Suggestions for an easier birth - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 02-24-2013, 10:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This seems slightly silly since this is my fourth pregnancy. But after watching my eyes roll back in my head and screaming the whole time during the video of the birth of my last child, I began to think maybe there is an easier way. My first birth was in the hospital and it was horrific. That is all I'll say. My second birth was at a birth center. It was my best birth. The drive was 1 hour 45 minutes away, and there was a tropical storm that night. My husband squeezed my leg (hard) everytime my contractions were intense that and I kept passenger seat driving. "Slow down we're hydroplaning" " pass this idiot he doesn't know how to drive in the rain". I was 10cm when I got there. Got in the tub. Screamed a lot, but was in the zone and ok. My third child was born at home. He came fast and furious. 2 hours start to finish. It left me dazed. I was so tired and never got a lull from the extremly intense contractions. I was actually unable to push him out, but he didn't need any help he just came. I let the water be my main source of relief during the birth and that's it. I've never had a doula and am not sure I want one. I'm not the type of person wanting someone rubbing my back, etc. I actually prefer to have as few people at my birth as possible. I listen to hypnobabies a little and like it. I'm not going to take any classes, I can't with 3 kids, nor do I feel I need any. I can see my midwife calm me in the video just by telling me to breath, slow down. My husband has stated he wants nothing to do with the birth. He gets so stressed out just by talking about it. He can't handle seeing me in so much pain, and feels he has let me down as a coach at all three births that he doesn't want to hear me say for the rest of my life "why didn't you do that?" He wants a doula. This will probable be my last baby and I want the birth to be the best. I admit that as I approach birth each time I'm more and more fearful. I know the pain well and it scares me that I have to endure it again. So how can I prepare myself better for the fourth time around?

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#2 of 14 Old 02-24-2013, 11:57 AM
 
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In some ways, I could have wrote your post. I have had all of my children in home water births.

I am on baby #5 and today I went to a hospital website and took their virtual tour. I have to admit that a walking epidural sounds very nice.

I just have to say that I love natural childbirth, but I think the fear and anxiety I have with each one increases. I am definitely re-evaluating my options.


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#3 of 14 Old 02-25-2013, 11:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I just had my first appt. with my midwife, and talked to her about this. She comes to homebirths with 2 assistants and all of them are trained doulas. They said I don't need a doula. After 14 years of being a midwife she feels she has the best assistants she's ever had, and they will know just what I need when I'm in labor. I have to say I'm very confident in them.
Don't do the epidural! Find a great midwife or get a doula. They suggested I read Ina May's guide to childbirth. One I actually haven't read yet.

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#4 of 14 Old 02-25-2013, 01:16 PM
 
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Thanks FL :) I'm so glad you feel more at ease..Blessings to you!


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#5 of 14 Old 03-06-2013, 04:21 PM
 
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((hugs)) to you mamas :) 

 

I was very not happy with the screaming I did on the video of my 5th baby's birth as she crowned.  I wanted to handle things better with baby #6 and I'm happy to say that I did.  His birth was beautiful, no screaming involved.  I even watched the video to verify ;)  Here's his birth story if you'd like to read it, I talk about this some in the story:

 

http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/corwin.html

 

But I really wanted was to feel like I was calmly handling things, especially that "ring of fire" moment :)  I did a lot of preparation along those lines.  I pictured his birth often, how I wanted to handle things.  I worked on making sure I was eating really well and kept him in a good position (DH says I was a little too anxious about positioning but we all have to worry about something!)  I also listened to some Hypnobabies things, worked with the Pink Kit and my own childbirth education materials I teach.  I think focusing on the muscles in my pelvis - how it felt to loosen those and really be "soft" and the Hypnobabies cue word "Peace" were really helpful while I was giving birth.  I also did a lot of dancing during pregnancy with my little ones (lol) and during labor I spiraled my hips a lot like I did while dancing with them. 

 

I also think a good birth partner/doula is very important.  Having DH right there, breathing with me, giving me water after contractions, etc. was so helpful. 

 

During the contractions I felt thirsty and this is what I fixated on.  I did NOT think about the hurt.  I thought "this is intense and geez I'm thirsty!!!"  I looked forward to the drink between contractions.  And between contractions I really just zoned out, and enjoyed the rest.

 

If you want a more peaceful experience you can, imo, have it :)  It may take work.  And I think a doula (or mw) is a great help if your DH doesn't want to be your support person.  It makes a difference to have someone there to help ground you.


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#6 of 14 Old 03-06-2013, 04:54 PM
 
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Hello, birth twin! LOL! I am also gearing up for number 4 and wanting it to be easier. One and two were routine home births and three was an insane unexpected cesarean.

I did hypno (a little, like you) for number three and it helped the labor. Also I used a TENS machine.

This time, I am being fastidious about good chiropractic for optimal pelvic alignment and baby positioning (Webster technique). Also, I am taking Dr. Christopher's Birth Prep. It is a herbal formula that helps the uterus function at optimum. Also helps vagina and perineum to be more elastic.

Kids are wild gotta go! Good luck!

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#7 of 14 Old 03-06-2013, 09:21 PM
 
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I'm also on #4 and concerned about birth. My first two were hospital births, #1 had a buch of interventions (induction, epidural, etc) and #2 was pretty much natural but only because we got there barely in the nick of time. #3 was at home and nearly unassisted because my MW left dispire my protests while I was in active labor in order to tend to her own childcare issue, and made it back ten minutes before DS was born. Phew.

In some ways my homebirth was more peaceful (laboring at home, no need to rush off anywhere, peaceful recovery), and in some ways it was way more stressful. My new MWs have assured me that there is NO way they'd leave me unattended during active labor, but I'm still a little traumatized. I screamed through through so much of my DS's labor and birth- I was unprepared for how terrified I'd be and how exhausted. I really need to relearn all my relaxation techniques this time around!

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#8 of 14 Old 03-07-2013, 07:12 AM
 
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This time around, don't video yourself and don't watch it. Scream all you want with the knowledge that you won't ever have to listen to yourself later.
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#9 of 14 Old 03-07-2013, 09:16 AM
 
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Ok. Wanted to add a little more since kids are busy... Since doing the Webster technique many times (I have gone about twice per week, since 34 weeks), my baby is actually already engaged at 37 weeks. And super low. I just have a strong feeling that the chiro stuff will pave the way for a good birth.

I was talking to my DH last night, though. I still do feel pretty scared about the pain, and honestly I feel like that's such a bad description. How can I be so scared of pain? No, when I'm in labor, it is like a trapped feeling. How will the baby get out? How? It feels impossible. So irrational, as I have done this before.

I think I need to visualize...

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#10 of 14 Old 03-07-2013, 02:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by velveeta View Post

Ok. Wanted to add a little more since kids are busy... Since doing the Webster technique many times (I have gone about twice per week, since 34 weeks), my baby is actually already engaged at 37 weeks. And super low. I just have a strong feeling that the chiro stuff will pave the way for a good birth.

I was talking to my DH last night, though. I still do feel pretty scared about the pain, and honestly I feel like that's such a bad description. How can I be so scared of pain? No, when I'm in labor, it is like a trapped feeling. How will the baby get out? How? It feels impossible. So irrational, as I have done this before.

I think I need to visualize...


No....I completely get you!  What I remember as being scary during birth was not tha pain...in fact, I don`t ever recall thinking this hurts, except maybe for two minutes while she was crowning.  It was rather the fealing of not being able to escape this, like you said, of feeling trapped.  I am claustrophobic and have had these panic attacks in crowded elevators or spaces, and it was very much the same feeling.. 

 

I agree, I have to go visualise and work on this also!!!

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#11 of 14 Old 03-08-2013, 10:37 AM
 
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For me it helped not to focus on how to get away from it - meaning that "trapped" feeling comes from the desire (conscious or unconscious) to "get away from the pain."  Really you can see it in so many birthing women, not even in videos - you can see it in photos.  It's that exhaustion from the work of it, and any pain or just the plain intensity of it all.  That birth just keeps going and you're on that ride and can't stop it until baby is done!  At least that's where it seems like it all comes from to me. 

 

So I changed my focus from "getting away from it" (whatever you define "it" as) and changed to focusing on working with my baby.  I wasn't going to worry about how long it would take,  I just took one contraction at a time, spiraled my hips, and waited for it to end so I could have a drink of water!  I focused on spiraling my hips so I knew I was working with my baby, I knew spiraling would help bring him down. 

 

Visualization helped me a lot; I pictured my ideal birth pretty much every night as I drifted off to sleep.  It happened basically the way I pictured it.  The big difference was I didn't end up cooking a lasagna in early labor, since that was in the middle of the night rather than late afternoon as I'd pictured ;)


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#12 of 14 Old 03-08-2013, 11:51 AM
 
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I am also expecting my fourth, and I identify with the momma who said her anxiety increases with each pregnancy. I feel like I get more tired with each pregnancy too, and I wonder if it is just aging me- lol. I used hypnobabies too, but I was never able to get "hypnotized" that I was aware of. The relaxtion techniques did work for me during birth though, and I listened to them so much during my long labor that I was sick of hearing her voice. I for sure plan to use them again.


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#13 of 14 Old 03-09-2013, 05:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I understand the trapped feeling also. If you want to call it that. It's more like fear of how much longer it's going to last. Exactly right a scary ride that you don't know when it will end!

I think I handled birth #2 best because I knew what to expect, and the lull between the contractions. I was very in tune with my body and SO happy I was in a tub and NOT at a hospital. I prepared myself for each one and focused on being one contraction closer to holding my baby.

Baby #3 was the wild ride. It was scary not to get that lull and I couldn't compose myself without it. I can't say it's even pain during birth. It's just intense! Since I'm already getting Braxton Hicks at 13 weeks I think this one will be intense like the last. I've cut every labor in half. First 8 hours, Second 4 hours, Third 2 hours. So this one may be over in 1 hour?

I better start listening to hypnobabies, dancing, and visualizing an easy birth. I think mentally accepting it and not fearing it will help. Distraction has always worked well for me too. The best part of my first birth was when the were trying to start an IV on me when I was in transition. Five nurses stuck me over 40 times. Second the drive in crazy weather paired with my husband squeezing my leg. Maybe that was what was missing from the third. I was just annoyed by everyone not distracted.

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#14 of 14 Old 03-10-2013, 05:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am also expecting my fourth, and I identify with the momma who said her anxiety increases with each pregnancy. I feel like I get more tired with each pregnancy too, and I wonder if it is just aging me- lol. I used hypnobabies too, but I was never able to get "hypnotized" that I was aware of. The relaxtion techniques did work for me during birth though, and I listened to them so much during my long labor that I was sick of hearing her voice. I for sure plan to use them again.

And I'm more exhausted with each baby also! I feel a tiny bit better starting my second trimester.  I don't know if it's pregnancy or motherhood. I've been tired for years.  My 3 yo likes to get up early and I'm typically on my feet 14-16 hours a day working.  The only time I may sit is if I eat, teach school, or drive in the car. I think anyone would be exhausted if they did what I did everyday! 


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