Can someone explain what the "happy husband" stitch is? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 06:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Please?
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#2 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 06:59 AM
 
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Oh boy. It is the extra stitch or two taken after an episiotomy to negate any natural stretching that may have occured during birth. Because of course, all that matters to men is their sexual satisfaction. :roll
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#3 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 08:48 AM
 
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#4 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 08:55 AM
 
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It implies that the woman is returned to her "virginal" state of tightness, and thus, will keep her husband happy.
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#5 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 10:03 AM
 
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this is also my first time hearing the phrase, tho i think i did hear bout the procedure in the past-
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#6 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 11:12 AM
 
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yes, but how happy would husband be when wife doesn't want anything to do with relations b/c she's in too much pain??? i find the term, and the procedure totally abhorrent.

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#7 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 11:26 AM
 
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:Puke
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#8 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 12:55 PM
 
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Thanks for asking, I hadn't heard the phrase before the VM thread and was pretty sure this was the meaning, but not certain.

Haven't those docs ever heard of Kegels? That extra stitch sounds like it would make penetration really uncomfortable, but do nothing for the snugness that some men (and women) like inside.

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#9 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 01:01 PM
 
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other cute nicknames include the lover's knot and the husband's stitch

Think about it this way...a woman's labia are like lips, and the perineum is kina like the cheek on the face. The episiotomy cuts into the perineum--that's like cutting, with scissors, into your cheek.

That extra stitch will make that fleshy entrance to the vagina tighter, but OBVIOUSLY, a stitch cannot change the muscle tone of the vagina!

I'm another mama who can attest to horrendeous unpleasantness with marital relations and simple tampon use (as in, couldn't use--too painful) as a result of fancy needlework. And let the record show, even if an OB doesn't intentinally put in an extra stitch, it is very possible and very common to sew too tightly (something about how the tissue is so swollen and as it heals the tissue swelling decreases but the tight tension on the stitches remains the same.)

My auntie gave birth to her daughter in 1976 & the OB turned to her dh, in the delivery room, as he stitched her episiotomy, and made some crude joke about adding a second stitch, just for him. My auntie, bless her, told the doc to go to hell, but that didn't do much for the sake of her perineal sew-job at the time.

Once, a long while ago, we had a thread about extra stitches here at mdc, and someone knowedlgeable person posted something about how all these circumcized men think that it's the childbearing vagina that's the 'problem', when really, it's the mens' deformed anatomies that are the 'problem', and their lack of foreskins is what drives this "I want it tight" concept. I wish I could find the link to the thread, because I thought it was very interesting.

AND OF COURSE, the best part about the husband's stitch is that is is the CHERRY atop the UNECCESARY INTERVENTIONS CAKE, because episotomies are archaic uncessary bs, brought about by uneducated, unelnligtened 'care givers' scissor-happy hands and flat-on-their-back mamas pushing babies uphill and off a bed.
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#10 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 02:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funshine
Haven't those docs ever heard of Kegels? That extra stitch sounds like it would make penetration really uncomfortable, but do nothing for the snugness that some men (and women) like inside.
Right! I was gonna say that. Docs can be dumb....happy husband my !@#. My husband would be furious if they did that to me.

Thankfully, even if I tear my mid-wife doesn't even use stitches! Yay. Well, unless it is like really really bad or something but with her expertise I feel my perinium is safe.

Stay at home wife to Jason for 7 years Mama to Larissa Mae 2 years old :, Gavin Clay 7 months :, and Neveah Ann April 24, 2005 to July 13, 2007 ED for my food allergic babe. :::
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#11 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 05:17 PM
 
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Tinyshoes

I am extremly thankful I have never torn or been cut.

michelle

Expecting #9.  Always busy hsing.
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#12 of 29 Old 03-23-2005, 08:04 PM
 
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My mom mentioned this to me once...she said that sex was VERY uncomfortable for her after this--and she said to NEVER let them stitch you tighter than you are--the skin there is supposed to be elastic--it will go back (especially with kegels)...my dad even mentioned it to me once...so...just know that stitching yourself, or having yourself stitched tighter than you are when you give birth is a BAD idea!
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#13 of 29 Old 03-24-2005, 11:30 PM
 
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I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I had that after my ds. It was miserable. Things were rather tight to begin with prior to baby, so I sure as heck didn't need anything stiched tighter. I had started to consider looking into getting it fixed, but then I ended up pregnant rather quickly. I did tear this time and needed stitches again, but things are back to normal again. I saw a midwife this time though, and it was an ob that stitched me after ds.
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#14 of 29 Old 03-24-2005, 11:57 PM
 
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Just wanted to chime in and say I had never heard to the happy husband stitch. It is interesting about those men who have been circumsized and their sensations though. MDC never ceases to amaze me.... I learn something new from you mammas everytime I frequent this board.


Apsu 7/01- homebirth, breastfeed to 3 yrs and Kush Amen unassisted waterbirth - still breastfeeding and going strong.......
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#15 of 29 Old 03-25-2005, 05:52 AM
 
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I have heard of this as the "husband's knot", that obs usually put in with a wink and a nod at the husband.

No thank you.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#16 of 29 Old 10-27-2005, 12:17 AM
 
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stupid ob!
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#17 of 29 Old 10-27-2005, 10:08 AM
 
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As IF they still think that's a good thing to do. Ick. When I hear about this kind of stuff I feel SO sorry for my mother and my husband mother. Both of them were stitched up big time with every child (between them they gave birth to 16).
Thank goodness my GP doesn't do any of those things - but she's a woman, so she's got a clue.
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#18 of 29 Old 10-27-2005, 11:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyshoes
all these circumcized men think that it's the childbearing vagina that's the 'problem', when really, it's the mens' deformed anatomies that are the 'problem', and their lack of foreskins is what drives this "I want it tight" concept.


the whole idea of 1)episiotomy and 2)this "husband's stitch" make me :Puke

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#19 of 29 Old 10-27-2005, 12:32 PM
 
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I'd heard the term a long time ago, a couple of different ways actually. Earlier this year, I attended a birth whre not only did the dr. do it,she laughed about it while she told the parents about it. I was FLOORED. I guess the only "good" thing about it was that at least she forewarned them that it was going to be extra tight, so they wouldn't be surprised to find out the hard way. I felt sooo bad for her. The wierd thing is, I've seen this same OB do a couple other stitch jobs andshe doesn't always do the "husband stitch".
I think its sad that "tight" is so desired that drs will go so far asto surgically make it tighter after they are the ones that destroyed it. Kind of like if I burn down your house thencome over to rebuild it.

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#20 of 29 Old 10-27-2005, 01:46 PM
 
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I swear the dr did this to me when he was stitching me (I tore), 6 months pp and I still swear he did it.

My Mum worked with a lady that had an extra stitch 'for her husband', ended up in hospital having a vaginal repair to fix the damn thing.
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#21 of 29 Old 10-27-2005, 02:06 PM
 
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This is another reason to have a homebirth, IMO.
When you go into hospital for childbirth, you are inviting rape. I'm not talking about forced penile penetration, I'm talking about medical professionals who think you have no right to make decisions for your own body and physically and mentally force themselves on you. This means physical trauma and destruction and mental trauma. The repercussions can last a lifetime. Now define rape and tell me it's any different.
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#22 of 29 Old 10-27-2005, 02:51 PM
 
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If I were given the so-called "happy husband" stitch, I'd probably have to have conjugal visits in prison, because, dh would be in jail for assault! I can't imagine what he'd do to a "doctor" who did that to me.

I've always found both the concept and the term really sickening.

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#23 of 29 Old 10-27-2005, 08:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeosMama
This is another reason to have a homebirth, IMO.
When you go into hospital for childbirth, you are inviting rape. I'm not talking about forced penile penetration, I'm talking about medical professionals who think you have no right to make decisions for your own body and physically and mentally force themselves on you. This means physical trauma and destruction and mental trauma. The repercussions can last a lifetime. Now define rape and tell me it's any different.
ITA- these sOB's have no idea the pain they cause

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#24 of 29 Old 10-28-2005, 01:22 AM
 
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wow...i had never heard of that. how barbaric. :

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
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#25 of 29 Old 10-28-2005, 01:58 AM
 
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You know, I think that a lot of OBs do it because they've never had it done to themselves. Think about male OBs. They are MALE, so they like a "nice tight woman", so it makes sense to them to sew 'em up tight. Female OBs...I bet you a dollar to a donut that the majority of the ones who do it have never had children and if they had, they never had an episiotomy and if they did they didn't have that extra-tight stitch-job. If they did, they wouldn't be so quick to do it to other people.
I think thatanother "problem" is that it's done and people might not complain enough. Like, bring the "happy husband" in to see the stitchin' doc and tell them just how happy they really are(n't). I'm not sure how much good it would do, but lots of drs do things without thinking aboutit and if they heard negative about it more often, maybe at least some of them would chill out.

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#26 of 29 Old 10-28-2005, 02:35 AM
 
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I tore a little with my first birth (homebirth) and when the mw was stitching me up I specifically thought (and knew, thankfully) to ask her not to give me an extra stitch. She kind of laughed and said, "I wouldn't do that to you!" I was relieved that she gave me no resistance to that (since it wasn't something I had talked to her about before hand) and kind of embarrassed since she clearly wasn't of that philosophy. But at least I covered myself. Too bad everyone going into childbirth doesn't know that this might happen.

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#27 of 29 Old 10-28-2005, 03:09 AM
 
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The doc cut me with my first birth AND I tore. It all felt very violant, doc had a very angry look in his eyes when he cut me and it still makes me afraid when I think about it. And he had the nerve to say to me, "Damn, girl you made me work hard." WTF! I was very sore, no sex or tampons for about 8 months. I still feel sore in my perineum-even though I've had a few more kids.
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#28 of 29 Old 10-30-2005, 04:48 PM
 
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Bethla,

How horrible! Your Dr. sounds sick.

As to the OT, I had a small epsiotomy w/ ds1, and my CNM stitched me up. W/ds2, I had a 3rd degree tear and had to transfer to be stitched up, as I needed mild sedation, which my HB DR. and his midwife couldn't do at my home. Neither time did anyone say anything about extra/tight stitching, but both times, I've had discomfort with sex afterwards. After ds1, it was just for the first few times, but this time it was definitely worse, and may have contributed to me having little interest for most of the last 2 years. I don't know what to think. Has anyone who knows they didn't get any extra stitches still had pain/discomfort with sex after?
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#29 of 29 Old 10-30-2005, 11:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bethla
The doc cut me with my first birth AND I tore. It all felt very violant, doc had a very angry look in his eyes when he cut me and it still makes me afraid when I think about it. And he had the nerve to say to me, "Damn, girl you made me work hard." WTF! I was very sore, no sex or tampons for about 8 months. I still feel sore in my perineum-even though I've had a few more kids.


I'm sorry, mama. That is just terrible.
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