forced c-section? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 04-16-2004, 12:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My friend is 3 week until her due date and she REALLY wants to have this baby vaginally. Her last 2 babies were over 10lbs and one of them had shoulder dysplasia (sp?) Her doctor is forcing her to have a c-section. She really wants to go into labor early so that she can have the baby vaginally before he gets too big. The baby is already estimated at 9lb 8 oz and she has 3 weeks left.

Does she have any legal rights? She is very tearful and doesn't want a c-section. The doc makes it seem like that is the only choice. I feel like every second that goes by lessens her chance.
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#2 of 24 Old 04-16-2004, 01:11 AM
 
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I know its last minute but she should try and switch docs...I switched at 34 or 35 weeks....best thing I did the entire time!

I hope she does go into labor! Oh, and I don't think they can force her to do anything...

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#3 of 24 Old 04-16-2004, 01:11 AM
 
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No he cant force her.
She can fire him and tell her to kiss her pregnant butt, wait for labor and show up at the emergency room, go to another hospital even!

Kim
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#4 of 24 Old 04-16-2004, 01:17 AM
 
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Of course she has legal rights! She also has every right to switch care providers--PRONTO. If she'd like to learn more about her legal right to "informed refusal," she can check out this great booklet:

http://www.maternitywise.org/mw/topi...n/booklet.html

Please keep us updated!

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#5 of 24 Old 04-16-2004, 01:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you guys for the advice. I will call her in the morning. she has been calling me crying almost every day this week. He won't induce her and if she doesn't go into labor naturally in the next 3 days...he says c-section is the only option.

i'm going to tell her to find a new doctor tomorrow!!

i wish her insurance covered my dr. Dr Perlow is the worlds BEST OBGYN. I told my husband if the insurance didn't cover it....we'd have to pay cash!!
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#6 of 24 Old 04-16-2004, 12:16 PM
 
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Uh....NOOOO he can't force her. !!!

What's he going to do - drive to her house and kidnap her and take her to the operating room???

She can either 1) get a new doctor or

2) don't show up for the C/S appointment...wait until she goes into labour and go to the ER

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#7 of 24 Old 04-16-2004, 02:16 PM
 
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They could try to get a court order, or her insurance could refuse to cover a vaginal birth against medical advice. That's about as forceful as they can legally get.

I think it's a mistake to continue with this doctor. I would not feel comfortable giving birth around someone who was resenting me for going against his advice and who was so sure that I couldn't birth normally.

If she's already had shoulder dystocia before, she could have it again because hospitals are not staffed with people who know how to get big babies out properly. She may also have to insist on not delivering on her back, and I doubt any doctor is going to go for the hands-and-knees position.

I wouldn't want to go to a hospital knowing that I was going to have to fight to escape surgery and for a safe birth. The day of a baby's birth is supposed to be FUN! Make it a birthday party, not a day of wondering if the doctor is going to bully you into surgery or make your experience miserable.

And he probably will - first he might ask her to sign forms stating that she is responsible for the death of her child, then he may do anything he can to make her labor miserable and treat it like a "high-risk" case so she will start to think of herself as high risk - tell her she has to be in bed with continuous monitoring, IV, no food, frequent exams - and as these things cause more pain, the doctor may remind her all the time that she could have a c-section and it would all be over.

NO ONE knows how big this baby is going to be, when this woman will go into labor, or how the labor will be. Doctors who try to "estimate" all these things usually end up wrong.
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#8 of 24 Old 04-18-2004, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted to update you ladies on my friend. She wen to the doctor and they are now estimating the baby at 42 weeks and 12 pounds (she still has a week and a half until her "due date"). So they have scheduled her a c-section on Monday morning. She is very angry and feels like it is too late to do anything but have a c-section. She's also really angry because she selected this doctor from a long list that she interviewed because he said he would induce her early and not let her baby get too big to deliver. Well, he lied. She has been planning her labor and delivery for 9 months and now she is at his mercies (and his time frame). I think this birth is going to be very tramatic and it could have been prevented. I'm very upset for her and I have lost all respect for this doctor. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to go back to school. L/D has always been my passion (can you tell?) and I think this profession should have more women who feel that way and want to do what is in the best interest of both mom and baby.

I will post tomorrow to let you all know how big this baby really is. I will be so sad if this baby is a 9 pounder and she went through all of this for nothing!
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#9 of 24 Old 04-18-2004, 01:53 PM
 
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They can't operate if she doesn't show up!

Maybe you could invite her to check out the board? There are a lot of large baby births in the Birth Stories forum, including 12-lbers. Maybe she could read those for inspiration.
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#10 of 24 Old 04-18-2004, 05:04 PM
 
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GOD that makes me FURIOUS! HOW DARE that doctor strip your friend of all her womanly power. GRRRRRRR. The ONE beautiful, magical thing we can do as women is give birth and the STUPID medical community keeps taking that power from us. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
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#11 of 24 Old 04-20-2004, 04:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by hnybee
Just wanted to update you ladies on my friend. She wen to the doctor and they are now estimating the baby at 42 weeks and 12 pounds (she still has a week and a half until her "due date"). So they have scheduled her a c-section on Monday morning.
Well, Whaddya know -- she's overdue now. Don't you love how a 3rd trimester ultrasound reading "re-sets" both the due date and the estimated baby weight, thus providing the doctor with a less debatable reason for performing the surgery he wanted to do all along. How convenient for him.

Even with less than 2 weeks to go, I tend to think your friend might still find a friendlier practice to accept her if she had her heart set on a vaginal delivery, but it's ultimately her decision. Brace yourself for the inevitable "Once they opened me up, the doctor saw (*insert bulletproof justification for surgery here*) so No WAY was that baby was gonna come out on its own." Even if you disagree, bite your tongue for the time being. IMO, I don't think there's much more to be said beyond, "Thank goodness it all turned out for the best." and "How can I help?" At this point, all you can do is offer your friend more of the unconditional support you've been providing up to now. I really feel for you; I could hear the concern for your friend coming through loud & clear. I have my fingers crossed. Keep us posted.
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#12 of 24 Old 04-21-2004, 09:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well ladies,

Here the verdict is in. She had a c-section and guess what? The baby weighed 9lb 12oz. And was 21 inches long. She was only allowed to see the baby for a second. And her husband told me that she was pleading that the doctor let the baby stay with her. But of course the doc had to have the area remain "sterile". So the baby was allowed to see mom for about 5 seconds and then went to the nursery. When I talked to the dad hs was with the baby and mom was still in surgery getting sewn back up and then in recovery room (over 2 hours later). So she was very tearful and just wanted her baby.
I haven't talked to her yet (she was STILL in recovery) but I'm trying to have a good attitude about the situation. But i feel the doctor lied. He estimated that the baby weighed 12 lbs. It was a "mandatory c-section" for the health of the baby. What a load of crap!! He did it because he didn't want the liability of a mom that had shoulder dystocia (sp?).
I'm very angry and very sad for my friend. I'm gonna try to calm down before i go visit her in the hospital tomorrow afternoon.

Its just very sad because this is not the kind of delivery she wanted. She begged the doc to just let her have a chance at labor and see how it goes. I wish I had his name, I would black list him!!
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#13 of 24 Old 04-22-2004, 12:09 AM
 
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Since this happens all the time, women should send letters to doctors offices informing them that in the event they section for a "large baby" and the baby was nowhere near the size they thought it would be, and there was no reason to believe the mother couldn't give birth to it even if it were that large, they will spread the word and encourage people to take their business elsewhere.

Maybe we could even have a "watch out for this doctor" forum here and we could all post our experiences with a particular doctor (maybe good exps as well) and list the city and state we are in.

Why don't doctors pass out evaluation forms to patients the way teachers do for students?
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#14 of 24 Old 04-22-2004, 01:42 AM
 
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I wish I had seen this thread earlier. I wanted to say that ultrasounds are wrong! They are usually off by an entire pound! My "5 pound" baby was estimated at last minute to be close to 6 pounds and she was 4 pounds 7 ounces.
Any my sister's son was estimated at 6 pounds 5 ounces. 4 weeks later she gave birth to a *surprise* 6 pounds 6 ounce baby boy!

Your poor friend. My C-Section was an emergency one and it was traumatic enough. I hope she has a quick recovery and good luck to her with her new baby!

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#15 of 24 Old 04-22-2004, 01:45 AM
 
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Quote:
Maybe we could even have a "watch out for this doctor" forum here and we could all post our experiences with a particular doctor (maybe good exps as well) and list the city and state we are in.

Why don't doctors pass out evaluation forms to patients the way teachers do for students? [/B]
I think those are excellent ideas. I wish I could remember the name of the "doctor" that delivered my daughter. What a stupid jerk. He broke my water to make me 4 cm then he stretched me a bit to make me 5. Breaking my water led to my daughter going into distress resulting in an emergency C-Section.

I say, bring back midwives!! There aren't any in my area.

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#16 of 24 Old 04-22-2004, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have to say that my OB was totally different than this jerk doctor that my friend dealt with. She was an OB nurse for years before she became an OBGYN. So she is VERY sensitive and encouraging. She only plays whatever small roll you want her to. Her bedside manner is the best I've ever seen. I keep telling my husband that she is the ONLY doctor that I will EVER let deliver my babies. I don't care if our insurance doesn't cover her and we have to pay cash. She delivered my last two (but not my first one). I don't think men understand how important it is to have someone that we trust "down there". That is why I feel so sad/angry for my friend. I know that if it was me, I would feel totally violated and deceived.

This whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. I am afraid to go see her. I don't want to let my true emotions show thru because she needs my support and encouragment right now. I didn't go visit her today. Every time I think about her and her tragic birth, I start to cry. And I don't want her to see my like this. Am I over reacting? (I am premenstrual right now )

I am all for a list of doctors to watch out for. I have a few of my own to add. And I'd be willing to bet that if my friend knew her doctor was on a bad list, she probably would have continued searching for something better.
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#17 of 24 Old 04-22-2004, 08:50 PM
 
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Originally posted by hnybee
This whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. I am afraid to go see her. I don't want to let my true emotions show thru because she needs my support and encouragment right now. I didn't go visit her today. Every time I think about her and her tragic birth, I start to cry. And I don't want her to see my like this. Am I over reacting? (I am premenstrual right now )
Warning: Unsolicited Advice Below
Get as much of your rage and disappointment out here first. Then go see your friend ASAP, even if it's only for 15 minutes, then you can bow out to give her time to 'rest.'
Quote:
"How are you doing?"
"How is the baby?"
"How can I help?"
"When are you coming home?"
"What can I bring next time?"
"I was so worried but thank goodness everything turned out for the best."
There. That wasn't so bad, was it?

In all seriousness though, don't procrastinate too long on this. Your friend is lying in a hospital bed recovering from major abdominal surgery. If she had a tumor surgically removed instead of a baby, you wouldn't hesitate to visit. Outside, she may be acting brave and excited, but inside she's feeling overwhelmed and defeated. Ok, maybe I'm projecting a bit, but then again, maybe you are too? Do you really imagine she doesn't want to see you unless you can maintain a perfect facade of joy and enthusiasm? C'mon. She's plenty distracted by recent events, and more importantly, she's drugged. Your normal poker face will do fine. Besides, this is a new mother, after all. You'll be lucky if you get a word in edgewise. If you can stick to questions like the ones suggested above, you won't have to worry about letting something slip, i.e., "that arrogant butcher" or "this hell-hole" or "medical atrocity" etc. Oh, and one last thing. If during your visit the good Dr A'hole should saunter in looking smug and modest, resist the urge to thank him out loud for not killing your friend or her child, and instead ask for his card saying you want to recommend him. He doesn't have to know what for.
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#18 of 24 Old 04-23-2004, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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lollaleeloo - That was awsome! I've a little bit calmer this morning and I gave her a call. She is in a lot of pain and she sad she can't even walk. She is having a super tough time nursing because she can't get the baby to latch on properly (hmm, I wonder why?). She was a pro with her other two babies so difficult nursing is new to her.

Thank you for the encouragement ladies. I really needed it!! I will go visit her this afternoon.

I'm looking foward to meeting the new baby and giving congrats to the new family. I'm going to bring some nipple cream (from motherlove) to her for her nursing problems and for her incision (you can use that stuff on anything).

I hope I run into that doctor!!
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#19 of 24 Old 04-23-2004, 02:13 PM
 
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You don't have to act overjoyed about the whole experience, but it is perfectly OK (and probably welcome!) to say

"I am really sorry the birth didn't turn out like you wanted it to. I'm glad that you and the baby are doing OK! Can I do anything to help? Would you like me to call a good LC for help with the nursing?"

It sucks but what's done is done, and what she needs now is to look ahead at getting her relationship with this tiny new person off to a good start. This is a good time for some sympathy and support, but probably not rage (at least not around her). She needs to feel positive...

Give her some hugs and support from all of us!

Dawn
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#20 of 24 Old 04-23-2004, 02:39 PM
 
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I just wanted to say that this is a lesson to all of you delivering in a hospital (or who might have to go to one):

Find out the hospital policies for C/S mamas and their babies BEFOREHAND.

My hospital let me have DD right away, and I was with her in recovery and from that point onwards all the time. It was standard procedure. I cannot believe this "sterlie environment" crap they fed that poor woman, and hauling her baby off to the nursery and not letting her see it even in recovery is downright abusive!! No wonder she's having difficulties nursing!

I know many think it won't happen to us, but do make sure that IF you had to have a C/S that your hospital is progressive in their policies. I would scream bloody murder if they tried to keep me away from my baby after the birth!!!

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#21 of 24 Old 05-03-2004, 12:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So she's at home now and she is having post pardum depression. do any of you mamas think there is a correlation between traumatic births and PPD? She is having palpitations and she can't stop crying. I went to visit her and her hands were shaking.

-????? Melissa ?????
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#22 of 24 Old 05-03-2004, 01:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hnybee
So she's at home now and she is having post pardum depression. do any of you mamas think there is a correlation between traumatic births and PPD? She is having palpitations and she can't stop crying. I went to visit her and her hands were shaking.

-????? Melissa ?????
Yes, I think traumatic births can lead to PPD. I know it did for me. And it can happen with any birth. My SIL had a traumatic vaginal birth and for nearly four months could not even look at her baby without crying. She says that her husband and mother had to take care of her because touching her made her feel faint. How sad is that? While I was not that bad -- I did have night mares and audible hallucinations.

Your friend needs to seek treatment immediately.
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#23 of 24 Old 05-03-2004, 02:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hnybee
So she's at home now and she is having post pardum depression. do any of you mamas think there is a correlation between traumatic births and PPD? She is having palpitations and she can't stop crying. I went to visit her and her hands were shaking.

-????? Melissa ?????
I've been following this whole story and Ive been crying because its like seeing my own birth story from afar!!! I delivered a 10 pound baby boy by c-section because they said he was too big too come down and I had tried for 24 hours ( my water had broken) so sorry you have to have a c-section. THey didnt allow me to see him for almost 3 hours while I was in recovery and lo and behold had MAJOR nursing problems - he wouldnt latch and then had thrush from antibiotics. I fingerfed him ebm for 14 days until he latched and then we struggled for almost 5months. ANd I had severe PPD!!! Omg, it was horrible. I didnt bond with babe, didnt eat, didnt drink ( its a miracle I had milk, I swear!) and cried basically ALL the time. My mom had to take a leave from her job to take care of me and the baby> I should have been medicated but got out it. I totally KNOW, not think, it was related to my traumatic birth! And I have known more moms having bfing problems with c-sections than vaginal births too. <<<HUGS>>>> to your friend.

This whole thread scares me to think that because I had a previous big baby that some drs wouldnt let me deliver vaginally. Im not pregnant but I know it will be hard to have a dr onboard for a vbac because of ds's birth weight.

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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#24 of 24 Old 05-03-2004, 02:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Mamas,
Thank you so much for your concern and support!

Heather,
I want to suggest that my friend take something for her PPD but she is VERY skeptical. She had a mom that battled w/ depression and I think she's afraid of taking any sort of pills for depression (it would be admiting there is a problem). I love her dearly and this is soo hard to see her go thru. She is still healing from the c-section and still has problems if she stands for too long or turns the wrong way. And to think that there are mamas that have elective c-sections.?!?!

I would say to be VERY careful in selection your doctor (if and when you decide to have another baby). My friend KNEW this was going to be a problem and was very open and honest with the doctor that she chose. It all turned out for the worst! She told me that she wishes she had lied and not told them about her previous pregnancies and shoulder dyspasia. She said that is what she will do if she ever has another baby....how sad!

i'm trying my best to just encourage healing and warmth to her. that is my wish for her
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