Anyone Not Let Partner Attend Birth? - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 5 Old 07-16-2013, 07:49 AM - Thread Starter
revolting's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 1,249
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't want my husband at the birth. We've had a really rough time in our relationship to the point where we seriously discuss separation regularly. I want to feel strong and safe during the birth, and when I spend time around him, I mostly feel pathetic, disgusting, and worthless. When I look to him for support, he falls asleep, makes mean comments, etc... and I just feel more hurt and disappointed. He mostly just watched during the other births. I tried hypnobabies for my last birth, and he made fun of it the entire time. I've tried to convince him to read The Birth Partner, but he refuses. Since he has hearing loss, I think a birth class would be kind of worthless: he wouldn't be able to follow it. He insists that he wants to attend, and I plan to give birth at home. I feel like a jerk not wanting him there, but I really don't. Am I the only woman who's seriously considered not letting their partner attend?

Partner to Rbikenew.gif ('03); Parent to T read.gif('07), Aviolin.gif ('10), and E ecbaby2.gif ('13)


revolting is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 5 Old 07-16-2013, 08:47 AM
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 28
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My advice is get a doula in addition to the midwife who can "manage" his presence/interaction and keep the experience a peaceful one.
LittlePlumHill is offline  
#3 of 5 Old 07-16-2013, 10:17 AM
MeepyCat's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 4,029
Mentioned: 7 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 131 Post(s)

You're absolutely not the only woman who's ever considered this, and your reasons seem quite solid.


The huge, practical problem I see, though, is that it's hard to keep your partner out of the house he lives in, or away from you within the house.  It's a tough spot for the midwife or doula to be in, too, because he can kick them out - since he has a legal right to be there, and they don't - and that may mean they have to tread lightly in order to be there for you.


Abusive or problematic partners are one huge reason to reconsider home birthing in your own home.  Is there a birth center you could use, or a friend's house you could go to? 

MeepyCat is offline  
#4 of 5 Old 07-16-2013, 02:20 PM
cynthiamoon's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 1,593
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
I think I would also not want my husband around during labor of this was my history with him, and I think you are really wise to recognize it. However, like the PP said, it seems logistically troublesome to have a homebirth in that case. It's not really fair to ask him to leave his own home, and you have no real authority to make him leave, which might cause more tension. In another setting, you'd have more of a right to refuse his presence. I also second the recommendation of hiring a doula or conscripting a good friend to keep him away wherever you end up.

Writing about life-long learning and discovery at: 
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
style="font-size:12px;">:: A neo-apprentice knows there are no true masters. 


25yo FTM to a Wiggle Panda diaper.gif, student teacher read.gif, newlywed love.gif 

cynthiamoon is offline  
#5 of 5 Old 07-16-2013, 04:29 PM
JamieCatheryn's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: SW Pa
Posts: 5,288
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 27 Post(s)

My relationship with DH is great, but when I don't feel well for any reason he does way better supporting me from afar. Managing the children and my drinks or snacks and things like that so I don't feel watched and know I can do it myself. In plenty of societies birth is a women only thing. Dr. Odent really supports that way of doing things, says birth hormones work better and women open up better with no men in the room.

JamieCatheryn is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 9,252

44 members and 9,208 guests
AlaskAnne , AllTomorrowsParties , AndriaLeAnn , bananabee , bluefaery , Bobur Artukmetov , Boot , dakinigrrl , davidjones , elliha , farmermomma , featherstory , frances bakin' , GloriaSun , greenemami , japonica , Johnny Leaver , johnrore , katelove , Kirsty Ellis , LifeofaFighter , Lifted , LiLStar , Marumi , mathew769 , metafisica , Milk8shake , Mommiee2010 , NaturallyKait , oaksie68 , peebs , primalmom , prosciencemum , pulcetti , sahithya , SandiMae , Sao600 , sarafl , slackjames , sofreshsoclean , SuzieSmiles , Vividance , zebra15
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.