Cesarean Section Support Thread August 2005 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 154 Old 08-14-2005, 05:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by fiddledebi
And then the other thing is...ummm...TMI here...pooping. Oh my, this is a miserable experience! I'm taking the colace they gave me at the hospital, and I can't imagine what would happen if I wasn't...would my poop actually be made of hardened cement? It's the worst constipation I've ever had. Is this typical? Does it have to do with the c-section or just general postpartum stuff? I don't remember it with my first daughter's birth, which was vaginal. I'm eating the same (good healthy) food I did last time -- veggies and fruits and whole grains and drinking lots of water. So wassup?

Interestingly enough, I had a much harder time with this after my son was born than after my c-section. I think it's just a post partum thing, hormones adjusting and whatnot.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#62 of 154 Old 08-15-2005, 01:45 PM
 
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Hello. I'm new...
I just had my 2nd CS 7 1/2 weeks ago...
My first CS was due to a posterior baby/ failure to progress/ nonreassuring heart tones. I dilated to 8 cm and had a CS. I was emotionally devastated for over a year after that. I joined ICAN and eventually became a chapter leader in my area.

With my second baby I planned a HBAC. I went into labor at 39 weeks, dilated beautifully to 10 and ended up pushing for half a day. RCS for CPD, posterior baby.

I am much better emotionally this time around. I think because I really do think we tried everything we could.
I know we want another child and for the first time ever, I realize that another cesarean very well could be the outcome. I really don't think I could just schedule a RCS... if I could go into labor and allowed a shot at a VBA2C that would be ideal, but I am so over long, drawn-out labors (both of mine have been over 24 hours), so it would either be an easy VB or an easy CS...
Anyway that is all in the future because like I said.... only 7 1/2 weeks postpartum

take care
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#63 of 154 Old 08-15-2005, 02:47 PM
 
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Hi Eliane
Welcome and for you

Your two births sound like mine... I am also struggling with those questions myself..



Chantal
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#64 of 154 Old 08-15-2005, 06:41 PM
 
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Chantal,
I just read your CBAC birth story and you are right- there are many similarities... my DD was also direct OP, but with a well-flexed head-something that wasn't diagnosed until, oh, hour 10 of pushing. My midwife said that my baby turned from LOA to direct OP sometime in late labor/ transition. My DS (1st baby, 1st CS) also turned OP in labor. So yes, I too wonder if there is something about my body that encourages my babies to turn OP in labor. And my body just grows 'em big also (1st was 9 lb, 4 oz; 2nd was 9 lbs even). Both times when my kids came out they had this classic OP molding, where their heads were completely flat on top and squished out in the back- from being jammed against the pubic bone over and over and over again...
And I too am haunted by the fact that my husband could see hair. I wish I had thought to ask to look myself. That would have been cool. So close to coming out... but not to be. So very hard. But like I said, because we tried so hard, I have accepted this outcome for this birth- so not what I wanted but what else could we have done??

thanks for your kind words...
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#65 of 154 Old 08-16-2005, 07:52 PM
 
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Having a bad few days. The incision's still not healed over - three weeks today. It's infected, and the infection's being dealt with, but there's still a gape at one end.

I'm feeling really run down, and fed up with not being able to do the things I can usually do. It's a huge chore just to take both the young ones to the grocery store (two blocks away), and I can only pick up a very limited amount of food. DH has had to do just about everything, and I'm so tired of having to have "help" (ie. someone to do everything I can't or shouldn't). I hate being so incapacitated.

And, I'm really having a lot of difficulty coming to terms with the fact that I blew my last chance at a VBAC. We're almost definitely not having any more kids. That's a problem in and of itself. I really thought dh would want another one, but he doesn't. One of his reasons is that he wants me to be healthy and fit again...the pregnancies and surgeries have kept me from really regaining the health and fitness I lost a few years ago. But, I'm feeling like everybody else is making decisions about the big things in my life...and worse, they're all (doctors and dh) doing it "for my own good". I'm depressed, in pain, and soooo angry. It's making it hard to cope.

I may actually ask for a referral to a therapist - although how I'd get to appointments right now is beyond me...

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#66 of 154 Old 08-16-2005, 08:22 PM
 
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Lisa-

I am sorry you aren't feeling better. Have you gone to an ICAN meeting in your area if there is one. I went to one a few weeks ago and it was nice to talk to other women in person about their c-section experiences and get feelings out with people who really understood how I felt.

My DH is also commenting on not wanting any more kids and it is hard.

Sarah - wife, mom to Riley 7/9/03 and Jacob 7/15/05 and Hannah 1/5/11 a successful vbac.gif
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#67 of 154 Old 08-16-2005, 10:40 PM
 
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Lisa

Elaine: I think that, because I feel I did all that I could.. that I am more at peace with my cbac than I was with my first c/s...

Chantal
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#68 of 154 Old 08-17-2005, 03:06 PM
 
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(((Lisa))) My dh was like that for a long time. This birth is **** so fresh for him and it scares men when their wives are in so much pain and they cant do anything to protect them. He may feel differently later. Mine eventually did and now I am pregnant with #3. i was ready when my ds was almost 2, but it took him a good 3 years. I hope you are feeling better all around here real soon
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#69 of 154 Old 08-17-2005, 04:05 PM
 
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Part of the problem is that I'm 37. If I am going to have another baby, I really don't want to wait too long. And, it will just kill me if four or five years down the road, dh says "yeah - another baby would be cool".

When we got together, I was just coming out of a really horrible first marriage. My ex and I had been together since I was 16, and it took me a long time to admit that he'd become really emotionally abusive. I'd been living under unbelievable stress for several years, and...well, to sum it up, when dh met me, I'd put on 30 pounds in about 16 months, and had been sick for almost a year...strepthroat, bronchitis, ear infections, constant fevers - you name it. My body just couldn't deal with the stress. That's probably what caused my three miscarriages, as well.

I'd wanted four kids since I was 18, and had almost given up when I met dh. I was pretty sure I couldn't even have kids, anymore. I thought maybe something had gone wrong with my primary section and really screwed up my uterus.

So...I met dh.

From my perspective: I finally got pregnant, and managed to keep a baby. I was 34 when Emma was born...older than I'd planned, but it seemed as though everything had pulled together just in time to let me have my four kids, after all...the universe had finally dealt me good cards. I found the love of my life, and he was going to give me my much-wanted babies.

From dh's perspective: I was a sick, tired mess when he moved here. We spent a lot of time out hiking, and he got me back on a bicycle for the first time in 20 years. My health & fitness improved almost daily, and for a while he shouldered more than his share of the load to help me de-stress. Then, I got pregnant...spent about two months at the end moving really slowly and kind of limited in what I could do...then had surgery and was a physical and psychological mess for about two months. We started hiking and stuff again that summer and I was getting back on track. Then, I got pregnant...and it all happened again, only I was more incapacitated at the end of this pregnancy (Evan was big, and I went over 41w). So - he finally found the love of his life - and she keeps rendering herself minimally functional...

That was long, but this is an emotionally complicated mess. And, the fact that this recovery isn't going very well or very quickly isn't helping either of us cope. The incision still hasn't healed, and my stomach hurts, and...well...things just aren't healing up so well.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#70 of 154 Old 08-17-2005, 06:57 PM
 
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Lisa
You are being really hard on yourself

I hope you see some light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Chantal
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#71 of 154 Old 08-17-2005, 07:51 PM
 
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Being hard on myself is what I'm best at, unfortunately. With any luck, I'll bounce back tremendously once I'm able to do things again. I just spent one hour at a local farm with the kids. Despite the fact that my 12-year-old and my nephew did most of the toddler-chasing, I'm exhausted and my incision is stinging like crazy. I'm just so tired of not being able to do anything. Just the minimal housework is exhausting...

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#72 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 10:40 AM
 
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to you Lisa. I can sympathize. I beat myself up pretty bad after my c-section too. It's sad how mean we can be to ourselves. I hope that this dark cloud passes for you soon.
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#73 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 01:55 PM
 
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Lisa ...
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#74 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 02:03 PM
 
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I'm struggling yet again here. How come I just can't just be happy for others without emotional baggage when other people have healthy pregnancies and babies and vaginal births -- especially when they were induced (or do any other number of "wrong" things)? {{sigh}} A friend (former co-worker) had her second baby yesterday. He's a beautiful, healthy 8 lbs. 9 oz. She was induced (post-edd and size). She had an epidural. I should be happy for her, right? I tried to do everything right, screwed it up, and then ended up sectioned. I try to get past this everytime, and everytime it bites me in the a**. Will I ever just be able to be happy for people and not jealous or p*ssed off when things go well in spite of things (or just b/c they're "lucky")?

I think I'm over this and then boom it hits me. And this wasn't even a particularly close friend. Those two friends are due in November, heaven help me if the same happens.

I wish I could just move on. This is why I'm half scared to have another baby. If I don't VBAC, I really don't know if I'll be able to ever except it or be truly happy for others. Isn't that awful of me? I'm sick to my stomach over this, and ready to cry b/c I feel like such an awful person for feeling these things, yet I don't know how to just move on. Poop.
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#75 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 02:30 PM
 
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Oh, Amy - I know what you mean. I can handle it when I read good birth stories here, because I know most of the moms here really, really wanted natural births and took some control of things. But, I have the same negative emotions about a lot of friend's and relative's births. I wish I could just be happy for them, but I have this nasty little worm of jealousy eating a hole in my guts. My sister started asking for a c-section as soon as her epidural stopped working (or was turned down or whatever), and then had a vaginal birth. The first thing she said to me afterwards was that I was pathetic for having had a c-section. That was ten years ago, and it still makes me furious whenever I think of it.

Obviously what she said was the final straw - but the fact that her birth went okay even though she was pleading for a section, while I was sectioned while screaming that I didn't want one....it's hard not to feel screwed.

You're not a horrible person - you're just struggling with disappointment and letdown. Try not to beat up on yourself about this. We c-section moms who are having trouble accepting what happened have enough to deal with - beating ourselves up over the fact that we're having trouble isn't going to help.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#76 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Henry's_Mamma
I'm struggling yet again here. How come I just can't just be happy for others without emotional baggage when other people have healthy pregnancies and babies and vaginal births -- especially when they were induced (or do any other number of "wrong" things)? {{sigh}}

I'm right there with you... I tried, twice, to do "all the right things" and ended up with a grand total of 110 hours of labor and 2 c-sections

It's hard to get over those feelings. I just keep telling myself that there must have been a *reason* (not a medical reason, but a reason that only God knows) that mine went like they did, twice.

(fyi - in my case, there was no real medical reason, other than, malpositioning -#1 asynclinic, #2 face up - and the fact that after 60 and 50 hours there was not really anything left to do - for me, at that point, the c/sections were the "humane" thing to do.)
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#77 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 03:18 PM
 
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Amy I know how you feel.. I'd be driving down the road and BOOM I'd start crying.. or I'd hear of someone's birth and I'd be insanely jealous.. After my first c/s (and this is horrible for me to admit) I secretly wished c/s on others to they could understand where I was coming from...
Give yourself premission to grieve, to feel the loss, to feel the anger... and give yourself permission to heal.. when you are ready....



Chantal

ps. I know that for me.. now that I feel on a more even keel with my second c/s.. that it is important for me to "protect" that feeling and place I am in.. and that means not "exposing" myself to what will upset me.. What I mean is.. I don't discuss my births nor ask others to discuss theirs.. If someone asks I am polite but I don't elaborate, I don't go to Birth Story meetings or things like that....
I know that this is probably not the "right" way to deal with it, but it is working for me and helps keep my inner peace.. which I what I need right now..
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#78 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 03:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by chantald
or I'd hear of someone's birth and I'd be insanely jealous..
I am going through that now. I know a bunch of women who were due this summer and now they are all having great vaginal births and I am so jealous of all of them.

Oh and can I just say one thing I HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to my quilting class last night with my mom. This is the first class I have been to since having Jake. We had him with us and of course everyone knew about "the big boy" from my mom. Well they asked how big he was at birth and I told them then this one woman asked "c-section?"

I freaking hate that!!!!!!!!! I replied "yes unfortunately" then they all look at me like I am crazy. ugh! Then some lady made a comment that she adopted all of hers and that is the way to go no pain at all. I felt bad for her for a moment that she will never get to experience the joy of being pregnant and childbirth vaginally and that she is making a joke of it all...maybe that is her way of dealing who knows.

Anyway I just get sick of people asking me if I had a c-section because I had a big baby. It is like then I have to relive it all over again and I just want to scream. PEOPLE HAVE BIG BABIES VAGINALLY ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!!!

Sarah - wife, mom to Riley 7/9/03 and Jacob 7/15/05 and Hannah 1/5/11 a successful vbac.gif
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#79 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 03:45 PM
 
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I I went to my quilting class last night with my mom. This is the first class I have been to since having Jake. We had him with us and of course everyone knew about "the big boy" from my mom. Well they asked how big he was at birth and I told them then this one woman asked "c-section?"
....

Anyway I just get sick of people asking me if I had a c-section because I had a big baby. It is like then I have to relive it all over again and I just want to scream. PEOPLE HAVE BIG BABIES VAGINALLY ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!!!
I haven't had that exactly. But, my SIL (who had a 10lb. baby a few years ago) said "you're lucky you didn't have to push out a 10lb. baby!" (Evan was 10.5 lb.). I just stood there wanting to hit her. That was my last chance to ever experience a vaginal birth and I was still in so much pain - 10 days post-partum, with an infected incision - and she was telling me how "lucky" I was. It still makes me want to cry. She did it...nobody told her that she shouldn't have any more babies after that, or that it wasn't safe for her to give birth. Why am I "lucky"???

My dad was 10lb. in 1943...doubt highly that he was a c-section. It's not like big babies can't be born without a scalpel.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#80 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 07:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Henry's_Mamma
I'm struggling yet again here. How come I just can't just be happy for others without emotional baggage when other people have healthy pregnancies and babies and vaginal births --
Amy,
I feel the same way. I am jealous when other women have successful vaginal births. I just had my 2nd unwanted CS in June and it sucks. I feel gypped.
So big sympathetic "me toos" to you!

take care
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#81 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 07:45 PM
 
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Anyway I just get sick of people asking me if I had a c-section because I had a big baby. It is like then I have to relive it all over again and I just want to scream. PEOPLE HAVE BIG BABIES VAGINALLY ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!!!
Me too. My kids have been "big" at 9 lb 4 oz and 9 lbs respectively (doesn't sound that big to me but whatever...) and so when people hear that both of them have been CS, they knowingly say "well I should think so being so BIG!"
Ugh. I have a hard time not sounding royally pissed off when I try and dispute that... I truly believe had my kids not been posterior they would have come out. So it was their position- not their size- that screwed it all up :
take care
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#82 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 07:57 PM
 
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So it was their position- not their size- that screwed it all up :
take care

I am having a similar problem -- my daughter was IUGR, and only 4.5 pounds, so when people hear that I had a c-section and that she was so small, they immediately say, "Oh, so she was premature. How many weeks?" Actually, she was 40w4d. I just make incompetant placentas, apparently. Thanks for making me say it again and again and again...
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#83 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 08:25 PM
 
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I truly believe had my kids not been posterior they would have come out. So it was their position- not their size- that screwed it all up :
take care
they told me that Jake was also posterior.

Sarah - wife, mom to Riley 7/9/03 and Jacob 7/15/05 and Hannah 1/5/11 a successful vbac.gif
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#84 of 154 Old 08-18-2005, 09:50 PM
 
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I truly believe had my kids not been posterior they would have come out. So it was their position- not their size- that screwed it all up :
take care

So true for me too.. sigh.. for everyone!!!

Chantal
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#85 of 154 Old 08-19-2005, 01:08 AM
 
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Henry's_Mamma, I understand the jealousy big time. My sil has had 2 natural childbirths witha grand total of maybe 8 hours of labor combined and she seriously whines all the time that her labors go so fast she doesnt get to experience an epidural. She makes me want to scream. I just found out she is pregnant 2 weeks behind me and I know I will be a scheduled c/s after 2 priors and she is already talking about how she is going to have her dr. induce her early so she can have the epidural in place this time. I try to avoid all pregnancy/birth talk with her, but its next to impossible. Could you imagine your biggest stressor being your labors go so fast and easy you dont have time to get your epidural in place.
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#86 of 154 Old 08-19-2005, 07:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all,

Just wanted to touch base and tell everyone hello.

I am sorry Lisa that things are still so hard for you, emotionally and physically. I hope it will get better soon.

Katie is doing great. She is now sleeping through the night. This is the first baby I have had do this, this young. Its a great feeling and makes parenting so much easier. If only my breasts would adjust to this though!

I would say that I am back 95%. I resumed my very active sex life with hubby, and doing normal things with the kids. I do sometimes wear out and have incision pain on the right side though if I do too much or lift too much. This is the side I have always had problems with.

I've also ovulated! I am so ticked. I think I am the only annovulatory chic that has periods while exclusively breastfeeding.

O in another cool news I got the pictures from my csection back. They are so beautiful. I wish I could explain how beautiful they are. I know some would not think they are beautiful but I have such a great shot of my doctor lifting Katie out of the uterus. Then I have with her laying up on my abdomen and the assisting OB cutting the cord. Then there is this great all bloody shot of them showing Katie to me for the first time. There are a couple of pics of me in the OR laughing and smiling, and looking at Katie for the first time too. I wish I would have had these kinds of pics with my second son. (I have VERY graphic pics of my emergency csection)

Kim
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#87 of 154 Old 08-19-2005, 07:17 PM
 
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Katie is doing great. She is now sleeping through the night. This is the first baby I have had do this, this young. Its a great feeling and makes parenting so much easier. If only my breasts would adjust to this though!
This is sooo true. Evan's definitely been my easiest in that respect...although my oldest wasn't bad, either. Emma was a nightmare that way - I don't think she really slept through the night until she was about a year old.

Emma wouldn't go up to her room for her nap today. I got frustrated and picked her up and carried her without thinking about it. Now, I'm really sore. I've never had an incision take this long to heal before!

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#88 of 154 Old 08-20-2005, 10:37 PM
 
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Kim
So glad things are going well!!! Yay on the sleep!! For me getting enough sleep sure does affect my outlook!!!
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#89 of 154 Old 08-21-2005, 09:20 PM
 
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Yes - sleep is so important.

Now, if I could just have a bath, I'd probably feel a lot better. And, I'd love to have a dip in the pool at our complex...

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#90 of 154 Old 08-21-2005, 11:34 PM
 
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I thought I'd posted thanks before but I guess either I or MDC messed up ... . So here it is again ... Thanks for the kinds words and support. No one IRL gets it, but you ladies always do. I'm feeling better about it now, but it took a few days. I guess I need to measure progress incrementally ... there was a time I would've been annoyed for weeks.

Anyway ... shhh and cross your fingers for me ... I think we're going to start ttc#2 next month!!!
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