Sadness for friends c-section - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 05-16-2012, 10:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a friend who just had her son this morning. He was a scheduled c-section prior to the due date because 'he was too big and it was medically dangerous' (from the Dr). He's 9lbs. And I have another friend due in a month that uses the same dr, and they've just raved about how great she is. I've put it out there that I love to talk about my birth experience, but they never want to. I just had to share with someone, it makes me so sad. And I'm so worried for my other friend due soon, that she'll get pushed into something similar. Of course with these ladies I'll be positive and focus on the great new mama and baby, but I wanted to commiserate here. It's really depressing me :-(

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#2 of 9 Old 05-16-2012, 11:45 AM
 
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Not everyone is big into discussing birth experiences.  Just to put it out there.  Sometimes the reluctance is not about being unhappy, or having bad memories, but just not finding it that interesting.

 

Is it possible that you're feeling blue because you're having trouble finding your tribe IRL?  That makes a lot more sense then thinking you're feeling down because your friends have a doctor they rave about and healthy babies.

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#3 of 9 Old 05-16-2012, 11:49 AM
 
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Not all women are honest with their friends about why they are having a c-section.  Just a thought.  There are women who, for countless reasons, might prefer a c-section. 

 

I would encourage you to put all possible energy into celebrating the birth of your friend's child.


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#4 of 9 Old 05-16-2012, 12:53 PM
 
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I would encourage you to put all possible energy into celebrating the birth of your friend's child.

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 Regardless of how you feel about it, if the mama is happy and feels satisfied with her birth, that's what matters. If she isn't, be open to receiving her story whenever she might be ready.


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#5 of 9 Old 05-16-2012, 01:57 PM
 
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Not all women are honest with their friends about why they are having a c-section.  Just a thought.  There are women who, for countless reasons, might prefer a c-section. 

 

I would encourage you to put all possible energy into celebrating the birth of your friend's child.

This this this.  They are happy, you need to get over it. Their birth, not yours. I never told anyone that my c-section was scheduled because my mother was was about to die and I wanted to make sure I would be able to travel to make it to her funeral. You never know what is going on in some peoples life. I never even told ,my best friends the full story.

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#6 of 9 Old 05-20-2012, 12:36 PM
 
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I ended a friendship because when I was pregnant a friend who I thought would be happy for me and supportive told me that she was sad that I was not going to the home birth route, even after I explained that due to my medical history I was completely uncomfortable not being in a hospital.  I had defended her when people commented about her homebirth, it was devastating in my first trimester that she couldn't celebrate my child and my birth the way I had hers.  I was pleased as punch with my pitocin delivery that ended up with a epidural.  I really feel it is important to support and celebrate birth options that the mom feels comfortable with, even if that is a c-section, even if that is UC.  To me, that is empowerment. 


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#7 of 9 Old 05-20-2012, 07:28 PM
 
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Is this MDC?

 

I completely agree that we should all consider the above issues in cases like this, but the OP also said she was going to be nothing but supportive and happy for her friends.  She just needed to vent and commiserate about what at least was described to her as a likely medically unnecessary c-section not freely chosen by her friend.


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#8 of 9 Old 05-20-2012, 07:50 PM
 
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Is this MDC?

I completely agree that we should all consider the above issues in cases like this, but the OP also said she was going to be nothing but supportive and happy for her friends.  She just needed to vent and commiserate about what at least was described to her as a likely medically unnecessary c-section not freely chosen by her friend.

Yes, this is still MDC. I think all of these posts should be helpful to the OP, showing her why she doesn't need to be sad or upset.

My own experience- my best friend had to have a section because of an active herpes outbreak. Her husband and I are the only ones that know the truth about why she had a scheduled section. As far as everyone else knows, it was because the baby was too big. Herpes isn't something that a lot of people are going to feel comfortable talking about.
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#9 of 9 Old 05-22-2012, 07:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by buko View Post

Is this MDC?

 

I completely agree that we should all consider the above issues in cases like this, but the OP also said she was going to be nothing but supportive and happy for her friends.  She just needed to vent and commiserate about what at least was described to her as a likely medically unnecessary c-section not freely chosen by her friend.


This.

I get why people are telling her to let it go. But it seems to me that the OP realizes she needs to let it go and that a part of that for her is getting it off her chest in a place where people (are supposed to) understand why it would bum her out.

So. OP, I get why it bums you out. Thank you for staying positive and supportive of your friend. As other people have stated, we really have no way of knowing her true feelings or even really what ACTUALLY went down....so you staying supportive and positive is helpful, possibly more helpful than you could ever know.


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