What birth terms p**s you off? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-19-2004, 08:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AmyB
The thing that makes me the most cranky is when someone says "all that matters is a healthy baby". Invariably it's used as an excuse for something absolutely dreadful that was done to the birthing mom.
That bothers me, too. But even worse is the phrase "I have to do what's best for me and my family" usually used in the same context. Ugh.

The word "deliver" bothers me. It's so ingrained, though, I find myself accidentally using it and then correcting myself midsentence. I don't even like to say that a woman delivered her own baby - delivered like the milkman delivers milk? And when it's use for the OB/caregiver, it sounds as though the caregiver is protecting the mother from some great evil - from what, exactly, is he/she "delivering" the mother?

Another pet peeve - the use of "natural child birth" when the mother means that she had a vaginal (but VERY interventionist/medical model) birth.

may my heart always be open to little birds who are the secrets of living whatever they sing is better than to know  - e.e. cummings
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Old 10-19-2004, 08:08 PM
 
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Oh, and I have to say that I don't care for the term "catching" when referring to the caregiver's role. It minimizes their role, plus I don't like the whole baseball image it evokes for me :LOL. They may not be giving birth, but they do serve an important function. How about "I attended the birth of her baby" or "I assisted at her birth" or "I provided support during the birth"? Come on, people, the English language has so many words, let's make use of some more of them!

may my heart always be open to little birds who are the secrets of living whatever they sing is better than to know  - e.e. cummings
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Old 10-19-2004, 08:11 PM
 
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i totally agree on the passive language...

the we're pregnant thing does get under my skin... too saccharine... i use "we're expecting" all the time, and oh boy is my DH ever expectant!! but i'm sorry, he's not pregnant, that's my job.

and for some reason "catching" the baby irks me, too... it's like your baby is a projectile... that you "threw" your baby and someone had to get in the way and "catch" it before it was injured.

another one i was arguing about passionately recently was the idea that a woman will "lose her modesty" in labor (as we've been talking about in our bradley class). i see it as a passive construction as well, or at least a negative one. losing something is usually something to be ashamed of... i don't plan to misplace my modesty while i'm in labor, i just plan to be at whatever modesty level makes me comfortable... i don't lose my modesty when i walk into the women's locker room at a gym... it's just that my activities in there are more comfortable with less clothes on! i certainly don't want to be pitied or laughed at in labor for being comfortable showing more of my body than usual...

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James 12/04 & Cecelia 4/07
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Old 10-19-2004, 10:25 PM
 
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Another vote for "let". It enrages me when I hear, "Oh, I can't let you labor without an IV" or "we can't let you go past 40 weeks". What do you mean LET? I am an adult and this is MY body! What are they going to do, strap me down? I really like my midwife practice this time around. They just lay out your choices, sometimes with thier reccommendation, but ALWAYS they reiterate that this is your choice, that they cannot force you into anything. It really takes away a woman's power to be told that she can't make her own choices regarding her body and her baby. I still get angry thinking about how they took ds to the nursery against my will last time What makes them think they can do that? At what other time is it okay for someone to just forcibly remove your child when you haven't done anything wrong?
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Old 10-20-2004, 05:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mimim
I agree with the aforementioned terms wholeheartedly.

I hope I don't offend anyone here, but it really annoys me when couples say "we're pregnant". Oh really, I didn't know men could be pregnant. Better call the record books and the media and start selling your story. "We're expecting" true, "we're pregnant", false! It feels like it's belittleing the feminine power of reproduction, although I realize it's meant to make dad feel more involved.
Actually what gets to me is when women say "my baby", "my baby" when their is clearly a father that is involved in their lives. As if he wasnt around when "she" conceived.
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Old 10-20-2004, 09:36 AM
 
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"how long will they LET you go"...oh I got that one every day.
Also, in regards to cesareans: "take the baby"...ugh.
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Old 10-20-2004, 03:31 PM
 
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a lot of "let" and "allow" hate here, and I'd like to chime in hating the subject that often accompanies those verbs:

they

THEY.

They?

Here's a pregnant woman, with a baby, who will be born from her body, WHO THE HECK ELSE is involved with that?!?!?

We know it's The Hosptial The Doctor and The Nurse, and those entities are The They, but in the whirlwind of passivity and victimhood that is "having a baby" these days, pregnant women surrender all their power to The They.

"I" should be the subject of every sentance uttered by a pregnant woman about her birth....instead, it's "they" and it's uttered by the pregnant woman about her delivery.

"They said the baby was coming." NO....the baby was coming. (And if a person is indeed wanting to quote the hosptial staff's interpretation of the baby's coming for any reason, go ahead with the "they said," but soooooooooooo often, it's just uneccesary and a part of why passivity and birth go hand-in-hand in this wacky culture.)

I also hate the "how many centemeters were you" area of discussion. "They checked me and I was X." THEY, again, they....not: "I had dialated to X." They did it. I hate the cervix checking; people think you can't have a baby without regular insertation of gloved fingers in the vagina, for crying out loud.

I also hate that the words vagina, perineum, and lochia are not often used with discussions about "delivery." In my experience, vaginas and perineums are important elements of birth.
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Old 10-20-2004, 04:11 PM
 
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The one that *really* gets me is the "delivered" thing (so and so "delivered" your baby?). Can't stand it! Especially following my last birth, which was an unexpected UC - people can't shut up about how my dh "delivered" our baby. If they only knew...
Everything else posted here bugs me too except the "we're pregnant" thing. That doesn't bother me at all, but I get why it would bug some people. But by far, the delivery thing drives me nuts! It's a baby, not a pizza!

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Old 10-20-2004, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by love_homebirthing
It's a baby, not a pizza!
: I love it!

I hate "false labor." Dang it, the fact that I'm not dialting yet doesn't make the contractions any less real. Practice labor is a much nicer way to word it.
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Old 10-20-2004, 06:33 PM
 
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the term I don't like (in addition to the above) is "estimated due date". You can't pick a day! Try picking a month! Some come at 38 wks, some 42, its all normal.
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Old 10-20-2004, 07:20 PM
 
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the term I don't like (in addition to the above) is "estimated due date". You can't pick a day! Try picking a month! Some come at 38 wks, some 42, its all normal.
And to make it worse, no one pays any attention to the "estimated" part and people (and their doctors) carry on like it is expiration date.
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Old 10-20-2004, 08:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by krae
And to make it worse, no one pays any attention to the "estimated" part and people (and their doctors) carry on like it is expiration date.
Amen to that sister!

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Old 10-20-2004, 08:41 PM
 
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... when parents to be / new parents say things like "The doctor said we should." & then fail to research anything on their own! That drives me nutty to hear! That's giving power away, imo.

"When the external begins to define the internal, instead of the internal defining the external, one begins living as a mortal rather than as a universal being." ~ unknown
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Old 10-21-2004, 07:58 PM
 
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I love the term "catching"...I guess that is just me. It is what they do with my babies, who come out in one push..oh, I would say in about 1.5 seconds, literally. My midwife caught her!

And I quadruple second the phrase "deliver". I don't even like it when a mom says "I delivered my baby, or that is the place where I delivered my baby". No-one delivered anything. I sure wasn't delivered of something. I gave birth.

wife - mother - midwife

CIRCUMCISION

The more you know, the worse it gets.

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Old 10-21-2004, 08:08 PM
 
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I can't stand estimated date of confinement. I know its an old term but it irks me because why should a woman be confined. I also second the whole natural childbirth term. Natural does not equal vaginal. I had someone ask me if my first child was natural, I said no and they were like oh, you had a c-section. Ummm, no, it was the induced, intervention full birth from hell, not natural at all.

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Old 10-21-2004, 08:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mezzaluna
another one i was arguing about passionately recently was the idea that a woman will "lose her modesty" in labor (as we've been talking about in our bradley class). i see it as a passive construction as well, or at least a negative one. losing something is usually something to be ashamed of... i don't plan to misplace my modesty while i'm in labor, i just plan to be at whatever modesty level makes me comfortable....
:LOL I really like this!

I don't like the term catch either. I beleive that we're receiving these babies not catching them. And I'm bothered by midwives talking about births they "did". "I did a birth once that...." Attended is nicer.

How about "irratable uterus"?
"Trial of Labor"?
"Mucus plug" - alright, eeew already! But try as I might, I can't come up with another term.
Rupture of membranes - sounds so violent.
Water doesn't break either.

"Progress" is also a very loaded term when referring to an individual labor.
Oh my gosh...there are so many!

But above and beyond i too, hate the wrod "deliver".
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Old 10-21-2004, 09:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by loved
Rupture of membranes - sounds so violent.
:LOL Even better was when I was told my membranes (that's such a yucky word!) were "grossly" ruptured. Gee thanks! I laughed though because when it happened all I could say was how gross it felt!
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Old 10-22-2004, 02:33 PM
 
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Oh my, I love this thread!

I too detest when people talk about "delivery" sometimes people call my homebirth plans "home delivery" (Umm, I didn't order out for chinese, I'm giving birth to a BABY!)

Now I'm getting this mental image of "DiGiorno" style commercials:
"Who delivered?"
"It wasn't a DELIVERY! It was a homebirth!"

I also get very peeved at the whole "Let you" "allow" and other terminology. During my 3rd dc's hospital birth, the OB actually told me she would "let me" walk the halls for one hour, and then I "had to" have pitocin. At the time it didn't bother me nearly enough, but if someone said that to me today I'd say "I'm leaving. NOW. Whether you want to 'let me' or not!"

I also get bugged when people say 'I found a doctor I trust, and I'm going to do whatever he tells me, because he went to medical school, etc. etc."

That's GREAT that you trust your doctor and all, but would you PLEASE turn your brain on for 2 seconds, and think for yourself? (This usually comes in response to a gentle suggestion from me about a good book like "Thinking Woman's Guide" or an "innocent" question about a "routine" but totally BS procedure)

It feels god to be able to get that off my chest. There are so few people IRL around here that truly "get it!"
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Old 10-22-2004, 06:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by loved
"Mucus plug" - alright, eeew already! But try as I might, I can't come up with another term.
How about cervical sealant? or protective gel? :LOL

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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Old 10-23-2004, 08:56 AM
 
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I reading this thread too.
By far and wide though, I cannot stand the 'natural' delivery meant as vaginal.
This lady came up to me and was talking about how she delivered naturally and it hurt so bad. I was like, yes it hurt but I'm so glad I did it without drugs. Her drop reaction was funny. "You did it without drugs?!" I thought she did too but she meant vaginally. Oohhh After that she quit talking to me.
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Old 10-25-2004, 04:44 PM
 
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I am a childbirth educator & I think this thread is wonderful! I never use the term deliver or delivered in my class or talk about what care providers will "allow/let" you do. I talk about "pregnant" women & "expectant" parents. I try not to talk about "they." I talk specifically about how false labor is not false.

I'm wondering what I could say instead of "water broke" or "ruptured membranes." It never occured to me to think of those terms as negative. The bag *does* break/tear/rupture. Hmmm...maybe I could talk about when the bag of water "opens." Any other ideas?

I am also wondering about how to better phrase talking about "progress." I don't often use the word progress. I usually talk about labor "moving along" - in reference to how staying active, changing positions, eating & drinking, staying relaxed, etc can keep labor moving. What do you think about that?
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Old 10-25-2004, 05:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MidnightCafe
I'm wondering what I could say instead of "water broke" or "ruptured membranes." It never occured to me to think of those terms as negative. The bag *does* break/tear/rupture. Hmmm...maybe I could talk about when the bag of water "opens." Any other ideas?

I am also wondering about how to better phrase talking about "progress." I don't often use the word progress. I usually talk about labor "moving along" - in reference to how staying active, changing positions, eating & drinking, staying relaxed, etc can keep labor moving. What do you think about that?
You could say that the waters release as an alternative to break. As far as the question about progress goes, well I don't think there's a problem with using that word. Lack of dilation doesn't equal lack of progress. Progress shows itself in many ways. Sometimes labor slows to allow the woman a much needed break before it intensifies again. That's progress in it's own way. Instead I'd just concentrate on that aspect rather than dilation=progress/moving along. I'm a childbirth educator too and while I agree that some of these terms can carry a negative association, I think that when you're teaching couples what they can expect to hear their medical team saying there's really no way to escape it. I think it's only fair to familiarize them with the lingo when most of it won't be explained to them during their labor.

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Old 10-25-2004, 05:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by honey
Terms that blame women and their bodies:
failure to progress
That one really sets me off. I was in labor only 12 hours, pushed for 3, however only about half an hour of pushing was actually affective. The apprentice midwife is also an OB Nurse and she let me know that I would have been "failure to progress" had I been in the hospital. My dd was also what my OB would have considered "large" (8 and a half opunds) AND my pregnancy went about 42 weeks 5-6 days, so I was "overdue". AND yet, my daughter and I are totally fine, her birth wasn't traumatic and I would never go to a hospital to give birth unless there was a real emergency.

A friend of mine had her baby about a month after me. Her OB told her right from the start that she wouldn't be able to handle the birth without an epidural because of her size (she's about 5'2" but her hips are not narrow at all) . Of course she labored for a while and then she "had to have a c-section" because of failure to progress and large baby.

Someone remind me why I don't like doctors...
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Old 10-26-2004, 03:22 AM
 
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Using "release" instead of "rupture" was the rule of thumb w/ hypnobabies, if I'm remembering correctly!

So how else do you say that the midwife "attended" the birth, but my husband "caught" the baby? I know "caught" has its own connotations, but I don't knwo what else to say!

And I never understood the "we're Pregnant" until I was , and then I really felt like a team w/ my dh! What's funny is that I didn't feel so much like a team w/ our 2nd baby and didn't use the "we" so much. Actually, right after DC1 was born, dh said "you did it!" and I said "We did it together" b/c I really felt that way. Kind of interesting to me!

Anyway, I HATED hearing my friend tell me, "My body doesn't know how to go into labor" b/c she was "late" w/ her first, and low and behold was late w/ her 2nd!

Also, the "natural" birth only referring to being vaginal is SOOOOO crazy to me!!
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Old 10-26-2004, 02:23 PM
 
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I like "release" as well.
And i prefer the term, "recieve" instead of caught. That's just me.
I know when teaching it's important to teach the lingo. Women need to be somewhat saavy. Just wish there was a better language.
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