Max age limit for first child birth - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 04:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, Could anyone tell what is the max age limit for a women to postpone her first child birth so that no complicacies occurs.
And wht is the best age for going for the first child.
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#2 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 07:33 AM
 
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It really depends on the individual. Of course there's never a guarantee there won't be complications, no matter what the mother's age is. I know plenty of women who've had their first baby in their forties and everything went fine. There are plenty of statistics out there, if that's what you're looking for, but all in all it's really about one's own comfort level and life circumstances.
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#3 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 07:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks queenie, But i am not thinking about late 40's.
I am 26 now and planning for first baby at around 30 and second at around 35. Just wanted to know if this is ok.
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#4 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 09:55 AM
 
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Your fertility begins to decline after age 30, and declines more quickly the second half of that decade of your life.

Doesn't mean you can't get pregnant then, though.

Kaly
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#5 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 10:42 AM
 
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There is no way you can predict or plan when to get pg. My "plan" was also to have a baby in my early 30's. Imagine my shock to find out my dh had severe male factor infertility, and we had go through many cycles of IVF before being successful and having first child at 35. Had second at 36.

I have a cousin who got pg with first 3 kids within a month of trying, her first was in her late twenties. In her mid thirties she tried for #4, only to have to try for well over a year.

You just can't predict.
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#6 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 10:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prolife
I am 26 now and planning for first baby at around 30 and second at around 35. Just wanted to know if this is ok.
There are many, many, many women in this age group having children.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#7 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 10:56 AM
 
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I had my first at 31 and my 2nd at 33. We both kids, I got pregnant the same month that we decided to start trying (My DH and I joke that all we have to do to make a baby is say "wouldn't it be nice to have a baby?" and then pass in the hallway ). There were complications with both births, and although I wanted natural childbirth, I had 2 c-sections.

There are no guarentees about anything. Some women conceive very easily, and some don't. Some women have easy pregnancies and some don't. Some women have easy births, and some don't. Some women breastfeed easily, and some find it very hard to get started. It all was easy for me except for the actual birth. And honestly, watching the absolute hell that women go through who have fertility problems or are prone to miscarrages, and I feel very lucky and blessed.

I think it if you talking about the difference between having a child at 27 and having one at 30, how your particular body works is the biggest factor in how it will all go though. The 3 years won't make much of a difference. As far as your 2nd child goes, the way the birth of the first one goes is the biggest determining factor. My sis had her 3rd and last child at 38 and had a very very easy birth -- she was in labor 3 hours and the baby just popped out. It was the same as her first 2 births, but the labor time became shorter with each child.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#8 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 11:32 AM
 
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35 is when the medical community considers you an "elderly" mother : and when risks and such greatly increase. granted I know a lot of people who have had perfectly healthy kids at that age.

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#9 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 12:00 PM
 
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I despise the term "elderly primipara" or "advanced maternal age." Utterly digusting and sexist IMO.

I think the main problem w/ waiting is the possiblity of fertility issues. I think most women and couples never imagine that they will be the ones to suffer IF. For me, I wasn't willing to wait and risk it...and it still took a little while to conceive both of my children (8 months for DD and 14 months for this baby...not long in the grand scheme of things and not long compared to many, many womens' journeys, but long enough to scare me and make me glad I didn't wait).

On the other hand, many many couples wait and have no problems conceiving or having healthy children.
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#10 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 12:06 PM
 
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I don't think 30 is too old. I had my first at 24...but my 2nd and 3rd were/will be at 34 and 37.

On the other hand, I learned the hard way how unpredictable these things are. I expected to have my four kids by about age 31 or so. After ds was born, I couldn't get pregnant...nobody ever figured out why (although I think my ex's then-secret drug use contributed). It took me almost four years to conceive again, and I lost that baby and the next two...thus the 10 year gap between ds and dd.

I guess what I'm saying is that I see no problem with having your first at 30, but when it comes to planning it...all bets are off. Fertility problems are more common than many people realize. And, I don't think anybody ever thinks it will happen to them, until it does.

Good luck!

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#11 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 02:26 PM
 
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Your fertility begins to decline at 28. At 35, the risks of genetic abnormalities (like Downs Syndrome) are much higher than at 25 or 30.
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#12 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 02:42 PM
 
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We conceived DS when I was 27 on the very first try. Then when I was 31 we started TTC for baby #2 and it took 9 months to "take." Not that 9 months is an eternity by any means, it just seemed like a very long time to me. I also had very regular cycles, clear signs of ovulation, and DH was even tested and was ok (borderline motility issues, but everything else fine) so there was really no reason why we couldn't conceive quicker other than my age I suppose.

So I do think its "best" to have babies in your 20's in terms of fertility and egg viability, but life doesnt always work out so well. If you think you will be emotionally, physically, financially (or whatever) better able to handle a baby in your 30's then go for it.

I have a friend who was told she was AMA at 31, so some Drs just want any excuse to treat a pregnant woman like she has a disease. :

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#13 of 52 Old 07-12-2005, 03:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BensMom
I have a friend who was told she was AMA at 31, so some Drs just want any excuse to treat a pregnant woman like she has a disease. :
They must love me...I'm healthy as a horse - but I've also had three m/c, two c-sections, I'm 37 and I'm very overweight. Sometime, I think they're disappointed when my b/p and pulse and everything else are perfectly fine.

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#14 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 12:28 AM
 
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well, i got pg by accident the first time at 36. i mean without even trying. we got close to the big O and that was it. the second and third time i got pg the first month i tried but i had early miscarriages with both. i was still bf'ding my first and was exhausted but wanted to start trying b/c by then i was 38ish. the fourth time i got pg, again it was the first try and this time i have had zero problems and a very healthy pregnancy. i am 39 and will be 40 in november.

i didnt intend to wait this long but x-dh really didnt want to have a kid but kinda kept stringing me along etc etc. the only reason i got up the gutts to leave him was b/c i was going to do donor insemination on my own!! but then i ended up with the dh i have now and he said well if i am gonna be around, i might as well be the daddy! i think we just are a good match b/c i did have unprotected sex with x-dh and nada.

so, it's not ideal to wait too long but i dont have any real regrets. my only eye opener was the fact that you are more likely to have miscarriages as you age not just problems getting pg. ya know i was prepared emotionally for it to take 6 months - a year even to get pg but i was NOT prepared to have the m/c's. i did take some proactive steps before becoming pg this last time i mean like balancing my hormones, getting more rest and weaning dd (at 22 months).

sorry to go on and on!! i say just keep an open mind. i always thought i would have my first at 29 and that would be it. never thought i would be the momma of two kids at 40!!! but i have to believe the universe is unfolding as it should!
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#15 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 02:00 AM
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i had my children at 35,37 and 41. all healthy. m/c at 39. no problems getting pregnant but now at 43 i am having 50 days between periods. we never know natures plan
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#16 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 03:02 AM
 
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Storm Bride - Don't feel bad,the docs hate me too!not only am I overweight,but I've had 2 m/c's,1 c-sec,and even though I'm normaly very healthy,I am prone to seasonal infections.And you're right,they do seem to be dissapointed when they can find nothing wrong with me.
BTW,my mom had me [#4] when she was 41,30 minutes of labor,and here I am!
As for the OT,I won't be 21 until Nov.,and I've already got 2 kids.And the ironic part?I had 3 different,non-affiliated docs tell me when I was 13 that I'd never birth my own children b/c I had extensive scar tissue build-up from past fibroid tumors in my uterus. How depressing can that be for a 13 y.o.?! I had 2 early m/c's before I was 16 [just wasn't my time to be mom yet,I guess].Started dating my LP in Oct. '01,and I was preg in March of '02,w/o even trying!Just goes to show,everyone's different.Fertility IS NOT concrete and everlasting.And no matter what your life's plans are,remember,Nature knows you better than you do,you'll be a mom when it's time,regardless of the schedule.
Best of luck mama-to-be!
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#17 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 08:20 AM
 
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One factor I considered, too, in "planning" my life, is that breastfeeding your first child b/f age 30 has a greater protective effect against breast cancer than doing so after age 30.

I'd like to be done having babies by age 34. Since I am 28 now, but would like 4 total, I'd better get a move on :LOL! But I'm not stressing about it. I know that it'll work out as it should, one way or another.

Here as mama to W (2/04), R (5/06), D (7/09), and J (12/9/12!), co-parenting with my DH

I WOH part-time, am a doula & childbirth educator, home/unschool, and hope we are nearing the center of chaos


 
  

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#18 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 08:41 AM
 
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I had m/c first then my first son at 24 second at 27 third at 36, M/c (6/05) at 38 and am TTC again. The way my OB explained it when I asked about my age was it depends on the womans eggs. Some women have "overly mature" (pc of saying old) at 30 some women dont hit the that point until mid 40's. I have always gotten pregnant very easily either by accident or the 1st month. My OB gave me the go head to ttc. As for the complications they can occur at anyage. I m/c at 15 weeks when I was 22.

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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#19 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 08:45 AM
 
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The worst thing about having children after 30, and even moreso if you are over 35 or 40, is the way doctors treat you. IMO, there is nothing inherently wrong or dangerous about being an older mother, but the fear doctors feel creates most of the problems (with the exception of genetic anomalies).
I waited until 32 to have my first, though we had been trying for a bit longer than most due to my endometriosis. I wouldn't change a thing. When I was in my 20's I was not ready to have children. I was not quite mature enough to handle the sort of stress that comes with being a parent. I have a different perspective than some of my younger mommy friends, and it seems easier for me to deal with things that other parents perceive to be huge problems.
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#20 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 10:00 AM
 
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Circumstances are so varied for each individual, and for many reasons - not just age. I got pg at 31 with my first child after trying for over a year. This time, at 33, we have a "houdini" baby - we weren't even trying.

just reiterating what others are saying - there are some things you just can't "plan" for very predictably...
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#21 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 11:45 AM
 
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My mom had me at 19, brother at 22, then a huge gap and had my half-sibs at 35 and 39. The last two kids were with just one ovary, as one was removed after forming a huge cyst. The one that had the most issues was my brother born after me. He had Cornelia DeLange Syndrome. The other two were fine and she carried to term. I remember her talking about her AMA.

Yes your chances of genetic things are greater, but all the people IRL that I know with babies with Downs and other things are all under the age of 25-26.

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#22 of 52 Old 07-13-2005, 12:22 PM
 
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One thing I will mention - I did find carrying a baby much easier at 24. I hardly knew I was pregnant, as I had no nausea (except once during a blood test), no pain in hips or back (I remember ligament pain in my groin twice), no trouble sleeping...nothing at all.

While dd and this one are still easy pregnancies by most standards, I have to say that they've been generally harder to carry than my first. Of course, dd was a much bigger baby, and I don't know if firsts are usually easier than subsequent ones.

I'm thinking of a fourth and looked at the stats for Downs Syndrome. That one is a little scary, but it has to be each mom's choice, of course.

Jaydedayz: My sister had chlamydia scars on her tubes and was told she's probably never get pregnant, either. She's had her tubes done, but not until after her four kids...

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#23 of 52 Old 07-16-2005, 07:46 PM
 
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When, historically, have the women in your family had kids? Have any had kids later? Have they had any problems? For some reason women in my family have married late (comparatively) and stayed fertile a long time (I'm talking 3 kids in your 40s,-42, 43, 48, not expected, no IVF). I had my kids at 29 (almost 30) and 32 (almost 33). I really had to wait to become mature enough emotionally - but that is just me! :LOL
Also it took 8 mos for the first but it didn't worry me because I had read that you should only worry/see the dr if it has been a year or more TTC.

Anyway, if at all possible, you might poll your extended kin. : It won't be completely accurate but might give you an idea of what is possible - if there is a lot of Downs with pregnancies past 30 or something you might want to start now or something.
It's true about the energy levels too (20s compared to 30s). If you are going to wait I recommend getting on the best diet/exercise program now.

Best wishes!
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#24 of 52 Old 07-18-2005, 07:18 PM
 
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The limiting factor would be fertility rather than physical ability to carry the child.

Your fertility declines from 35, steeply at 38 and drops to almost nothing by 43.

After then you'd need to have an egg donor, but you could still give birth.
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#25 of 52 Old 07-18-2005, 08:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabe
Your fertility declines from 35, steeply at 38 and drops to almost nothing by 43.

After then you'd need to have an egg donor, but you could still give birth.
I disagree, and know many moms who conceived after the age of 40, even after the age of 45 without donor eggs. Why the need to perpetuate agism myths? Some women are still quite fertile well into their 50's. And some women go through menopause at 26. You just can't make generalizations like that without hurting people's feelings.
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#26 of 52 Old 07-19-2005, 01:21 AM
 
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Why the need to perpetuate ageism myths? Are you really serious? How about the need to fight back against the media perpetuating the myth that you can have it all and use fertility treatments whenever you want a baby?

Biology is ageist, and there's nothing you can do about it.

The woman who conceives with her own eggs after 43 is the lucky exception to the rule. Until you've been told you won't be related to your children you cannot begin to imagine the pain - and some of these women truly beleived what people like you tell them, that 40 is the new 30, and are truly shocked when they discover there's nothing a doctor can do to help them.

Yes, there is the occasional woman who is fertile into her 50's, but have you ever seen teh IVF success rates for women in their 40s?

Quote:
You just can't make generalizations like that without hurting people's feelings
Get back to me when you've had the donor egg talk and tell me about hurt feelings then.
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#27 of 52 Old 07-19-2005, 01:30 AM
 
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31, 34, 38, and 45. You never know what can happen.
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#28 of 52 Old 07-19-2005, 01:37 AM
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Gently.

What is true is that every single woman is different. EVERY SINGLE one.

It is not helpful to tell anyone that they would need to have an egg donor after 43. Some may, some may not. You don't know until you try. Like wise, it isn't helpful to tell any 26 year old that they will never have trouble conceiving because of their age. They may, they may not.

As for hurt feelings, really, just because you have dealt with the pain of infertility, doesn't mean you shouldn't take others feelings into account. That pain is not the only one out there.

And yes, I HAVE seen the IVF success rates for women in their 40s.

Bottom line - try to get pregnant when you are ready to have children. Keep in mind the older you get the harder it may be. Also keep in mind that you may, in fact, conceive on your first try when you were expecting to have a few months. You can only plan so far. Educate yourself, make sure you know what you need to know.

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#29 of 52 Old 07-19-2005, 02:00 AM
 
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AdinaL, Brava! Absolutely.
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#30 of 52 Old 07-19-2005, 07:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stafl
The worst thing about having children after 30, and even more so if you are over 35 or 40, is the way doctors treat you.
ITA

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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