Cesarean Birth Recovery & Support Thread 10 (April/May 2004) - Page 7 - Mothering Forums
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#181 of 202 Old 05-20-2004, 09:08 PM
 
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nak

Jessica

Carla ... Yay on the VBAC! It sounds like you have a supportive OB, which is good. Feel free to work out your feelings and emotions about the impending birth. I can imagine you'll have a range of them between now and then.

Tammy ... I miss being pg, too. This will sound nuts but b/c ds came all on his own a week early I really feel like I didn't have the opportunity to have closure on my pg -- time to say this may be the last time I feel the baby move, etc. I can't really explain it. I'm really looking forward to the next pg (spaced appropriately to insure maximun opportunity for VBAC ). I really enjoyed the intimacy I had with the baby, ykwim? This all from a woman who gained 20+ pounds in her last 6 weeks of pg due to water retention.

Since you asked, OTF, here's a link to my ds's website. http://mysite.verizon.net/vze21bsw/ I just uploaded some new pics. Just ignore the birth story on there as that's my "in denial" version.
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#182 of 202 Old 05-20-2004, 09:09 PM
 
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bwylde That is wonderful news- I can "hear" the excitement from you, YEAH!

Jessica- thanks for sharing your story, Welcome to our group and .

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#183 of 202 Old 05-20-2004, 09:34 PM
 
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Hello mamas. I popped in here a couple of weeks ago to say hello and I've been meaning to post an abbreviated birth story ever since, but have been lacking in time. I can't read my birth story that I wrote after Liam was born--it's too hard.

I am going to post, and then go back and read a little so forgive me for not responding to posts yet!

My son was due May 17, 2003. Except for feeling a little sick at the end of pregnancy (I had the beginnings of pneumonia), everything had gone great. I was seeing a group of midwives at a birth center and was confident that I would have my baby there, with no pain medication and as few interventions as possible. The midwives were all very supportive, and the birth center had only an 11% hospital transfer rate. The cesarean section rate was only 4%. I felt there was no way I'd be in that minority.

DH and I took Bradley classes, I followed the Brewer diet and I read lots of books about natural childbirth and how to achieve it. I was scared, but also excited, to meet our son. I was excited to breastfeed him immediately, excited to hold him right after he was born. I was excited to have him in a setting that would allow me to eat, drink, move about, and labor in the tub. In fact, I was hoping to have a waterbirth, assuming I was comfortable in the tub.

On May 8, in the early afternoon, I started to feel very crampy. It started out kind of constant, but quickly progressed to the point where they were obviously contractions. They weren't very strong yet, and were pretty far apart, so I wasn't concerned. I took one of our dogs for a walk to try to get things moving. All day, I had bloody show, as well.

That evening, the contractions were starting to come faster and harder, but they were tolerable. I called my MW, and she said to call back when they became strong enough that I had to stop what I was doing to get through them.

I didn't sleep very well that night, and when I awoke Friday morning the contractions were MUCH harder and closer together. I called my midwife again--they were starting to get really rough. IIRC, they were about 45 seconds long, too. She asked if I wanted to come in to be checked, and I agreed; if I wasn't far along, I would just go home. We went to the birth center, she checked me, and I was at 1 cm.

I was devastated. We went home. I spent the entire day laboring and getting through contrax as best I could. During the late afternoon, I spoke to my MIL on the phone. She timed the contrax for me. They were a full minute long, and 2-2.5 minutes apart. They hurt. Badly. I called my MW again, and she said we should come back in.

I was 2 cm dilated. Again, devastated. How much worse were the contrax going to get before they started working? They were coming fast, lasting a long time, and I couldn't do anything during the contrax except breathe and wait for it to be over. The baby wasn't dropping, and was still very high up. My MW sent me home, saying this was prodromal labor, and that I should have a glass of wine and take a bath. She was pretty confident that the contrax would stop. DH and I stopped at Whole Foods on the way home, and I remember squatting in the aisles to get through my contractions.

We got home, and I was absolutely miserable. I never dreamed labor would hurt so much. This was awful. I cried, screamed, everything. I was angry at myself--I thought I would be able to handle the pain better. Well, the contrax did not stop. They got stronger and stronger. We went back to the birth center at 9 or 10 pm; I was checked again and was at 2.5/3cm. Very slow progression, and the baby was still very high.

They admitted me, gave me a hep lock since I was GBS+ and took my temperature. I was running a fever. Great! So, they pumped some fluids into me. My MW came in and listened to the baby's hr w/the doppler, and lo and behold--she thinks it's decelerating during contrax. Oh, no...So, yes, she recommends that I transfer to the hospital so they can put me on the EFM to make sure baby is ok.

My entire birth plan was beginning to go down the tubes.

My MW accompanied us to the hospital, which was wonderful of her. I was checked in (all while having incredibly intense contractions very close together). It was about 11pm. The nurse asked if I would be wanting an epidural, and I said no, I would not. However, I did ask for some pain relief. I got some fentanyl in an IV and tried to rest.

I had the same type of contrax all night; they absolutely did not let up. They just got worse and worse, stronger and stronger. I was checked again in the morning, and was at *almost* 4 cm. I had progressed maybe a centimeter in ten hours. This seemed like active labor, but I just wasn't progressing. Something was wrong.

When my doctor got there, he checked me, said I was at 3.5. At that point, I did what I never thought I would--asked for an epidural. I had been in active labor for well over 24 hours and I couldn't rest. In retrospect, I'm glad I got it. I simply couldn't go on anymore. At noon, I talked to the doctor, and asked for pitocin. Maybe the baby needed some help. He agreed, administered it, and we waited. I had a pit drip for three hours.

At about three pm, my doctor came back, checked me, and I had progressed barely half a centimeter. He broke my waters, and there was meconium in the fluid. he wasn't worried, but since I had been in labor so long, didn't like it.

He suggested that maybe we should do a cesarean. I cried.

At that point, I'd been in labor for over 50 hours. At least 35 of those hours, I had had intense contractions very close together. I don't know what else anyone could do to get the baby out. He simply would not drop.

So, at 4:13 pm on May 10, 2003, my doctor made a low horizontal incision and removed my son from my uterus. I was shaking with fear, disappointment and relief. But the worst was still to come. When he was born, he cried, but it was a weak cry. It didn't sound right.

The nurses took him over to the warming table and I heard murmurs of "he's not pinking up," "he isn't breathing well." I panicked, of course. They rushed him to the NICU (dh went with them) while I was taken to recovery. A couple hours later, I was wheeled down to see my son, intubated, lying in the NICU.
No one could tell us if he was going to die.

At about 11 pm, the doctor assigned to him came to my room. He explained that Liam had aspirated meconium in utero, and had developed a pneumothorax, which is a small hole in the lung. They were going to monitor it overnight. It could close on its own, but if it did not, they would have to do surgery.

I was in shock. I still can't express how much everything hurt when I had the c/b, but I told myself at least he would be healthy. But--he wasn't. It was a nightmare.

The next morning, though, we found out that the hole got smaller overnight and was closing up. Liam would not need surgery. YEAH! He was going to be OK! The next few days, I trekked down to the NICU, to work on breastfeeding, to hold him (which i did not get to do until two days after his birth), to tell him how we loved him. However, I was still a wrack. Leaving the hospital without him, I felt empty. I should have been bringing my baby home with me, but he wasn't ready to leave.

He was discharged just two days later, though, for a total of five days in the NICU. Taking him home was the happiest day of my life. Somehow, we never had trouble nursing--he was a pro from the get go and it's been wonderful.

Still, every day, I wonder why everything happened the way it did. Was he in the wrong position? Why couldn't he engage? I don't know who could give me these answers, or where to look. In my heart, I do not believe my pelvis was too small to fit his head. I know how babies' heads mold, how the pelvis separates to accomodate the baby. I picked up a copy of Silent Knife the other day and had to put it down after just a minute of reading. I guess I just wasn't ready.

So, that's my story. It turned out really long! If anyone reads it...Thanks. It felt really good, actually, to get that out--much better than I thought it would.

Hope everyone is doing well, and that we can help each other get through any grieving we may be doing about cesarean births.

Meribeth

mostly WAHM, sometimes WOHM to my : two boys.
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#184 of 202 Old 05-20-2004, 11:25 PM
 
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carla- you CAN do this mama! you are a strong mama and your body was designed to give birth.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#185 of 202 Old 05-20-2004, 11:31 PM
 
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Thanks for the welcome everyone. Meribeth Joshua also had the hole in his long, BUT the Dr's actually said they may have done it when they were suctioning him.

Hugs!
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#186 of 202 Old 05-20-2004, 11:32 PM
 
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meribeth- your story is bringing tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you had to go through that! especially with your son, I can't even imagine how scary that was. I never dreamed labor would hurt so much either and that really took me by surprise too. (and I have a pretty high threshold for pain normally!) I'm also really surprised your birth center did not have an EFM there..anyway thanks for sharing your story, I know how hard it is to get it all out.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#187 of 202 Old 05-20-2004, 11:43 PM
 
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Thanks everyone . I have a couple books I've read (I just noticed the VBAC Companion is on my desk), but should refresh. When I told DH, he said "But I thought you wanted another section". I just said that I didn't want to get my hopes up either way and I wanted to wait and see the OB before deciding anything.

That said, is there anything I can do physically to prepare? The mental part is probably the easy part for me
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#188 of 202 Old 05-20-2004, 11:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tammylc
For the first week or so, I even had "phantom baby movements" in my belly, like those phantom limb pains that amputees have.
I still have them and I am almost 4 months pp. Mine will be so strong I can feel them from the outside. I assume it is just my uterus getting back to "normal"

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#189 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 12:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bwylde
That said, is there anything I can do physically to prepare? The mental part is probably the easy part for me
I felt like I was in great shape for my VBAC (which turned into a c/b.) I did a lot of prenatal yoga. My instructor was so wonderful. My cousin, who is a midwife and very experienced with VBACs, had me do a lot of duck walks. When my labor began, I was so in tune with my body. It was beautiful. I cried because I felt so good about my body, myself and accomplishing a totally natural birth.

Maribeth, what a story. Wow! I'm impressed with how long you tried! My ds was in NICU afterwards as well. I'm finally at a very peaceful place about my c/b, thanks to some of the ladies at mdc.

I have a post-birth question. My little guy seems inconsolable at times. I just wonder if he could be reliving his birth trauma. Does anyone have any experience with this? Thanks.

Homeschool Planet http://planethomeschool.net
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#190 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 11:02 AM
 
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Meribeth, thank you for sharing that story. You are a strong woman to have gone through all that and be able to write about it so objectively.

Glad to see most mdc moms see the need for this thread. I feel that I can drop my defensiveness about the c/b here...I want to thank you all.


You guys may remember that I had a failed epi after 7 tries to put one in...ended up with a spinal. Well, just got the bill and was charged for both epi and spinal. I am really ticked off about it but don't know how to fight it other than contest it (which we've already done). Just venting!
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#191 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 11:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by rainbowmoon
hi mamas!

ok this is slightly off topic, but I thought I'd share anyway

i've decided to finish my bellycast this weekend! (sanding,plastering & painting) it's been sitting here for almost 3 months and I've barely been able to look at it until now as it just made me so sad. one, because I am missing being pregnant so much! it's the wierdest thing! also (and more importantly) i guess it just symbolizes all the hope,expectations,etc I had for my myself & our birth during my pregnancy. Anyway I'm really ready to try to move past that, and I'm hoping this will help as a form of*art therapy* and get me to the point where I feel no shame looking at it. I have been planning to put ds's footprints on it and some other stuff that is sentimental to our pregnancy but now I also think I am going to include a c/s incision and the kanji symbol for courage...hopefully i don't mess it up. I'm still trying to decide what colors to use (been thinking about it for months actually.lol-I'm so indecisive!) I will post a pic when it's finished!
rainbowmoon, this is so healing. i am a painter and for a long time was afraid to paint about my c-birth but finally dove into it recently. i do self-portraits and i actually ripped up my canvas and sewed it back together ( i know, that's a bit extreme ) but just doing that has helped me sooo much. i would love to see your belly cast when it's finished!
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#192 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 11:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by tammylc
Hey - I thought I was the only one! Everyone else always seems so happy to not be pregnant anymore, but I really miss it. For the first week or so, I even had "phantom baby movements" in my belly, like those phantom limb pains that amputees have.
i used to have those too. i think that having your baby by c/b makes it such a sudden separation that it's hard to process. in the video of me at the hospital, i am holding my belly like i was pregnant still...
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#193 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 11:45 AM
 
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sorry for the 3 posts in a row! i don't know how to multiple quote in one post.

anyway, meribeth, thanks for sharing your story. as someone said here it truly helps just to get it out over and over and over again...especially to people who understand. i am so sorry for your difficult time. it is so good to hear that your little guy was ok.


loftmama, did you ever read that article in mothering about the mom who tried to listen to her baby cry a little and communicate to heal his or her birth trauma? maybe you should try some kind of special moment between the two of you, in the bath or somewhere quiet where you can "talk" about it.
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#194 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 12:00 PM
 
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mamasara- I think taking baths with your babe is incredibly healing..as for the belly cast, I just realized last night it doesn't even go down to where my incision is..must think of a new idea now..

loftmama-if you at are all inclined to using flower essences shooting star & manzanita are both commonly used to heal birth trauma. also have you tried massage at all? I have given ds a massage everyday since birth and he has shown not one sign of trauma..he's actually really mellow and happy. a *very* smily baby too, he actually has been smiling since we were in the hospital. barely ever cries..not sure if it's related but I think it is.

racheepoo-that sucks about them charging you for that!

speaking of bills mine have just started piling in. between the c/s and being hospitalized for another week for pancreatitis,etc. my bills are nearing $21,000 so far and that's not even all of them! of course we have insurance and will only have to pay a fraction of it, but it's still a shocker! DH is definilty on board after seeing the bills for an HBAC next time. lol.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#195 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 02:15 PM
 
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Okay, I said I'd find it (this thread) and here I am. I didn't know this thread even existed until yesterday.

I'm one that feels like I have lots of emotional baggage associated with my c-section... and you would think by now (my DD is 7 months old today) that I would have gotten over it and wouldn't think about it anymore.

Here is my story:

My pregnancy was pretty much textbook from day one (I was worried sick as I had lost 2 babies prior to this pg) until week 21. At that time preterm contractions started coming every 5-7 minutes. I was put on tubuteline (sp?) and bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. At week 36 they took me off the medication and told me that if she came, she came. Well.... 12 hours later the contractions promptly returned, only this time they were much stronger and 3-5 minutes apart. This continued for 11 more days, non-stop. I became very sick (as I'd not slept basically in 11 days) so I begged my doctor to do something to help me. His suggestion was to put me in the hospital and start pitocin (because all of this labor did nothing to dilate me). So in complete desperation, I agreed....

After 7 hours on pitocin at the highest level I could receive, I was still dilated to zero. He told me that I obviously was never going to progress and that a section was necessary. Once he took her, he told me that she never would have come on her own, as my pelvis is of a structure that was impossible for her to be able to engage. He said it was so narrow that her head could not even fit into it.

I still find myself saying "do you think that is REALLY true??" I hear women tell me all the time that it's a crock, that every woman can pass a baby through their hips, etc.

So... needless to say, 7 months later I still find myself questioning if I did the right thing, should I just have continued to make it through the labor in the hopes that it would do something? Or should I just relax and believe the OB that I may just have one of those small percentage body structures that isn't suitable for natural child birth???

My other issue is that I still feel like I didn't "birth" my child. I layed on a table numb from my collarbone down and heard her cry. I didn't get to hold her for over an hour, I didn't get any of the birth experiences that I wanted.

All in all... I feel incredibly ripped off!!!

So, without taking this post into a novel stage, I'll leave it as is.... at least it explains that I have just a "few" issues I need to work through huh?

: Karen, wife to my : Mad Scientist and mama to :Emma (10-21-03).
I spend my days : : and seeing how many smilies I can fit in my siggy.
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#196 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 06:40 PM
 
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Karen .. and . You've come to the right place. We're all at different stages of healing and we're all here to help each other get through our feelings & emotions and ask all the questions we need to ask.
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#197 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome Karen, I am glad you are here!
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#198 of 202 Old 05-21-2004, 06:46 PM
 
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Ok now I'm . I just sorta convinced reluctant dh that HBAC would be the best alternative for all future births. And what do I find out? Its illegal for mws to attend HBACs. So its hospital (with probable laundry list of required interventions -- no birthing centers here) or UC (which I'm just not comfortable with). I'm so mad. I DON'T want to birth in a hospital again if at all possible.
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#199 of 202 Old 05-22-2004, 04:54 AM
 
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Looking back, I know at the time it was decided to do the C, it was necessary. DD just wasn't handling the stress of what was going on. But if it weren't for the induction, I don't think it would have gone that way. My mistake was in setting foot in the hospital. From there we were doomed.

And I had to go home w/out my DD, too. I could only stay 4 nights, and they wanted to keep DD one more night because of jaundice, which I later learned was probably also unnecessary. But that homecoming, with an incision on my abdomen and no baby in my arms, was the saddest thing I ever experienced. It was like the anti-icing on the anti-cake of my DD's birth.

The hospital had nesting rooms for parents w/ babes in there, but there weren't enough to go around. It came down to us or a couple whose baby needed to start eating and wouldn't, so they got the room because the nurses felt it was more important that they get the mom's help in getting that baby eating. And I agreed, but boy did I wish there were more rooms.

I've contemplated going to stay with my mother or friends for the birth of the next one, but the friends just bought a house on the Iowa side of the border from Omaha, where midwifery is illegal, and I'm not so sure my mom would go for it, plus I haven't been able to find out the exact pertinent regulations for TX where she lives.

There's a birth center here I might go to. I don't know.

breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling Heathen parent to my little Wanderer, 7 1/2 , and baby Elf-stone, 3/11!

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#200 of 202 Old 05-22-2004, 10:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Henry's_Mamma
Ok now I'm . I just sorta convinced reluctant dh that HBAC would be the best alternative for all future births. And what do I find out? Its illegal for mws to attend HBACs. So its hospital (with probable laundry list of required interventions -- no birthing centers here) or UC (which I'm just not comfortable with). I'm so mad. I DON'T want to birth in a hospital again if at all possible.
That is a dilema. I don't know what to say. I am sorry. IS there a more VBAC friendly hospital around?
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#201 of 202 Old 05-22-2004, 11:52 AM
 
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edited to add: I started to post but don't have time now. welcome
welcome to all the new mamas.
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#202 of 202 Old 05-22-2004, 12:02 PM
 
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There's a new thread for May 2004!
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