Originally Posted by pixiexto
Yes, it has been inferred many times how "lucky" I was to have uncomplicated home births.
This is the most annoying PITA statement that makes any and all attempts to have a discourse about birth choices useless.
Women who are defensive about their birth choices are not yet ready to have an open discussion. Why are they defensive? Because our culture both makes women responsible for everything, and empowers them not at all.
If anything goes wrong, it's mom's fault. This rule holds true for infants, children, and adults--hey, I'm mental, it's my mom's
fault! (But seriously, for me, it really is
.) This enormous and unreal responsiblity is coupled with Modern Day Birth "Choices" offered a woman, like, do you want your IV in your hand or your arm (oh wait--you don't get to choose that) and "do you want 8 vaginal exams over 6 hours and then the hospital staff will 'cheer' you on as you push for 2 hours?" or "do you want to just skip to the c-section?"
When birth choices are discussed in mixed company, anyone who didn't have an epidural is concidered HOSTILE to those women who did
have an epidural. This is so high-school and immature, I can hardly stand it.
If you're going nuts, christinelin, I challenge you to go ahead and put the smack down with these mamas...in a kind, nuturing, thought-provoking way, of course. Like with scenario #2...delve into it, with that mama: why
were you angry you didn't get that epidural? Probably, because she didn't like hurting at the birth. You could talk about how she did it anyway. It hurt like hell, and she made it. And what could it have been like if she hadn't been waiting-waiting-waiting at the hospital for the MD to come by with the epidural cart? what if she could have been someplace more pleasant?
What else about her lack of epidural makes her angry--probably feeling ABANDONED and unsupported during birth. I would wager dollars-to-donuts that the real core issue is probably that one. In the USA healthcare system, we show love with drugs
not hugs. Homebirth is all about the hugs, isn't it?
If she's mad, she's recoignizing an injustice done against her. You sound mad; you're recoignizing an injustice, too--to your friends, specifically, and birthing women in the USA, in general.
Midwifery Today's slogan is: Each one teach one. I think about that. I think about the # of women I've talked to who will never have an episiotomy. I think about the handful of women who have experienced better births, or will, or understand what the heck happened, because of discussions we've had. This is important stuff.