Anyone decide on a hospital birth after homebirth didn't live up to expectations? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 85 Old 03-13-2014, 08:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone decide on a hospital birth after homebirth didn't live up to expectations?

Does anyone who had a planned homebirth for their first baby feel that it didn't live up to your expectations?  Or for whatever other reason you would prefer a hospital birth next time?

 

There were definitely aspects of our homebirth that I loved and can't imagine doing any other way.... but two things give me pause.  One, I did not care for the pain of natural childbirth.  I was handling things just fine until my water broke.  But even active labor I could see toughing it out again with DH's help, but pushing again?! Oh, no.  The other thing is that my DD had an undiagnosed velamentous cord insertion, which thank God was not accompanied by vasa previa, but I now know that I had 4 of 5 risk factors, and having had one pregnancy with it, there is some indication of it happening again.  I was on pins and needles as it was throughout my pregnancy bc it was an answer to 10 years of prayer on our infertility journey.  My biggest concern once I got past the halfway mark was the cord being wrapped around baby's neck and a posterior or even breech presentation (baby finally flipped at about 36 weeks, which I know is within the norm, but it doesn't change my worry).  DD's cord was indeed wrapped around her neck and torso, but to have the velamentous cord insertion on top of it gave me chills.  I would just feel better going into a hospital next time.

 

I'm not at all criticizing the choice for homebirth, though.  I'm just curious if anyone else went for it for their first and then wanted a hospital birth next time.  I hear many women who deliver their first in a hospital and then opt for a homebirth, so I'm just curious if I'm a weirdo like that, doing things backwards.  :)


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#2 of 85 Old 03-13-2014, 06:19 PM
 
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I had two in hospital, three at home, two more back at the hospital. I really prefer birth with anesthesia. There are more of us out here than you might think!
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#3 of 85 Old 03-13-2014, 06:51 PM
 
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I had a hospital birth for my first and the OB was terribly unsupportive of natural birth (I did it anyways though but it was emotionally hard on me).  I had a home birth with my 2nd, but like you there were some things that made me decide on a hospital birth this 3rd time around.

 

With my 2nd, I ended up with a 3rd degree tear and had to go to the hospital for stitches (I had a 4th degree the first time).  I'm at a higher risk of this happening yet again and would rather just be at the hospital already.  Also, when my 2nd was born he had the cord around his neck so tight that it clamped itself and his heart stopped, so they had to resuscitate him and it was terrifying for me and my husband.  But mostly I see this as an unforeseen complication that was unrelated to the home birth itself.

 

One of my big factors in choosing hospital this time is that I felt uncomfortable having the midwife/nurse/and even the doula at my home.  I felt like I had to entertain them (I put out a bunch of food) and then felt uncomfortable laboring in front of what felt like an audience of people, and I felt like I was wasting their time especially when my labor stalled.  I know DH is happy to not have to clean up from this 3rd pending birth, since he was responsible for emptying the birthing pool and cleaning up the house/etc. after the baby came.

 

I'm in a new area now that has a more naturally-minded hospital, and with a midwife practice instead of OBs, so hopefully that will make a difference! 

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#4 of 85 Old 03-13-2014, 09:12 PM
 
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You have to do what feels right to you. If you're more comfortable birthing in a hospital, then you should look into options in your area.

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#5 of 85 Old 03-14-2014, 07:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, all. Other than not caring for the pain, I was also terribly disappointed that a natural/homebirth didn't guarantee a great start to breastfeeding. My midwife, birth assistant, pediatrician, even La Leche leader all thought DDs latch looked good, while I was in pain. Finally at about 9 weeks postpartum, after nipple damage, mastitis, breast accesses, antibiotics, and yeast infection, I met with a lactation consultant and the next day I was able to put DD back on the breast. We are now full time BF, but I thought the best we could do is exclusive pumping and formula supplementation.
Now I think if DD had been born in a hospital with a lactation consultant on staff, all this could have been avoided.
Sorry so long. Glad to hear I'm not the only one a bit disillusioned with my home birth.
Did anyone give you grief about making the choice to birth at home and then give you that "told you" attitude?

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#6 of 85 Old 03-14-2014, 08:03 PM
 
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I would be hard-pressed to choose between hospital and homebirth if we still lived in an area with a hospital I trusted. I had a wonderful hospital birth with my second, and a nice homebirth with my third, but I didn't have great postpartum support with the homebirth (from family - the midwife did as much as could reasonably be expected!), and really could have used a few days at the hospital with no responsibility other than caring for the baby and myself. 

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#7 of 85 Old 03-14-2014, 09:19 PM
 
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Maybe I went into it with fewer expectations, but I was pretty happy with my homebirth experience.  It probably would have been unbearable if I hadn't had pain relief from our birthing pool.  The warm water mitigated all, to nearly all, pain the entire labor.  I delivered the baby in the water as well and that went very well with only 18 minutes of pushing.  I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I had a fantastic midwife who made the environment exactly what I needed, was there when I needed it, backed off when I didn't, and was very experienced so I felt in excellent hands.  Her expertise helped me not have any tearing, unlike my hospital birth.  There were some aspects of it that were harder, like transition.  But, the overall labor and recovery (especially the recovery) was so, so much better than my hospital birth.  It wasn't perfect, but I was trying to stay open to whatever happened so that I wouldn't be disappointed if something went wrong and we had to transfer.  We are definitely having another homebirth, though I am disappointed that our previous midwife isn't available.  I have a much younger and less experienced midwife, though she was expertly trained by my previous midwife, which is comforting.  I'm trying to keep my expectations low again, recognizing that no two births are the same, and doing everything I can to be prepared on my end to have a good homebirth.  But, every woman should be where she is most comfortable and where she is confident she can get the best care!  Do what you feel most confident in, especially if you have certain risk factors.

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#8 of 85 Old 03-16-2014, 06:54 AM
 
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Does it count if my planned homebirth didn't actually work out? The fact that my midwife had me transfer to the hospital prematurely (basically, because she wasn't convinced I was in labor and didn't want to to show, so told me to get checked out at the hospital) makes me uneasy about something going wrong and having to transfer again. Not that I think homebirth isn't safe, or hospital is much safer, but I think the hospital is definitely safer when you are with docs/midwives who are at least familiar with you and have your records on file vs. showing up as a complete unknown.

 

I was really dedicated to a homebirth the first time around, and still had a natural birth at the hospital. I doubt I would have done much different in either scenario. I did like the postpartum breastfeeding support at the hospital (even though breastfeeding continued to hurt for 3 mos or so because my son couldn't get his latch right and I had inverted /flat nipples.)

 

It's really just the issue of transfer for me. I don't want to have to transfer and be an unknown homebirthing mom to the hospital because of the possible prejudices, delay in care, and having to assert myself all over again to strangers. This time I am going with a midwife at the hospital, and either she or one of the other 4 midwives will deliver, and I already know the OB's so I feel a lot better about it. If I chose homebirth in my area there are very few midwives to choose from and none of them have working relationships with local hospitals. My state also requires an OB assessment in first and third trimesters for homebirth, which just adds to the headache because each midwife tends to work with a specific OB, and sometimes they are hours away. It just makes all the possible benefits of homebirth kind of disappear for me.

 

I would love to see the day when homebirth midwives and hospitals have excellent relations and good plans for streamlining transfers!

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#9 of 85 Old 03-16-2014, 08:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My DH was able to take 6 weeks paternity leave. Without that, I don't see how I could have gotten through postpartum, especially those first few days.

The hospital closest to us didn't do pre registrations, so I guess we were going to be strangers there no matter what. Our backup for transfer hospital was much better, in the process of getting baby friendly certified.
I really wonder if the water would've made it easier, especially pushing. Our hot water went out as DH tried to be there for me and fill/heat the pool in between contractions. greensad.gif
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#10 of 85 Old 03-18-2014, 12:21 PM
 
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I didn't have a home birth, but had an out of hospital very home like birth center birth.  I think I will birth at the hospital with a midwife next time.  My labor was extremely long and painful and I think there would have been some more options at the hospital.  Also, I have anxiety and I need to birth where I feel very safe and protected and that would probably be at a hospital.  My biggest reason would be because I would like an overnight stay.  Checking my newborn's vitals on my own was incredibly nerve wracking.  I also had some nursing issues that weren't resolved for weeks leading to a lot of pain.  I am looking forward to having a significant amount of postpartum support.

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#11 of 85 Old 03-18-2014, 12:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so encouraged to hear others in the same boat.  Prior to giving birth, the only talk I came across about homebirth was how wonderful it was.... or from those who wouldn't dream of it, what a crazy idea it was! lol.

 

I toured the birthing center where my midwife worked, but their birthing pool didn't have access from at least two sides, which meant they'd have asked me to get out of the pool to actually push baby out.  In my case, I never ended up even getting in my rented birth pool at home, but still.  The other thing was also that I didn't want to be bothered with driving anywhere - not in labor to the hospital, and not with a brand new baby just hours afterwards.  Now I'll take the drive to hospital in labor, since it does come with at least one night's stay.  We had to drag baby to the pediatricians two days after birth anyway, so didn't quite get the uninterrupted lying in period I envisioned anyway.

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#12 of 85 Old 03-19-2014, 12:53 AM
 
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Now I think if DD had been born in a hospital with a lactation consultant on staff, all this could have been avoided. 

 

Mm. It's possible. But it's also likely that you would have been sent home having issues and then been trying to get back in to see someone. I've done several home visits for moms who had their baby in the hospital and were having pain with nursing but couldn't get a call back from the lactation consultant.

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#13 of 85 Old 06-17-2014, 06:28 AM
 
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My first two children were both planned homebirths that ended in transfer and c-sections. There is a chance with both births that hospital care and early intervention could have prevented the need for c-sections. My last two were born in the hospital as VBA2C. Both births were amazing, even though the last was an induction. I'm pretty sure any future births will be in a hospital.
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#14 of 85 Old 06-17-2014, 08:12 AM
 
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I had all of my own children at home. I am glad it worked out each time.

My sister had the same midwife as me, yet she was risked out twice for first, a breech with a short cord, and her second baby was a transverse lie with placenta previa. She had two healthy children by caesarean section. Both were after she had begun labor so her babies were not premature because the doctor's dates were off. My sister said if she ever had a third baby, she would choose the date and do a ECS rather than do an emergency c/sec.
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#15 of 85 Old 06-17-2014, 12:55 PM
 
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I wouldn't have done hb with my first pg. It was uneventful, but I had no clue what to do or expect. In the hospital, they kept asking if I felt "the urge to push"...I had no clue what they meant! They didn't ever get back to me about Lamaze.... so I was seriously clueless! The first half of the pushing stage, I wasn't productively pushing because I had no clue how! I was so concerned about pooping that I wasn't pushing hard enough. Either way, I say all of that to say that if my 1st was a hb I would probably still be pregnant 12 years later..lol . I didn't enjoy my hospital experience, but it did teach me what to expect.

Also, keep in mind, that not all pregnancies and deliveries are the same. my first, was easy contractions but hard pushing. My second was horrible contractions and SUPER EASY pushing (actually was a relief). My 3rd was hard all around. My 4th was a super short delivery (less than 3 hours start to finish and only 2 hours of contractions)..... but she was hard to push out because cord was around the back of her head and he leg. 5th was easy contractions..i was actually falling asleep..... but his delivery was my second longest and he took some work to get out. I say all that to say that just because one was a certain way doesn't mean they all will be.

Also, now days hospitals only keep you 24 hours unless there are issues. I wouldn't want to have to be in the car during labor as well as travel the next day! I would rather do that all in the comforts of my home. Also, my hospital never offered me any lactation consultation.... but thankfully she latched on great. I guess maybe I had too high of expectations for the hospital. =S


Ps. a lot of issues can be detected via u/s
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#16 of 85 Old 06-19-2014, 11:26 AM
 
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I didn't plan home births, but I did plan birth center births with my first three deliveries. My first was a posterior baby, very painful labor without progression, and ultimately transfer to hospital due to fetal distress. After an epidural (which actually spaced my contractions into a healthier pattern) and close monitoring, I was able to have a vaginal birth and the baby was fine. That hospital experience wasn't great (13 years ago), more because of how the staff treated us after the birth, and because of separation from my newborn. I was determined to stay out of hospital the next time, and successfully had my next in the birthing center. It was incredibly painful, though, even with water for relief and a lot of support from my attendants. My last one was planned for a birth center, again, but I ended up going to the hospital because of PROM. I pretty much had decided that I wasn't going to try for a natural birth in a hospital (particularly with pitocin), so got an epidural early, and she was born without complication. I had a much better experience with that birth than with my first two, as this was a different hospital that was a lot more respectful of my space and my choices. For this baby, I am planning a hospital birth with a CNM, and I'm going to possibly try for a natural birth (depending on my progress in labor, and what feels right to me at the time).

If my options were the same as they were 13 years ago with my first, I'm not sure what I would do. That hospital was much less respectful of the mother's choices during birth. Where I'm going with this baby works with a lot of midwives. They won't restrict my movement during birth, they won't keep me from eating and drinking, and won't even force an IV if I don't want one. I didn't have those choices in a hospital setting before. And I do have some conflicted feelings about my birth with my first son. His distress was severe (heart rate dropping and staying in the 60's), and while he ended up being overall okay, he does have some learning disabilities and sensory issues. I have no idea if they are related to how he was born, and I don't suppose I'll ever know. Overall, his birth was just very traumatic; painful and scary, and then sad when my baby was kept separate from me.

Good luck in choosing the birth option that is best for you. There is always a lot to consider; it's not a clear cut answer for most women. Whatever you decide, know that the choice is about what fits you best, and it's okay to choose the hospital if that is what feels right for you this time.
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#17 of 85 Old 06-19-2014, 02:52 PM
 
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I don't think I responded to this already. I accidentally ate some gluten and my brain's in a fog, so sorry if I missed my post...

I had a really bad homebirth experience, thanks to a midwife with an attitude problem. She was awful. She lied about how far along I was on the chart (or just didn't bother listening), drove an hour away while I was in active labor when she should have been coming over, and when she finally showed up she told me not to listen to my body and passed out. I was having a small urge to push, which was just my body trying to rearrange kiddo who, in his eagerness to be born, managed to block the birth canal- if hse'd sat through a push with me, she'd have realized that. Instead, she said "don't push" and left it at that, prompting me to spend hours fighting what my body naturally needed to do. Worst advice I'd ever gotten. If hte second midwife, who was AMAZING, hadn't shown up- I surely would have needed a c-section. She really was amazing, I cannot say enough good things about her, if hse had been the primary midwife that day my experience would have been lightyears different, kiddo probably would have been born over 6 hours earlier- that's how long I'd stalled.

Unfortunately, midwife A was in charge. After the baby came, no one helped me into a better position so I could hold my baby comfortably (instead- midwife A pulled the chord, which I later found out can cause hemorraging- I blame it for the amount of blood I lost, they also didn't test me for iron levels or anything else, even though I was likely anemic). I wasn't allowed to breastfeed because they couldn't be bothered figuring out how to use the at-breast supplementer (even though they'd known that was my intention for months) and instead we had to use a cup to feed our baby. The baby was taken out of the room, my partner went with him, and so I was separated from my baby for what felt like an eternity not long after he was born- exactly what I didn't want.

It was a really awful, traumatic experience. I don't know what to do next time, it's really freaked me out that a healthcare provider can spend 9 months agreeing with you and sounding like she respects your wishes and, at your most vulnerable, basically abandon you. How can you trust any OBGYN, nurse, or midwife after that?

Although not to the same degree, something akin could easily have happened in a hospital as well. This isn't a homebirth problem, it's a "healthcare providers with bad attitudes" problem.

Oddly, the pain wasn't a big deal. I wouldn't have felt nearly as terrified, and I wouldn't have been as exhausted, if not for the midwife, and the memory of the pain hasn't lingered with me. I'm terrified of giving birth again, but it's not because of the pain at all. I think it's because I had undiagnosed fibro, so I'm used to always being in pain. Also, now that I've been diagnosed and can manage my condition, I'm really hoping next time will be easier.

I don't know what to do next time. I have no faith in my ability to vaginally birth in a hospital, I just can't relax an after what happened this time I know that I'll just stall big time, so if I go hospital I'd honestly rather just plan to do a c-section rather than risk spending hours or even days in labor and THEN have to do an emergency c-section. Maybe a birthing center will be better, but I don't know. We'll see. There is risk in home birth, I know that, and that risk is not worth it if it's going to just be traumatic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ninabear View Post
I felt like I was wasting their time especially when my labor stalled.
This so much. My midwife made it really bad because she actually acted like I was wasting her time, but this was definitely a problem for me as well. I don't know if a better midwife would have put me more at ease with it or not.
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#18 of 85 Old 06-19-2014, 04:11 PM
 
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Just food for thought-
It sounds like your main issue was with the medical persons. If you felt comfortable with it, you should look into UC. It sounds like you and your body know what to do. But uc is not for everyone....the person has to feel comfortable and confident in their decision. =) I went to uc on my third birth after one bad hospital experience and one decently good birthing center experience.
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#19 of 85 Old 06-20-2014, 02:20 AM
 
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Thanks for the suggestion. We are considering it, we considered it with the first but we weren't comfortable. I'm not sure if it would have been better if we'd done it on our own- kiddo came 2 weeks early at a bad time and it really freaked me out. A lot will depend on the situation. If we have someone who's willing to be a support person for our first, how far we live from a hospital, what the laws in the state are and how difficult it'll be to get a birth certificate (I know some people don't want one, but we do), how the pregnancy goes, how I feel when labor starts, etc.

I just wish I could feel confident about an assisted option. There's a lot of reasons that UC may not feel good or even be safe next time, I really hope I can find a way to be comfortable with an assisted option just in case.
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#20 of 85 Old 06-21-2014, 02:46 PM
 
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Yes, if I had risk issues, I probably wouldn't UC...but that is just me. But thankfully, all of my pregnancies and deliveries have been pretty much uneventful. The nice thing is that every midwife is different, so hopefully you can find one that is right for you. I personally don't have a lot of options were I am at. I interviewed my two options and neither met my criteria...thus I UC. =)
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#21 of 85 Old 06-21-2014, 03:19 PM
 
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Yeah, in the state I gave birth in (CT) that group of midwives was the only option. I couldn't choose who would attend the birth, it was just whoever was on-call that day. It makes me not want to live in that state again. I'm not sure where we'll be living when we're ready to have another or what the options are, but I hope we'll be able to live somewhere with good options.

I also really hope we can get an insurance that'll cover it if we do want to do a homebirth again, we got really lucky last time that it did!
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#22 of 85 Old 06-21-2014, 07:05 PM
 
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I don't know about other states, but my state is fairly easy to get a birth certificate in. First the baby has to have an ss card...which is the more in depth process....but still relatively simple. Here I just have to contact vital records and get the forms to fill out for live birth, get them notarized and sent back in. Providing I filled them out right....(which is the hardest part..lol) they eventually send me an ss card (takes about 4-8 weeks) and then I can take that to the county (of child's birth) health dept. and have them print off an official copy of the birth certificate. I think it cost 10-15 dollars, if I remember correctly.
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#23 of 85 Old 06-21-2014, 07:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sillysapling View Post
I don't think I responded to this already. I accidentally ate some gluten and my brain's in a fog, so sorry if I missed my post...

I had a really bad homebirth experience, thanks to a midwife with an attitude problem. She was awful. She lied about how far along I was on the chart (or just didn't bother listening), drove an hour away while I was in active labor when she should have been coming over, and when she finally showed up she told me not to listen to my body and passed out. I was having a small urge to push, which was just my body trying to rearrange kiddo who, in his eagerness to be born, managed to block the birth canal- if hse'd sat through a push with me, she'd have realized that. Instead, she said "don't push" and left it at that, prompting me to spend hours fighting what my body naturally needed to do. Worst advice I'd ever gotten. If hte second midwife, who was AMAZING, hadn't shown up- I surely would have needed a c-section. She really was amazing, I cannot say enough good things about her, if hse had been the primary midwife that day my experience would have been lightyears different, kiddo probably would have been born over 6 hours earlier- that's how long I'd stalled.

Unfortunately, midwife A was in charge. After the baby came, no one helped me into a better position so I could hold my baby comfortably (instead- midwife A pulled the chord, which I later found out can cause hemorraging- I blame it for the amount of blood I lost, they also didn't test me for iron levels or anything else, even though I was likely anemic). I wasn't allowed to breastfeed because they couldn't be bothered figuring out how to use the at-breast supplementer (even though they'd known that was my intention for months) and instead we had to use a cup to feed our baby. The baby was taken out of the room, my partner went with him, and so I was separated from my baby for what felt like an eternity not long after he was born- exactly what I didn't want.

It was a really awful, traumatic experience. I don't know what to do next time, it's really freaked me out that a healthcare provider can spend 9 months agreeing with you and sounding like she respects your wishes and, at your most vulnerable, basically abandon you. How can you trust any OBGYN, nurse, or midwife after that?

Although not to the same degree, something akin could easily have happened in a hospital as well. This isn't a homebirth problem, it's a "healthcare providers with bad attitudes" problem.

Oddly, the pain wasn't a big deal. I wouldn't have felt nearly as terrified, and I wouldn't have been as exhausted, if not for the midwife, and the memory of the pain hasn't lingered with me. I'm terrified of giving birth again, but it's not because of the pain at all. I think it's because I had undiagnosed fibro, so I'm used to always being in pain. Also, now that I've been diagnosed and can manage my condition, I'm really hoping next time will be easier.

I don't know what to do next time. I have no faith in my ability to vaginally birth in a hospital, I just can't relax an after what happened this time I know that I'll just stall big time, so if I go hospital I'd honestly rather just plan to do a c-section rather than risk spending hours or even days in labor and THEN have to do an emergency c-section. Maybe a birthing center will be better, but I don't know. We'll see. There is risk in home birth, I know that, and that risk is not worth it if it's going to just be traumatic.


This so much. My midwife made it really bad because she actually acted like I was wasting her time, but this was definitely a problem for me as well. I don't know if a better midwife would have put me more at ease with it or not.
I also has an Awful traumatic 1st birth with a care provider who sounds a lot like yours. She didn't want to wait at all and they have this "protocol" (rule) that if you don't dialate 1 cm per hour then you're labelled "failure to progress" and given a c-section. So I didn't dialate for a full hour and she spent the next several hours telling me my body couldn't do it, "some times nature just needs a little help", and getting increasingly impatient with my refusal to have an "emergency" c-section. Eventually she was down right mean and abusive. Needles to say she was totally shocked when I dilated fully and at moment I felt so bad for all he women who had undergone major abdominal surrey with all the lasting implications - for *nothing*. She spent the 9 months agreeing with me too then totally betrayed me when I was at my most vulnerable so i totally get what you're saying. For my second I decided I would wait as long as possible to call the mw for my hb and I called eventually but it took her 40 minuets to arrive and by the baby was 8 minutes old. The UC was so amazing, especially not being checked at all and monitored, it was lovely.

Best of luck to all
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#24 of 85 Old 06-22-2014, 02:36 AM
 
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You should be able to get the birth certificate without the SS#, as you aren't required to have a SSN to be a US citizen. Showing your ID to prove you're the parents should be enough. I know that people use getting the SSN as proof that the birth certificate has been processed, though.

In CT, you needed to apply for it within 10 days and could apply for the SSN at the same time if you wanted (I believe you can apply for SSN at the same time in every state, because the federal government says you can). Which the midwives didn't- part of why I'm so freaked out about doing a homebirth again and am worried about problems with a UC! I spent a month fighting them, working with my town hall (who were fortunately very sympathetic towards me), to get the paperwork for my baby's birth certificate, he almost ended up without insurance thanks to them! Once I handed in the paperwork, I got the birth certificate that day- which may have been because they got the paperwork 3 weeks late, but I don't think so- but spending the first month of your baby's life stressing out and having to fight to get paperwork you need was not fun.

(They were also supposed to apply for his insurance within 5 days by state mandate, they didn't bother doing so and wouldn't fill out whatever paperwork they were supposed to, so I had to wait to get the birth certificate, then I had to use it to apply to get him on insurance. They kept telling me that it took weeks longer to get things than it really did, apparently when they actually do apply for the insurance it takes people a month to get the insurance card. It took less than a week. Apparently when they send out to get the birth certificate sorted out, it takes months, it took me, again, a day. I am incredibly unimpressed with this business, and I didn't find out about any of these problems until after the baby was born, there wasn't really any way to know all of this would have happened, you can see why I don't want to trust homebirth.)

familybed1.gif homebirth.jpgnocirc.gifmalesling.GIFecbaby2.gif 

Proud Formula Feeder, I support how ALL parents feed their babies. Breast or bottle, formula or breastmilk, and any combination thereof.

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#25 of 85 Old 06-22-2014, 09:45 AM
 
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I understand. The nice things is that it sounds like you know what to do on the paperwork side of things for the area you live in. Although, from what I have read, it varies by state (which is so strange). Honestly it has even changed a little between each of my births. Sometimes I would have to send in a written letter giving baby stats and asking for the proper forms to fill out and sometimes I could just call. I cant remember for certain off the top of my head, but I believe one time I had to send a copy of my drivers license ....but I am not positive...that may have been a different thing. I don't believe I had to do that with my last child.....and I just got his done a year ago even though he is now 2. We don't have a limit on when it has to be done.....but of course you cant claim them on taxes if they are not a registered citizen.
For my second son, he was born in a different state than we live. The midwives did the ss card stuff for me (thankfully) but of course the birth certificate was up to me. But I had to get it from the state that he was born in......I *think* that was the time I had to send a copy of my drivers license...as well as fill out a form.
Around here even at the hospitals, they don't do official birth certificates. They only send in ss card info and then once you get the card, then you can get a birth certificate printed from the county health dept. So around here the only difference (paper work wise) between homebirth and hospital birth is who fills out the ss card form.
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#26 of 85 Old 06-22-2014, 08:00 PM
 
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RE: birth certificates and home births.

A friend of mine, ba-a-aa-ck in the military draft era of the 1960s had her baby at home in Massachusetts while attending Harvard as a married student, (her husband was at MIT.) She did not register her son's birth because she did not want him drafted in some future war. Then she finally realized she may not be able to register him for school nor could he get a driver's license or a passport when the time came, so she decided to register his birth. She learned that had she waited for a bit more, she would have had to go to her Congressman and it would have taken an Act of Congress to give her son a birth certificate. Frankly, I think that would have been cool, but she registered the birth with the local authorities in Massachusetts.
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#27 of 85 Old 06-22-2014, 08:56 PM
 
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I thought about not registering my last child to avoid having to pay insurance on yet another person (thanks Obama)....also kind of scared of how controlling the govt has been getting. I liked the idea of him not being under that.......................but of course, he would basically be up a creek without a paddle for the rest of his life.....so I went ahead and registered him.

PS I don't want this post to spur a political debate
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#28 of 85 Old 06-23-2014, 08:27 AM
 
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My mother in law had a social security number but no birth certificate. When she approached retirement age, she had to have two persons who knew her file sworn, notarized affidavits stating where and when she was born in order to collect her SSA benefits. So there are ways to prove who you are, but it is easier with a birth certificate.
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#29 of 85 Old 06-23-2014, 10:07 AM
 
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Just thought I'd add my two cents, as someone who has had one kid in a hospital, and one kid at home. First off I think it's likely that first births kind of suck for a lot of people, whether at home or in the hospital. You're scared because everynthing is new. First births usually take much longer (24 hours is average I believe) so of course you are more tired and in pain for a longer period. So with that in mind I will say I would take my home birth over my hospital birth any day of the week. First off, I did get an epidural and it was not great. It only worked (provided pain relief) on half my body, so I still had to deal with a lot of pain. However i couldnt move my legs at all, so finding more comfortable position was impossible. I also hated the feeling of helplessness from being tied to a bed. The nurses repeatedly told my husband I would probably need a c-section for failure to progress, despite the fact that I was only in labor for 15 hours total and that isn't long for a first birth. I also was given an episiotomy which i dont think was neccessarry but left me in so much pain it hurt to sit up and hold my baby. I had asked that dd be bathed in the hopital room with me so we wouldnt have to be seperated, but they were short on nurses because of c-section so i they took her down to nursery. i sent dh with her, and so i was left all alone, scared, hungry, and in pain. After dd was born I repeatedly asked to see the lactation consultant, but in the three days we were there she never came. Not once. I did end up having some troubles with breast feeding in the beginning and I ended up having to pay out of pocket to see a private lactation consultant. I also felt like the support from the hospital staff after the birth was horrible. My baby wouldn't sleep in the bassinet, but those stupid hospital beds are so small you can't cosleep, so either I or my husband had to be awake at all times to safely hold her so she would sleep. My only option would have been to send her to nursery, but I didn't want her out of my or dh's sight. We were much more exhausted after returning from the hospital with her than we were after having ds at home.

On the other hand at home for the second birth, things were much easier. I had him in the pool and I had a doula present and for the most part the pain was very manageable. I think for me being in my own house and in control was much preferable than being tethered to the hospital bed. An hour before ds was born I was laughing in the kitchen making tea for everybody. Transition was the worst part and because I went from 5cm to 10 cm in like 30 minutes I got a little bit scared because I thought I might have hours left to go at that level of intensity. Afterwards I was bundled up in my own clothes, in my own king-size bed where I watched the midwives clean the baby and give him his little check up. Then the baby and I were able to snuggl in bed and sleep. A few hours later I was up and moving around (despite having gotten stitches for a tear along the line of the old episiotomy) with relative ease. My mom was staying with us for the week so we did have help with dd, but I felt lucky that we didn't have to be away from her during this time, I think it made a much easier transition for her.

Clearly I preferred my homebirth over my hospital birth, but specifically regarding advantages that should have been in the hospitals favor such as pain relief and an onstaff lactation consultant, I feel like the hospital birth wasn't able to live up to expectations.
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#30 of 85 Old 06-23-2014, 01:10 PM
 
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Oh my goodness, sounds like you had a painful experience. Sad all of that happened. Wish you healing and joyous ways forward.

I had a home birth for my first about 5 weeks ago and it was perfect. I live in a city VERY well served by numerous happy, respected midwives and ancillary care providers including prenatal yoga teachers, therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, educators, doulas, lactation consultants, and holistic doctors if you need them. It seems like there is an unofficial core of 10-15 midwives whose commitment and sense of community creates fairly stringent and rigorous standards of care.
I had zero illusions about hospital birthing due to my extensive experience in/with the medical system. Insurance didn't pay, but I'd saved up money to pay for everything out of pocket and to take time off for self care and research. There were no pregnancy-related complications I couldn't fix. I was overprepared and ready to birth on my own, if need be - low-risk, lucky, and hardworking. Understandable if not everyone has this experience.
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