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#1 of 7 Old 05-09-2004, 10:24 AM - Thread Starter
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#2 of 7 Old 05-09-2004, 11:13 AM
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It really isn't your place to try to educate her. And, if you try and she's reluctant, all you'll manage to do is destroy your friendship. If you have personally had a c-section, maybe you could discuss with her your personal experiences, but otherwise, just stay out of it. It's her body, her choice, regardless of how informed or misinformed she may be.

I don't really mean to sound so harsh...
What I'm driving at is that it is her own responsibility to educate and inform herself. Perhaps you could hint to her that maybe she needs to do some homework on the risks involved before she makes such a major decision. Then, if she asks for help finding info, you can point her in the right direction.
From my own personal experience, there was nothing worse than all those people who thought they should educate me on the risks of attempting VBAC. I see this in the same light.
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#3 of 7 Old 05-09-2004, 12:14 PM
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A friend of mine was induced b/c baby was 'too big' and 'at least' 9-10 lbs. Induction turned into failure to progress, turned into c-section, for a baby that was about 7 1/2 lbs. (Oh, it turned out to be a great thing b/c her ds had cord around his neck, which from what I understand is pretty normal and not a reason for a c-sec.)

That is the basic story time and again, but if she wants to schedule, there's really nothing you can do about it. People can look large for many reasons, not just b/c of a large baby and u/s are only accurate +/- 1-2 lbs, if I remember correctly. 1-2 lbs on a newborn is a HUGE difference.

Maybe you could point her in the direction of some resources to review, but if she's trusting her doc, she's trusting her doc and probably won't switch this late in the game unless she really feels something is wrong. That doesn't sound like the case here.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#4 of 7 Old 05-09-2004, 02:05 PM
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People won't educate themselves when they have no reason to believe anything is wrong. If this woman was raised to believe everything doctors say, what is going to make her start disbelieving it? Hopefully not tragic personal experience.

This doctor is trying to do something that could endanger the baby. I think the mother deserves information. I wouldn't expect her to suddenly start reading Mothering, but if you say you "know" several people who have given birth to babies 10 lbs and up, and that the u/s is often wrong, and that even with a c/s it's better to labor first anyway, and that induction is harmful, she might listen to you.
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#5 of 7 Old 05-09-2004, 02:11 PM
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nodding that if she believes the docs shes' not going to believe you. and that it is her body.
you could certainly tell her of the hundreds (i'm sure) of women, including me who were induced for a big baby (she's well over 8lbs at 36wks and its a long weekend coming up and i'll be out of town and if you want a vbac i really think i should be there.). My induced pitocin labor led to epi, led to fetal heartrate drop and emergency csection. My dd was 7lbs 6oz (?!) at 38wks

my vba2c i didn't have the u/s to guess size. lol

the biggest thing i've found to help women considering c's is the difference in recovery time. I was on my feet immediately after my vbac - home eating a sandwhich 12 hours later. Yes, i still had discomfort for a week or two, but nothing like the pain from the cesarean. My cesareans i was in the hospital almost 5 days which led to some ppd. I was unable to drive for a month, walk stairs for 3wks. I was in pain for 6 weeks vs 2weeks.
so you could always throw that out there
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#6 of 7 Old 05-11-2004, 05:24 PM
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Ok, I agree that it really isn't your place to "educate" her. I also agree that ppl who have no reason to look into things themselves won't.

How I would go about it is this, "Ask why they are worried. Is baby big or is it because she is big? Was it an u/s that determined size?" Then nonchallantly say, "Well, the u/s can be off!" and then if she asks further then talk about it. But you have to test the waters before opening the flood gates.

I would try to stay away with comparing recovery time. I've known women who had 2 vag deliveries and the 3rd was a c/b and the c/b was easier recovery. I've had 2 c/bs and the first was a long recovery and the second was about 2 weeks max. By comparing you are comparing experiences not facts...kwim?

By you saying, THIS happened to a friend of is the same thing that happens when a dr says "I've had THIS happen". It almost turns in to scare tactics both ways. (this is when comparing... I had an ob give me an example and it turned out he was telling me about my friend without using her name...)

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#7 of 7 Old 05-11-2004, 06:46 PM
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I have had two friends who looked huge and had pretty normal weight babies (petite mom had a 8lb 2oz baby and tall, big boned mom had 10lb 9oz baby two weeks past her edd)... just had tons of fluid I suppose. Of course, my perceptions of what is normal and what isn't is way different from many people's perceptions I guess.

All I can say is plant the seed, maybe ask her if she's read up on it or anything. Many moms take their OBs word for gospel and there's not much you can do to change their mind.
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