Cesarean Birth Recovery & Support Thread 10 (April/May 2004) - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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#121 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 12:10 AM
 
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Woo - Hoo! Congratulations, Kim. I'm soo jealous of you - I lurk too much to ever get my post count up there.


Kinsey
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#122 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 09:44 AM
 
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Kim

I am glad you decided to have your party here.



Let the wild rumpus start! :LOL

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#123 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 09:45 AM
 
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YAY Kim!!

I'm slightly over 4000 and I try and change my sr title every 1000 posts...but i like this one too much!

What is yours going to be???

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#124 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 11:25 AM
 
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Way to go Kim!
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#125 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 11:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was thinking Cesarean Queen.
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#126 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 02:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
I was thinking Cesarean Queen.
How 'bout Cesarean Goddess?
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#127 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 02:41 PM
 
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Cesarean

Are you allowed to use that word in public for the WHOLE board to see....


Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#128 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 03:22 PM
 
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(((BIPPITY)))

Woohoo onthefence! Way to go on 1000!


Okay, I've been reading that many of you are grieving the loss of natural childbirth. What advice do you have for me then, because it's my DH that's really grieving it? We went through Bradley and he was so psyched to be a big part of the birth experience. When we got to the c/b he refused to cut the cord b/c they had already cut it, and he wanted it to be the complete cord like in a vaginal birth.

I must admit that I am NOT grieving the loss of ncb...I was so relieved by the time I had the c/b that I would have taken any method to get the baby out just about. I was two weeks past due after having had a horrible pregnancy, throwing up multiple times every day, and I just wanted it to be over. I knew there was no way it was going to happen vaginally unless I was willing to keep going overdue. We found out D wasn't anywhere near proper birth positioning...how much longer should I have waited? My doula said maybe two more weeks and I said no way. Too scary for me and frankly I couldn't handle being pregnant one more day.

But now I feel that dh thinks I sold out, or at the very least was too "weak" to wait and see if things happened naturally. I know he didn't carry this baby or go through the hypermesis, but he was there for me tremendously, and I feel guilty because he's sad about it.

Anyway...that's my situation. (The reason this is coming up now is b/c dh promised me some jewelry when Darian was born, way before the c/b happened; then after the birth he backed out because I didn't deliver him, they "cut him out". I said forget the jewelry, just acknowledge what I went through!)
Thanks for reading my vent.
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#129 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 04:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry's_Mamma
How 'bout Cesarean Goddess?

Thats it, I am going to do it!
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#130 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can someone tell me how to get my senior member name? help me....
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#131 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 04:59 PM
 
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I think it's just in the user CP- as you can see I haven't decided on mine yet. I like Cesarean Goddess, but I was thinking something that shows how you help women in need of c-sections, I just can't think. hmmm....

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#132 of 202 Old 05-12-2004, 05:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
Thats it, I am going to do it!
Glad to help. Can't wait to see it!
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#133 of 202 Old 05-13-2004, 12:59 AM
 
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You have to pm cynthia for your sr title....

Rach-- I'mnot sure what to say but it sounds like your dh is being a baby. I know he is disappointed but he is belittling your entire experience. He needs to just grow up. Nothing is going to change. My dh was disappointed too but after all you go through in pregnancy and childbirth (no matter how it happens) it is an amazing thing! I mean, sperm and egg meet...then BAM!! you have a little person! That is amazing in itself...who cares how baby got here. Would he feel the same way if you had had invitro or fertility treatments. I thought it was the end result that counted.

oops.... : I didn't mean to sound snippy....I just started typing and it came out.

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#134 of 202 Old 05-13-2004, 01:59 AM
 
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Welcome and big hugs to the new people (mamasarah and bippity). I'm always amazed (and often saddened) by other women's birth stories...

Kinsey, big hugs to you (I'm kind of catching up on the past few pages of the thread, which I haven't read carefully). I guess I have a different take on your situation... you were *there* at your birth, you know what you went through--if you feel that your dh failed you, that's valid, and it's something you're going to have to process. I think it's totally normal to have a lot of mixed and/or bad feelings about cesareans and the contributions of all the players involved. In a lot of cases (yours included), we're talking about complicated, confusing, negative situations.

Let's all try to just be as supportive of each other as we can--where we're at in "digesting" our births, how we feel about them, etc. Kinsey makes a lot of insightful points about her birth experience; part of the reason she feels bad is that she feels like her C was unnecessary. That is totally valid, and a lot of women here feel that way (or feel that way in part). It makes me sad, but I honor your grief, Kinsey. Kim, I think you meant well, but what you offered what not what Kinsey needed, and she said so. I'm glad you guys worked out a truce.

Rach, I agree with Megan--your dh is being a baby! Yeah, he lost out on the experience, but *you* were the one who was cut. What you both experienced was still a birth; it just wasn't a birth that met your prior expectations (can happen with a V birth, too). Jeez... if *men* could experience pregnancy and childbirth, I think they'd be more supportive and respectful (I say this to everyone else who has complained about their dh recently, too).

And here's an update (for Amy and everyone else ). I haven't had my baby yet. I've had several rounds (4?) of increasingly "serious" contractions over the last week or so. In each round, the contrax are closer together, longer, stronger, more painful. Each time, I've thought, "This is it," and it's been kind of exciting (because I never experienced labor with ds), but they end after several hours. My ob has been great--she feels like it's a good sign, that my body is really just warming up, and one of these times, I'll actually go into "real" labor, that this is a gentle way for my body to prepare. I'm more dilated and effaced than I ever was with ds (which was zero!), and the baby is in a great position, and slowly grinding its way downward , which is also kind of exciting. Whatever happens, it has been wonderful to experience what I've experienced so far, because it's all so new! Anyway, I'm also 5 days past my due date. My dh and doula seem a little impatient, but fortunately, my ob is not at all and has been really great. We have not discussed "what next" at all (in part because I could just go into labor without any nudging, and in part because she feels like I'm very healthy and don't need to be overly concerned about the calendar yet). I think if I make it into next week without going into labor, I will consider having my membranes stripped, and if that doesn't work, a few days later maybe AROM. As I told dh, if my waters break and I don't go into labor, I have a limited amount of time in which to have the baby (and a limited number of options to try to get labor going before having to have a repeat C), whereas with the sac intact, I have a lot more time on the calendar for my body to continue doing its thing itself. Anyway, more than you probably wanted to know.
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#135 of 202 Old 05-13-2004, 11:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hi all

just wanted to bump this up.
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#136 of 202 Old 05-14-2004, 08:49 AM
 
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OTF- when is your senior name coming? I realized that Cesarean Goddess is just perfect- like someone you seek help from when having a cesarean (or after one) --- it takes me a minute sometimes :LOL.

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#137 of 202 Old 05-14-2004, 10:32 AM
 
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Hi Mamas!

First I have to say I didn't get to read all of your stories and responses because I only have a few minutes (my 22 month old is taking a little snooze but who knows how long it'll last- LOL)

Anyway, I wanted to post about my upcoming C-section but was afraid to on Mothering because I have had too many mamas yell at me (or what feels like yelling) when I mention C-section. So, thank you so much for this thread! (And please, if you have anything negative to say about my c-section decision...please keep it to yourself...)

Just a little history, I had my twins by emergency section at 31 weeks when Baby A's heart flatlined and they had to take them out immediatly. It took a little longer than they hoped and because of the lack of oxygen he has mild Cerebral Palsey (but of course could have been a lot worse so I am forever thankful to those doctors).

My second birth was a planned C-section because I was afraid of V-Bac (after doing tons of research). Sam was over 10 pounds and over 2 weeks early... a big guy I don't regret the decision but I had a really hard recovery! I was in so much pain and could barely get around for almost a month and I am petrified that will happen again this time.

This one is another planned section and I am so scared that I will have another hard recovery! I nurse my babies exclusevely and right after their birth and I'm so afraid of the recovery. Does anyone have any hints to help with the recovery? They didn't let me walk around until the next day and I know I had terrible gas pain (excuse if TMI) but I'm not sure how to make sure that doesn't happen again. After my twins' section I was up and moving to take care of my premies and don't remember a hard recovery but that could be because I went into mother mode with sick babies?

Anyway, thank you so much for any suggestions or support you can offer. I really do dream about having an unassisted birth but because of my own health and my Vbac scares I am doing another section. But I figure as long as my baby is born healthy I guess there is no reason I should get depressed about having a section, right? Ok, anyway...I'm trying to tell myself that

SAHMama to the "Fantastic Four"- 10 yr old b/g twins, 7 yr old boy, 5 yr old girl... : and expecting a miracle baby Feb. 2010...: Married for 11 yrs to my handsome Police Officer :cop:
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#138 of 202 Old 05-14-2004, 10:43 AM
 
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AlliRose & Kinsey (that's the only posts I've been able to read so far... ). I'm so moved by your experiences that I had to stop reading Alli's because I'm crying and post something. Thank you all for sharing your experience with us... I have to get the tears out of my eyes and go get my 22 month old who I hear decided not to nap afterall I'll continue reading all the other section stories when my kiddies allow me more free time

SAHMama to the "Fantastic Four"- 10 yr old b/g twins, 7 yr old boy, 5 yr old girl... : and expecting a miracle baby Feb. 2010...: Married for 11 yrs to my handsome Police Officer :cop:
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#139 of 202 Old 05-14-2004, 01:27 PM
 
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Mommy2three - They wouldn't let you walk around until the next day??! To me, that's crazy! I think you need to get up and start moving as soon as you can. Not saying do aerobics, or anything crazy, but it's really soo much easier a recovery if you can start moving early.

When I had DS, I was walking w/in an hour of being "released" from recovery (which wasn't until about 1.5-2 hours after the c. GRRRR. That's a different story). I kept walking (every three hours, down to the NICU and back) until, well, now!

I really think that all that walking, while probably a bit more than I should have been doing, helped me avoid stiffening up and getting extremely sore.


Oh yeah, when I started trying to nurse DS, everyone (seriously, EVERYONE - the NICU nurses, my mom, my recovery nurses, the "LC") insisted that I HAD to have a pillow on my belly for my "comfort". It took me a while to realize that it was really hurting me! It took even longer for me to find my voice and tell everyone that I REALLY didn't need that dam* pillow. (Unfortunately, I'm not kidding - the LC stood there and argued w/me : ). Some women love pillows/Boppys, but I was one of the ones who just did better w/out it. If you need it, great, but if it hurts, try w/out. I was able to just hold DS in my arms w/no pressure on my belly, and it worked wonderfully.

I hope everything goes well for you.

Kinsey
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#140 of 202 Old 05-16-2004, 10:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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bump
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#141 of 202 Old 05-16-2004, 02:58 PM
 
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I've been having strange sensations in my incision the larger my pregnant belly gets, especially when the baby moves in that area (which is a lot; all the movement seems to be located at the base of my incision). Sometimes it feels like it's going to split right open, which I know it won't but I can't imagine how it will feel as I get bigger : . Has anyone else experienced this? Does it get worse as the pregnancy progresses? (I'm about 6.5 months along right now)
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#142 of 202 Old 05-16-2004, 04:21 PM
 
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Hi Carla,

Well, the good news is that your incision won't split open The bad news is it may hurt, feel stretchy as you get bigger (if it's anything like my experience). I'm good so far this time (this is my third preg/ 4th baby) and I don't feel much stretching in my incision this time but I'm only 20 weeks so ask me in a couple months You know where I'm feeling stretching??? In my apendix scar!!!! My apendix burst last Sept. and my incision is driving me crazy during this preg... weird But I have the same feeling, like it's going to pop open.

Kind of off topic, I put belly salve on my pregnant belly the last two pregnancies but I haven't this time. I thought that was the reason I never got any stretch marks or itchy feeling but we'll have to see if I get that way this time since I haven't been using any salve.

SAHMama to the "Fantastic Four"- 10 yr old b/g twins, 7 yr old boy, 5 yr old girl... : and expecting a miracle baby Feb. 2010...: Married for 11 yrs to my handsome Police Officer :cop:
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#143 of 202 Old 05-16-2004, 05:09 PM
 
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Carla-- I think it depends on the person. I didn't have a lot of incision pain till close to the end. ....well, I guess around the time you are having it now.

It was worse depending on where baby was. I tried to keep him off the spot that hurt. Convincing an unborn child to not hurt you isnt easy

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#144 of 202 Old 05-16-2004, 10:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by its_our_family
It was worse depending on where baby was. I tried to keep him off the spot that hurt. Convincing an unborn child to not hurt you isnt easy
Lol, that's true! I have a hard enough time convincing my toddler to stay off it. (oh, I forgot to mention I have the "classical" incision, belly button to bottom of my stomach so it's a pretty big area). It feels really tight on the outside, but then I had a lot of slack skin there before.

I see the OB on Thursday so I'll finally find out what's going to happen to me this time around regarding giving birth. I have acceptance either way (although part of me kind of wants the same birth this time as it wasn't a bad experience for me last time, although this time I have a very attached toddler to worry about).
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#145 of 202 Old 05-18-2004, 04:32 AM
 
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hi mamas! I haven't posted in awhile...still processing my c/b!

though my c/b turned out to be a really positive experience DH and I are really questioning one of the MW's actions during my labor (before I transferred to the hospital and labored with another MW & Dr.)

I'm prety sure I would have ended up with a c/b regardless due to ds positioning as he was aclyntic(sp) so I'm not placing any blame at all, just having some issues over the labor coming up..

anyway at one point during labor this particular MW questioned mine & DH relationship,my upbringing and also censored me! it was really strange and the more I think about it the more it really bothers me (and DH as well). I have talked to several people (and another MW) about this and they all think what was said/asked was hugely innapropriate. it actually took us until this past weekend to figure out that my labor started to stall about the time that the conversation in question took place. ugh. i really didn't think much about it at the time but do remember watching what I was saying during my labor around her after she made her comments though I totally didn't recognize it at the time. anyway I really feel like such an idiot now for not protecting my space! I know better than that!!!

otherwise i have been making it a priority to do lots of bodywork the last couple weeks (ie;massage,exercise,hydrotherapy) and it's been a rollercoaster as I really notice my emotions about the c/b emerging because of it. i must say though it's really helped me process things further and is helping me start to heal on an emotional level. not to mention I'm feeling absolutley great physically! (finally!) I am dying to start pilates but have decided to wait another couple of weeks as I'm a little paranoid about working on my abs right now since I've been mostly pain free other than the occasional needlelike electric twinge.

anyway thanks for reading & for the support, this thread has really helped me get through this!

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#146 of 202 Old 05-18-2004, 09:12 AM
 
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rainbowmoon--It sounds like you are doing well!! As for your mw.... that is weird. Most mw would know not to say anything "stupid" during labor for just that reason.

I saw on another psot that things are moving along for KKmama. It sounded like she was in early labor.... I hope she had that vbac!!!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#147 of 202 Old 05-18-2004, 12:15 PM
 
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mommy2three, just wanted to welcome you to our circle!

i've been lurking a lot here today, rereading some stories. i think the book my MIL just gave my dd got things stirred up in me... it has all these pictures from the hospital the night dd was born, and i'm not in any of them. that just breaks my heart.

anybody else get reminders of a negative birth experience like that?


Racheepoo~in response to your post about your dh... i think that in the case of birth it is so hard for men to relate to us that this sometimes puts us on opposite poles. in my case, dh didn't understand my feelings for sooo long regarding the birth. in yours, it sounds like he can't understand how you feel, and just zooms in on his own experience( i guess this is basically what my hubbie did just in a different way). but there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty and he should not make you feel bad for how things turned out. that is just selfish for him to do that! don't let him make you feel bad. you did your best and went through a rough time! hugs to you.
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#148 of 202 Old 05-18-2004, 12:18 PM
 
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Hey rainbowmoon-glad to have you here. It's good to hear you are doing lots of self care. That is so important for new mamas. I agree its really weird that your mw would make such an innappropriate comment during labor. However, don't make yourself feel too bad about protecting your space. . .you were busy having a baby so your mind and body were focused on that process.
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#149 of 202 Old 05-18-2004, 03:03 PM
 
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Bear with me on the links...I wrote my entire birth story out once and I will never do it again so I just link to it when I talk about it. My initial birth story was written here . Notice the brevity and lack of details (and honestly the complete denial of what had happened to me...the anger came about 3 months after birth). My full birth story is here .

So now Rhys is two years old and I am pregnant again. I am still anger (though I have managed to give myself a huge piece of the blame by now because I didn't tell ANYONE no!)

I didn't tell the midwife no I would like to wait when she scheduled my induction at 42 weeks. I found out when Rhys was 3 months old that induction is recommended but not required at 42 weeks. I could have gone to 43 weeks with little argument. Keeping in mind that Rhys due date was determined by dating us with no confirmation us so it was "soft" to begin with.

I didn't tell the doctor no when he decided to break my water. I didn't tell the nurse to f&*^ off even though I managed to express the sentiment to my husband, my mother and my MIL when they started parroting her sentiments.

Honestly I have always avoided this thread like the plague because I don't ever want another cesearean and honestly I figured this thread was pro-cesearean. Not sure why I poked my head in today but Kinsey's story in particular hit a cord with me so I am spilling my guts.

I am planning a homebirth vbac (if I go before 42 weeks). If I get to 42 weeks again I will be planning a hospital vbac. If I get to 43 weeks I may have to do some pretty fancy dancing to get the doctor to give me another week but presuming I get a good us with good fluid levels that is what my aim is. If I get to 44 weeks I am approaching the edge of my comfort level...I may agree to an induction with pitocin only without rupture of membranes so that if it doesn't take I still have the option to go home wait a few days and try again.

Before this current phobia about going over dates everyone in my family was at least 3 weeks late for every pregnancy. I think that some people just gestate for longer and I may be one of them (although there was some doubt that Rhys was actually late due to the fact that he was coated in vernix).

People have already mentioned Rhys' size as the reason he would not descend...sorry I don't buy it. Rhys wasn't ready to be born...period. My mother weighed in at 10 pounds 14 ounces when she was born (at home...postdates....to a first time mother). My grandmother is built much like I am in the hip area so if she could push my mother out I am thinking I should have been able to push Rhys out...of course I never even got the chance because the induction failed.

I might feel differently if I had been pushing for hours and hours but then it would still come down to my body not being ready due to the induction. Induction can't make someone ready who isn't (thus the increase in cesearean rates with women who are induced).

Do you know that not one person told me that being induced for a first baby raised my risk of cesearean to between 40 and 50%....grrr.

So this time I am being a complete PITA patient LOL. I am trying to set up my attack plan early so that I don't have many surprises (I discovered with Rhys' birth that I don't like things just "happening" to me so I need to plan for the good the bad and the ugly).

A friend of mine had an 11 pound 2 ounce vbac after having a cesearean for her first (who was around 9 pounds I believe)...man did that make me want to shout from the rooftops Of course I would prefer a 9 pounder though LOL...not holding my breath on getting a 7 pound peanut unless there is some serious deviation from the family trend LOL!

I truly believe that everyone women has to walk her own path to figure out what is best for her and her baby. I am not against ercs per say...just against ercs *for me* KWIM??

So what do you think...do I belong here?

Steph

Steph~~momma to Rhys 2002, Niamh 2004, Isla 2007 and Deirdre 2009
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#150 of 202 Old 05-18-2004, 04:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by tuffykenwell
So what do you think...do I belong here?
Steph ... yes, you belong here so . This is a place for anyone who has had a c/s (for whatever reason or lack thereof) to discuss their feelings, emotions, frustrations, etc. about their birth experiences. It is also a place for anyone who is contemplating an erc/s or who needs to have a c/s for other reasons (transverse presentation, placenta previa, for example) to prepare for that experience.

Not everyone here who had a c/s with a prior birth is planning a c/s with their subsequent births. Rather, everyone here is discussing what makes the most sense for them and sharing their feelings as they make and process those decisions. I am reminded that one of our frequent contributors appears to be in labor and is trying for a hospital VBAC right now. Another one of our frequent contributors recently chose to have an ercs. Both women made informed choices and both appear (so far) to be happy with their decisions. But they were free to discuss their feelings here about these births and about their prior c/s.

Anyway, I'm rambling on ... I will read your stories in a bit. I too have 2 stories -- the "real" one and the "denial" one. I think that's part of the healing process.

Amy
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