Anyone decide on a hospital birth after homebirth didn't live up to expectations? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-23-2014, 10:58 PM
 
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I agree with juniper....I think a lot of it comes down to being the first birth. As said previously, I don't think I could have comfortably had my first at home.....so had I done that, I would probably be in the same situation of not ever wanting to homebirth again.
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Old 06-24-2014, 08:18 AM
 
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I had my first at home. But then my mom had all of us, except for one, at home, so it seemed my natural to me. I paid out of pocket for it. I had no insurance to cover maternity services.

When I had my first at home it seemed very normal to have birth at home. Yes, there was lots of pain and it took a long time because the baby was posterior and had shoulder dystocia, but when the birth was completed, the pain was over. Life went on. No stitches, breastfeeding took off well, I walked to the shower, was able to use the toilet unassisted, there was food I prepared in the refrigerator to eat, and our lives began together with no problems. I planted the placenta the next day with a rose bush over it. Life was grand and a family began life together.

All my children were born at home, and I am happy and grateful for that.

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Old 06-24-2014, 12:10 PM
 
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I think writing it off to being the first Birth ignores that many women are treated very poorly and that's why they have a bad birth experience. Yes my first birth was very long and with an OP baby but that doesn't change that I was bullied and pressured into getting an unnecessary cesarean section because the medical staff didn't want to wait. The fact is that there are protocols in place that make it impossible for women to exercise their autonomy and this lack of autonomy is very traumatic and troubling for many women. And it should be. We should all recognize that it's not okay to batter and abuse women in labour, first birth or not. I know this probably isn't what was meant but I can't ignore that there are systemic issues of abuse in l&d wards and the role that this plays in women's own views of their birth experience.

Also, note that the OP hadn't yet had her hospital birth so it's possible that once she has had both shed prefer the hb. I know for me I accepted with my second that there is no such thing thing as pain-free childbirth.

With my 2nd I was able to get on with life as apple juice described, but with my first I went through months of PTSD and my entire life was affected, and that was *not* because it was the first birth it was because I was abused and battered in the hospital.
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Old 06-24-2014, 12:37 PM
 
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I am sorry that you were abused in the hospital, Viola P. I am also sorry that you suffered PTSD. I hope you are better.

I am aware that women can be abused in a homebirth also. During pregnancy, labor, delivery, and in the postpartum period women are vulnerable to so much emotion and turmoil that we should recognize that all women need support - should be self-evident, yet hospital protocol ignores this fact for their own convenience and some homebirth midwives also. This is a very sad commentary on our culture and the priorities we set for ourselves.

32 yrs ago I attended a talk by Suzanne Arms, the author of Immaculate Deception, 1973. She said that a woman's first child is just as important as any child a woman has; she stated that she did not understand why a woman would go to the hospital for her first delivery, but I can understand it because of the "fear of birth" culture we have in this society.

Suzanne Arms was trying to make a point, and for me that point is well taken, but I know why so many women are just scared to death and go to the hospital for their first birth - "in case something happens". I have known of many well-to-do young women who simply schedule an elective surgical delivery because they believe that they will have one any way and do not want to face the trauma of an emergency surgical delivery.
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Old 06-24-2014, 01:34 PM
 
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"During pregnancy, labor, delivery, and in the postpartum period women are vulnerable to so much emotion and turmoil that we should recognize that all women need support - should be self-evident, yet hospital protocol ignores this fact for their own convenience"

Yes but in my case it was them actually battering me with medicine and fetal monitoring belts and birth raping me. I don't think it was anything about me (my need for support) but that they normalize and rationalize this kind of violence against women.

I was pressured for 9 hours to get an "emergency" c-section but ds was born by forceps. To me there was never an emergency, other than at the end but they created that. There wasn't a 9+ hour emergency.

My second was UC and was awsome (planned hb but mw arrived after the birth).
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Old 06-24-2014, 01:58 PM
 
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I am sorry I misunderstood your post. I am very happy for you and your home birth. I hope you use that empowering feeling for other aspects of your life, as I have. It works!
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Old 06-24-2014, 02:05 PM
 
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I am sorry I misunderstood your post. I am very happy for you and your home birth. I hope you use that empowering feeling for other aspects of your life, as I have. It works!
It's amazing how powerful a positive birth experience can be. I feel so lucky for how my second went, it was absolutely perfect. It also did so much to heal the first.
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Old 06-24-2014, 07:55 PM
 
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My first pregnancy I was planning a home birth which didn't happen due to DD being very premature. This pregnancy I'm seeing an OB and planning a hospital birth. For me, with DD the labor/ birth was a non-issue, as in, it was fast, physically easy. I am not afraid of birth, I live in an area with reasonable providers, I am exceptionally knowledgable about it as I work in this field. I don't think it matters where I give birth, and I've heard other people (moms and providers) around here say that too- you give birth in your 'bubble.' The physical space isn't the whole issue. If that's your deal too (which it is NOT for many women), then it comes down to the perks, risks, etc- like, the option of an epidural or the screening/monitoring available (ultrasounds, etc).

I will say I am underwhelmed by prenatal care. With the HB midwife, they offered acupuncture and papaya enzymes for the terrible vomiting, which didn't work. With the OB, I got Pepcid and Zofran, which worked marginally better. Neither made me feel all that much better from a coping perspective, nor offered any extensive and magical treatments. I see the OB a lot more often due to having multiple ultrasounds to look for warnings of preterm labor, which I like, but I didn't feel particularly close to either practice. I think prenatal care just isn't as much 'fun' as I would like it to be.

OP, there is nothing magical about prenatal providers. There is evil to be avoided, for sure, but the magic of pregnancy and birth doesn't come from a particular location. For me I care more about my husband and friends' role in all this than my provider or birth site.

I'll let you know if things change after this birth- and depending on how this goes, if I had a third, I'd consider a home birth for that one.
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Old 06-24-2014, 09:10 PM
 
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Oh yes, I agree that hospitals many times bully the lady. I had that same experience with my first birth. They forced me into getting my water broke (in order to speed things up because they supposedly needed to "fit me in" <(their words)). I hated that MY doctor wasn't present at most of the birth (only last 18 minutes) and I had to deal with the dr that was on duty....which I didn't know.....and found out quickly that I didn't like either. Once my dr was there, he did an episiotomy without my approval and used a vac...which left a mark on my babies head. I hated the horrible attitudes of the nurses and first dr. They wouldn't let me eat while in labor...so I was without food for almost 24 hrs. I could go on and on about how I hated my hospital birth....and honestly, I don't think I would have liked a hospital birth at any of my other births either. But I do know that with me, I would have been clueless of how to birth if I hadn't of had the hospital experience first. Now yes, the experience not only taught me the "to dos" but also not to dos. I am glad I have that experience to compare my other births to. I am one of the few ladies that actually have tried pretty much every option of birth (hospital, birthing center, homebirth)!
I just cant imagine me doing a homebirth with my first birth......but everyone is different. =) I am SUPER glad that I took that first step and now have had 3 homebirths and planning my 4th. =)
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Old 06-24-2014, 10:28 PM
 
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With the HB midwife, they offered acupuncture and papaya enzymes for the terrible vomiting, which didn't work.
ginger or ginger ale?

Vitamin B6, pyrodoxine hydrocholoride works also; it helps with absorbing the protein in your food and regulating your blood sugar - it was a main ingredient in bendectin, an anti-emetic drug for hyperemesis gravidarum, a drug that was taken off the market.
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Old 07-01-2014, 05:22 AM
 
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I have had four hospital births, then one homebirth. The factors that I feel were the most important in shaping my birth experience whether in home or hospital were the location and regulations, care provider, hospital staff (very random), doula support (I didn't know about this until #5 ), education and preparation (reading and birth class).

Birth has been meaningful and rewarding when I felt safe, nurtured and respected by those around me. I had birth trauma when procedures were done without permission/explanation. I felt violated and abused at my fourth birth. I finally began researching my options after this and found that there were more than I had thought. It took me four births to seriously research things. Many individuals will research a new home or car more than birth specifications. This had been me. I recommend to all pregnant women that they spend a lot of time researching and considering their options (I am a doula now too). This effort pays off.

On my personal experience with hospitals vs. homebirth in general: I felt annoyed by the lack of efficiency, kindness, flexibility and availability of staff at some hospitals. (this is why I say to choose carefully) Also, my four epidurals felt like playing Russian roulette because there are common side effects. I experienced my blood pressure dropping and ringing in my ear for one month post birth. These side effects were never explained and the surprise was more than stressful. More importantly, I felt completely trapped and helpless. I hated being numb. Also, the IV opened up pandora's box and they placed all kinds of bags on there, often without asking. I felt that there was so much pressure to conform to policy when it was not specifically needed for me, IV/Baby separation/long intake questionnaires that were torture to answer/separation from kids when we wanted them to meet their new sibling. For me personally, these interventions introduced risk into my birth each time and actually made the contractions more painful. It felt like the control was taken from me and I was an "inconvenience" if I said no or wanted to hold my baby longer. There were people changing the trash or taking my blood at random times in my room, like 2:00am and 4:00am. Sleeping was impossible. I felt like a prisoner the whole time and tortured with sleep deprivation and lack of control over my body and baby. In contrast, two births of those four were attended by an amazing doctor and there were some good and kind nurses, but they were not very available throughout my labor and postpartum. They only spent small amounts of time with me and this could not balance the other negative aspects of the experience.

My home birth was completely opposite. I was able to make sure that my location and birth team were in line with my desires. I took a Hypnobirthing class and then read The Bradley Method among tons of other helpful materials and had an amazing midwife & doula to assist me. I also felt like you did, that it was difficult having people come into my space, but that ended up being a small issue for me in comparison to my invasive hospital births and because they brought love and kindness. It was the opposite of all that happened to me before, thankfully, and I was so grateful for their gentle care. I feel like the location, education and care providers made all the difference in the experience for me. Home is what worked best for me personally, but hospital is best in some cases and could be a good experience with careful planning.

In summary, the research and carefully selected birth team were very helpful in creating the optimal environment for me. If the hospital is appealing to you, then research carefully because each hospital/doctor/midwife/doula will vary significantly in practice and personality. If the hospital were best for me then I would be sure to hire an experienced doula for continuous labor support and to help me in researching my options and find which hospital would best fit my desires for birth. An experienced doula may be able to offer insight and information into the local hospitals and providers that would fit my needs. I would hire a postpartum doula to come help postpartum and I would take an evidence based birth class that is not hospital or provider affiliated. This type of class (chosen carefully) usually offers thought provoking and unbiased information as well as tools for birth.

I am sorry if I am redundant if you are already aware of these things or if they are not relevant to your situation. I hope that you find what you are looking for from your birth experience!
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Old 07-01-2014, 04:43 PM
 
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I did ginger capsules and chews, b6, doxylamine/ (the other ingredient in Benedictine), Benadryl, meclizine, sea bands in addition to the acupuncture and papaya enzymes they advised. And of course all the diet advice (small frequent meals, blah blah blah). Zero help. Pepcid that pregnancy helped a wee bit, but only maybe. I think I need to focus on h. Pylori in the future (but that's a different thread...) I guess sometimes you just gotta suck it up and spend 4 months miserable. . (Heehee I was hopeful there was a puking smilie but instead found one called "crap")
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Old 07-04-2014, 01:11 PM
 
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I think writing it off to being the first Birth ignores that many women are treated very poorly and that's why they have a bad birth experience.
I want to make it clear that I wasn't implying that a bad birth experience is only due to it being the first time. I was just trying to let my biases be known before stating my preference for my homebirth. I know that I loved my homebirth, it was a really healing experience for me emotionally, as a woman and as a mother. But I also know that had both my births been at home with the same wonderful doula and midwife, I may have still preferred my second birth because it likely would have been faster and less scary, by virtue of being the second baby. If I had never had a hospital birth though I may not have known how bad an experience it could be, and perhaps I would have longed for the promise of a pain free birth, that a hospital offers. But I know now that that is a promise that the hospital can't always make good on, and without the pain relief, there is very little appeal in being in a hospital for me.

Jennifer, mama to darling dancing Juliette, and sweet baby Jameson
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Old 07-04-2014, 02:02 PM
 
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I agree that while I think a home birth is a beautiful thing the hospital birth really depends on your personal hospital and provider. I had my first in the hospital just because I didn't realize there was another option. My 2nd we started out planning a hb with midwife but early pregnancy bleeding and bedrest then issues with getting his heartbeat with a doppler led us to just go with the ob & hospital. He ended up a forceps delivery but I feel that was because of the evil witch doctor that was on call. My 3rd I developed hypertension so again when with the ob/hospital and her delivery was fine despite the hypertension. My ob and nurses in l&d at my hospital are amazing and very concerned with mom's wellbeing and wishes. We even had a lactation specialist on call that is amazing. The only trouble I ever had really was the witch doctor that delivered my son and ended up on call the weekend after I gave birth to my 3rd. She was hateful and tortured me both times I had to deal with her to the point of the nurses banning her from my room with my 3rd because she was causing so much tension. If it wasn't for that one doctor I don't think I'd have ever had any issues with birthing in the hospital. A doula would have been very helpful in keeping med-free also. I really think a beautiful birth can happen anywhere with the right support and birth team. I never got the birth of my dreams but I did get beautiful nursing relationships thanks to a great breastfeeding support team and that honestly was the most important thing to me.
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Old 07-04-2014, 02:40 PM
 
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"If I had never had a hospital birth though I may not have known how bad an experience it could be, and perhaps I would have longed for the promise of a pain free birth, that a hospital offers. But I know now that that is a promise that the hospital can't always make good on, and without the pain relief, there is very little appeal in being in a hospital for me."

Totally! For me for the second one I had lost all pretense that there was some way to have a pain free childbirth. I knew it would be painful, and the first was mich more painful bc baby was OP and the monster pit contraxtions and them refusing me pain meds.
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Old 07-04-2014, 02:59 PM
 
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The only reason that being a first birth made it worse was that I didn't know what I was doing- but being treated so badly would be a problem anywhere. I also SERIOUSLY disagree that people who only do home birth can't know how bad it is. After seeing a few people who lost a baby that would have survived had they been at the hospital, I think it could be the other way around. Although home birth can be truly wonderful, when things go wrong- the effects are far more devastating than in the hospital.

I still support home birth- but in the US we do not have adequate safety standards at all.

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Old 07-04-2014, 03:31 PM
 
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I still support home birth- but in the US we do not have adequate safety standards at all.
Maybe the standards in the us need to be increased universally as it has the worst (I think) record for maternal/baby mortality in the developed world, a very low hb rate, and spends the most money. In the Netherlands where they spend far less money and hb is very common the outcomes are far better, both in and out of hospital.

It's not just hb that has how standards, it's the hospitals too.
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Old 07-04-2014, 03:38 PM
 
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Here's the report deadly delivery that talks about the hospital approach to maternity care in the us and the awful outcomes

http://www.amnestyusa.org/sites/defa...lydelivery.pdf

Personally I feel safer at home, and while it's true that for those women who loose a baby that would have survived if they were at a hositpal, there are also those women who lose babies or are injured themselves because of the hospital.
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Old 07-04-2014, 03:45 PM
 
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Here is a lovely quote from the first page of the report: "The total amount spent on health care in the USA is greater than in any other country in the world.1 Hospitalization related to pregnancy and childbirth costs some US$86 billion a year; the highest hospitalization costs of any area of medicine.2 Despite this, women in the USA have a greater lifetime risk of dying of pregnancy-related complications than women in 40 other countries. For example, the likelihood of a woman dying in childbirth in the USA is five times greater than in Greece, four times greater than in Germany, and three times greater than in Spain.3 More than two women die every day in the USA from pregnancy-related causes.4 Maternal deaths are only the tip of the iceberg. Severe complications that result in a woman nearly dying, known as a “near miss”, increased by 25 per cent between 1998 and 2005. During 2004 and 2005, 68,433 women nearly died in childbirth in the USA."

I think we need to start having serious discussions about the state or maternity care *in hospitals* in the US and stop falling back on "yeah but dead babies" and refusing to look at it at all. Both hb and hospital birth need major improvements, thy aren't mutually exclusive; we need a health care system that offers excellent care regardless of where a woman chooses to birth.

ETA:

Here's another lovely article looking at the numbers in the us, all of which begs the question of why we are so anxious to rush to the hospital

http://m.aljazeera.com/story/201438161633539780

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Old 07-05-2014, 04:42 PM
 
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Hospital birth being unsafe doesn't make homebirth any safer. All that means is that we need to focus on making birth safer everywhere. Babies and women are dying during childbirth in this country both at home and at the hospital at an alarming rate far higher than in any other developed country. If home birth were the answer, it'd be notably safer- but no study has shown that. Giving birth in this country is dangerous no matter where you do it and that's a big damn problem that needs to be fixed.

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Old 07-05-2014, 07:40 PM
 
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Hospital birth being unsafe doesn't make homebirth any safer. All that means is that we need to focus on making birth safer everywhere. Babies and women are dying during childbirth in this country both at home and at the hospital at an alarming rate far higher than in any other developed country. If home birth were the answer, it'd be notably safer- but no study has shown that. Giving birth in this country is dangerous no matter where you do it and that's a big damn problem that needs to be fixed.
Totally!

Can we agree that giving birth at home in the Netherlands is significantly safer than giving birth in a US hospital then?

I think we need a spinoff thread
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:03 PM
 
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Home birth is safer in that it prevents the dangers of the hospital birth experience, such as the required IV, monitors, bedrest, repeated exams, and germs you can get nowhere else in town.

In other words, unless a woman needs the IV, monitor, bedrest, repeated exams, then it is probably better to stay home with an experience attendant. I did that and it worked for me and many other women.

My body, my choice.

In the Netherlands, they have their problems also. And we have ours. Is 100% hospitalization of all laboring women the answer to all problems in labor and delivery?
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:20 PM
 
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Home birth is safer in that it prevents the dangers of the hospital birth experience, such as the required IV, monitors, bedrest, repeated exams, and germs you can get nowhere else in town.

In other words, unless a woman needs the IV, monitor, bedrest, repeated exams, then it is probably better to stay home with an experience attendant. I did that and it worked for me and many other women.

My body, my choice.

In the Netherlands, they have their problems also. And we have ours. Is 100% hospitalization of all laboring women the answer to all problems in labor and delivery?

Yes my first was a horrible hospital birth where I was tortured for a day and a half with forced medication, starvation, etc... AND ds and I were both sick afterwards (I threw up every day for 10 days and finally went to ER and was given 3 bags of fluids and treated for dehydration, ds cried nonstop for days so I'm assuming he was hurting too). In contrast my second was unassisted and had no violence and no sickness afterwards. I felt WAY safer at home with the second than I did in the hospital with my first, and the outcome was far better ( I wasn't sick, dd was calm and peaceful and my milk was prompt and plentiful).

I just don't understand why so many women are reticent to discuss the serious problems with hospital birth.
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:23 PM
 
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And- this is maybe a topic for another day/forum/thread, but I imagine a uge component of our maternal death rates have more to so with the lack of general social support and medical care. Living in poverty (and your race) is a bigger risk factor for death than where you birth. I'm sure Ina May Gaskin would agree.
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:26 PM
 
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And- this is maybe a topic for another day/forum/thread, but I imagine a uge component of our maternal death rates have more to so with the lack of general social support and medical care. Living in poverty (and your race) is a bigger risk factor for death than where you birth. I'm sure Ina May Gaskin would agree.
That's addressed in both the aljezeera article and the amnesty report. They both conclude that that's a significant part of it but even the rate of death for privileged women who have access is higher than in 25 other developed countries. The question ultimately seems to be whether it's a case of too much of a "good" thing.
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Old 07-06-2014, 02:01 PM
 
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In my homebirth experience my midwife did not live up to expectations. The first and foremost problem was that we couldn't get ahold of her when I went into labor. So that was worrying me during my intense & quickly progressing labor. She finally showed up & was there for 2 hrs before I had my DS2 & acted like it was no biggie. To some that would be fine, but for my first HB I wanted her there. Then afterwards she was snapping at me for not having things prepared that I had tried numerous times to ask her about & she kept telling me we would go over it when the birth was closer. I don't feel any option other than home is right for us, so we will have to choose from one of the other 2 midwives (not covered by insurance) in our area.

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Old 07-06-2014, 02:09 PM
 
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Do you think a doctor would have shown up two hours before your delivery in the hospital and stayed with you?

Some do, but it is unusual. And the hospital procedures certainly do not require it.

The machines do that work for them.

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Old 07-06-2014, 02:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by applejuice View Post
Do you think a doctor would have shown up two hours before your delivery in the hospital and stayed with you?

Some do, but it is unusual.
My doctor was there for both of my deliveries from start to finish, same for my sisters.

But I understood her point - she hired her midwife to be there for her birth from start to finish and her midwife let her down. In the hospital she would have had nurses there so she wasn't alone during what she felt were scary moments.

JoseyLyn I hope you find that one of the other midwives in your area is a better fit - although it's sad that you have to pay out of pocket
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Old 07-06-2014, 07:38 PM
 
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Is this still the Homebirth forum or did I make a left turn at the wrong intersection?
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Old 07-06-2014, 08:41 PM
 
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100% homebirther here....although I will say that I actually UC.....we don't have a lot of midwife options here and I didn't approve of the two I interviewed....one (only licensed in the area) had the same protocols as the docs...which I was trying to get away from ....the other (lay) was a nut case that kind of scared me. o~0..............but at least she was hands off ....but she insisted that dh deliver baby....but neither dh or I wanted that....her philosophy was that he helped put it in and he should help get it out...she didn't even care that that wasn't what either of us wanted!
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