Cesarean Birth Support Thread -- December 2004 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 98 Old 11-30-2004, 07:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just thought I would start another thread since the other one was long.

This is a support thread for moms who have had cesarean sections for whatever reason and feel happy, sad, disappointed, mad and down right ticked off. Please respect all the momma's here and their choices and their experiences.
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#2 of 98 Old 11-30-2004, 07:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was hoping to hear updates from everyone. I know there has to be some lurking mama's we havent heard from in awhile.

Right now I am very tired and still nauseated. If I eat about every two hours though I do not feel sick. I am proud to say that I am totally off soft drinks. This was a really big thing for me. I have also cut down on eating lots of sweets but have the occassional peice of candy. My next Ob appointment is Dec 14. I am having a lot of emotional anxiety and feel really aggressive -- I really do not like this!

I am also already trying to plan for my next cesarean. I am hoping to have the wonderful, uneventful one I had last time but I am with a new OB and considering getting my tubes tied. (something I thought I would never consider)
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#3 of 98 Old 11-30-2004, 07:57 PM
 
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Hi I had a c/s in May of 02. We have been TTC #2 for 20 months now. My c/s was an "emergency". Basically I labored to 8 cm and a nurse checked me and found that Sophie was breech. Next thing I know I'm being wheeled to the OR. I totally felt out of control.
So anyhow thats the background info on me. I thought that if I had #2 that I would be ok with a repeat because its all I know for giving birth. I know what will happen, what its like etc. Well my sister had her baby on Friday and had a vaginal and now that I've seen both I will definately fight for a VBAC. She was up and walking in an hour. Amazing. Emma(her dd) was so alert too. I was her labor partner and I really felt like it was a healing experience for me to see a normal uncomplicated birth and recovery.
I am slowly coming to terms with the birth experience that I had. Its been a long and emotional road for me. I ended up in therapy this summer and it has really helped me a lot. I can now talk about it without feeling the anger and deep sadness that hung over my head for 2 years pp.
Anyhow glad to join the circle.
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#4 of 98 Old 11-30-2004, 07:59 PM
 
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Kim what are some things that you did with your planned c/s that made it uneventful for you? Was it just the fact that you knew what to expect or are there things that you can do or ask for to make it better and more personal of an experience? Oh and congrats on the lil bean!
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#5 of 98 Old 11-30-2004, 08:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetfeet
Kim what are some things that you did with your planned c/s that made it uneventful for you? Was it just the fact that you knew what to expect or are there things that you can do or ask for to make it better and more personal of an experience? Oh and congrats on the lil bean!
I just read the above. Sorry about your emergency csection. I had an emergency csection with my first. I totally researched and planned my second csection. My birthplan is on many of the other support threads but I will touch briefly on it.

One thing I did was discuss pain management. I did not want to take narcotics or drugs that were mind altering. This included phenegran. With my first I was given a spinal that didn't work so I felt the entire surgery, all hour and fifteen minutes of it. I really did not want a spinal and choose to have an epidural with my second. I will do this for a third too. You can leave the epidural block in that delivers pain relief after surgery to you through a patient controlled pump and also a time release. I made sure to tell my doctor and the anest. physician that I did not want any mind altering drugs before or during suturing. I did not want anything to help me "relax". This is often given before the csection begins in the IV. I also said that I really did not want the phengran and preferred Zofran if I had nausea. Most the time nausea is caused by a drop in blood pressure, this can be brought back up with ephedrine (this made me high and chatty). Jack was born alert and screaming his head off, unlike my first baby (who was having major distress, so not surprised). I was able to hold him on the OR table. My csection from start to finish was 30 minutes long. I went to a L&D room to recover (my request) and had my baby within minutes of getting situated in there. I was even partially sitting in the bed munching on ice chips and talking on my cell phone. I really had an unbelievable experience. And even though I did feel pushing and tugging (I have a funky uterus and my kids get stuck in there) I had no pain. I kept the epidural block in for a little more than 17 hours and went to oral meds after that. Keep in mind that even though I had an epidural block in, I was able to move my legs and move around in the bed.
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#6 of 98 Old 11-30-2004, 09:54 PM
 
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Just checking in. I've been thinking a lot lately about my c/b and, well, I'm wondering if it wasn't actually inevitable. DS was posterior and we know he was stuck behind my pubic bone (big bruise on his forehead and a very, very red head). Then, as I was going through some of his things recently, I found the u/s photos and some birth week photos and there was one consistent thing in all of them -- he has his left fist by his mouth/face. Every single picture from 20 weeks gestation forward until he was about 2 weeks old. Made me start to wonder if he didn't also have that fist by his face while I was trying to deliver him. He was a week early and he wasn't a big baby, but I all of a sudden feel like maybe he really was in a bad position that might not have been preventable even if things had gone differently. And that position might have made things darn near impossible for a v/b. This is speculation as no one ever said he had his hand by his face when he was born, and I'm not sure one would see or know or take notice of that during a c/b, but ...

Maybe I'm just trying to rationalize all of this and make myself feel better, but in all honesty, when I saw all of those pictures and it clicked, I felt a huge wave of relief and calmness. Some how it just seems like the truth.

So does this make sense or am I just completely off my rocker?
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#7 of 98 Old 11-30-2004, 10:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Amy,

I think you are trying to make peace with what happened. I know I have read all kinds of posts you have written on your birth. I think its a good thing to try and make sense of it all. And I think it is probable that your baby was posterior and couldnt move or didnt move to have a v/b. I know with Jack who was posterior with a shoulder presenting against the cervix that I had US pictures with him in that position from 28 weeks and upwards. He just stuck there due to my uterine cavity so to speak. I do believe babies can get settled into one spot and just hang out there until birth, some move and some don't. I hope you find some peace on your journey!
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#8 of 98 Old 12-01-2004, 04:43 PM
 
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Hello
I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I am 6 weeks pp now and feeling pretty good. I can think about my second C without crying.. so I think that is a huge step forward

I had my 6 week pp visit right before Thanksgiving and spoke with the MW. I was sad that I will never be able to use her to catch my babies..We talked about the birth and I really do think that it was a needed C.. maybe even my first C was a needed one.. Both kids were posterior, #1 was transverse and #2 was OP with a forehead first presentation.. I asked her about any future pregnancies.. and she said not to rule out a VBA2C but I know that this probably won't happen.. not in the current C/S climate that seems to be getting worse and worse. So I am mentally thinking about a third C.. that scares me.. as we may want 4 kids total.. and I hate to think that my c/s will limit our choices on family size

Chantal
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#9 of 98 Old 12-01-2004, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by chantald
Hello
I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I am 6 weeks pp now and feeling pretty good. I can think about my second C without crying.. so I think that is a huge step forward

I had my 6 week pp visit right before Thanksgiving and spoke with the MW. I was sad that I will never be able to use her to catch my babies..We talked about the birth and I really do think that it was a needed C.. maybe even my first C was a needed one.. Both kids were posterior, #1 was transverse and #2 was OP with a forehead first presentation.. I asked her about any future pregnancies.. and she said not to rule out a VBA2C but I know that this probably won't happen.. not in the current C/S climate that seems to be getting worse and worse. So I am mentally thinking about a third C.. that scares me.. as we may want 4 kids total.. and I hate to think that my c/s will limit our choices on family size

Chantal
I talked about this with my OB. The 3 csection rule and she said it really doesnt stand anymore. That with the bikini cut and the techniques they now use to suture you up that its much safer. She said a big concern is rupture and having the placenta grow into the scar. I know someone who has had four uneventful csections, and don't forget JFK's mom, she had ELEVEN.
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#10 of 98 Old 12-01-2004, 08:01 PM
 
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Just checking in. I'm still feeling bad over my last C/S. I have a lot of days I wonder if I want more because of all the trouble I had . I have been getting signs of AF and having menstral cramps and bleeding, even though I'm only 3.5 months PP and tandem nursing around the clock : . My umbilical hernia is "back" (I wasn't sure if I still had it, but low and behold, I do) and it's causing some pain in my incision area. We're moving to a new place this week and although I hate to, I have to take it easy (it doesn't help I'm sick, as are the kids) and let others do the heavy stuff.

ok, that was a pretty negative post, but there's so much going on right now. I'm tired, sick and cranky and have to let it out somewhere, lol!!
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#11 of 98 Old 12-01-2004, 08:28 PM
 
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Hi all

I posted on the last thread and you all gave me alot to think about and helped me deal with some issues, Thanks!

I have come to terms with the fact that I have never and will never give birth vaginally, but I still have sad moments. I am planning on my 3rd c-birth in late March/early April. My first was not planned and I had a lot of problems dealing with it. My second was planned for about 6 weeks because of severe PIH and Pre-e. I had a very nice birth! They used Dura-morph (fake morphine) in the spinal, which was awesome! My arms were not strapped down, I held dd right after birth, Dh cut the cord and stayed with the baby while they finished sewing me up. I was talking and joking with the doctors and nurses while they were sewing me up. These are all things that did not happen with my first birth. I was also able to ebf dd untill about 2 months ago when my milk dried up. I think all these factors helped me have a much more positive experience. I LOVE my obs and appreciate their help in dealing with my issues. The other thing that helped with all these things was sitting down with the L&D nurses in a pre-op session and talking all these things over.

The only thing I want to change with my 3rd birth is to make it closer to term and watch as she is born. I tried to do this with #2, but started puking and missed the whole thing.

I also second the idea of having help lined up at home and taking pain meds. Walking as soon as you can always helps me to feel like a normal person! (as does that first shower).

We live in a very rural area and they are almost done building a brand new hospital, where this baby will be born. The old hospital was biult in the 50s, and they did their best to put a modernize L&D, but there is only so much you can do. The rooms were small and there was only 1 whirlpool/birthing tub. They encoraged rooming-in, but with a hospital bed, a rocking chair, and very uncomfortable fold out chair-bed for dad and the bassinet, the rooms were full.We were looking at the plans for the L&D rooms this weekend and they are AWESOME!! THey are big and have a full size hid-a-bed couch in them. They say they will take the hospital bed out after birth if you want, so you can sleep with your dh (and baby - which they don't care!). They are having an open house this weekend and we are going to try and go. They open in 2 weeks! Just had to share!

Hopeing to participate more often,
Jess

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#12 of 98 Old 12-01-2004, 09:25 PM
 
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Hi. I had an emergency c-section five months ago. It went very smoothly, all things considered, and left me feeling vindicated, liberated, and free. I couldn't understand many of the restrictions placed on me afterwards (no driving for four weeks?!? what?! I drove three days later. :LOL) but other than that things went really well.

I'm hoping to have a solo birth next time around, but we may not have any more children at all due to some genetic issues which seem to be cropping up. Here's hoping I'm just paranoid! :

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#13 of 98 Old 12-02-2004, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Where is LisaG?

Anyone heard from her.
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#14 of 98 Old 12-02-2004, 05:03 PM
 
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Hi!

It's been awhile since I posted here. Sometimes I feel like if I ignore my frustrations with my C/bs as necessary as both emergency c/bs were then I won't feel it. Nonetheless, my feelings crop up at the weirdest times.

So...I have been having cramping, almost painful cramping lately. I am 6mo pp. It feels like the return of AF, but so far nothing. Could it be scar tissure? Please say it is, b/c it also feels like one of the signs of being pg, which I don't want to be. Although, Congrats to those of you who are!

Anyone see the ICAN rep and C/b discussion on the Today Show. I missed most of it. Any thoughts?
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#15 of 98 Old 12-02-2004, 07:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by OnTheFence
and don't forget JFK's mom, she had ELEVEN.

11!!!!!! Holy Cow! 11 C/sections! Well.. I don't feel so down in the dumps if I need to have one more!

Chantal
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#16 of 98 Old 12-03-2004, 08:15 AM
 
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i'm 7 weeks PP and already on BC pills ... mostly to hopefully head off the recurrence of the PCOS, but also because i'm afraid of getting pregnant again. it was a beautiful experience but also way hard on me physically, and even tho i'm pro-choice i'd never end a pregnancy. so, BC pills it is. problem is, i'm having the "breakthrough bleeding" i always get from the first cycle, and the cramps are heavy! i wonder if the cramps are heavier because of the incisions?

i ended up canceling my 6-week PP checkup. they called to reschedule and i haven't called back. just thinking about yet another pelvic exam is enough to give me nightmares, literally. plus i didn't deliver vaginally so i don't know why they need to examine vaginally. perhaps i'm just being stupid about this, but anything that scares me that bad, i just avoid.

the loss of breastfeeding is actually more difficult to cope with the loss of a vaginal birth, but both together hit me really hard. it feels like my body needs an "out of order" sign hung on it. it's hard to grieve and get over something that's ongoing: the c-birth happened once ... the baby needs to eat many times a day. i still get weepy every time she needs a bottle. but she's thriving and i'm bottlefeeding as if we're nursing (thanks to the kellymom.com advice!) so we are bonding like crazy. she's already smiling so much and even giggling in response to me and her daddy, and that makes everything SO worth it

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#17 of 98 Old 12-03-2004, 08:42 AM
 
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I'm still having troubles getting over my c/s, I am 3 months pp...although it was neccesary and actually a good experience, as emergency sections go, it is still hard on me...I feel like I didn't give birth to dd and it frustrates me, I still tear up often when thinking about it...sigh...boy it's tough to get over these feelings of inadequacy, even though I know that the outcome was excellent. I healed brilliantly, we have a wonderful bf relationship, I was able to room in and got out of the hospital within 3 days, but still it was a c/s and my homebirth dream was shattered.

Quote:
#2 was OP with a forehead first presentation..
Mine was the same, brow presentation, OP and also, as I found out at my follow up appt, partially transverse!! The silly girl was NOT coming out of there!

I helps to kow that even if I had have gone longer before going into labor (it was spontaneous) that I would still have needed a section. Anyway, I just have to remind myself to focus on her and fight for my VBAC.(Not that I am planning on getting pg before her 1st b-day at LEAST!) Luckily I live in Canada and things aren't so anti-VBAC, my mw already knows my plans, and encourages them!
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#18 of 98 Old 12-03-2004, 12:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mellybean
i ended up canceling my 6-week PP checkup. they called to reschedule and i haven't called back. just thinking about yet another pelvic exam is enough to give me nightmares, literally. plus i didn't deliver vaginally so i don't know why they need to examine vaginally. perhaps i'm just being stupid about this, but anything that scares me that bad, i just avoid.
i'm curious-- why would they do a vaginal exam, since you didn't deliver vaginally? even if you had, the only thing they might do is check your tears (if you had any) and palpate your uterus (if you had unusually heavy/prolonged bleeding). at mine, they looked at me incision and asked me what i plan to use for bc when i resume relations. my dr said hi to boobah and admired her sling, and asked what i was doing for her jaundice (putting her to sleep mostly naked in front of a window :LOL). no internal exam at all.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#19 of 98 Old 12-05-2004, 01:09 AM
 
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HI there! I just found this thread - My daughter was born the end of July after an emergency C-sec delivery. (my story is somewhere in the birth story area) Long story short - I REALLY wanted a home birth but DH just couldn't do it - He didn't feel right about it & I respected him enough to deliver in a hospital w/ an OB w/ the lowest c/sec rate in our City - his wife is actually a doula. I had a doula on call but didn't plan on calling until I felt we needed her (I was a doula as well & felt prepared) well I labored from my 6:30 induction (- 2 days PP w/ rising BP) until @ 5 pm w/ out a thing - @ then I started getting just tired & Em was showing signs of distress when I was in positions that were comfortable (sitting straight up in bed sitting indian style)
Finally at @5;30 I got a shot of nubain which honestly to me was heaven at the time, I wanted more at @6:30 - R said no Em was still showiing signs of distress - I relented & got an epi - Sobbed through the entire thing. They kept lossing her heart beat during placement. After my nurse begged to put an internal on Emma & again I fought - I didn't want that thing in her head - I was tired & again relented. The nurse thought she had it in wrong -emma's Heartrate ranged from 80-120- so had another come check. She said it was fine -Emma's heart rate proceeded to plummet to 40 - All hell broke loose the nurse was yelling at me to get on my hands & knees & paging my OB who was assisting in another c-sec. & about 10 people were in our room w/ in seconds. My ob came in & said we needed to do the section - He knew where my heart was w/ this - You could see it in his face though - Next thing I know we are running down the hall - y OB is next to me & all I remember is asking him flat out if she was going to be ok. & All he said was we need to get her out. You see - Emma was MUCH waited for after 2 possibly 3 m/c's. She was our little piece of heaven coming to us.
She was out in under 15 minutes from the time her heart rate dropped.
Apgars 8&9 - DH brought her to me &I told him she sounded funny & to tell someone - the nurse said it was normal for c/s babies to sound gurgly. We went to recovery where I don't even remember holding her - DH said I tried but was shaking too hard to hold on. After 2 hours in recovery we headed up - They were taking emma to the nursery & told dh to come get her in an hour - Well when he went to get her that had taken her to the NICU.
After testing & such we were told she was GBS+ - I had tested negative -They did a spinal tap on her when she was 16 hours old. She spent 10 days in the NICU w/ an IV in her little head. Thankfully she's fine now -
Her Momma on the other hand good at times - heartbroken at others.
My plans flew out the window - We tried BF'ing but w/ the combination of stress & fibrocystic breast disease & oh did I mention stress - My milk never fully came in & I tried EVERYTHING I pumped exclusively until 3.5 months then my supply took a dive - I believe it was my bodies way of saying it's ok. I still get sad when people ask (which really come on) if I'm bf'ing & when I say now the ask why not.

End result I have healthy girl & am learning to take this all one day at a time

My scar on the outside is small less than 5 inches & very low - Internally its large - I think if we end up having another (very slim chance) I will schedule a c-sec as I don't think I could handle the dissappointment of a failed v-bac

If you made it this far - That's my story in a nutshell. When I tell it in person it takes me almost 45 minutes to tell the whole thing in detail.

Kate, BioMama to Emma Lu, Elliana - Almost Mama to Martin, & Foster Mama to Baby T
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#20 of 98 Old 12-05-2004, 04:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by eilonwy
i'm curious-- why would they do a vaginal exam, since you didn't deliver vaginally? even if you had, the only thing they might do is check your tears (if you had any) and palpate your uterus (if you had unusually heavy/prolonged bleeding). at mine, they looked at me incision and asked me what i plan to use for bc when i resume relations. my dr said hi to boobah and admired her sling, and asked what i was doing for her jaundice (putting her to sleep mostly naked in front of a window :LOL). no internal exam at all.
hello.....was just reading thru the thread since it wasn't pages long....

i just had my 6 wk checkup on fri. after my 4th c-section. i asked my dr. the same thing...why the do a pap after a c-section....he said because of the hormonal changes that go on with pregnancy and birth it is still good to get a pap to see if there should happen to be any changes in the cells of the cervix from all the hormonal changes. plus he does check fto make sure my uterus has shruk to normal size...which it was still a little enlarged yet....anyway, that's what he told me about that.


Jessmcg......i had the ob nurses take a mirror down with my 3rd and 4th babies so i could watch them being born....it's an awesome thing...i highly reccomend it! i saw #3 peeing on th docs in the mirror and saw that after 3 boys, #4 was a precious little girl before anyone told me what she was....i was able to see for myself....LOVED that!! best wishes on your upcoming birth!
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#21 of 98 Old 12-05-2004, 08:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Kate,

Wow, what a birthstory. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Kim
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#22 of 98 Old 12-06-2004, 02:33 PM
 
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Just popping in to say hello..

I think AF has returned.. Though it is hard to tell.. since I hadn't really stopped pp discharge yet.. No fair!!

Hope everyone is well

Chantal
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#23 of 98 Old 12-06-2004, 03:45 PM
 
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Hi ladies! After discovering this wonderful thread and lurking for a few days, I figured it was about time to introduce myself. My daughter was born by a completely unexpected c/b on November 19th. Having a Cesarean never even seemed like a possibility to me while I was pregnant - it was the section I skipped in all of the books I read.

After a very long, exhausting labor, full dilation and a couple of hours of pushing, the mw discovered that I had gone back down to 8 cm and the babe was sideways. They tried to get her to turn with pitocin, but when nothing changed after a couple more hours, I ended up in the OR. Between not having slept and laboring for two days and the trauma/shock of the surgery, I don't have any memories of the time after I got back into the room. I don't remember holding or nursing my daughter for the first times. My sister tells me that she was trying to have me hold her, but I was shaking too violently to be able to.

I feel like I was totally unprepared and have had a very difficult first couple of weeks. I didn't feel very bonded and nursing has gotten off to a rough start. Thankfully, things seem to be easing up now. I don't burst into tears every time I think of the birth (or whenever she wants to eat!), so that's some real progress!

It is so wonderful and reassuring to be able to read about the experiences of others and I thank you all for being so generous and sharing your stories.
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#24 of 98 Old 12-06-2004, 11:35 PM
 
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Every day is different. Some days I am ok...well as ok as I can be with my c/s#2 (was a planned VBAC). I get upset when I go to my old VBAC board and everyone there is getting their VBACs. I wanted it so bad its still a little hard to believe it didnt happen. I am trying to deal with the fact that I dont really want more kids. I only want another to try again for a VBAC which is just crazy....I guess. We'll see. I have a few years left to decide for sure. Its annoying though because DH asks me all the time when I want him to go for a vasectomy. I am not ready for that because that means I will never ever VBAC for sure.
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#25 of 98 Old 12-06-2004, 11:40 PM
 
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What do you think of your scar?


I dont want my scar(s) to fade. I dont want to apply creams to have them disappear. I want them to stay as long and red as they were the first day. I dont even know why. Isnt that strange?
Edited to add that even though I feel that way, I do avoid actually looking at it. Some psychological issues there huh? lol
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#26 of 98 Old 12-07-2004, 01:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoTwo
What do you think of your scar?


I dont want my scar(s) to fade. I dont want to apply creams to have them disappear. I want them to stay as long and red as they were the first day. I dont even know why. Isnt that strange?
Edited to add that even though I feel that way, I do avoid actually looking at it. Some psychological issues there huh? lol
My scar represents a lot to me. Growth for one. I will wear it on my body proudly and dont have any plans for it to disappear. I think I have always been honest with everyone about how I feel about my csections: one a nightmare and one was a joyful, wonderful experience.
For me my scar represents what a judgemental b*tch I was. Young and naive, and of the belief that it wouldn't happen to me. I have to say I am sad when I read here and elsewhere that women do not educate theirselves about csections and the reasons behind them.(or of the belief that they are pretty much all unnecessary) Everything I ever read was the horror of them all and how they were not needed in normal healthy women. I was going to have an all natural vaginal childbirth at the hospital and then after that I would birth babies at home. I wouldn't be like those other drug induced women, those uninformed women, I wasnt going to be one of those women who had their baby cut from them. Nope not me. And then I became that woman.
My scar represents humility. Three days post partum from my first csection I couldn't walk, someone had to wipe crap off my butt, I was bruised and emotionally I was broken. I felt grateful for pain meds. I felt blessed by a lactation consultant that taught me how to breastfeed. I am humbled by the kindness of a student nurse who massage my legs so I would not get clots. I realized weeks later, that woman I had become was a woman who did not get the birth she wanted because of fate. No one knew until I was open on that table that I would never have babies vaginally. When another "sister" told me her story, I didn't judge her. I didn't think about all the things she did wrong or her doctor did wrong or how someone along the way misquided her.
My scar represents rage and disappointment. I was tormented and tortured for 75 minutes. I was drugged. I had drug induced amnesia. I don't remember the day of my daughters birth. I was robbed. My birth was stolen from me way before my mother gave birth to me.
My scar represents my fears. The fear of ever having any babies. The fear of infertility. The fear of rupture. The fear of placenta problems and pre-term labor. The fear that I will die. The fear of pain. The fear of losing a child.
My scar represents peace. It took me five years to work through the fear and anger. Five years of remember and recall and change. Five years to trust another doctor to deliver a baby. Five years to believe and have faith that I would have a joyful outcome. March 1, 2002 I found peace through a hole in my belly at 12:54pm. I laughed and cried and I was no longer in pain.
My scar represents courage. Courage to move on when I didn't want. Courage to have more biological children. Courge to believe that a higher power would take care of me and bless me. Courage that I could have a healthy pregnancy with a healthy full term baby.
My scar represents joy. I have two beautiful children that came out of my belly. They are happy and healthy. I also feel joy being secure in my decisions and choices when it comes to having repeat csections. I feel joy that I have this option.
This 7.5 inch crooked scar, now faded, and hidden by a shelf of fat says a lot about me and my growth as a person. Hopefully, come July, this scar will open up once more and a beautiful new life will come out. I'm sure there is a lot more for me to learn and be aware of.
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#27 of 98 Old 12-07-2004, 01:20 AM
 
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What does my scar mean and how do I feel about it?

In all honesty...it means nothing and I feel nothing. I do not think about the way my boys were born unless I'm talking about it with someone. I no longer cry over never having my vaginal birth. I no longer think of the pain and heartache there was the day after I had Tracy. I no longer have the pains that rip through me like a knife when I think about my mistakes and lack of patience.

My c/b is something that meerly is. I'm not bitter or upset. I'm resigned to the fact that my boys ewren't born in some wonderful home water birth. My boys weren't born into the loving arms of their father. My boys weren't brought to my breast moments after birth. I wasn't allowed that wonderful feeling of awe over my vbac.

I am a mother by ceserean.


Ask me about my stretch marks....now those have meaning

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#28 of 98 Old 12-07-2004, 02:29 AM
 
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I'm so glad I found this thread! My littlest one was born by emergency c/s 11/21/04 because of placenta abruptio. I am in the beginning of processing all the emotions, and being able to read others' experiences feels like it's helping. I wrote a fairly short version of my birth story a couple nights ago, but lost it before it posted : I plan to try again over the next few days.

How I feel about my scar...

I hadn't really thought about it until I read the question. I only saw it as this annoying thing that was keeping me from doing things that I normally wouldn't think twice about. But it's a lot more than that. Even though my birth experience wasn't the way I wanted it, that scar represents what saved my little girl's life (and mine too). If c/s had not been an option, neither of us would be here now. I know that c/s's are over-utilized, and in many cases unnecessary, but they can truly be lifesavers.

In thinking about it over the last few days, I've realized that the things that have saddened me the most were not from the c/s itself, but more from having it done under general anesthesia. I think it helps that in my case, I know without a doubt that there was no way around having a c/s, so I'm pretty much ok with it (so far, anyway). What bothers me the most is that I missed it. I didn't get to see her enter the world, and neither did DH. And I didn't get to see his face when he saw his first (and probably last) child for the first time. I know that is a moment I would have cherished forever, if only I could have been there.
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#29 of 98 Old 12-07-2004, 02:39 AM
 
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My scar...

I joined Cbirth a while ago (a mailing list for uc'ers) and had been lurking for a while. When I posted my introduction, I talked a bit about my son's (horrific vaginal) delivery, and my daughter's birth. After a few question and answer sessions, the responses I got were mostly "I hate hospitals, but it sounds like you really needed to be in one" or along those lines. In other words, even the crunchiest of birthers could accept that my particular situation (and my daughter's) necessitated a c-section.

So my scar is a tribute to the fact that sometimes even the best laid plans can go awry, and that it's not always a bad thing when they do. My daughter is beautiful, and my c-section was a healing experience for me (and everyone knows those get double points! :LOL). I'm glad that I've been there.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#30 of 98 Old 12-07-2004, 10:14 AM
 
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KIm~ What a beautiful description.


I honestly don't know how I feel about my scar - I know every day is different - I still don't have feeling around it. I guess I love it because it is what made my daughter live & potentially kept her from being sicker than she was. I hate it because where I once loved my husband to rub his hands on my belly I can't stand it now - It still represents a lot more of pain than good still - I hope one day it changes.

Kate, BioMama to Emma Lu, Elliana - Almost Mama to Martin, & Foster Mama to Baby T
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