How long was it...after baby? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-27-2005, 05:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I figured this was the best place to post this question, although it might pertain to new parents more. So how long was it before you had sex again with dh after your babies were born? Ds is 3 mo and still we haven't and it is because of disinterest on my part. I'm still a little nervous about it being painful, but really don't have any sex drive. We could find time, but I don't because I don't have any interest. Dh is being very patient, but I don't think he or that we should wait much longer. I try to show affection elsewhere in hugs, kisses, and dinners for dh, but I know our romantic relationship is lacking. What should we expect from eachother and ourselves as new parents?
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Old 10-27-2005, 06:44 PM
 
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I've had two csections and was ready and willing at about 4 weeks, but waited a bit longer. Dd is almost 7 weeks old and we just managed last week...I kept falling asleep

I know that it's very common for a lot of women to have a lack of interest. Have you talked to your dh about how you're feeling? Maybe a massage, a glass of wine and some cuddling would get you in the mood? I know that a lot of times I don't start off interested, but can be persuaded, if you know what I mean . Good luck, it's hard getting back into the swing of things sometimes.
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Old 10-27-2005, 06:55 PM
 
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It was about 6 months after both of mine. I had zero interest.
A baby in the house is a big adjustment. Especially if you are the primary care giver. It is difficult to understand just how draining an infant can be and how it changes your focus and affects every area of your life.

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Old 10-27-2005, 07:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa
I've had two csections and was ready and willing at about 4 weeks, but waited a bit longer. Dd is almost 7 weeks old and we just managed last week...I kept falling asleep
ROFL! That's me, too! I've had 3 vaginal births and I think I had sex for the first time at 5 weeks, then 6 or 7 weeks, and now 5 weeks. W/ my first I had a lot of bad tearing, so we should have waited longer. It was painful for about 6 mos. I had an episiotomy w/ #2, but no additional tears, and it was a little ouchy, but not bad. Just a skid mark w/ #3 and it was fine, no pain at all.

I've talked to a lot of womn who said they didn't want to be touched for at least 6 mos afterward. I think that's very common. I'm ready much sooner, but I'm good for at least a month afterwards. LOL!

Oh, and dh really needs to understand that you need a heck of a lot of foreplay while nursing. And that's non boob foreplay. DOn't touch the boobs or I will kill you. At least fo rthe first 6 mos. And lube is a must while nursing. Just FYI.
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Old 10-27-2005, 07:51 PM
 
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I've had all sections but with my first we waited the 6 weeks, with the second 4 weeks and with the third only 3 weeks.

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Old 10-27-2005, 07:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa

Maybe a massage, a glass of wine...
It works for me!!
I hate to admit it, but I am a major lightweight..I have a cocktail and I can finally get relaxed enough (get my mind of bills, chores, ect) to enjoy my dh!
Even though we were together 4 weeks PP, it took a LONG time to get back to normal (whatever that is?! )

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Old 10-27-2005, 07:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by newcastlemama
Even though we were together 4 weeks PP, it took a LONG time to get back to normal (whatever that is?! )
It's just figuring out what the new "normal" is. That's the hard part
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Old 10-27-2005, 08:09 PM
 
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There is a wide range of "normal" so don't pressure yourself. I had a c-sec and then a VBAC and each time we started back up again at about 2.5 - 3 months. I was pretty dry vaginally (cuz I was bfeeding) so we used lots of Astroglide gel (not the lotion, thats too messy for me) and took it slow. As time went by and I got more sleep it got better and once I weaned, I totally went back to normal both physically and desire-wise. I was pretty discouraged at first and thought our sex life was over, but hang in there it does get better
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Old 10-27-2005, 08:14 PM
 
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We DTD at 10 weeks. I had a 3rd degree tear, and wanted to put off sex for as long as possible. I can't say that I really wanted to have sex either, but I've found in the past that having sex actually makes me want to have sex more. The first time hurt, the second time not so much, and the third time even less. Now at 5 months pp, it's almost back to how it was before DS.
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Old 10-27-2005, 08:16 PM
 
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We waited 6 weeks, wish it could of been longer, but I had to give him something for all the niceness he had been doing for me and ds. It got back to normal probably around 9 or 10 months!

Busy wife to dh for 5 years and mama to ds1 (11.09.04), ds2 (7.17.06) and ds3 coming Aug 09. :::
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Old 10-27-2005, 08:24 PM
 
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It still isnt "normal" and my DD is going on seven months......We DTD 4 times a month or so(typing that out makes it seem so bad!)?
but what really is "Normal" after you have a babe??
I still have little urge to DTD though, im hoping my urges will increase when im done BFing, whenever that will be!!
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Old 10-27-2005, 08:24 PM
 
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Bout two weeks for me.

But really, although it felt great, and I was raring to go, it would have been better if we'd avoided penetration awhile longer. I had a nice set of stitches that probably should have healed a little longer.

And it helped that DH was and is totally helpful with housework, the babe, everything. If it'd all been on me, he still might not be seeing any action.



I second the recommendation to have a glass of wine (or two ) beforehand, and just don't expect it to be exactly right the first time out of the gate. I think it's like losing your virginity all over again, except less romantic.

I also agree there's a wiiiiiiide range of "normal" in this matter.
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Old 10-27-2005, 08:50 PM
 
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I had an infection after the birth so we were about 3 mos. It took until af returned at 18 mos for my sex drive to come up to speed. My dh was patient and romanced me back to my old self
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Old 10-27-2005, 09:50 PM
 
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Ohhhh, over a year w/ #1. (Dr gave an 'extra' something there: i didn't tear but his "repair" hurt like a....) Every time we tried I'd start crying from the pain.

After #2, about 3ish weeks.
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Old 10-27-2005, 11:24 PM
 
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6 weeks the first time, 8 months the second.
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Old 10-27-2005, 11:52 PM
 
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6 months :

PPD kicked my butt...
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Old 10-27-2005, 11:58 PM
 
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I had a cesarean and we did it at 5 weeks. It was painful for me, so we went on a once a month schedule until it didn't hurt anymore. It took around 5 months not to be in pain.
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Old 10-28-2005, 03:20 AM
 
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2 weeks the first time around, and 8 weeks (I wanted to do it sooner but he said no way until I got BC ) the second time.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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Old 10-28-2005, 10:27 AM
 
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With my first it was about 6 months, thanks to stitches. My second I was ready to go by day 3, but dh said I had to wait a week at least With my 3rd it was about day 3 or 4. More as a curiosity thing than anything else, needed to know it all still worked down there But I am very high needs, and he usually has to hide from me to get a break
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Old 10-28-2005, 10:41 AM
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2 years since the conception of my DD

DD isn't my DH's bio kid....DD's Bio-Idiot wasn't what one would call 'stellar'

So I never had sex after she was born till I re-met my DH. 2 years dry....
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Old 10-28-2005, 11:45 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaChel
Ohhhh, over a year w/ #1. (Dr gave an 'extra' something there: i didn't tear but his "repair" hurt like a....) Every time we tried I'd start crying from the pain.
That sounds like the "husband's knot." :

Sorry you had to go through that.

With #1, it took longer -- I tore and had stitches, I was a first-time mom, dh was working and in school... but I can't remember how long it took. Probably 2 months.

With #2, it was a couple of weeks.

With #3, it was probably a couple of weeks too.

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Old 10-28-2005, 12:03 PM
 
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2 1/2 weeks but I didn't tear. I would think it takes much longer if you had stitches especially if they did a "husband stitch"

"lubricate and inebriate" as they say don't even try without lube at first and definately have that glass of wine or beer or whatever! I think one big thing is not waiting until you are "in the mood" per say. Before I had ds I used to come home from work thinking "I need to get some!" that doesn't happen all that often anymore- I think nursing does that. But I still have sex as frequently as possible because I look at it like "I know I will feel a lot better afterwards- release of tension, better connection to dp, feeling attractive and connected to that part of myself that isn't just "mama" ya know? Sometimes you just have to say "ok I may not be hot for him right now but like pp said, let's have some wine and cuddle and fool around and see where it goes. you might be surprised how quickly you get your groove back

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Old 10-28-2005, 02:07 PM
 
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I followed my doctor's advice and waited 6 weeks. My dh thought it was forever.....I really had no libido until later though...perhaps 2 years....
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Old 10-28-2005, 02:31 PM
 
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ok..what year is it ....
ok let me see....
DD is going on 16mo. we stopped in my 7th or 8 th month of pregnancy. It was to uncomfy for me.
and we still havent ...I have absolutly no desire to..and I havent exactly gotten any encouragement from SO. He works a lot I run after DD all day.
It doesnt bother me in the least .
One less thing I have to do around here .
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Old 10-28-2005, 03:22 PM
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With my first I had major stitching done and was scared so we waited 8 weeks...all for nothing! All I remember thinking duing was "omg I can hardly feel him am I ruined now????" : But we quickly got back to OUR normal within a couple of months. With #2, my dream homebirth, I felt awesome, just had a 2nd degree minor tear, healed in a day or so, I was ready within a couple weeks but time and learning to manage two kids was hard so we ended up waiting until 5 weeks. It was great from that point on.


Do your kegals.....and stop looking for normal. Normal is what you and your dh make it.
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Old 10-28-2005, 03:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveChild421
"lubricate and inebriate" as they say don't even try without lube at first and definately have that glass of wine or beer or whatever! I think one big thing is not waiting until you are "in the mood" per say. Before I had ds I used to come home from work thinking "I need to get some!" that doesn't happen all that often anymore- I think nursing does that. But I still have sex as frequently as possible because I look at it like "I know I will feel a lot better afterwards- release of tension, better connection to dp, feeling attractive and connected to that part of myself that isn't just "mama" ya know? Sometimes you just have to say "ok I may not be hot for him right now but like pp said, let's have some wine and cuddle and fool around and see where it goes. you might be surprised how quickly you get your groove back

Not necessarily. Hormones in general. I breastfeed longterm and found my hormones to be nearly worse....meaning I chased dh before (having the stronger drive) but now I am insatiable!
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Old 10-31-2005, 06:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for making me feel "normal". Dh and I have never had it routine because of my sex drive, which I blame on my one time try with the pill. ( Never did go back to normal). I thought I was ready to give it a try, but after my checkup at 10 wks pp the tear off the episiotomy still stung. So I'm still a little nervous. Yes, wine and lube will be very necessary!
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Old 11-02-2005, 09:32 PM
 
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It took me 3 months after giving birth to find the time/energy to finally dtd - I only had minor tearing - was given the go ahead from my midwife at 6 weeks but I couldn't even fathom it at that point - just too busy with dd that sex was the LAST thing on my mind - it still is not a big priority - I finally had a couple glasses of wine and convinced dh to take a nice bubble bath with me and that got me interested in trying again - I think I wanted to dtd more out of curiousity rather than my sex drive - I was surprised that I felt a lot smaller down there - it was a little uncomfortable (even with lots of KY) - I assumed I would be "stretched out" or something - KWIM?

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Old 11-02-2005, 11:06 PM
 
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After my first, well we weren't having sex that often anyway. LOL So I really don't remember. Or sex life got really sparce after I got pregnant. That was with my first husband. I remember masterbating a lot.

My second one I was begging dh but he was afraid until a doctor's ok at 6 wks. That was some good sex. He was so affraid of hurting me that he was shaking like the first time we had sex. After the 3rd we lasted 4 weeks.

I do agree with lubercation. After I had mine kids lubercation was always an issue. It wasn't lack of desire. I would get so frustrated. I wouldn't drink beer because it was dehydrating and made lubercation issues worse. Don't drink wine.
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Old 11-03-2005, 04:37 PM
 
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Moving this to Birth and Beyond

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all
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