Hello ladies: I have not posted here before since i really tend to make every attempt to heal on my own~ i know, sometimes a great fault
~ and surely in many ways i have healed from my sections, the last being over 3 yrs ago.
so, the thing is- my best friend is having her first very soon and im helping as her coach-- which i am superbly grateful about. Ilove birth! so, in all the reading im doing of normal births--- mostly here , of women very well informed and prepared-- im just getting a bit sad and down that I just didnt or couldnt do it the way I expect it to be done. I know for most every part of my births WHY they turned into c-sections, yet sometimes I still am very sad that i didnt
DO It! for what ever reasons, whether it was the fault of my body, my head or my situation--- I still feel dissappointed-- especially right now. I am encouraging my friend to be as natural as possible and she has learned a lot. I support her ability to be able to do this and that the most important thing is to believe. What you are seeing here is apparently my lack of belief in myself- which is what i usually think is at the heart of my c-sections. when I read all the wonderful stories i usually feel happy and assured once again that birth is awesome and can be done with very little help other than some support. Yet, now i am sad. I am not having more kids. sometimes i wish for reasons you all understand, that i was having more. But, honestly i dont think i want to go thru all that again. I dont ever think i will believe in myself enough to deliver naturally and Im afraid to find out. My midwives said ther was nothing wrong with my bones. IM a little little lady and I know the facts. really. I can keep going over the facts and details of my births and will never know for sure if i could have truly succeeded otherwise.
Im just sad, I guess. we all have our saddness~ things that dont go the way we want.
thanks for listening