Anyone Not Let Partner Attend Birth? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-16-2013, 08:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't want my husband at the birth. We've had a really rough time in our relationship to the point where we seriously discuss separation regularly. I want to feel strong and safe during the birth, and when I spend time around him, I mostly feel pathetic, disgusting, and worthless. When I look to him for support, he falls asleep, makes mean comments, etc... and I just feel more hurt and disappointed. He mostly just watched during the other births. I tried hypnobabies for my last birth, and he made fun of it the entire time. I've tried to convince him to read The Birth Partner, but he refuses. Since he has hearing loss, I think a birth class would be kind of worthless: he wouldn't be able to follow it. He insists that he wants to attend, and I plan to give birth at home. I feel like a jerk not wanting him there, but I really don't. Am I the only woman who's seriously considered not letting their partner attend?


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Old 07-16-2013, 09:47 AM
 
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My advice is get a doula in addition to the midwife who can "manage" his presence/interaction and keep the experience a peaceful one.
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Old 07-16-2013, 11:17 AM
 
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You're absolutely not the only woman who's ever considered this, and your reasons seem quite solid.

 

The huge, practical problem I see, though, is that it's hard to keep your partner out of the house he lives in, or away from you within the house.  It's a tough spot for the midwife or doula to be in, too, because he can kick them out - since he has a legal right to be there, and they don't - and that may mean they have to tread lightly in order to be there for you.

 

Abusive or problematic partners are one huge reason to reconsider home birthing in your own home.  Is there a birth center you could use, or a friend's house you could go to? 

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Old 07-16-2013, 03:20 PM
 
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I think I would also not want my husband around during labor of this was my history with him, and I think you are really wise to recognize it. However, like the PP said, it seems logistically troublesome to have a homebirth in that case. It's not really fair to ask him to leave his own home, and you have no real authority to make him leave, which might cause more tension. In another setting, you'd have more of a right to refuse his presence. I also second the recommendation of hiring a doula or conscripting a good friend to keep him away wherever you end up.

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Old 07-16-2013, 05:29 PM
 
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My relationship with DH is great, but when I don't feel well for any reason he does way better supporting me from afar. Managing the children and my drinks or snacks and things like that so I don't feel watched and know I can do it myself. In plenty of societies birth is a women only thing. Dr. Odent really supports that way of doing things, says birth hormones work better and women open up better with no men in the room.

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