Anyone decide on a hospital birth after homebirth didn't live up to expectations? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 85 Old 07-06-2014, 07:52 PM
 
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but she insisted that dh deliver baby.

LOL

I had the same and very fine midwife each time.

My midwife told me to deliver my own the second time around. UGH. It was a long, difficult, very painful delivery which involved a large posterior, deflexed head, tilted (asynclitism?) with horrible, excruciating back labor, but I got him out after hours of pushing. He was a very peaceful child. And I did pull him out. He was winking at me. It was sweet. My husband was crying - he had a son!

I am glad for the expertise of my midwife at that delivery. I needed her. I am glad she was there.

I was up and around as soon as he was delivered, no stitches. My husband watched him while I rode my bicycle the next day.

He is 31 today. Still has that large head and he sleeps with it tilted up.
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#62 of 85 Old 07-06-2014, 08:54 PM
 
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Applejuice- the topic is home birth not living up to expectations, so I think there is supposed to be some negative experiences here.
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#63 of 85 Old 07-06-2014, 09:18 PM
 
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I thought this forum was for support of homebirth. I can read the title of the thread and comprehend it. Why am I reading posts praising a doctor at a hospital birth? If a homebirth does not live up to expectations, is the answer to UC or go to the hospital? There are other forums for that here on MDC.

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The Homebirth forum is for parents and parents-to-be to learn more about homebirth, share their personal experiences, get support to have a safe homebirth, or discuss their extenuating circumstances to help them make a decision about birthing at home. Posts made purely for the purpose of debate and criticism of homebirth are not appropriate. Topics of concern, including discussion of the risks and instances wherein homebirth might not be a good choice for a particular pregnancy or presentation may be examined and discussed critically by members who post to this forum regularly as supporters and advocates of homebirth.
Please see our forum Disclaimer to ensure that your posts neither seek nor give medical advice.
- See more at: http://www.mothering.com/articles/ho....bLPOAyFK.dpuf -
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#64 of 85 Old 07-07-2014, 06:25 PM
 
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I thought this forum was for support of homebirth. I can read the title of the thread and comprehend it. Why am I reading posts praising a doctor at a hospital birth? If a homebirth does not live up to expectations, is the answer to UC or go to the hospital? There are other forums for that here on MDC.
I've had one birthing center birth, one homebirth, one hospital birth, three homebirths, and one hospital birth. I'm planning another hospital birth in November.

I must say that a satisfying homebirth depends greatly upon the midwife. My midwife in TX was amazing. My sixth birth was with a midwife in MO and it was a disaster. She and her assistant literally pulled my uterus out! She was incredibly medically minded and stressed me out about every little thing. It was an incredibly traumatic experience and took months to recover from. I will never use another midwife and homebirth in this state.

With my seventh pregnancy I sought out an OB. He was amazing, so relaxed and hands off. My hospital experience was fairly uneventful. The nurses and pedis pretty much left me alone because they felt I was experienced and knew my own mind (no vaxing, etc.). I took huge bags of candy and gave one to each nurses' station - I'm sure that helped.

I'm using the same OB this time and have the same strategy planned. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, yk?
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#65 of 85 Old 07-07-2014, 08:31 PM
 
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what part of MO
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#66 of 85 Old 07-07-2014, 09:04 PM
 
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You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, yk?
If you liked the hospital, then I am happy for you. This is the home birth forum a place for support.

Do not down play my or anyone else's happy home births.

I must say that a satisfying hospital birth will depends greatly upon many variables as the mother and her health and expectations, the OB, the midwife, the nurses in charge at any one shift, the politics of the state, county, and local medical association with regard to birth and the policies and routines in place at a hospital with regards to the treatment of the mother, baby, and visitors.

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#67 of 85 Old 07-07-2014, 10:36 PM
 
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I think applejuice is right - if the purpose of a post is to extol the virtues of hospital birth this isn't the place to do it.

I've had both and would never ever want to give birth in a hositpal again. My hb on the other hand, which ended up being unassisted as mw didn't arrive until babe was 8 minutes old, was a beautiful amazing experience <3 worlds of difference
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#68 of 85 Old 07-08-2014, 09:36 AM
 
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My ONLY point is that this is a forum FOR home birth and support thereof. I am not downplaying anyone's wonderful hospital experience, but this is not the forum for it.

I know not all homebirths are joyous and happy.

I know that many women are glad for the hospital experience for the knowledgeable staff, the rest, the pain relief and other amenities. I am happy for any woman who gets what she wants and is satisfied.

But this forum is not for it.
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#69 of 85 Old 07-08-2014, 10:20 AM
 
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"Share their personal experiences" and when "home birth may not be a good choice" from the forum guidelines.

The OP is less likely to find moms who have experienced home birth in other forums.

I think the discussion re hospital births is hard to avoid, b/c if someone's experience didn't live up to expectations, it makes sense to describe what you are comparing it to.

I'm sorry you feel this is downplaying your births. Perhaps the OP finds herself in a place where it is hard to find community within mothering forums- elsewhere no one has had the experience, and here she is only allowed to be positive.
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#70 of 85 Old 07-08-2014, 11:55 AM
 
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Apple Juice, I feel the same way in the vegetarian/vegan forum >.<
With all of the forums, it surprises me that there are so many critics.
In this particular post, I don't think the OP meant any harm by it.....however, I will say that that the thread did perhaps get a little de-railed.
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#71 of 85 Old 07-08-2014, 01:13 PM
 
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... however, I will say that that the thread did perhaps get a little de-railed.
That is my entire point.
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#72 of 85 Old 07-08-2014, 07:18 PM
 
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My ONLY point is that this is a forum FOR home birth and support thereof. I am not downplaying anyone's wonderful hospital experience, but this is not the forum for it.

I know not all homebirths are joyous and happy.

I know that many women are glad for the hospital experience for the knowledgeable staff, the rest, the pain relief and other amenities. I am happy for any woman who gets what she wants and is satisfied.

But this forum is not for it.
I'm so sorry. I had no idea that you were the sole moderator and evaluator of appropriate posts on this forum. I'll go someplace else.
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#73 of 85 Old 07-08-2014, 07:30 PM
 
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what part of MO
Springfield/SWMO
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#74 of 85 Old 07-08-2014, 10:11 PM
 
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yes SWMO has the worst midwife options.....one reason why I chose to start ucing...Was it Lori Link that you used? I chose not to go with her for the same reason...she is VERY medically minded and in my opinion makes hb not worth it....if I wanted all the medical jazz, I would birth in the hospital! My friend used her for 3 or 4 births and was happy with her, but I didn't want to use her. There are more options in Arkansas, but unless they are also licensed up here or are lay (or you go to them), then it is pointless anyway.
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#75 of 85 Old 07-08-2014, 10:27 PM
 
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#76 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 06:37 AM
 
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No, not Lori Link. I don't share the MW's name but ask who my friends are using. If someone says they are using my old MW, then I warn them. My own dd used the same MW with both of her boys. It was hard for me because she was at my birth, knew the mistakes they made, how hard my recover was, and still chose to use her. I had to do some soul searching in order to doula for her birth. I figured she was informed and knew the risks, but ultimately was an adult and could make her own choices.

My friend used Mary Walsh last month and had a fabulous experience. I've only ever heard good things about Family Birth and Wellness.
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#77 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 07:24 AM
 
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I'm sorry you feel this is downplaying your births. Perhaps the OP finds herself in a place where it is hard to find community within mothering forums- elsewhere no one has had the experience, and here she is only allowed to be positive.
I took a look over the birth forums and there are numerous to choose from where one could discuss the virtues of hospitals. If there were none, you would have a case, but there are numerous.

I have not read this whole thread - but I did read a page back where a poster had an issue with a midwife showing up later than she expected. She still showed up with plenty of time (2 hours ahead of birth) but still - the expectation was the midwife would be there from start to finish.

I had a similar experience with my third child and only homebirth. I expected that the midwife would magically (lol) appear at my house the moment I went into labour. This did not happen. I went into labour, called my midwife, and she told me she was going to finnish up some tasks and would be by in about 1.5 hours. Gack!! I turned out to have a very quick labour and she showed up 45 minutes before the birth. Of course, if my labour had been 30 hours, I would have felt like she was there the whole time, but as my labour was 4 hours max, it really did feel like she just showed up to catch the baby. Ah, well, she did a great job in other ways and I would hire her again in an instant. If I had a do over, though, I would go over expectations re labour day with her a bit more.

There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

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#78 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 07:42 AM
 
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I took a look over the birth forums and there are numerous to choose from where one could discuss the virtues of hospitals. If there were none, you would have a case, but there are numerous.

I have not read this whole thread - but I did read a page back where a poster had an issue with a midwife showing up later than ashe expected. She still showed up with plenty of time (2 hours ahead of birth) but still - the expectation was there from start to finish.

I had a similar experience with my third child and only homebirth. I expected that the midwife would magically (lol) appear at my house the moment I went into labour. This did not happen. I went into labour, called my midwife, and she told me she was going to finnish up some tasks and woiuld be by in about 1.5 hours. Gack!! I turned out to have a very quick labour and she showed up 45 minutes before the birth. Of course, if my labour had been 30 hours, I would have felt like she was there the whole time, but as my labour was 4 hours max, it really did feel like she just showed up to catch the baby. Ah, well, she did a great job in other ways and I would hired her again in an instant. If I had a do over, though, I would go over expectations re labour day with her a bit more. .
My second birth was half the length of my first birth. The MW was at a family reunion and showed up just in time to catch, literally. It didn't bother me too much because I figure they have lives and family commitments, but it also wasn't my first. I can definitely see how nerve rattling that would be with your first!
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#79 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 07:46 AM
 
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There were definitely aspects of our homebirth that I loved and can't imagine doing any other way.... but two things give me pause.  One, I did not care for the pain of natural childbirth. 

I hear you.

I have had 3 births - 1 with Demerol, 2 unmedicated. The one with demoral was less painful, but I was so stoned I could not push. I almost ended up with forceps or a C-section because of it, and only didn't because the word "c-section" penetrated by drug induced fog.

My two without drugs were more painful - but I felt more in control, and there was never any worried discussions of c-sec or forceps. Both girls were born with higher apgars, as well.

I was with my sister when she gave birth. She had an epidural, and while it did bring her some sweet relief in mid labour, it was useless by the time she gave birth. She was throwing up and in awful pain - and I really felt that if the epidural could not save her from this, then what was the point????

Long story short - my experience with drugs in labour have not been overly positive. I now just acknowledge it - labour hurts, you will get through it and it ends. I would never say never - and if I was in hard labour for 30 plus hours I may stab myself in the back with an epidural. Drugs are certainly not my Plan A, though.

Keep in mind subsequent labours are often shorter.


DD's cord was indeed wrapped around her neck and torso, but to have the velamentous cord insertion on top of it gave me chills.  I would just feel better going into a hospital next time.
 
So go to the hospital

Go where you feel called to go and do not allow yourself to be talked into or out of it, unless it is for solid medical reasons. Your baby and your body!

There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

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Last edited by kathymuggle; 07-09-2014 at 07:53 AM.
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#80 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 08:26 AM
 
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 My midwife, birth assistant, pediatrician, even La Leche leader all thought DDs latch looked good, while I was in pain. Finally at about 9 weeks postpartum, after nipple damage, mastitis, breast accesses, antibiotics, and yeast infection, I met with a lactation consultant and the next day I was able to put DD back on the breast. We are now full time BF, but I thought the best we could do is exclusive pumping and formula supplementation.
Now I think if DD had been born in a hospital with a lactation consultant on staff, all this could have been avoided.
Probably not. I gave birth to two kids in hospital, and ended up in the hospital with my third due to an undiscovered-in-pregnancy birth defect.

At no point was I offered a lactation consultant, and with my first I did have issues. Most women are in and out of a hospital in less than 48 hours - not really time to figure out if there are significant problems and call in a LC, you know? Truthfully all the different advice from different nuses was nothing but confusing. I don't think hospitals are great places to learn to nurse. That is my opinion, and I have nursed three kids long term- one during a NICU stay. Breastfeeding does not always come easily to all women, it is not unusual for it to take about 6 weeks to sort out nursing issues. My money is on home being a better place than hospital to sort it out.

There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

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#81 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 11:57 AM
 
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I think part of the problem is that op's original post seems to invite criticism of hb, which might not be what the hb forum is for. I'm sure this wasn't intentional, but it's kind of like saying "McDonalds sucks, anyone else agree?" in a forum that's mean to support McDonalds. However I do think it's disingenuous to forbid all criticism of hb. Don't know what the solution is to the issue of where to post, but I will say a possible solution to crapy hb care providers is UC. I UCd after a horribly traumatic hospital birth with an incompetent mw, and it was *awesome*, but I guess there's another forum for UCs too!
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#82 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 01:33 PM
 
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It sounds like for the OP, a UC isn't currently on the table. (I say that being a supporter of UC)

If going to a hospital makes you comfortable, and you have a good hospital nearby, then it might be a great option for you. If your hospital is less than great then I'd do a bunch of research to see if you can get comfortable with home birth again or if it's a safe option for you.

I used Hypnobabies and have great things to say about it. It might help with pain relief.

As to the cord being wrapped around the neck, it's my understanding that is a normal and safe place for the cord to be so that it doesn't get compressed.

I had home births that I loved so I can't answer yes to the first question.
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#83 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 02:19 PM
 
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oh also, I second the idea that the meds hospitals give don't always do what they should..not sure if I stated it in my first post...but with my hospital birth, I didn't want an IV but it was protocol....so since I already had the IV, I figured I might as well have some drugs pumping through it....so I ended up with a small dose of Demerol (as I was so late into labor that they would not allow more). It didn't help a bit with pain (as it wasn't a pain reliever...but I didn't know that at the time)...it just made me high and I couldn't think straight to do what was needed to do. I asked the nurse about it after the fact and she told me it wasn't a pain reliever, but would just get me my mind off of the pain. I don't think it really did anything other than make me not be able to think straight. Also with the drug option, they told me it could cause breathing issues with baby....thankfully it didn't...but unfortunately with my sis in law she took statol (sp?) and her baby did have breathing issues. I say all of that to say that the drugs are not worth it. Now I haven't had an epidural...so cant say much about that...but I have heard others talk about it wearing off, not working or causing them prolonged temporary paralysis....obviously that is not going to happen all the time, but the risk is there and it bothers me to think of someone jabbing a piece of metal into my spinal cord. But to each their own =S
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#84 of 85 Old 07-09-2014, 04:00 PM
 
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No, not Lori Link. I don't share the MW's name but ask who my friends are using. If someone says they are using my old MW, then I warn them. My own dd used the same MW with both of her boys. It was hard for me because she was at my birth, knew the mistakes they made, how hard my recover was, and still chose to use her. I had to do some soul searching in order to doula for her birth. I figured she was informed and knew the risks, but ultimately was an adult and could make her own choices.

My friend used Mary Walsh last month and had a fabulous experience. I've only ever heard good things about Family Birth and Wellness.
well it is good to know it was not lori link....I had heard only good of her. I am sure she is fine, I just like the more hands off approach =) It is also good to get a good report of Mary Walsh.
I am curious to know who it was if they were in the SWMO area...but I understand you not wanting to slander her name. I wasn't aware of that many midwives in SWMO, but I guess unless they are licensed, they probably keep their head low. =S I do know of one lay midwife that services this area, but she is more of a nomad type.....and that was one of the reasons why she bothered me....she actually wanted to come live with me for 2 weeks before the birth......given I had just met her...that was a little weird for me. I also have an older friend that used a lay midwife in this area......but that was like 16-29 years ago =S
Most of my local homebirth buddies either use, lori, uc or go to Arkansas....outside of the couple of cases mentioned above.
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#85 of 85 Old 07-10-2014, 07:58 AM
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Seems things are a bit tense in this discussion among some members. Negative comments directed at individuals are never okay so I will be removing at least one post of that nature. If you wish to post in this forum or any other forum on Mothering you have to post respectfully. If you find a post you feel is in violation please report it and let the moderators review it and act if necessary. Reporting a post and then posting to argue against it in the discussion is not appropriate and may earn you a warning.

First, the forum guidelines:

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The Homebirth forum is for parents and parents-to-be to learn more about homebirth, share their personal experiences, get support to have a safe homebirth, or discuss their extenuating circumstances to help them make a decision about birthing at home. Posts made purely for the purpose of debate and criticism of homebirth are not appropriate. Topics of concern, including discussion of the risks and instances wherein homebirth might not be a good choice for a particular pregnancy or presentation may be examined and discussed critically by members who post to this forum regularly as supporters and advocates of homebirth. - See the guidelines here: http://www.mothering.com/articles/ho....y6rDBg7l.dpuf
Share their personal experiences - about homebirth. Sharing about your own homebirth experience is fine. Hospital birth experiences are best hosted in the Birth Stories and Birth and Beyond forum.

...discuss their extenuating circumstances to help them make a decision about birthing at home- anilorak13ska post expresses plans to have a hospital birth and wants to hear experiences of women who first had homebirths, were not happy with their experience, and then decided to have a hospital birth with their subsequent pregnancy. That is not really a homebirth discussion. That is a hospital birth post-homebirth discussion. So it is a discussion to have in the Birth and Beyond forum.

Topics of concern, including discussion of the risks and instances wherein homebirth might not be a good choice for a particular pregnancy or presentation may be examined and discussed critically by members who post to this forum regularly as supporters and advocates of homebirth - anilorak13ska, if you have not yet made the decision to have a hospital birth and would like to have a discussion about safely planning for a homebirth considering your previous birth circumstances, please do post another thread in the Homebirth forum for that particular discussion. Most of those who post regularly to the Homebirth forum as supporters and advocates of homebirth are aware of and understand there are risks with homebirth. They can help you in talking through the things of concern to you so you can make a decision that you feel comfortable with.

Moving this thread to Birth and Beyond with a thread title edit to clarify the topic.


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