Cesarean Birth and Recovery SUPPORT Thread 11 (MAY 2004) - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-17-2004, 12:40 PM
 
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I was very fortunate to deliver at a hospital without a 4 hour rule, but the first 2 times (same hospital both times) I had to wait until I was out of recovery and dh went with the babes to the reg. nursery. I saw them each in about an hour (actually I held them both on the OR table for a bit before they went to the nursery). This last time, the baby and dh stayed with me, and that was better, although I wasn't able to hold him long while they were finishing.

A 4 hour rule would make me . There really is no good reason that a baby should need to go for any length of time, so long as babe is healthy and has no problems. What a huge detriment that would be to BFing and bonding.

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Old 06-17-2004, 01:29 PM
 
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I was subject to this rule (or my hospital's version of it). DS was born at 8:08pm and I finally got to hold him/see him at 12:15am, so I didn't even get to hold him on his birthday. They wouldn't even let dh hold him (and he didn't realize he could argue with them about that). And ds was very healthy at birth (Apgars of 9 & 9).

I'm very resentful b/c we did have bfing issues and in retrospect, I think ds was "confused" about who his mother was. I just get so upset when I realize he was left on a brightly lit warming table by himself in no one's arms, probably crying, for the first few hours of his life. Makes me sick.

I want a do over.
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Old 06-17-2004, 02:40 PM
 
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I've never heard of the 4 hour rule.

Tracy never left my side. He stayed in the or till I went to recovery. When I was wheeled out he was in my arms! He nursed about 45 minutes after he was born and has been with me since!

Bryce was a little different. He was in the OR for most of the time. They took him to the nursery to be weighed and measured and such. I was taken to recovery and to recover (in our room for our stay) and they sai dit would 45 minutes before B would be there. I guess to observe. But they were bakc in 5 minutes because he was latching on to everything that came near his face He nursed for almost an hour the first time. It was after that tey saw his breathing problem and took him away

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Old 06-18-2004, 12:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry's_Mamma
There was this whole section on posterior presentation and what to do about it and NONE of those things were done to/for me. I so wish I had had a doula or had done more research on malpresentation. But I have to let that go ...
.
UUUUUUUUUUUGhh, i so kwym. all through my records it said "persistent OP" and my midwife did absolutely nothing to encourage me to change positions to help the baby move. i know it is so hard to not look in hindsite, but you just have to try to move forward.
one of the things that made me so mad about mine was that my midwife wrote, "discussed risks of cesarean with patient, such as infection, hemmorage, damage to surrounding organs"....what a bunch of crap that was. had she talked to us about this, i never would've consented so easily.

it is so wierd, i really feel a tremendous amount of closure since i read over my records. i don't even care if they're incomplete. i just feel like i have the info i wanted and now i can move on.

that's not the reason i haven't been here though, just a screwed up computer right now. i wanted to say hello to everyone! i missed being here!

btw, welcome, terion! hope you'll feel at home here with us.

****amy, that sounds pretty close to what mine read about the suture. i'll check for sure. mine did say very clearly though that my uterus was sewn in two layers...i don't know if this is something they have to say on there or not.
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Old 06-18-2004, 04:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasarah
one of the things that made me so mad about mine was that my midwife wrote, "discussed risks of cesarean with patient, such as infection, hemmorage, damage to surrounding organs"....what a bunch of crap that was. had she talked to us about this, i never would've consented so easily.
My records said this, too, and like your situation, it just was NOT true. I actually went back to my OB's office and spoke with a "patient representative", told her it was untrue (and pointed out various other errors in the records), and had it changed!

Not that it makes much difference, I still had the c/s, and I'm sure they're still putting that in patient's chart without actually doing it, but it made me feel better.



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Old 06-20-2004, 08:41 PM
 
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bumpity bump bump

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Old 06-21-2004, 01:20 AM
 
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My friend Maria had her second baby by repeat c/b on friday! They named her Nadia. Her first c/b came after 24 hours of labor. She had full blown toxemia and were trying to induce her at 36 weeks. She had no cervix ripening and had never had a contraction until the pit was started. Poor thing never had a chance! She had no bp issues this time but had no interest in vbacing. So, it was scheduled up front.

She is so excited to have Nadia in her arms!!!

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Old 06-21-2004, 05:01 PM
 
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nak

Never heard of the 4 hr rule. Sounds *hideous*. With ds1, dh went with him to the nursery 1st (it was an emergency C, yes, they wanted to make sure everything was okay), then they brought him to recovery, and I nursed him. I think we may have been separated ~45 min. I have a close friend who was separated from her baby for *10 HOURS* after her C. Can you believe that??? It's friggin' crazy. And they gave him formula, etc. (when she told them not to). She was pretty upset (and upset about the unexpected C, too, poor thing).

We took digital photos of the records (hanging conveniently on the side of ds1's bassinet) in the hospital...
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Old 06-21-2004, 06:45 PM
 
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Hiya mamas,
I've been reading the thread but too busy to post until now. I just have to get something off my chest. I feel like a jerk and I'm jealous I guess. Our friend's partner came over the other day to tell us about their perfect homebirth. I'm happy for them but I also can't help feeling a little jealous/upset. Their midwife was my assistant midwife last year. She had just learned a non- invavsive technique to turn op babies. I have read about this technique since dd's birth and was upset that neither of my midwives knew about this at the time. The technique worked and the baby turned. I'm really glad my friend didn't have to go through what I went through. However, I'm remembering a comment she made to a friend of mine whom I told the technique. The pregnant friend said "oh my midwife would never do anything so manipulative or intrusive. We don't want anything like that". I kept thinking I bet you would want her to do something if you were in a similiar situation. okay I'm to go and get out of my bad attittude. thanks for reading this.
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Old 06-21-2004, 10:08 PM
 
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Hello y'all! I am so glad to see this thread. I just want to say that I totally understand the jeaous/upset feeling regarding hearing others "succesful" birth stories. My ds#1 was op which we did not find out until I pushed for a couple hours. I did tons of research when I was pg with ds#2 who is now nearly 3 weeks old. I did everything to avoid having ds#2 positioned wrong. I was very psyched for a Vbac and wanted to be an example to those around me who scheduled c/secs. Unfortunately I ended up with emergency c/sec #2. Needless to say I was glad for the chance to labor, but dissapointed with the result. I had the same midwife for both labors and felt very supported in my choice to vbac. I don't understand the "4 hour" thing. I felt so good about the fact that I was able to nurse my babes immediately. I do understand though that hospitals function with different policies. Anyways...just glad to be able to come somewhere for support!

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Old 06-21-2004, 10:13 PM
 
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prmom - elcome

wrensmom - I know exactly how you feel and I think it's only normal to feel a certain level of frustration and jealousy. We all had our "perfect" birth experience expectations and I can pretty much bet that most of us here, didn't get what we were expecting. I still struggle with my feelings because I can't have anymore kiddos... so I REALLY feel like I got ripped off in the "perfect birth experience fairy tale". All I can do is remind myself of how lucky I am to have such a beautiful, healthy baby!! and that how she got here doesn't matter. (I tell myself this, but it's obvious that in some deep down manner, it really still does matter... I'm sure it's something that will pass with time).

Okay... I'm obviously still conflicted...

I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your feelings.

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Old 06-22-2004, 01:20 AM
 
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Yup, it sucks and it isn't fair!
I'm the only one around (except the MDC moms in my area I "just" met)even remotely interested in natural living and I am the ONLY one that had a c/b! The others were all induced early for size or convience and had no issues in labor or delivery.

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Old 06-22-2004, 02:12 AM
 
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Icequeen said
Quote:
We all had our "perfect" birth experience expectations and I can pretty much bet that most of us here, didn't get what we were expecting.
... and that's why I love coming back here. Y'all are understanding about that and very supportive.
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Old 06-22-2004, 02:21 AM
 
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I just find it so comforting to know that I'm not the only one that still experiencing a sense of loss. My family is convinced I'm a whack job because it still bothers me.

It's so wonderful to this group of mamas!

: Karen, wife to my : Mad Scientist and mama to :Emma (10-21-03).
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Old 06-22-2004, 03:11 AM
 
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Oh thanks mamas. Just voicing my disgruntlement made me feel better. As KKmama said earlier " it takes one to know one". So I figured yall would know how I felt. I am lucky to have a happy healthy little one. I'm thankful for that. I'm also thankful for the support I find here.
its_our_family:
I'm the only one around (except the MDC moms in my area I "just" met)even remotely interested in natural living and I am the ONLY one that had a c/b!
Yep I know what you mean. Slightly different situation but. . . After I had dd I took her back to my old place of employment and one woman said to me "Oh isn't that funny that you planned a natural homebirth and ended up a c/section." Ummmm, okay thanks for your tactfulness. I almost started crying.
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Old 06-22-2004, 12:47 PM
 
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I have often felt as you all do ... grieving over my lost birth experience, jealous of others experiences (esp. those w/the exact opposite parenting and living philosophies as me -- so not fair), etc. I get annoyed at my cousin who asked for a c/s after a third of the amount of labor I went through. I get annoyed at my friend who got an epi. at 4cms and had a v/b w/no tearing or episiotomy. Everyone thinks I'm nuts b/c I'm mad that I had a c/s ("but you had a healthy baby and that's all that matters") and I'm mad that I didn't have the natural birth I wanted and planned ("why have all that pain if you can have drugs"). And I'm annoyed that I often feel on the outskirts of my natural living/AP IRL community b/c I did have a c/s despite being fairly well-educated before ds's birth. Its a really weird place to be in.

That's why I like it here. You all get it.
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Old 06-22-2004, 02:52 PM
 
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Oh ladies,

What good timing on the birth jealousy posts. As dh and I gear up to ttc next month I'm once again having to face the "monster" of a probably c/s : Working on making peace with it and accepting that my body needs that kind of help rather than being p*ssed that my OB (who I really like) won't give me a TOL due to my previous uterine surgery. I could drive myself crazy and miss all the fun of pregnancy quite easily with the grief of the loss of v/b. And then part of me's like "oh, quit whining, you get to have a baby, and there's so many who would gladly give their arm if all they had to go through was a c/s". Arrrgggghhh.

It just seems so friggin' unfair that my whole life I'd planned on a homebirth, it really mattered to me, and yet it appears that there's a different plan. Which reminds me of that joke "Want to make god/goddess laugh? Make a plan."

Such is life, and I guess I'd better get over my temper tantrum or I'll miss out on a lot of good stuff too. But I swear, if anyone IRL makes some idiotic comment like "oh well be glad you get to miss out on labor" I just might get violent

Oh well - thanks for understanding and lending your ear

LisaG

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Old 06-22-2004, 03:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaG
As dh and I gear up to ttc next month ... I could drive myself crazy and miss all the fun of pregnancy quite easily with the grief of the loss of v/b.
First, .

Second, don't feel bad about grieving your lost v/b. It is ok to feel that way. But you are correct, don't grieve too much ... preg. is a lot of fun (for the most part, if you can avoid morning sickness and severe heartburn) and no matter what, I personally wouldn't trade my ds for any birth experience in the world. Yes, I would've loved to have a v/b, but not if that meant not having my ds, iykwim.
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Old 06-22-2004, 07:24 PM
 
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I am sure most of you are familiar with this book, but part of what help me get through my grief (though it is still in process) is "Silent Knife" I believe that is what it is called. There are a lot of accounts of women grieving about their labor experience. I try to tell myself to "get over it" but I still find myself apologizing to myself and my dh for "failing". He is so supportive and affirms my attempts at trying for a natural birth and then reminds me that my two ds are in no way failures.

Just a side note... One of my favorite little sayings from the book is something like this..."a c/b is like running a marathon and then having someone trip you before you get to the finish line." While this saying isn't necesarily affirming of my birth experience, it helps me to validate my feelings about my c/b.

Thanks for making me feel welcomed here!
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Old 06-22-2004, 11:09 PM
 
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I too am experiencing lots of birth jealousy. I just gave all of my homebirth supplies to a neighbor who is planning a homebirth with my midwives. I'm glad someone will get some use out of them, but damnit - I wanted to use them!

I live in a cohousing community, so we know all of our neighbors. Two are pregnant right now, and more are trying, so I'm going to be encountering birth jealousy a lot. Hopefully the repeated exposure will make it easier?

People don't seem to understand that the birth and the baby are two separate things. Yes, I'm thrilled that DS is healthy. But that doesn't prevent me from mourning the loss of my homebirth or being upset that it had to happen.

When I was doing everything I could to turn my breech baby so I wouldn't have to have a c-section, I got all sorts of insensitive remarks - people telling me that at least my baby would be born with a round head, and implying that I was lucky because this way I'd get to skip labor - like that was a good thing. I had one coworker tell me that "c-sections are no big deal" after I'd sent an email to the entire office explaining my situation and how sad and worried I was. Another coworker and friend had warned me that she was going to say that - good thing, or I might have slapped her.

And as someone said as while ago, I feel like I'm from another planet when it comes to talking to other women about birth. Especially since I had a scheduled c-section for my first baby. Everything I know about labor is still theoretical, and that makes it hard to relate.

Anyway, I could say "yah, me too" to just about everything that's been written here, but DS is upset and not responding to DH's attempts to console him, so I guess we better go nurse and get off to bed!
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Old 06-23-2004, 12:19 AM
 
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I too had panned a natural birth but that was not to be. I laboured a very long time and was lucky to have a doctor and nurse who were very supportive of me wanting to keep trying on my own.

However, when the baby started to distress, an emerg c/s was performed.

That was over 3 years ago and I still feel angry and guilty.

To make things worse, DD was sick at birth and was taken immediately into the "Special Care Nursery" so it was almost 3 hours before I got to see and hold her and nurse.

It was an incredibly disappointing experience. I know that the end result is that I have my healthy, beautiful girl, and I know that I tried very hard to birth her on my own, but no matter how much I tell myself that, I still feel like I failed her and as a woman.
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Old 06-23-2004, 01:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie's Momma
I still feel like I failed her and as a woman.
I do not feel like I failed my sons but I do feel like I failed as a woman. It is a hard thing to accept.

I'm not sure if all woman have these issues regarding c/b or not. I wonder if women who were not anticipating a wonderful natural delivery at home are as disappointed? I know they must be. But what about the woman who just doesn't care? Makes sense??

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Old 06-23-2004, 01:28 AM
 
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Do you think our enviroment here at mdc makes us harder on ourselves?

I've been noticing some sigs lately of ppl that list everything they do to make themselves ap. Like my sig could read....

Megan; Wife to Ben and Mom to 2 boys that are co-slept, non-vaxed, intact, vegetarian, recyclers, that were born at home in water, in the yard, into my husbands arms while he was practicing yoga and writing a book on why spanking is abuse.

I don't think there is anything wrong with any of these things but I feel like it has become a contest to see who has the most in their arsenal of ap-ism. kwim?

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Old 06-23-2004, 01:42 AM
 
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Oh Megan, you make me laugh.

Y'know, even though I feel pretty triumphant about my VBAC with ds2, I *did* feel like I had to explain things with that birth, too (because it wasn't "all natural"... I feel like the interventions I had were unavoidable because I had such a long labor and because of my ovary pain, but I also feel like they helped me avoid a repeat C, which was the ultimate goal). But I definitely felt like y'all here understood...
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by its_our_family
I do not feel like I failed my sons but I do feel like I failed as a woman. It is a hard thing to accept.

I'm not sure if all woman have these issues regarding c/b or not. I wonder if women who were not anticipating a wonderful natural delivery at home are as disappointed? I know they must be. But what about the woman who just doesn't care? Makes sense??
I never felt this way personally. I had planned a hospital birth with DS from the start as we dont' have midwives here and I never heard about UC until about a year after he was born. I was planning 100% natural from the start though and c/s was not on my list of options. However when it came to the point that I needed one, I was able to accept it and never looked back. Now that I'm quickly approaching my second birth, I have the same attitude, 100% natural, c/s not on my list of options (unless something life or death goes wrong, which I now know can happen ) but if I have to have one, there will be no anger or regrets. I don't feel like I failed in any way and never grieved the loss of a natural birth.

But that's just me and I know everyone is different. Maybe that's why I don't post much on this thread because so many are hurt and angry about theirs and I don't feel that way about my experience :
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:24 AM
 
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Carla- It's good that you don't feel that way, you can still be supportive of those who do. I am now at peace with all of my c-births, it's a different process for everybody. I think it is hardest when you question the necessity of the c-birth, or when you truly had your heart set on something like a homebirth. I had planned 100% natural, but I never had any expectation that it would be all beautiful and wonderful, yk? If I had planned a homebirth with my dh "catching" and laboring in a tub of water with Enya playing in the background, etc- I would've been much more disappointed.

IOF- your list cracked me up :LOL.

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Old 06-23-2004, 12:45 PM
 
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IOF wrote: I'm not sure if all woman have these issues regarding c/b or not. I wonder if women who were not anticipating a wonderful natural delivery at home are as disappointed? I know they must be. But what about the woman who just doesn't care? Makes sense??

Good question - I wonder that too and then I go to this really icky place of "well because it's so important to me I'm somehow more entitled to a v/b than some other woman who put blind faith in her doc, so it sucks more for me" and that's just waaaay over simplifying things and besides, last I checked God hadn't promoted me to Goddess of all Births, so I try to remember to take a deep breath and surrender. Some days are better than others

Oh, and your list comment - you read my mind! :LOL Why do we get so attached to labels like that?

Bwylde wrote: But that's just me and I know everyone is different. Maybe that's why I don't post much on this thread because so many are hurt and angry about theirs and I don't feel that way about my experience

Personally, I take comfort in knowing not everyone hated their c/s. Gives me hope

Tammy - nice to see you . Comments like the ones you mentioned are ones that I am giving myself permission to loose my temper over should they occur. I'm a fairly easygoing individual - but that's just inexcusible. Although I will say I had a client who'd had what I'd call a vaginal c/s - ripped herself to shreds. Given that scenario I can see why she would've preferred a c/s.

How's your physical recovery going? Anythings you'd recommend doing differently in retrospect?

Amy - thanks so much for the babydust I am really excited, and fortunately feeling much calmer this time around. And you hit the nail on the head - while I'm not sure I'm willing to do ANYTHING to have a baby, I'm certainly willing to have a c/s for one. For me the reward is greater than the it-totally-sucks factor. Thanks for that reminder!

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Old 06-23-2004, 12:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bwylde
but if I have to have one, there will be no anger or regrets. I don't feel like I failed in any way and never grieved the loss of a natural birth.
I don't feel this way now. I would have loved a natural birth but it didn't happen. After my first c/b I felt guilty for not feeling bad about it. I was kinda numb to the whole thing. It was about 6 months later I really felt sad about it. Then it all went away.

I wish I would have attempted vbac with Bryce. But I didn't and I'm fine with it. My experiences were pretty good.

If we have another babe I will vbac... I think

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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Old 06-23-2004, 12:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaG
Tammy - nice to see you . Comments like the ones you mentioned are ones that I am giving myself permission to loose my temper over should they occur. I'm a fairly easygoing individual - but that's just inexcusible. Although I will say I had a client who'd had what I'd call a vaginal c/s - ripped herself to shreds. Given that scenario I can see why she would've preferred a c/s.

How's your physical recovery going? Anythings you'd recommend doing differently in retrospect?
I found that a lot of people wanted to say something helpful, but had no idea what that might be, thus the "well, at least he'll have a round head" comments. And the "no big deal" woman doesn't know the meaning of the word tact, so I didn't really expect anything better from her...

Re. my physical recovery - I'm pretty happy with it, all things considered. I overdid it a little after my help went home, but realized that I was pushing to hard and slowed down again. My pulling pain is finally starting to go away - I still have to be careful about how I get up off the floor, but other than that it's rare that I get a twinge. Thank goodness, cause that was the most painful part of the whole experience for me!
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Old 06-23-2004, 01:35 PM
 
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IOF- your comment about labeling ourselves made my laugh outloud. Serioulsly, I almost woke the baby (whom I can't believe is still sleeping this am).

I feel like my body failed me. I believed in a woman's ability to birth her baby. I still do but I'm figuring out how my experience factors into this postition. Does that make sense?

So, I just got the news last night that another friend due within days of the first friend, also planning a homebirth ended up at the hospital with a c-section. I feel rotten for my jealousy over yet another peaceful homebirth feeling. More than that I really feel for her. I don't know what happened or how she's feeling now but I'm sad for her 'cause the whole mess is alot to go through. gotta go dd's awake
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