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How much does labor hurt?

3K views 73 replies 55 participants last post by  USAmma 
#1 ·
I am so confused!
My third trimester starts on Monday, so giving birth to my #1 is not around the corner, but i have heard so many confusing informations about the pain itself i don't know what to think...

I hope you are gonna share your experiences here!

Thanks!
 
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#52 ·
I've given birth twice. Each time I thought the pain was pretty bad, but I wouldn't have described it as the worst pain I could imagine. The real difference in the pain of labor vs. the pain of injury to me was that with labor the pain was just relentless and that's hard. I had back labor with my first which actually made my labor *less* painful in a way than my 2nd birth. I had constant pain in my back but it was like a more dull pain that would intensify as a contraction would hit. Then the pain would decrease, but it never went away. Feeling this pain in my back actually kept me from feeling any pain in my abdomen. It wasn't until after the baby was out that I felt my first contraction in my abdomen the way I would have expected it. With my 2nd birth I still felt some dull pain in my back (I get this way when I'm menstrual too) but the majority of the pain was in front - just like I had heard of contractions being (like a severe cramping sensation - like really bad gas pains). These were intense and extremely painful. It was like my body was being seized when they'd hit - I don't know if that makes any sense. BUT... they were only that intense b/c that labor was incredibly fast (90 minutes start to finish) and my water broke before hand so that usually makes the pain more intense. I would have preferred my longer (almost 10 hour) labor to that because, while it hurt, it was very manageable. I still managed though and I just kept telling myself in my head that I could do this - I was built for it and I could stand anything for 90 seconds. And that's how I did it. Plus I was in the water and that has always helped me a great deal. I think Bradley classes are a great way to learn about emotional signposts which tell you when you should go to the hospital. Staying home in your space as long as possible is ideal. Hopefully by the time you get to the hospital, your baby will be born very shortly thereafter.
 
#53 ·
In the Birthing From Within classes they make you do breathing exercises while holding onto ice cubes. The last class we had to dip our hands into a bucket of ice water. I understand that the pain will not be exactly the same, of course, but ... how close is that simulation to what the real thing will be like? My brain tells me it's not all that close at all, so I don't even know why I'm asking but I'm gonna post this anyway.
 
#54 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by tmarina
My first birth was pretty easy. I had been prone to very severe menstrual cramps for years and transition never got worse than my worst menstrual cramps. Pushing was harder work than I expected, but felt better (more relieving) than transition. He was born posterior, and having the constant back labor was actually a help to me. With constant pain to deal with, I couldn't stop to think about what was happening or what the next contraction might be like.
Wow - you're the first person I've ever heard besides myself describe back labor in this way. This was *exactly* my experience and I've always described it to people in this way (who look at me as though constant pain could possibly have been a good thing)!
 
#55 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by valeria_vi
In the Birthing From Within classes they make you do breathing exercises while holding onto ice cubes. The last class we had to dip our hands into a bucket of ice water. I understand that the pain will not be exactly the same, of course, but ... how close is that simulation to what the real thing will be like? My brain tells me it's not all that close at all.
You are right - it isn't close at all. But I assume they are trying to get you to stay relaxed during something uncomfortable. In our Bradley classes, someone squeezed your arm tightly to simulate a contraction. I think that even though it is nothing close, it is at least a tightening - which is what contractions are. The best I can describe contractions is the feeling that you get when your blood pressure is taken - slowly tightens until you think it can't get any tighter, then slowly loosens up. As soon as it is over, it is over - no lingering pain or tightness.

I really believe that the "trick" is to go completely limp. Don't fight your body. Don't tense up and think about pain. Relax and close your eyes and mantra something that will help you - words like limp, loose, relax, open. Make sure your partner knows what you like and what you don't. Two examples come to mind.

1. During practice at Bradley class one time, my dh was running his hand over my hair. Normally would be good, relaxing. But every time his hand ran over my ear, it was loud, annoying, interrupted my relaxation. I told him, showed him by doing it to him. Finding and fixing stuff like that will help him do only helpful things during labor.

2. He started out rubbing my arm, back and forth on my forearm. Too rough for relaxation - and it reminded me of revving up one of those cars that you rev up and let go on the floor. Just annoying (can you figure out I was a pita to "coach") :LOL We fine tuned it so that he lightly stroked my forearm from elbow to wrist, not back and forth - starting over near my elbow each stroke. It reminded me that the pain/tightness/stress was going down and out, down my arm and off the tips of my fingers. It was a small change but made all the difference to me.

For the OP and others who haven't had kids yet, the thing that helped me emotionally before I got to labor was to remind myself that if it was as bad as everyone says, no one would have second, third, fourth children! I reminded myself that 15 year old girls do this. My MIL was 43 when she had my dh. Women have babies in cars on bridges in traffic. Certainly I can do this! And I did - three times, happily. It will go easy or not so easy but either way, it is a finite period of time; it will end. And it will be the best day of your life.
 
#56 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by reader
For most people, there is pain. But it's not pain like your arm has just been sawed off or anything. The pain comes and goes, and slowly builds in intensity, so you have time to get used to it.
I wish that my labor had been like that. I had back labor. Imagine 12 hours of searing pains that last for several minutes at time with breaks of only a minute or so in between. Ow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by reader
I won't sugar coat it. It hurts. But it was also a really empowering experience. It's pain with a purpose. The pain ends, and you get a gorgeous baby to show for it.
Still, I completely agree with this. It is empowering, and it is bearable. My best advice is to remember that every contraction, no matter how bad it might be, is one that you will never have to have again and is taking you one step closer to the wonderful goal of meeting your baby.
 
#57 ·
It hurt, but as someone said earlier it's not like cutting off a limb. I labored for 10 hours then pushed for the next 4. Yes, I tried to push my baby out for 4 hours. I was so exhausted and had tried every position (I thought) but the baby's head was stuck under my pelvic bone. My doc suggested I try laying flat on my back (huh? I thought that was supposed to be the *worst* position), and it worked. I made huge progress then. I ws so grateful I avoided a c-section.

Before i gave birth I cried at every episode of A Baby Story and everytime I saw someone give birth on TV. I didn't cry when my son was born, I felt like I was in mild shock over the pain and exhaustion. I am so very glad I had my birth experience even though it was like a marathon.
 
#58 ·
Ary99 - Wow, another experience that completely echos my own. I labored for about 6 hours with my first dd, then pushed for 4. Midwife had me pushing mostly on the toilet but then lying flat on my back. I had serious issues with that b/c that's the *wrong* way to do it! But she told me that sometimes that's the best way to get the baby past the pelvic bone and it worked! It also felt MUCH better than other positions I tried. AND, I also cried (and still do) at every TV birth I see but didn't for my own kid's births. I always feel sad about that, but after all that work it really was more of a feeling of relief. Glad to know that I'm not alone.
 
#59 ·
I'm taking my MW's HB class right now and when we talked about pushing, she mentioned the lying on the back thing for stuck babies. Apparently it works sometimes! Amazing, isn't it? You're so lucky to have a doc willin to work w/ you! I switched docs when I was about 34 weeks w/ my first when I found out the practice wouldn't allow women to push on their own for more than 2 hours. Good thing, too, cuz I pushed for 2.5!
 
#60 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mwherbs
huggerwocky...
I think that fast labors are more instense and you don't have as much breathing time or really any time to get your bearings-- #2 was born in 1 hr and 1/2 of that was spent driving in the car---getting to the hospital was a blurr....
Yeah, I agree w/ that! I started pushing after 4 hours of labor w/ my first and I was NOT OK w/ labor! I was TERRIFIED and out of control. Until my doc got to the hospital and told me I was having a fast labor. Duh! I just remember thinking there was NO WAY I was going to be able to do it for hours and hours! And I wouldn't have been able to. My contractions were too close together and too intense fo rme to handle well. I was begging for drugs, but the nurses were sticking to my birthplan and waiting for my doc. As soon as my doc told me I'd be puahing soon, I was fine. LOL!

W/ my second, they were even closer together and MORE intense! But I handled them really well, I must say. Mainly because I knew exactly what was going on and I knew I was having another fast labor. Made it much more bearable to know it was going to be over quickly. I was at 9cm 1.5 hours after starting labor when we got to the hospital. I did end up w/ an epidural b/c I kept contracting like I was in transition (over a min long, 2 min or so apart), but didn't dialate the rest of the way (and did not feel like pushing at all). A lot of things were not going my way that night and I am sure now that I was subconsciously fighting labor. After about 4 hours of that, I finally got the epidural and almost immediately dialated to 9.
I think the defeat of giving in and having the drugs made me slump and give up whatever fight I was giving and relax enough for my body to finish its job. KWIM?
 
#61 ·
i haven't yet read the entire thread, so this may already have been mentioned, but i strongly recommend the book "Birthing From Within" for any mama.

i think i may be a masochist ... i LOVED labor! i knew it was going to be a pain unlike i'd ever felt before, but i also was so psyched that it would be pain that would bring my daughter into my arms. i mean, who wouldn't go through a heaven and earth of pain just to finally meet that precious little being that's been squiggling in their tummy?
i knew i couldn't die from pain. i knew that women were birthing all over the earth while i was, we were all in it together. towards the end of the pregancy, i felt like i was standing in line at an amusement park to ride the biggest, baddest rollercoaster! scared, but excited, too. and sure enough, labor was just like riding a HUGE rollercoaster, whoooosh here comes a surge, WOW that's a big hill, whoaaaaa down the other side! i just went along for the ride.

one thing that helped me was the mindest of not remembering the last surge, and not anticipating the next one. i just concentrated on what was happening in the moment. it was so beautiful, i felt like my daughter and i were dancing together, locked into a primal rhythm. i very much regret that i needed a c-birth and didn't get to experience the "ring of fire" because after that, i would have experienced what i have heard is the most beautiful sensation ever, the baby sliding out.

ETA: my active labor was 30 hours total. i went into transition 3 or 4 times, my daughter was "bouncing" down into the birth canal and then back up again on her short, wrapped cord. i got lost in Laborland, i didn't know what hour it was, or when i was in transition. having two doulas was surely what helped me the most. towards the end i started tensing because my fibromyalgia and arthritis was acting up and it was hurting worse than the surges ... they'd remind me to not tense against the pain by just saying "ragdoll." to this day, if i'm in pain, i say "ragdoll" to myself and go limp, it works well.

when i knew i needed a cesarean, then it HURT. i mean, i tensed against every surge and it was like a nightmare. i suddenly hated my body (i didn't know why she wasn't descending at the time) so i hated the pain, i knew it wasn't productive and it was horrific.

i hope this helps. i mean, knowing from my story and other mama's stories that how you perceive pain affects your labor. enjoy your ride!! {{{{{hugs mama}}}}}
 
#62 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by valeria_vi
In the Birthing From Within classes they make you do breathing exercises while holding onto ice cubes. The last class we had to dip our hands into a bucket of ice water. I understand that the pain will not be exactly the same, of course, but ... how close is that simulation to what the real thing will be like? My brain tells me it's not all that close at all, so I don't even know why I'm asking but I'm gonna post this anyway.
My husband and I did this with our 2nd (1st together) and it really was helpful. It's uncomfortable to purposely place yourself into pain's way. Essentially, that's what you do--inflict discomfort upon yourself in order that you figure out how you will respond, and your partner can see you responding and see what it looks like for you to be in pain.

Does it feel like labor? Sorta. Contractions do not feel like having your hand submerged in ice water, but you do have the sensation, especially at the end where you want to run, pull your hand out and go home and have some tea. In the bucket, you *can* pull your hand out, but in labor, you cannot. You're there for the long haul to have a baby. Having you partner recognize that you're getting to the pack up and head home stage really is helpful because then s/he can pull you back to earth--ground you.

Labor is doable. Period. It's hard work-terribly hard work, the hardest you will ever do. It can be scary and exciting in the same breath and that sometimes throws us off our game a bit. BUT, it's amazing and spiritual and beautiful, too.

Good luck to you!
 
#63 ·
Labor was most definitely intense. It's hard to describe it as pain because, although it hurt, it was different than anything else I;d ever felt. My ds was a hospital, pitocin-induced birth that led me to get an epidural. The whole experience in the hospital was so BS I opted for a homebirth the second time around- and cherish the experience.

Transition actually felt hardest, but try and get into a comfy position and stay there as long as you possibly can!!! I was laying on my right side since I was so tired (my water broke at 2:15 am and labor started 10 minutes later). Instead of tightening my stomach every time a contraction hit (which was my initial automatic response) I began squeezing my dh's hand, the midwife's hand, the assistant's hand, whoever was available at that time, and I pushed their hand into the mattress so's not to hurt them too badly.
But it helped a lot. I eventually stopped dilating (at 9cm, grrrr) so I climbed back into the tub and that's when labor got to the most intense part- and I got very vocal about it.

Not vocal in the cursing-at-anyone-in-your-presence sense, but vocal as in moaning. At first I was a little bit self-conscious, but after 2 contractions passed and the vocalization was making them bearable, I kept it up- and about 20 minutes later had pushing urges, and three pushes later my dd was born.


Totally worth it to have an unmedicated birth- and a few days later it deosn't seem too bad at all! (Course, my after-birth pains were so intense I'd literally have to kneel wherever I was and pant through them like I was in labor all over again. I'd have liked an epidural for those! lol)

Anyway, good luck. Do what you know in your heart is best for you!
 
#64 ·
A lot of women have mentioned how they forget the pain.. here's my goofiness on that. I don't forget it per se.. I mean, rationally I recall pretty clearly it hurt, but my *body* doesn't seem to remember it. Some hurts I can recall with a cringing clarity if I focus. If I close my eyes and recall very strongly the bee sting I got on my hand 2 falls ago, I can almost *feel* it there with a real shudder. If I remember acutely the painful pap smear given to me like 6 years ago by a PA, I will physically cringe. I can think about stubbing my big toe last week and I'll move to hold it. But I just can't summon up the imaginary echo of contraction pain (from a not-traumatic labor.) Even what I thought was the best feeling - dd finally arriving in an amazing rush, I remember more that it was amazing than I can re-feel the experience. My rational mind doesn't forget... something at some more physical level for me seems to forget, lol. Weird, huh?
 
#65 ·
I have had four births.

1 was not that bad.
2 were bad.
1 was hellish and devastatingly painful.

I have a pretty good threshold for pain. About forgeting the pain-- I did forget the pain for the not so bad/ bad hree, but I will never, ever forget the pain of the very difficult birth.
 
#66 ·
Quote:
A lot of women have mentioned how they forget the pain.. here's my goofiness on that. I don't forget it per se.. I mean, rationally I recall pretty clearly it hurt, but my *body* doesn't seem to remember it.
That's how it is for me. I've read that there are hormones active postpartum that actually make you forget the physical sensation of labor pain, though you can still recall it intellectually. I think that Meredith Small discusses them in 'Our Babies, Ourselves'. I've read that these 'forgetting hormones' are credited with the continued survival of humanity, lol.
 
#67 ·
I know that I'm one woman in a million, or maybe a thousand, but labor was not that painful for me. I didn't really know I was in labor.... I showed up at my midwife 8 cm dialated and saying, "I think I'm in labor." She checked my cervix and was like, "GIRL you are way in labor!!" And my baby was a footling breech, but that's another story. I got completely dialated without much pain. I practiced relaxation techniques daily throughout my pregnancy and focused daily on relaxing my cervix. I think that must have helped! Or as my midwife said, I could just be a labor pro!
 
#68 ·
When my labor started with DD, 3 years ago, I started fairly slowly for the first hour (it hurt so little we even went grocery shopping). After the first hour the contractions got more intense (like really bad mentrual cramps) and I went into the tub at home. That helped me relax.
After another hour my contractions were so long and so close that we went straight to the hospital. I was in very intense breath-taking pain, couldn't really talk, sit etc. anything. I was 2 centimeters at the time. Once I got into the tub in the hospital it got better but picked up again quite quickly and I progressed from 2 to 10 centimeters in just under 90 mins. The pain was more intense than anything I have ever experienced. I was very close to giving up and asking for pain medication when the nurse told me I should get up if I could and start pushing. That was the turning point. Once I started pushing (25 mins. standing, bearing down...then another 20 mins. semi-upright sitting on the edge of the bed) the pain was almost gone. I remember pressure etc. but nothing compared to the contractions before. i was well enought to ask for ice water (which was given to me), joke with my Dr. and the nurses and enjoy seeing my DD coming out (in a mirror)...

So...after all this rambling...I have to say, even though it was the most painful experience ever I am very much looking forward to giving birth to my son this coming September. I felt so strong after having gone through labor like I've never felt before. I long to have that feeling again.

Alex

PS: after reading through some of the other answer I want to second, third, fourth the book "Birthing From Within" and the ice-cube method. I did that in prepartion for my DD's birth and will practice again this time. What has also helped me very much was the mantra "It's pain with a purpose, not scary pain" when the contractions were peaking. I have dealt with panic-disorder in the past and can proudly say today that I haven't felt any fear/panic at all during my 6-hour labor inspite of all the unusal body-sensations, pain etc.
 
#70 ·
really firmly believe that it has soo much to do with your state of mind...
are you expecting it to hurt, but know that you can over come anything put in front of you?
are you expecting to be able to get through it or thinking that you'll "try" but if you need it you can get meds?
are you hopeing nothing goes wrong or do you 'know' everything is okay to be fine?

kwim... I really think my first birth was great because I wouldn't accept the horror stories told to me by everyone I knew. I read all the natural birth stories I could find and convinced myself that I was going to have a good birth, and that I could handle anything my body went through.
Yes the contractions were intense but I was prepared to handle it. I didn't have classes, I didn't practice anything (though as a teen I had been trained in relaxation and visual techniques) I really think that my state of mind was the pivitol point that made the difference between having a wonderful, easy first birth and having a hard, difficult labor.
 
#71 ·
Forgive me; I know this isn't popular. But I don't really buy the "pain is a state of mind" thing. I was not (anywhere in my conscious mind, anyway) afraid to give birth. I was actually really excited. I had take Bradley and felt really prepared. My husband is amazing; my midwives were good. I consider myself to have a fairly high pain threshold.

The first 10-11 hours weren't so bad. Painful, but I was focused and okay. It really went downhill after that, though--I guess it was when I hit active labor (where I stalled at 4-5 cm for 10 hours). Definitely the worst pain I've ever been in in my life--no COMPARISON to anything else I've ever experienced. I had back labor (posterior baby didn't turn till I was pushing) so I'm sure that's part of it, but...I read a description of back labor before I gave birth that said it was like "having a steel rod go through your spine every 3 minutes." OH COME ON, I thought, it can't be that bad. Joke was on me. It was that bad. I also described it as being like being hit in the back with a baseball bat over and over again.

I felt absolutely no pain in my abdomen, cervix, or anywhere else but the small of my back. The pain bore no resemblance to menstrual cramps, either. It was fascinating for me to experience the post-birth contractions in my abdomen. They felt totally different, and didn't hurt at ALL in comparison.

FWIW, I was transferred to the hospital from a birthing center at 4-5 cm after 24 hours of labor with broken waters--I was GBS positive and outside the BC's protocol. I got Pitocin and, at my midwife's urging, accepted the epidural. My daughter was born 10 hours later after 2 hours of pushing. Yes, it took 8 more hours to dilate 5 more cm, even with Pit ramped up very high. I don't know if my experience is very generalizable as my birth seems to have been somewhat outside the norm.

I am clinging to the beliefe that back labor is very different than labor with a properly positioned baby, because I want to do this natural for #2. But I absolutely fear another labor like that one. It was so long. It hurt so much.
 
#72 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by loraxc
Forgive me; I know this isn't popular. But I don't really buy the "pain is a state of mind" thing. I was not (anywhere in my conscious mind, anyway) afraid to give birth. I was actually really excited. I had take Bradley and felt really prepared. My husband is amazing; my midwives were good. I consider myself to have a fairly high pain threshold.

The first 10-11 hours weren't so bad. Painful, but I was focused and okay. It really went downhill after that, though--I guess it was when I hit active labor (where I stalled at 4-5 cm for 10 hours). Definitely the worst pain I've ever been in in my life--no COMPARISON to anything else I've ever experienced. I had back labor (posterior baby didn't turn till I was pushing) so I'm sure that's part of it, but...I read a description of back labor before I gave birth that said it was like "having a steel rod go through your spine every 3 minutes." OH COME ON, I thought, it can't be that bad. Joke was on me. It was that bad. I also described it as being like being hit in the back with a baseball bat over and over again.

I felt absolutely no pain in my abdomen, cervix, or anywhere else but the small of my back. The pain bore no resemblance to menstrual cramps, either. It was fascinating for me to experience the post-birth contractions in my abdomen. They felt totally different, and didn't hurt at ALL in comparison.

FWIW, I was transferred to the hospital from a birthing center at 4-5 cm after 24 hours of labor with broken waters--I was GBS positive and outside the BC's protocol. I got Pitocin and, at my midwife's urging, accepted the epidural. My daughter was born 10 hours later after 2 hours of pushing. Yes, it took 8 more hours to dilate 5 more cm, even with Pit ramped up very high. I don't know if my experience is very generalizable as my birth seems to have been somewhat outside the norm.

I am clinging to the beliefe that back labor is very different than labor with a properly positioned baby, because I want to do this natural for #2. But I absolutely fear another labor like that one. It was so long. It hurt so much.
My first was posterior and my 2nd I think turned at the last minute b/c I had realy bad back labor with him. Neither of my labors was nearly as bad as what you describe. You must have had something else going on there, IMO. I hope your next labor is more normal.
 
#73 ·
It really is so individual. I've just given birth for the fourth time and having done that I feel like it's not just individual but also every labor can be very different too. My first two I ended up at the hospital waaay too soon and had all sorts of interventions and eventually ended up with epidurals both times. With #1 it was a trade-off to buy time to avoid a c-section. With #2 it was because I was mentally and physically exhausted after being stuck at 8cm for more than 4 hours with pit going full steam the whole time. I gave birth 1.5 hours later.

#3 I took Bradley classes and did have a natural birth. Yes it was painful but totally manageable until right around transition which was also when we went to the hospital. The ride was about the worst 45 minutes of my life. Ouch! Pushing was also way more painful than I expected in particular once she was crowning I could not believe the intensity of the ring of fire. So I thought I was really prepared for this birth. I did resolve to be upright more for this labor to try to cut down on the time. #3 still took 13.5 hours which is hardly fast for a third birth. Well this labor was much faster and it was not a gradual building. I went from thinking ok I think I may be in early labor to in almost unmanageable pain in very short order. I almost put off going to the hospital because it hadn't been long enough but when I got there I was 9cm and +1 station. The baby was at least partially posterior and I had tons of very painful pressure in both my pelvis and my back. I needed almost constant counter pressure on my back just to survive each contraction. The only position I could even remotely tolerate was being on my hands and knees. I pushed that way too and still needed the counterpressure. The pushing was even more painful than last time but I think that was because I had her on my perineum after like two pushes and then spent the next 15 minutes getting her the rest of the way out whereas with #3 it was a more gradual process over 20 minutes. Once I had her crowning quite honestly I can't even describe the sensation. But weirdly it did almost feel good to push through it. I just had to get her out. So yeah it hurts. Not going to lie about that. Even if you're prepared. Even if you have a doula and great support. Even if you trust your body and caregiver you may still have a lot of pain. But as several others have mentioned it is a purposeful pain. In some way the pain from getting a hep lock hurt much worse than my contrax because it was so pointless and bothersome. It is something you can get through though. I just took it one contrax at a time and knew I'd have a baby at the end.

good luck!
 
#74 ·
Pain is so individual, both with your body's pain receptors, and with your emotional response to pain.

I've had some people tell me that labor was like bad cramps. I've had others tell me it was torture.

My own labors were intense right from the start, it took over my body and I was fighting it. I did not labor naturally through either birth (got epidurals 1/2 way through) but I was told that my cx were like transitional cx from start to finish, very intense and on top of each other. I have abuse in my past and I think I felt them more than the average person might. I am super sensitive to physical pain b/c of my past, and that pain turns into fear.
 
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