I don't want my husband at the birth. We've had a really rough time in our relationship to the point where we seriously discuss separation regularly. I want to feel strong and safe during the birth, and when I spend time around him, I mostly feel pathetic, disgusting, and worthless. When I look to him for support, he falls asleep, makes mean comments, etc... and I just feel more hurt and disappointed. He mostly just watched during the other births. I tried hypnobabies for my last birth, and he made fun of it the entire time. I've tried to convince him to read The Birth Partner, but he refuses. Since he has hearing loss, I think a birth class would be kind of worthless: he wouldn't be able to follow it. He insists that he wants to attend, and I plan to give birth at home. I feel like a jerk not wanting him there, but I really don't. Am I the only woman who's seriously considered not letting their partner attend?
Partner to R ('03); Parent to T ('07), A ('10), and E ('13)
You're absolutely not the only woman who's ever considered this, and your reasons seem quite solid.
The huge, practical problem I see, though, is that it's hard to keep your partner out of the house he lives in, or away from you within the house. It's a tough spot for the midwife or doula to be in, too, because he can kick them out - since he has a legal right to be there, and they don't - and that may mean they have to tread lightly in order to be there for you.
Abusive or problematic partners are one huge reason to reconsider home birthing in your own home. Is there a birth center you could use, or a friend's house you could go to?
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25yo FTM to a Wiggle Panda , student teacher , newlywed
My relationship with DH is great, but when I don't feel well for any reason he does way better supporting me from afar. Managing the children and my drinks or snacks and things like that so I don't feel watched and know I can do it myself. In plenty of societies birth is a women only thing. Dr. Odent really supports that way of doing things, says birth hormones work better and women open up better with no men in the room.
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