I have been afraid to post this update, because I know that many of you will be unhappy with my choice (although why do I care what a bunch of people on the internet think???). It is the right choice for us.
We went in and talked to the doctor. He sat down with us and talked with us for 45 minutes. He also didn't talk down to us, I think he knew that we were intelligent, educated, and had informed ourselves on the issues. I explained to him all our hopes for a natural birth, and that we chose this practice because it had a midwife. He pretty much said that midwifes that deliver in hospitals are still bound to the same rules as the doctors in their practice, which of course are largely created to avoid lawsuites (damn our litigious society!!!). He did trash home midwives, saying they aren't safe because they might not have the training, but I bit my tongue. I don't agree, but I do feel that if you go that route you should definitely check their credentials. He explained to us that due to the estimated weight, the chest circumfrence (he cited papers that found this to be more accurate measured on ultrasound) and the increased level of amniotic fluid, they suspected (could not confirm though) that I had gestational diabetes that was missed during the glucose screening. He explained the risks of shoulder dystocia. He said that there was no way they would induce me, because my body is not favorable for that (closed cervix, baby not engaged) and it would most likely just end in a c-section anyway. He said that he suspected that the baby had not engaged yet because she was too big, and my uterus had only been doing half strength contractions because my body knew something was wrong. He said he believes in trusting the uterus. Because of this, he was recommending a scheduled c-section. He did say that if we went into labor on our own, he would be willing to let us attempt a vaginal birth at the hospital but he would be following the Friedman's curve and pushing for a section at the first sign of trouble. He did admit that yes, ultrasounds can be off, and this baby could come out at 8 lbs (I told him I would be so angry if we went for a section and that happened, and he nodded). He also said that now-days if you have a section once, it usually means sections for the rest of your births (this was the only point where I started crying during the discussion). My doula assures me that she does know some good VBAC docs in the area, but that birth (we only plan to have two children) is several years away, and I can't worry about that now. After talking to the doctor though, we both felt much better about everything that we ever thought we would.
We decided to shedule a c-section for Monday morning. I know that many here have said just sit at home an wait for labor, but I don't feel that is the correct choice for me. I know that my body wouldn't grow a baby too big for my body, but if I have had untreated gestational diabetes, then that could change things (my doula feels that this is one thing that could cause a baby to grow "too big"). I have felt this baby try to wiggle her way down several times, yet she is still floating above my pelvis, so maybe there is something wrong.
I have felt in my gut for a very long time that she was planning to come out this weekend. I feel that if it is safe for her to come out naturally, she will chose to do so before Monday. I don't feel safe trying things like castor oil, but I am going to relax this weekend and practice my hypnobirthing techniques, visualize good things, and tell her she is safe, and let her know her choices. My contractions seem to have been getting stronger, so I am hopeful. I have also been following someones recommendation to cut out sugar, to lower the amniotic fluid level. On monday my levels were 25, and I ended up with an ultrasound again yesterday, because the non-stress test didn't work because baby was kicking too much, they couldn't keep the monitor on her. The tech (who has become our friend over the course of this pregnancy) told us the baby is healthy, and that the fluid levels have dropped slightly to 21 (12 is considered normal). Maybe that doesn't mean anything (measurements can change greatly), but maybe cutting sugar has made a difference. We also plan to labor at home (if it happens) for as long as we feel safe.
If monday comes and she still isn't out yet, I know that I will be sad, and will mourn the loss of my natural birth. However, I no longer feel like I am being railroaded into making a bad decision. I was really scared that my feelings about the birth would overshadow the joy of meeting my daughter, and I no longer feel that way.
Of course, DH's mom wanted to know why we didn't schedule it for today. He had to tell her several times that the Doctor was OK with our decision, and so she should be too.
We are very upset with our midwife, and we even told the doctor so, he said he can't control his colleagues, but she does lack people skills. We had chosen to see her because we didn't want medical interventions pushed on us with no explanation, and that is exactly what we got from her. Looking back, maybe we should have seen it coming (she was always late for appointments, never took the time to talk to us - but I just felt that it was because I didn't ask enough questions). I felt it was strange that our midwife just told us over the phone that we needed to do a c-section (and she even told us not to bother to go in and talk to a doctor about it, because it wouldn't change things), while a doctor actually bothered to sit us down and talk to us about it.
So, now we are going to go enjoy our last weekend of being a couple before we become a family. Please send good labor vibes and hope that the baby can come out on her own. I am not going to check back right now, because I am afraid of what some people might say about my decision. Perhaps I will come back to tell you about the birth after my baby is here.