This is our 3rd dc and I'm trying to plan a better babymoon this time (had none the second time) and had a pretty good one the first time. I'd like to have 2 solid weeks of laying around in bed, nursing the baby and snuggling w/ my family. Then 3 weeks of a gentle transition to full time mom again :) I've thought about hiring a post-partum doula but thinking mabye not. DH will have 2 weeks off but in the past he's not much help. I do have a great like-minded mama community here in my area (thank goodness!). And my mom lives in the same neighborhood.
There are 3 things which are a priority: taking care of the older children (will be 8 & 3.5 yrs old, homeschooled), food already prepared and a somewhat tidy house (for my zen, not the family's). I will freeze some meals ahead of time. And a meal train will probably be set up at my mother blessing and after the birth. I've decided to look into someone to come and clean for the first couple months after the birth.
So, if you had a wonderful babymoon, what did you do/what was done to make it so? Especially if this was your 2nd, 3rd etc baby.
I think my babymoon with my 3rd ds was my best. It seems like it should have been the hardest, because I already had 2 kids to take care of as well.
The biggest help was my dh. I see that you said your dh is not helpful. What things would you like him to do to help while he's home? Could you talk to him beforehand and come up with some concrete things to do? Maybe you could ask him to play a board game or take the older kids out everyday. Read a book to them everyday. Start a project with them about something he enjoys. Do the dinner dishes. Etc. So he has a very clear idea of what you need him to do.
Definitely set up the food train! If you could ask for some meals that you know your family loves that would be great.
Plan specific days that your mom can come over and help out with the little one, so you can spend some quality time with your old children.
Have kids to pick up their toys and maybe even teach the 8 year old how to sweep or vaccum. My kids love to vaccum. Even if it's not perfect, it'll be better than nothing!
And snuggle, snuggle, snuggle together every evening! Good luck! I hope everything goes smoothly!
I got no time at all with my 3rd kid. I was hoping Dh would step up to the plate but it just didn't happen. My 4th was much better because I prepared ahead and booked a sitter for 3 days a week to help out for a while. She was my lifesaver. I could disappear upstairs to nap and know that my kids were good. If DH took the other kids out then she was here to hold baby so I could shower. She was the only way I could get any time at all to really enjoy the new little guy.
With my second, my mom was staying with me when he was born. She stayed for the first week, and my DH was off work. That week was bliss. I really stayed on the couch, nursed and snuggled the baby, and read to and cuddled my older son. I was up a lot during the night with both kids, and helping manage things for my older son, but I didn't do any chores or cooking at all. We had a meal train, and the first couple of meals came that week. My mom mostly stayed home with me and DS2, while my husband took DS1 out every day (park, library, etc.). My mom kept the house cleanish and made sure everyone ate. It was great. The second week my MIL and FIL stayed in town, but not with us. That was kind of a transitional week, with lots of help from them during the day, but also time when I was on my own with both boys. It was really nice having that kind of a transition, but ideally it would have been one week later. I think it would have been great if my DH could have stayed home one more week.
When my third was born, I had a wonderful baby moon! We live five hours north of the rest of our family, so I "sold" DD2's birth like a vacation to close family members (Hey, wanna vacation up at our place for a week in August?!?) and lined up a support crew for three weeks. My mom and step dad were there for the birth and first week, my mother in law came for the second, and my dad came for the third. By that third week, though, I was ready to have my house back. They did the cooking, laundry, and helped out with the older two kiddos. I had made up a list of things to do and see around the area so they could enjoy themselves, too. It was AMAZING. DH and I are sort of a fanatic about how things are done and put away, but we let go those first few weeks after DD2's birth and let our parents take care of things for us (such a nice feeling!). I had lots of reorganizing to do after everyone left.
I really hope that I can rally them together like that again in June :)
ETA-I just reread this and it sounds like poor DH did nothing. He took a month off work and pretty much just hung out with the two older kids and walked the dog. He sort of watched over everything. My middle guy has some sensory issues and change is super hard for him. DH was able to give him everything he needed and kept the new transition in our family life smooth.
Mama of 4 beautiful little ones
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it's not.