What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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#121 of 172 Old 07-28-2005, 04:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ChelseaG
-that I could begin labor and have contractions already be 4 min apart!
When I had my first that would have been nice to know. Of course I was already well dialated but I didn't know that meant you would immediatly go into hard labor. I told dh if this is early labor I am never going to be able to do the hard stuff. Luckily my mother was there and she could tell by the sounds I was making it would be soon.

Michelle

Expecting #9.  Always busy hsing.
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#122 of 172 Old 07-29-2005, 11:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ~*~MamaJava~*~
That it's possible to survive 17 hrs of back labour, but it ain't pretty.
I wish my Dr would have told me that DS was posterior - I would have looked into ways to help turn him and deal with that specific kind of pain.
Me too. Not even the tub helped me with the pain. I ended up with an epi because of this.
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#123 of 172 Old 07-30-2005, 07:54 PM
 
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First birth (midwife; hospital; natural)

- that I would be STARVING hungry
- that the hospital doesn't have any food available at 4:45 am
- that I would get 'roids so badly
- that labour doesn't always follow what you're taught in classes and books
- that labour can still be real, even if the ctx aren't steady or regular
- that back labour is the worst pain I could ever feel
- that the "ring of fire" - IS


Second birth (unassisted, home, waterbirth)

- that waterbirth really IS as amazing as people say it is
- that *I* can birth without a doctor or midwife telling me how
- that my body is absolutely the most incredible thing there is
- that the afterpains would be so bad they'd make me cry
- that I would love having my son (2 yrs old) right there with me
- that labour can start by having ctx about 1 1/2 minutes apart, and end with a babe in arms in under 2 hours.

Canadian mom to Boo (Aug '02), Bug (Aug '04) and Bear (Dec '06).
Jesse (July '09)
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#124 of 172 Old 07-31-2005, 02:38 AM
 
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Ditto to the impact a newborn has on a marriage. It was a very difficult adjustment for us, but happily, everything improved.

Ditto to the weepiness that comes with being a mom. DS loves Finding Nemo and darn it if that movie doesn't make me cry every time. I'm such a lightweight now.

Ditto to the overwhelming love I feel when I look at my precious son. How can I love someone SOOOO much?

I wish someone had told me that I might deliver my forebag of waters intact, and that it would make me feel like pushing, even though I knew I wasn't complete. I was so freaked out, I thought maybe it was cord prolapse because I felt something emerging from me and I knew it wasn't the baby. I was standing up at the time, sort of leaning over the bed, and I looked down to see this huge, stretched out, water balloon coming out. It broke on the floor and splashed at my feet. That was my "water breaking" experience. Weird.

I wish I had know that recovery was way worse than L&D. I could endure L&D drug-free, but was desperate for pain killers to deal with that healing tear.

I wish I had known how miserable a nursing strike could be (not really post partum, but some warning would have been nice!).
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#125 of 172 Old 07-31-2005, 10:56 PM
 
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fitma, we watched nemo daily when Lily was born! It's all James wanted to watch and I said "whatever"

ditto recovery. "birth" has a beginning and and end, but recovery is a different story!
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#126 of 172 Old 08-01-2005, 01:55 AM
 
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1. That it hurts soooo much to pee the first time
2. That you don't ever have to tear (and I didn't bc my midwife was so awesome!)
3. That you can forget about sleeping the first night bc your awareness of this new little life equals that of superman.
4. That a sitz bath is like heaven when you are drinking a nice warm glass of postpartum tea.
5. That you can take an actual bath
6. That it can go reeeallllyyy fast the first time and reaaallly early (like 5 hours long and one week early!)
Good luck all you new mamas! It was the greatest day of my life giving birth to Elijah.
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#127 of 172 Old 08-01-2005, 11:58 AM
 
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~That you can be in labor and birth a baby on contractions that are only 2-3 minutes apart and only last 30-45 seconds!
~That your tail bone can feel like someone broke it after the baby was born even when you were off your back for the birth...
~That your butt can hurt so much - why!? Mine hurts worse then anything. It feels like someone took out my intestines and jammed them back in wrong with a hot poker.
How much I love the milk/sweat smell..Maybe gross, but I do love it
~That, ideally not giving your babe a wipedown after birth is very gentle, by day 2 in the July heat they will smell like your genatalia does after a couple days of not showering..Not pleasant.
~ That its ok to not feel like holding your baby 1/2 hour after birth. You need to regroup yourself too!
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#128 of 172 Old 08-01-2005, 07:52 PM
 
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Thought I'd add: how much better birth can be when you're not afraid of it. My experience with #2 was 100% better than my experience with #1 (which wasn't that horrible) because I was excited, brave, and mentally ready. Before #1 I wouldn't have said that I was afraid, but I was. And when I was in labour I was nervous and tense. Not a good thing.

I wish someone would have told me about postpartum anxiety as well.
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#129 of 172 Old 08-01-2005, 07:53 PM
 
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BTW: Congratulations, Katie!
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#130 of 172 Old 08-01-2005, 10:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by darsmama
How much I love the milk/sweat smell..Maybe gross, but I do love it
oh mama you can say that again.

new baby plus milky breath plus new baby sweat = heaven.
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#131 of 172 Old 08-02-2005, 02:35 PM
 
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Heh, good thread (especially since I"m due imminently, lol...luckily for you all with #3!)

Birth 1:

1) Labor actually does really hurt
2) An episiotomy might have to be surgically repaired...twice...OUCH!
3) Never trust an OB who says, "do you want me to break your water" with the hook already halfway up
4) Don't send baby to the nursery for the requisite hour alone because someone might give her a HepB shot without your consent :
5) Breastfeeding might be natural but it isn't always intuitive...and the "lactation nurse" at the hospital might not know what the heck she's talking about (enter LLL)

6) You might have a weird hormonal reaction and get the runs while night nursing for the first few weeks (ICKY!)
7) Those ice packs they give you in the hospital for your privates are worth their weight in gold.

Birth 2:

1) GET A DOULA! Doulas rock!
2) You can have a pain-meds free birth even when pitocin-induced (due to high blood pressure 10 days postdue, and dates were sure - IVF babe)
3) You can totally freak the hospital staff out by giving birth backwards on the bed and making the OB crouch underneath you (i.e. when being told to turn around you can tell them to @#@$#@$ off) and by actually making noise during labor.
4) It's better not to give birth the night before the Big Blackout (so the babies had to stay in the nursery, the only place where they had a/c running)
5) Nurseries do not have comfortable chairs for new mommies to sit.

Birth 3:
NOT YET!
(this time have a midwife, hoping for a peaceful water birth!)

 "Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible." (William Shakespeare -- Julius Caesar)

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#132 of 172 Old 08-16-2005, 10:56 AM
 
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-I got a little too far into the "labor is hard work" idea and was really surprised when it hurt as much as it did.

-I never knew pushing would feel like I was trying to pass a bowling ball through my rectum.

-I didn't know my arms would be the most sore part of my body after giving birth.

-Of all the horrible things I read could happen during birth (and didn't), the one I never heard of did happen -- my labor and my cervix got out of sync with each other and I started transition contractions while my cervix was still at 3 cm and stayed in transition for 8 hours. Yikes!

-I never knew I could stay up all day and night just gazing at my baby after being in labor for 21 hours. I thought I would have been exhausted.

-I never knew I could be so afraid of going to the bathroom. (Although everything ended up working just fine.)

-I never knew the power of ignorance until I squatted to pick up my daughter about a week after she was born and two mamas who were visiting gasped and said I shouldn't have been able to do that. *shrug* I felt fine.

-I didn't know I would feel so vulnerable while in labor, and so good and powerful after giving birth. I was euphoric for weeks!
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#133 of 172 Old 08-23-2005, 12:02 AM
 
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my arms were the worst too!! i had no pain anywhere but my arms and when i peed lol!!!!!!!
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#134 of 172 Old 08-23-2005, 01:36 PM
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ooooh

- That it will feel like battery acid when you pee for the first time
- That Sposie pads SUCK for PP..can you say diaper rash?
- That I would get monster roids
- That I would puke
- That if someone asks you a question during a contraction, you look at them with a deer in the headlight look
- That You can have an orgasm while pushing :
- That Cranberry juice is a huge no-no as a labour drink...*reffering back to the battery acid pee*
- That it's OK to yell and get vocal
- That Men *at least the Bio-idiot* are completely useless and retarded during labour can you say gomer? *NOTE: To the ladies who have had men as wonderful birth partners, I'm sorry, but IME, my mom's experience, my MIL's experience, Men are useless as breasts on a bull during labour*
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#135 of 172 Old 10-17-2005, 12:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eminer
I think you need to add a note: Don't read if currently pregnant!

Pushing feeling like pooping was a big one for me, too. That would have clarified things A LOT.
I had a feeling maybe I shouldn't read this since I am pregnant, but I just can't help myself!

I had heard about the "pushing feeling like pooping" thing before though. Well I better read the rest of the thread so I can continue to torture myself with butterflies in the stomach and thoughts of "oh my gosh...oh...ack!" etc :LOL
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#136 of 172 Old 10-17-2005, 12:12 PM
 
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That passing golfball sized clots is normal for the first day or two.

that everyone keeps telling you to rest but you are on such a high that you can't!

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#137 of 172 Old 10-17-2005, 12:52 PM
 
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That despite doing everything "right," you could still be one of those rare women, whose baby physically does not fit through your pelvis.
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#138 of 172 Old 12-16-2005, 04:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by FrumDoula
I hate epidurals for the birth, but ya know, for the afterpains ..... well, there's an idea!
that's funny...that was my running joke the weeks following birth. recovery is SO much worse than delivery. ouch! it took me 1/2 hour to get out of bed and onto the toilet a few feet away....ouch, ouch, ouch! and i was terrified to push!! yikes!

i was also surprised how my entire body was in pain like i had been run over by a truck over and over. and that pain was still there at 6 weeks pp. especially in the hips.

oh and this is stupid and vain but i was surprised that i still looked nine months pregnant for a few days after ds had come out. no one even remotely ever mentioned that?

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
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#139 of 172 Old 12-16-2005, 05:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by valeria_vi
I really thought that I was in pre-labor and that it could go on for days and did not realize it was the real thing. and I read so much about birth.
Same with me. Turns out when my water broke, I'd been in labor for over 2 days and didn't know.

Also, that laying on your back during labor makes the pain about twice as bad!!

And that cervical checks can be the most painful part of the whole dang process. :
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#140 of 172 Old 12-16-2005, 06:00 PM
 
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I have no idea if this one has been mentioned, but I've never heard of anyone else having it happen to, so I thought I'd add:

Your cervix can tear, even if you are 10cm and pushing exactly how you should be. Mine only needed 1 stitch, but having the doctors hand all the way up inside me when I was 16 years old was completely unreal!

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
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#141 of 172 Old 12-17-2005, 02:00 AM
 
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I was lucky that my mom spent the last 2 months of my pregnancy slowly feeding me most of these wierd details. Some of them I already knew, others I found a bit surprising.

*That newborns really can be too sleepy. I threw that info sheet away and wondered why anyone would wake a baby.

*That it would take me a week to find someone who actually knew something about BFing.

*That having ctx 3-5 minutes apart did NOT mean I was going to make any progress to speak of.

*That my pro-natural birth dh would totally cave on me repeatedly throughout the birth.

*That I would lose all control of the experience and my own body within 5 minutes of the first intervention.

*That I was allergic to MOST of the drugs I was given during my 200 interventions. Oops.
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#142 of 172 Old 12-22-2005, 12:55 AM
 
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That your first born would suddenly look GINORMOUS when he visits you in the hospital after #2 is born. I wanted to ask Dh where my tiny little 3 year old was when he waltzed in with this huge man-child.

That you can feel like a first timer all over again when you plan your first birth center birth after 3 hospital births.

That even though your first 3 pregnancies were h*** on earth #4 can actually be good, with no morning sickness, and no kidney stones. And that it could still be another boy.

That you would be so in love with breastfeeding that you think about getting pregnant again just so you could have another wee babe to nurse.

That it is possible for breastfeeding to be easy.

That you would crave sleep more than sex. For a very, very long time. And that this craving begins in your second trimester.

That a relatively modest woman could suddenly care less if the nearest hospital orderly came in to deliver her baby as long as someone GETS IT OUT!

That it's ok to switch to a midwife in a freestanding birth center at the end of my second trimester because this birth is all about me and my baby.

That doctors aren't always right and are quite often very, very wrong. That they see women as uteruses and not as birthing moms. And that this attitude can seriously screw up your birth.
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#143 of 172 Old 12-22-2005, 03:14 AM
 
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So many memories here!

I didn't know:

* That I'd lose, literally, 3/4 of my hair. And it would take 2 years to look normal again. I cried everyday as I tried to do something with my wisps. If it happens again, I'm so shaving it.

* The shakes. Oh yes, the shakes.

* That, while pregnant and/or in labor, you're highly suggestible. My mom told me a story about her labor that haunted me and kept replaying in my mind over and over - and it wasn't even a bad one, just that it hurt riding in the truck to the hospital. But I took it and blew it up to gargantuan proportions and it made my labor take it's first turn for the worse.

* That, after a couple of months, I would get so tired of leaking, stale, sour milk smell that I would cry, every morning, when I woke to it.

* That's I'd be scared to change my ds's first diaper (I somehow thought I'd break him) and I'd ask his dad to do it.

* That BF'ing can go really easily.

* That all the stuff about hospital interventions leading to other interventions etc. is true.
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#144 of 172 Old 12-22-2005, 06:36 PM
 
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If perchance, you happen to have a skidmark/tear on your labia, that it'll hurt/itch/etc every time you climb the stairs... whether it's stitched or not.
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#145 of 172 Old 12-26-2005, 08:47 AM
 
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Wished someone had told me about the "softball" sized clots you could get after birth. This happened with my first child. I find it amusing now, but at the time I was showering after the birth and felt pressure of "something" coming out. Talk about being panicked lookin at this thing, I thought all kinds of horrible things. Then went to get out and tell the nurse and another came out lol.. I thought they left part of the after birth in me.. Thank God all was well LOL..
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#146 of 172 Old 12-26-2005, 02:14 PM
 
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What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way?

That both can be far simpler and easier than we try to make them be in this culture.

That it is not necessary to have an audience or have anyone *ever* touch my genitals during birth, and that it is inhibiting which affects the flow of hormones that regulate the birth process.

That having contractions doesn't mean birth is imminent, and that it is crucial to rest and sleep as much as possible during prodomal labor.

That ingesting castor oil would make me feel like I wanted to die, worse than the labor itself.

That valsalva pushing is completely unnecessary and that it would hurt my body so bad that I hobbled around the house for weeks.

That putting a hat on the baby's head obscures the lovely baby smell that is a chemical part of bonding.

That having my baby taken away from me for even a few minutes after the birth would make me feel disconnected from him.

That breastfeeding could hurt so much that it would make me weep, that it's not normal for it to do so, that there is such a thing as thrush, that it would get better, that some supposed "experts" that you pay to help you actually don't know diddly-squat, that some people just can't pump no matter how hard they try or what special apparatuses they use, that I didn't need a nursing bra and that in fact I should have thrown the damn bra away because it was half the problem. All that money down the drain, groan.

That meconium is like tar and that oiling down the baby before he poops REALLY helps in being able to get it off.

That I didn't need to spend one minute worrying about obtaining the jillion "essential" baby products before the baby was born: crib and bassinet and associate linens, changing table with pad and covers, mobile, wipe warmer, special diaper container, baby powder, baby nail clippers, butt thermometer, lots of darling (and later to find impractical and uncomfortable) clothes, baby tub, hooded towel, baby shampoo and lotion, pacifiers, playpen, god I'm sure there's more but I think I've blocked it out. More money down the drain, sigh.

That I would be tired to the point of hallucinating.

That you really do just need to sleep when the baby sleeps.

That my husband wouldn't just know how to take care of me after the birth.

That my mother, as much as I love her, is not the right person to have come stay for two weeks to help after the baby is born.

That continually trying to get away from the baby only makes the baby insecure so that he cries more easily.

That I don't need to let anyone else hold the baby, not even for a minute.

That my hormone levels would drop off sharply after the birth, making me very emotionally vulnerable, and that having visitors under these conditions would make me feel weird and emotionally out of control.
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#147 of 172 Old 12-26-2005, 02:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeakyneedle

That doctors aren't always right and are quite often very, very wrong. That they see women as uteruses and not as birthing moms. And that this attitude can seriously screw up your birth.
Truer words were never spoken!! Prayers for a fast birth for you!
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#148 of 172 Old 02-24-2006, 03:11 PM
 
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-laboring in water didn't help AT ALL (tried in both births)
-moving around, squatting, and peeing in labor brought intollerable sharp pain
-(probably) natural induction is still induction, shouldn't have done that!

-there is such thing as a necesary episotomy
-you can have an episiotomy without any complaints/pain/issues afterwards whatsoever

- blood loss that 1st day was phenomenal. Walking would pour blood marking my path on the floor like a hose.

-even a birth that goes to plan interventionwise can still leave great trauma and fear from the sheer pain and panic of it all

-milk can come in without engorgment

-new babies are cool, but you don't necesarily feel that overwhelming love and classic mother-baby bond while they're new.

Berkeley mom of 3 and President of Tender Cargo Baby Gear
and The Nurture Center Store and Resource Center 3399 Mt Diablo Bl Lafayette CA 888-998-BABY
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#149 of 172 Old 02-24-2006, 06:38 PM
 
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usually laboring in water helps, i'm sorry it didn't for you. (( hugs ))

that kind of blood loss sounds like a hemmorhage... sorry that you had to go through that. i bet it was scary.

and in my experience, i felt really distanced from my son, who i had in a hospital... but my daughter, who was born at home, and i nursed *immediately* after birth, i have always felt an immediate and intense connection toward. so maybe circumstance has something to do with it.
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#150 of 172 Old 02-24-2006, 06:51 PM
 
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That having your baby with you 100% of the time as a newborn is necessary for your sanity. Every time they took the baby away for baby checks I had panic attacks....much to my DH's chagrin and the OB thought I was seriously losing it.

It is my baby and no I don't need people visiting 4 hours after I've just had her....grrr stupid inlaws.

EDC

Wife, and mother to a small fairy, a demolition expert, a special new someone this fall and a small dachshund.
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