Birth, is it more about me or the baby? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 49 Old 06-24-2005, 09:53 PM
 
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It is about you. Keep her out.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#32 of 49 Old 06-24-2005, 10:10 PM
 
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ITA with all of the above.

She's using twisted logic by saying that it's about the baby...but she's making it about herself. You don't want or need someone like that around.

Birth is not a spectator sport.

Practice this in front of the mirror "Ooops, I was so busy giving birth that we forgot to call". A little white lie can be very diplomatic in times like these.

This issue is one of the many reasons we've chosen to birth our first at home. I've had friends tell stories of the never ending barrage of visitors at all hours, and not wanting to be rude so they've just dealt with it. I feel so strongly about babymooning and it being just our little family for a while, basking in the bliss and getting to know each other. Both my mother and MIL live on the east coast, MIL has a flight booked for 6 weeks after our due date. SMIL and FIL live pretty close to us but they're pretty private people and I think they'll respect our need for space at that time.

Good luck, mama!
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#33 of 49 Old 06-24-2005, 10:14 PM
 
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Its your day.

8 might be enough
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#34 of 49 Old 06-24-2005, 10:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kidspiration

Practice this in front of the mirror "Ooops, I was so busy giving birth that we forgot to call". A little white lie can be very diplomatic in times like these.

This issue is one of the many reasons we've chosen to birth our first at home. I've had friends tell stories of the never ending barrage of visitors at all hours, and not wanting to be rude so they've just dealt with it. I feel so strongly about babymooning and it being just our little family for a while, basking in the bliss and getting to know each other. Both my mother and MIL live on the east coast, MIL has a flight booked for 6 weeks after our due date. SMIL and FIL live pretty close to us but they're pretty private people and I think they'll respect our need for space at that time.

Good luck, mama!
:LOL

I had that problem after my daughter's birth actually, everyone wanted to visit and I was exhausted.
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#35 of 49 Old 06-24-2005, 11:53 PM
 
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I had it in my birth plan the specific people who were permitted to be present. Anyone else was to be escorted out by hospital security if they didn't listen to the nursing staff. My mother was one of those people not permitted to be present. Yes, I'm really that evil.

We also didn't call anyone until I was being taken for an emergency c-section, and that was just a courtesy call to let them know what was up.
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#36 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 12:02 AM
 
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Another vote for don't let her in!!!

Birth is about you giving birth to your baby ~ your baby being born from you.

The mama's wellbeing in birth IS the baby's wellbeing. Intrusive unwanted Grammas have no place.

Do what you need to do to keep her outta there... just plain old tell her she is not invited, or "forget" to call, or tell her your due date got revised to two weeks later so she is not harrassing you.

Enjoy your mother-free birth experience.
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#37 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 12:13 AM
 
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I say you rule your labor space!! If you mother and other family members want to labor for you, then they can tell you what to do, but they can't, so you have every right to ban anyone you want to!!! You are the one who will remember this. You are the one with whom this experience will remain forever. Everyone else will just be a bit pushed out of shape. Good for them. Besides, you need to eliminate as much stress as possible to give this baby the best start. A calm, content mama = a healthy content baby. Good birthing, mama! Keep your space sacred. You blow those invaders a big yucky raspberry from me! PPPPPPPBBBBBBBTTTTTTHH!!!

Quoteriginally Posted by SamI'mNotSamantha : : : Bi/Crunchy/WOH/Single/Student Mama to my skinny-mini SuperMunchkin : (11/2004)! "I will not take 'but' for an answer." - Langston Hughes
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#38 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 01:44 AM
 
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You could also try- "Mom, if you stop bugging me about it now, I'll let you know when the baby's born. Every time you ask to be at the delivery from now on, I'm adding a day to how long it'll take me to tell you."

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#39 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 01:59 AM
 
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How bizarre I always wonder why people want to make birth a circus! unless you WANT an entourage.. I cannot see any valid reason why you should have that forced on you.. birth is a very private sexual thing IMO!

I really take issue with the whole the mother is just a baby vessel ideaology :

I would just tell her flat out NO!

My husbands sister had both her parents.. some of her boyfriends family in the room when she had her first.. AND her father was videotaping the whole thing.. AND we discovered it was a video they would just all sit around and watch and show people .. like anyone who wanted to watch!


Yup not my bag at all .. but as usual YMMV.
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#40 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 03:16 AM
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If she shows up, tell the nurse you don't want her there. They will kick her out because its the patient's wishes. They can make an excuse like "too many people" or something if that helps to get rid of her.
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#41 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 04:03 AM
 
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You and the baby are inseperable not only during pregnancy, but through labor *and* at least the first several hours of bonding.

There is no "about you" or "about the baby"; what affects you, affects your baby.

You need to do what is right for you, to do right by your baby.

Hoping you have a wonderful birth.
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#42 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 04:50 AM
 
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Quote:
she isn't there for support, but more to just see the birth and gossip about it to any and everyone later.
I concur birth is "not a spectator sport" You are NOT a show to be watched !

Don't call anyone until the babe arrives
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#43 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 09:04 AM
 
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Um- the birth may be about you, or the baby- imo BOTH-

but it is DEFINETLY not about your mother.

Period.

Hope you remain strong in your wants and needs and you have a wonderful birth. Shame on her for making this a more stressful time for you.
Emilie
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#44 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 12:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elyice
Don't call anyone until the babe arrives

Looking back in the circus event that was my first birth (not entirely but enough) how I **WISH** I took Dh's advice when HE said we should do this with HIS parents.....and stupid me wanted to be *nice*..........


Totally good advice right here...focus on YOU and your birth and don't call until baby is here.............
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#45 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 12:40 PM
 
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Put your foot down. This is the first test of who is the parent, your mother or you.
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#46 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 03:30 PM
 
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This is not about the "baby" to your mother. It's about your mother.

I'd simply point out that putting stress on you is putting stress on the baby, as you're completely connected at the moment!! And, stick to your guns...you're not being unreasonable. I wouldn't mind my mom dropping in a few times to see how I'm doing (she probably won't, as she'll be watching dd), but I don't want her there full-time. And, I don't want anybody else in there at all except dh!

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#47 of 49 Old 06-25-2005, 03:36 PM
 
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Don't tell them you are in labor. Call them after you've had a chance to rest.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#48 of 49 Old 06-27-2005, 05:45 PM
 
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That is just obnoxious! It is YOUR baby and YOUR birth. No one else has any claim to it and it is none of their business under what conditions you give birth.

Birth is about the baby AND the mother. The mother is not just a container for making a baby -- she is also going through a transformative experience. And like previous posters have said, what affects the mother affects the baby. Further, birth is an intimate experience just like conception. Your body will function properly, hormonally speaking, only if *you're* comfortable, just like when you're having sex. And that goes for postpartum too, when the hormones are still making changes in your body.

I am very sensitive to the energy of people around me, and prone to PPD, so we took it slow. NO ONE was invited to witness the birth, and we had very few visitors afterwards -- about 12 hours after the birth my MIL (who I love) stopped by for a few minutes to bring food and take my other children back to her house, and she knew better than to ask to hold the baby. My FIL stopped by for a few minutes about five days after the birth, and my mom and dad didn't see the baby until she was two weeks old. Most of our other friends and family didn't see the baby until she was several weeks old. It wasn't personal. We just didn't want anything to interfere with my recovery and with our bonding with the baby, so we only brought others into it slowly.
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#49 of 49 Old 06-27-2005, 06:25 PM
 
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LOL I so feel for you on this thread. I am in the same situation. Everyone was hanging around for my first birth and this time, I just want dh and I. Though, I have really avoided telling my mom this because I know it is going to hurt her feelings. In fact, I think I am going into labor now, and I still haven't brought it up! *shakes head*
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