Wow, you guys are soooo wonderful! I am so so so thankful for your posts!
Quick note before I continue: I haven't checked back in here because of the diaper porn websites that have stolen my children's pictures. We've been busy with that. See my sig for details and PLEASE remove any diaper pics you may have in your siggies.
I just can't tell you how valuable your stories and suggestions are! Thank you all soooo much!
Because I've been so busy, I haven't had a lot time for self-exploration, but I have managed to take a couple of depression surveys (antenatal depression was a concern of mine, too) but I scored way low on those. Really, change of appetite and negative thoughts were the only areas that I scored, but the change of appetite is HG related more than anything.
My heart goes out to all you mamas who have experienced loss, those of you who worried your pregnancies away and regretted it and those of you lending your support.
I know a lot of you have referred to naturally feeling this way during pregnancy, but really this is a more than that. This is not how I usually feel while pregnant. My grandmother had 10 healthy kids... I know it's in my genes to produce healthy babies. I do feel for women who have struggled to get pregnant and those that have had miscarriages and stillbirths. I don't think it's that someone is DUE for that since they have healthy kids already. That's just not I think the world works. So, I'm 100% that's not where these thoughts are coming from. Thank you for your perspectives though, it helped to reaffirm, that this is not what I'm experiencing.
I do think my shaky start with HG and the meds I've needed to take have had an impact on my feelings for sure. I'm just not sure how much of an impacts.
Thank you also for the moms who talked about how their thoughts/feelings indicated that something was wrong and when to act upon it. I have always had a strong sense that there was not a thing I could do to change the situation, but I will be listening and sensing for if that should change. You've given me confidence to listen to the feelings if I'm to do something.
Tracy, both your posts are so valuable. It's true, just taking the time to think about worst case senerio and what would I do sort of things, helps free a lot of the emotions. My fear of death isn't a large as some. I see it as a very natural thing. I would survive if something happened to this baby. I'm 100% sure of that. Thank you.
I think one of the things that I get frustrated about is that if this is going to be a healthy happy baby, why the heck am I still feeling these things? It's like, if this is going to end, then let it end, the dragging on is what is such a pain! And, I know that may sound terrible, but frankly feeling such unwanted doom and gloom is tiresome! So, I think beyond any of fear of death, I also have to release that everything happens in it's own time. I don't want to mourn this baby forever, esp if he/she is going to be healthy and happy.
LindseyLou thank you for writing "If something is wrong, it is already a reality. Almost certainly, everything is just fine. Try to take some comfort and relax and enjoy your pregnancy mama." I think that's what I really need to hold onto... if I can let the unwanted thoughts wash over me and not hold onto any fear about them, this will be much easier. I don't want to dwell on the negativity. I don't think it's good for me or my baby or my family.
All in all, thank you guys SO much!
I can not tell you how valuable your posts have been. Thank you!