ME OUT and I'd be willing to change almost anything to cooperate with them to prevent getting my baby taken away. But maybe that's just me...

 

 

HUGS!


I just don't think this is feasible, as a matter of course. I don't think you can call CPS and "request" they do things a certain way, kwim? If OP calls them and explains the situation as she did here, they will be out there doing a full on investigation.

 

I would absolutely either call the pedi or CPS.  The pedi si under obligation to report suspected abuse or neglect.  If you don't want to do it, call him and report the underfeeding, or call CPS and if she is suspicious of you, you can blame the pedi.  Or you could try talking to the husband first and seeing if you can get him to step in and get his wife help

 


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#22 of 84 Old 06-08-2011, 10:33 AM
 
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Just a quick reminder to the thread... I think everyone is being very gentle and aware, but do let's keep the focus on the OP and her situation and not get side tracked into a discussion of the personality or behavior of the mom or the role of individual members in that family.  There's a lot of second hand/third hand information and it's impossible to tell what is actually going on.

 

It could be a mental health concern (I've had PPD and PTSD following an unplanned c/s and despite advanced degrees and a full "understanding" of PPD I wasn't the one to "turn myself in"... I was fortunate enough to have a DH and a family dr who saw the signs and got me the help I needed but most assuredly didn't "want" or feel was at all applicable "to me" at the time).  Mothering Magazine has some wonderful articles about PPD and PPPsychosis, but even a gentle suggestion of a well known mental health disorder from a non-family member might not go over very well.  :(

 

And it could be this family is following one of the (sadly, many) parenting philosophies that include scheduled feedings.  There have been infant deaths and court cases and much heartbreak surrounding some of these philosophies, but the books are still widely available at mainstream bookstores and are even the corner stone of some church based parenting programs.  If this family is following a specific philosophy, and especially if it is one that is encouraged by their church, then again... a suggestion that the philosophy is doing more harm than good for their infant may be taken the wrong way.  However, you might approach the minister of their congregation if that is applicable here.

 

It's a very difficult situation because things like scheduled feeding or a lack of socially displayed maternal affection aren't "crimes".  A call to the family doctor (or minister) about possible PPD/underfeeding might be more helpful than a call to CPS since, again, scheduled feedings and a mother who travels for business aren't crimes and while CPS may open a file they probably don't have the staff/time/budget to investigate this sort of report in any detail.

 

And outside that... can you spend more time with this family so you have first hand information and can, perhaps, lighten some of this family's "new baby" load?  Model other parenting philosophies in a non-confrontational way?  Perhaps suggest a visit to a local ICAN or SOLACE group (these also have online support forums, ICAN specifically surrounding cesarean birth and SOLACE for all different sorts of birth trauma)?  Offer to go with her to a LLL meeting so she can see other breastfeeding moms and perhaps adjust her expectations along those lines?  Drop off a mother care package (c/s is major surgery, Earth Mama Angel Baby makes a c/s recovery kit, or you could make one yourself with some Milk Maid tea, lotion for scar massage, maybe a soothing eye pillow with lavender oil or some bach rescue remedy spray), offer to bring over a complete meal or two, that sort of thing?  And have your partner "hang out" with his best friend a bit more with conversations along these lines?

 

I never would have gotten the help I needed if it hadn't been for my DH basically telling my doctor at a PP visit that he was sure I had PPD.  I could have killed him in that moment, and I was mortified that I wasn't "holding it all together"... that someone, anyone, could POSSIBLY think something was wrong.  But I'm so thankful he did what he did.  And he is under standing orders to turn me in again if I start down the PPD path again.

 

Good luck to you and your friend... no matter what, she is fortunate to have friends who care and worry about her!


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#23 of 84 Old 06-08-2011, 10:51 AM
 
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Just a thought, maybe she is so strictly rationing the breastmilk because she isn't able to pump enough?  And is determined that her baby not have formula?  Either way the poor thing needs to eat as much as s/he wants, if I were in a situation exclusively pumping and not getting enough I would definitely supplement with formula.  If she is a new mom she may not even realize how much a baby needs to eat (even if she is book-smart on health issues).

 

As far as the not holding the baby, I don't know, some people really prefer to have other people take care of their babies and see no problem with it.  I know a lady who literally hands her babies off to female relatives as soon as she is back from the hospital and goes right back to work, sometimes the baby stays on many days (including overnights) with the relatives without the mom there-- they just don't see it as a big deal.  So I wouldn't be as concerned about that as only giving a baby 2 oz at a time.

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#24 of 84 Old 06-08-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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Wow, that is nowhere near enough food.  My boys were (are) bottlefed, and take around 40oz/day of formula (each).   Scheduled feeding seems more common than demand feeding amongst the parents I know, but even so, I've never heard of a schedule that only allows 1/2-3/4oz an hour for any baby!  The boys were preemies and ate about 2oz every 3hrs at birth.

 

At that age, most folks who do scheduled feedings offer 4-6oz every 3-4 hours.  Most will give a baby a bigger feed if they want it, though unfortunately may not offer an "extra" feeding.   A rule of thumb for newborn formula feeding is 2.5xbaby's weight in lbs = number of ounces the baby needs per day.  For a 9lb baby that means at least 22oz a day....

 

At that age, the boys normally ate about 4-5 oz every 2-3 hours (we demand feed).   Now, they usually eat about 6-8oz every 4-5 hours.   Sometimes more, sometimes less. 


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#25 of 84 Old 06-08-2011, 12:49 PM
 
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I haven't read the replies yet, but... what ethical dilemma? you know that someone is starving their child, you call CPS. it's that simple. also, from the original post, it sounds like this mother could have a psychotic break if she's left alone with the baby, the child is not safe in that situation. 


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#26 of 84 Old 06-08-2011, 02:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by wombatclay View Post

And it could be this family is following one of the (sadly, many) parenting philosophies that include scheduled feedings.  There have been infant deaths and court cases and much heartbreak surrounding some of these philosophies, but the books are still widely available at mainstream bookstores and are even the corner stone of some church based parenting programs.


I guess I don't see the scheduling itself as the problem -- it's the fact that she's only allowing the baby 2oz. If she was offering 4-6oz every few hours, I still might inwardly groan at the scheduling aspect, but wouldn't be red-flagging the baby's immediate health. I don't agree with scheduled feeding but I know many people do that -- but I don't know of any program that recommends feeding a baby THAT little???

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#27 of 84 Old 06-09-2011, 11:05 AM
 
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I understand... 2oz every 3 hours just isn't enough.  But that information was provided by a temporary/part time nanny, to a friend of that nanny, then to this list.  And the pediatrician's concerns about weight gain have a similar "telephone game" quality.  Going to CPS with a "my friend told me that another friend isn't feeding her baby enough, and that new mom friend isn't returning my text messages" just isn't going to help anyone in this situation, and it may cause actually hurt.  By offering to help out the OP can not only relieve some of the completely normal stress on the new family, but see for herself if her friend might be suffering from PPD (or perhaps having a difficult time adjusting to her surgical birth, or to new motherhood in general) or if the infant might be suffering from more than colic or a cultural/familial atmosphere in which mom is less involved in the baby care and more involved in the "out of home" side of supporting the family.

 

 


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#28 of 84 Old 06-09-2011, 11:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wombatclay View Post

It's a very difficult situation because things like scheduled feeding or a lack of socially displayed maternal affection aren't "crimes".  A call to the family doctor (or minister) about possible PPD/underfeeding might be more helpful than a call to CPS since, again, scheduled feedings and a mother who travels for business aren't crimes and while CPS may open a file they probably don't have the staff/time/budget to investigate this sort of report in any detail.

Scheduled feeding is not a crime, however, basically starving your baby is considered neglect and CPS does and should intervene in cases like these.  OP--I would also definitely call the pediatrician.  Explain who you are and that you understand that they cannot provide you with any information, but that you want to provide them with some information.  I would also call CPS.  wombatclay is right and they will likely not investigate--and if they do, there is about a 99.999% chance that they will not remove this child from this home, but it might scare mom into feeding this baby enough.  I work in child welfare, and sad to say, mom's education, etc., will likely be enough to convince CPS to back off but it is worth a shot.  You don't have to give them your name, and I doubt they'll figure out it is you since baby is also in daycare.  Also, stick to the fact that the baby is being way underfed--not that mom is lacking maternal affection for her child.  Good luck. 

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#29 of 84 Old 06-09-2011, 08:48 PM
 
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My BF baby was fed 2 oz every 3 hours when I went back to work at 7 weeks. She was fed on demand, and that is what she preferred. She also reverse cycled and nursed a lot when I was home, like every hour and a half. So while i understand the concerns of the OP, I also feel that there is a huge chunk of the story we don't have. Maybe she doesn't hold baby before she goes because she is broken up about leaving. Maybe she is suffering from PPD or PTSD. Maybe DH is doing bottles all night because the wife is hooked to a pump because baby has latch issues. What that woman and her DH need is support and guidence from her friends, her family, and her doctor, not the threat of a state agency taking away their child. Before I went to CPS I would do what the OP said she is doing - have them over for dinner and figure out exactly what is going on and why. Offer to help. Assess the situation for myself rather than hearing everything second or third hand. If they are intentionally starving baby, then yes, it is time for CPS. But there is a lot of other possibilities that should be eliminated before one can say this couple is abusing their baby.
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#30 of 84 Old 06-10-2011, 06:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey All, wanted to post an update!  The mom is still out of the country on business and the MIL is here and feeding the baby.  The father told my DH that "its so weird how happy the baby is with my mother."  DH and I just cringed.  DH decided to go over and visit them this weekend and talk to the MIL.  He thinks she will be a more powerful voice to her son than he will.  The MIL hasnt seen the mother and baby interact yet, bu Im sure once mom is home, the MIL will be very concerned with the lack of emotional connection.  

 

I am shocked that many of you know people who schedule infant feedings!!  I do have a friend whose newborn ate (and still eats) every 3-4 hours, but it totally freaked her out!!  I've never known anyone to schedule feedings.

 

I'll post another update once I know more.  

 

Thank you all sooo much for your input!  I have been so distraught over this.

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