Just Say NO! - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 71 Old 02-10-2005, 01:31 PM
 
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I just wanted to give a big to us all who've had all these bad experiences birthing

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#62 of 71 Old 02-10-2005, 03:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jraohc
I'm educated, I know what to say "no" to; I have midwives, so it won't even be necessary to say "no"".
*nods* That's what I thought too until I hit 42 weeks with my 1st and was thrown to the wolves. Of course, it's not completely the medwives' fault - after all, I was the one stupid enough to believe that it was really about me and my baby instead of their neat & tidy records for insurance purposes. When I was naive enough to say that I'd rather go unassisted than to transfer care at 42 weeks to someone I'd never met and have a hospital birth, 3 of them marched in like it was an intervention and proceeded to bully and molest me. I fought them all for 3 days....the lay MWs who are at least as scared of birth as any medico, the CNM who tried to push cytotec on me at least half a dozen times, and the butcher who ultimately cut me. I had finally agreed to a no-med induction with a foley cath, but once they've got you captive it's just a matter of time til they wear you down. They will use the dead baby card, the 1st-time-mother-who-doesn't-know-anything card, the CPS card, whatever will get compliance - and they will turn on the tactics hot & heavy after you've been there for 24 hours. After all, they're now losing money with you taking up space in L&D and the pressure's on to get that baby out. Every time I said no (to pitocin, to AROM, to amnioinfusion, etc) I was told repeatedly that if I would have just agreed I'd be holding my baby by now. Say that over & over to a new mom who has been getting inundated with phone calls and emails about "didn't you have that baby yet?" for over 2 weeks, who is sharing the ward with the year-end-tax-deduction-inductions and hearing new babies' cries every couple of hours, and who hasn't slept in days and they WILL win the battle in the end. I gave up when they started talking about screwing a monitor into my baby's scalp and pulling him out with forceps and let them cut me.
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#63 of 71 Old 02-10-2005, 03:09 PM
 
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OMG - You guys have such awful sotries

I did not have a good birth experience last time, but I sure won't complain about it anymore after reading your awful experiences

I am so afraid of "being thrown into the wolves" by my midwives if I go over term To make matters worse, at 37 weeks they pulled a surprise on me saying I would not be able to deliver at the Birth Center if my asthma was not under control!!!!! What does that mean?? I tell them EVERY WEEK how well I am doing and all. I bet they got someone in the hospital pulling strings not to let me give birth at the BC because of insurance reasons - EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NOT HAD ANY ASTHMA IN MONTHS AND HAVE GIVEN BIRTH WITH NO PROBLEMS NATURALLY TWICE BEFORE
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#64 of 71 Old 02-10-2005, 03:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jraohc
What an interesting thread. Before labor I have to admit I thought "how easy; just say "no"; I'm educated, I know what to say "no" to; I have midwives, so it won't even be necessary to say "no"". Now that I've been through labor I just have to say it's not so easy and why didn't anyone tell me before? Well, probably because I wouldn't have listened, after all I was "educated" and knew exactly what I wanted and didn't want.

I appreciate the two analogies - to wild animals and to date rape.

It's also very interesting to hear that other's had experiences that were similar in ways to mine. Although it stinks that others had bad experiences, it is nice to hear that I'm not alone.
Yes. Even knowing all I know now I still don't trust putting myself in their hands. I am petrified of risking out of my homebirth. I have never had any problems in the past and my last homebirth was perfect but that chance of risking out and ending up in the hospital scares me to death. Every time I have to see a delivery at work I get totally freaked out because it is a g d circus.

For the record, I was raped by a total stranger for my first "sexual" encounter. I am by far more traumatized by the "rape" I experienced at the hospital at the birth of my first. I suffer the memory of that birth more than I ever suffered effects of the rape.
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#65 of 71 Old 02-10-2005, 04:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mara
For the record, I was raped by a total stranger for my first "sexual" encounter. I am by far more traumatized by the "rape" I experienced at the hospital at the birth of my first. I suffer the memory of that birth more than I ever suffered effects of the rape.
*Nods through the tears* We're definitely not alone with that feeling either.
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#66 of 71 Old 02-10-2005, 05:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Crystal_clear
Quote:
For the record, I was raped by a total stranger for my first "sexual" encounter. I am by far more traumatized by the "rape" I experienced at the hospital at the birth of my first. I suffer the memory of that birth more than I ever suffered effects of the rape.
*Nods through the tears* We're definitely not alone with that feeling either.

at least when I was raped, nobody justified what the rapist did to me, or told me I should be happy he did it!
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#67 of 71 Old 02-10-2005, 06:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by stafl

at least when I was raped, nobody justified what the rapist did to me, or told me I should be happy he did it!
LOL! Exactly!
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#68 of 71 Old 02-10-2005, 06:26 PM
 
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The rape analogy is one I use to explain it to people who say "But you got a healthy baby!" as if that's due to the lovely hospy technology. My healthy baby is due to me refusing pethidine, induction, scalp monitor and insisting that they cut out the stuck baby.
Sigh.
Now how do we get this thread into the mainstream? Women just don't believe you when you tell them because they can't believe it will happen to them. It just happened to a friend of mine in Toronto and she's so shocked. I'm just so sad for her. I flat out warned her against trusting the doctors and their protocols and sent her loads of brilliant information but she insisted on going to a teaching hospital so she got a c-sec she didn't need after they induced her. She's read my birth story so she she had all the information (not to mention all the brilliant books and articles I sent her) but the fear of birth is so great that women will still go to hospitals. I love the essays on birthlove.
J
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#69 of 71 Old 02-11-2005, 01:23 AM
 
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one thing you have to keep in mind is that if you "just say no" to the wrong thing, you could have the nurses call social workers on you and try to take your baby away... It's not so simple to wrestle with authoritarian behemoths.
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#70 of 71 Old 02-11-2005, 04:49 AM
 
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A woman in Brisbane recently refused to have a 3rd c-sec when she wanted a VBAC and the hospital called children's services on her. They actually arrived when she was in prelabour. Not pretty. She went on to have an unmedicated VBAC in another hospital. Very frightening.
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#71 of 71 Old 02-11-2005, 10:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by JanetF
Now how do we get this thread into the mainstream? Women just don't believe you when you tell them because they can't believe it will happen to them.
This was what I was trying to get at with my post. Before labor I just didn't understand how difficult it would be to say no. As for getting the message out to the mainstream, I think we need the mainstream to realize there are reasonable alternatives to the hospital and we need to make sure that's true. I'm planning a homebirth for next time, but I never would have considered that the first time around because "no one" has a homebirth. I just don't think it would have mattered how many times I had read how hard it is to say no during labor for me to believe that was true.
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