When do I tell a new OB all of my wishes? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Should I give my OB another try or switch to a midwife?
Yes, have another appointment (32 weeks) and share my birth plan and see how she reacts. 0 0%
No, find a midwife now because this is already off to a bad start. 5 100.00%
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#1 of 7 Old 04-24-2013, 07:49 PM - Thread Starter
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I just moved mid-pregnancy (I'm now 29 weeks) and had my first appointment with the new OB who I'm supposed to deliver with. I want as natural and hands-off of a delivery as I can have, but also want the extreme backup of an epidural available in case of pain that I've never experienced before. I'm only really considering an epidural if things get crazy painful, otherwise I plan to labor naturally, and will have a doula there too. (I guess I explained this because this is why I chose a hospital over a birth center.)




I had my first appointment with the new OB and our first words, other than hello, were me defending myself and my desire to not have the arbitrary 28 week Rhogam shot. As soon as I started to object she got flushed and stressed looking and went straight in to scare tactics, like she's seen babies DIE. I explained that I will definitely get one if Baby is born and blood-type tested and is Positive (I'm Neg and DH is Pos), and only THEN would I get the shot. She kept going on and on about how there is already blood mixing and that THIS pregnancy could be in danger. She also said if I've already begun to build antibodies then I can still get the shot and it will prevent more from forming??? This just seems contradictory to all that I've read. (This is my first ever pregnancy, I've had no miscarriages or abortions, no testing that would cause mixing, and no trauma to my stomach. Basically, I have NO risk factors.) She agreed, finally, to put in my records that I'm 'deferring' the shot, but then wanted me to get the antibody test to see if I already HAD antibodies. (Test result, no antibodies.) 


I don't know why she was so persistent. Did she think I was lying about no abortions, etc? Was she making it up all of the stuff about a danger to this baby? That blood mixing is totally common??? Does she assume I want her to use forceps and a vaccum and tug my placenta out which carries a higher risk of blood mixing?


I left the appointment really upset that this was our FIRST encounter, and it was totally confrontational. She didn't get to know me AT ALL. Now, when do I tell her that I don't want other things that are standard in a hospital? Do I want till they come up or get it out on the table now? I'm sure that a reply or two will include something like, 'this is why I go to a midwife!' Should I just switch now and save myself the trouble?

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#2 of 7 Old 04-24-2013, 07:54 PM
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Go with your gut. Find a midwife or another OB!

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!


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#3 of 7 Old 04-25-2013, 01:35 PM
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I agree, if there are other options for you seek them out.  I would not feel comfortable under someone's care who would not listen to me. 

Becky- Wife to DH, Mama to "Nani" (July '08) "Coco" (July '10) and expecting one very wiggly baby boy in May 2013!

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#4 of 7 Old 04-25-2013, 02:14 PM
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"Does she assume I want her to use forceps and a vaccum and tug my placenta out which carries a higher risk of blood mixing?"


Being an OB, she probably will pull your placenta out.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#5 of 7 Old 04-25-2013, 04:11 PM
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I had an OB and he was more than respectful of all my wishes... I also deferred the rhogam shot until after my son was born. He just advised me that the shot was perfectly safe and that he thinks I should get it just to be safe but if I didn't want it, it's entirely up to me and I just had to sign a waiver. I signed it and that was the last I ever heard of it.
He also left it up to me if I wanted ultrasounds, tests, cervical checks, etc. I had the tests up till 19 weeks, did the anatomy ultrasound and then nothing after that other than peeing in a cup every week. He didn't seem to care in the least.
I think the control-freak thing is a personal characteristic, not necessarily an OB characteristic. Some people need a medical professional to take control to feel safe, some people can't stand it. If you don't like the way you're being treated, I'd look for someone else.
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#6 of 7 Old 04-27-2013, 10:29 AM
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Run away! Haha, even if its to another OB, but that one sounds like bad news bears.


It should have been a major red flag to me at my hospital prenatal appointments (with midwives, btw) when they were totally non-committal about my wishes for un-medicated birth. The response I got was basically "oh well that's nice, lets just see how it goes" and that was NOT the answer I was looking for. I didn't have any other choice for care providers at the time, and just went through with it, figuring I'd just be assertive while I was in labor. Well I wasn't assertive because labor is REALLY distracting hard work, and I gave in and got the epidural, and not because of the actual labor pain. Well those did hurt a lot, and scared me, but it would have been bearable if they had left me alone and listened to me instead of using fear tactics (RED FLAG). I could have handled the pain if I was allowed to "go inside" myself if that makes sense - I didn't want to interact with the staff at all, I just wanted to sway and hum and focus on myself, but they kept asking me stupid questions and making me lay down for "intermittent monitoring" (30 minutes, or more of ever 1.5 hours) and all of that destroyed my focus, made me feel incompetent and afraid, and I couldn't deal with the pain in that kind of environment. 

My caregivers didn't seem completely supportive of me, and treated me like an incompetent child at prenatal appointments, and that's exactly how it went down while I was in labor (except that I was distracted and vulnerable in labor, and they took advantage of it). So I'd say hightail it away from that caregiver ASAP, they won't be any better while you are in the middle of labor. 

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#7 of 7 Old 04-29-2013, 06:20 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone! I made a meet-and-greet appointment with a midwife and LOVED her! I decided to switch my care to her immediately. THanks for the feedback!

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