Would you feel comfortable with a male midwife? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 67 Old 08-08-2005, 04:19 PM
 
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I wouldn't.

I need to be comfortable enough with another person that their presence is not inhibiting or distracting to me. I can't see being relaxed about anyone other than my husband attending me in birth (much less sitting between my legs and touching my genitals, as most midwives do,) but less so a man than a woman.

This is partly because for me to be able to open up in such a vulnerable space and express myself in the needed primal way, it would require having or cultivating some degree of intimacy with those present. And I am going to do that with another man? I don't think so. (Although to be honest to me it's weird and artificial to do that with anyone, man or woman, that I'm not going to have an enduring emotional and non-monetary-based relationship with.)

But also (and I'd better put in the disclaimer *for me in my experience of reality*) Birth (with a capital 'B') is essentially something that women do and experience within themselves -- it is "a woman thing". For a man to think he can or should guide a woman through an event that is about womanhood is arrogant and presumptuous and I think frankly just plain wrong. Out of harmony. In the case of an individual's birth (small 'b') a man may be part of it (not as guide but as support and witness) by virtue of his deep love and connection to his lover and child, and conceivably this could be true for other male family members or friends. But other men? No, because they have no such connection.
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#62 of 67 Old 08-08-2005, 05:12 PM
 
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I'm having a male midwife attend my home waterbirth, along with his female apprentice. He's been attending homebirths for 30 years here in Finland with an awesome (ok, perfect) track record in terms of beautiful & natural outcomes, not doing episiotomies and never transferring to a hospital. He listens to the fetal heartrate with a wooden stick instrument. I love him. He has also practiced as a midwife in the hospitals for 12 years at the start of his career, as all hospital births in finland are attended by midwifes, not OBs.
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#63 of 67 Old 08-09-2005, 03:05 PM
 
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Nope. But then, I refuse to have a male GP either. :

Stacy - mom to Lily 5-20-06 , Angel, stillborn @ 25 wks 12-17-07 , and Cami 4-21-09.
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#64 of 67 Old 08-09-2005, 06:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fourlittlebirds
I wouldn't.

I need to be comfortable enough with another person that their presence is not inhibiting or distracting to me. I can't see being relaxed about anyone other than my husband attending me in birth (much less sitting between my legs and touching my genitals, as most midwives do,) but less so a man than a woman.

This is partly because for me to be able to open up in such a vulnerable space and express myself in the needed primal way, it would require having or cultivating some degree of intimacy with those present. And I am going to do that with another man? I don't think so. (Although to be honest to me it's weird and artificial to do that with anyone, man or woman, that I'm not going to have an enduring emotional and non-monetary-based relationship with.)

But also (and I'd better put in the disclaimer *for me in my experience of reality*) Birth (with a capital 'B') is essentially something that women do and experience within themselves -- it is "a woman thing". For a man to think he can or should guide a woman through an event that is about womanhood is arrogant and presumptuous and I think frankly just plain wrong. Out of harmony. In the case of an individual's birth (small 'b') a man may be part of it (not as guide but as support and witness) by virtue of his deep love and connection to his lover and child, and conceivably this could be true for other male family members or friends. But other men? No, because they have no such connection.
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#65 of 67 Old 08-09-2005, 06:58 PM
 
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IMO as long as you're comfortable with the person the sex of them doesn't matter, it is the personality of the person that counts, not whether they have a penis or a vagina. Any time i have had to be around medical personnel or birth professionals the females(drs, nurses and some doulas) are the ones who treated me or my clients bad. Males in the same positions have had more empathy, compassion, personality. I have met a few female midwives who were great, they were all people who were trained in other countries, are currently retired and some were not allowed to practice in this country.

I would be way more comfortable with a male midwife than a female. The female would have a harder job of winning me over.
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#66 of 67 Old 08-09-2005, 08:17 PM
 
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I've seen it before and I hate that partera.org site.

I would not have a male midwife, and I have not seen a male doctor for anything in over 10 years. I know it is my issue, but no matter what kind of power trips come into play, I can always hold my ground with females better than men. I freeze in the presence of men in authority and I don't see that being conducive to birth.

However, I have no problem with most male midwives who practice. Obviously this thread illustrates that not all women feel the same way I do. And that is fine by me.
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#67 of 67 Old 08-09-2005, 10:13 PM
 
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I don't think any woman who is more comfortable w/ another woman touching her intimately during OBGYN stuff should in any way feel guilty. It's not an "issue." I think it's a pretty natural reaction. Some women may feel totally comfortable w/ a male birth attendant and GYN and that's okay too. No woman should feel like she has to be PC when it comes to her birth and her body.
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