Advice on trama from unwanted natural birth.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 02:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Please no one take this the wrong way, I think so much of natural child birth but for me did not think it an option. Let me explain.

I was 37 and 6 days pregant for the 4th time, my second child. (Other two children had for another couple) All three times in the past I had the Epi. I very much feared the pain and felt so out of control in the hospital that it helped me keep my head I thought. This time was supposed to be another Epiadural. If I could have a homebirth or birthing center birth then I would have been ok with natural birth, I would trust more I think. In anycase, I had to go to the hospital and I wanted an Epi.

Tuesday I went to the Dr for a normal visit and I had asked him to check me as the day before I thought I had the flu, my body cleaned itself out, and I was feeling odd down there, not to mention a week of false labor pains. He said I had not had a fever so it was not the flu and he thought I would go late so I had at least another 2 weeks and he would not check me.

Off we went home, grumpy but what could I do? Military hospital you see.

4:30, sitting in a chair and I feel a gush, asume I peed myself, not something I had done before but not unheard of. I change, go back to sit, it happens again. Dang, change again. 5pm, contractions start hard about 8 minutes apart, sometimes 3 or 4, then back to 8. Ok, time to consider it might happen now. Oh no, no bag packed, no baby cloths washed. So newborn cloths go into the wash, and I start packing my bag. 6pm I call the nurse line to ask advice about goint in. Still 408 minutes apart and I can talk through them no biggie. They say go in but I am still waiting on dryer and I want to go to UU Church for choir as I promised that we would and I was feeling ok. Plus, it was closer to the hospital then home and our sitter was going and so we could drop our 6 year old off with her and pick up another friend there who wanted to go with us to the hospital.

7pm we are at choir, I am having a blast singing with friends and still able to smile through contractions. I must have time I think, and this was just how I wanted to labor, with friends and not stuck in a horrible hospital room with strangers.

8:30 The contractions are coming about every 10 minutes now and though they are lasting longer and stronger I am worried they will go away. Still not sure if my water had broken or not though it seemed possible. Off to the hospital we go.

Wait 45 minutes in waiting room still laughing and having fun with friend and hubby.

Exam room, the strip shows blue, my water did break. Ok, so we will not be sent home, yay. Though a little worried as I was not really mentaly ready for baby and my house was not clean enough I was thinking.

Nurse checks me and says I am at 7.... HOLY CRAP. I was having such a great time, that was so new.

All of sudden contracts start coming every 2 minutes. I beg for an Epi.

10pm, walk to a birthing room, they make me get into bed even though I want to squat or move or do anything but in a bed. I keep asking for Epidural. I am getting worried, contractions coming too fast. Nurses keep telling me to breath and I ask them to leave as they are not helping.

Dr comes to check me, tells me no Epi until I have an IV in and blood work it taken and comes back.

Ok ok ok ok, I am crying now, into my blue bear so no one sees me. I am scared and it hurt so much, coming so fast. Hubby and friend waiting to hold my hands.

Dr checks me, tells me I am 10 and baby is coming now. He seems all happy about it, like I am a silly child. I want to hit him. I beg for Epi. No such luck. They hold my arm down to put in an IV. I am starting to really panic.

All sorts of things come out of my mouth as the contractions hit. Most I say over and over, Not ok, Not ok, Not ok. Sometimes I say I can't do it, that I want to stop, I beg for help. I have no control. I move my arms wilding. No one tells me what to do, I am so greatful. No one tells me to breath, no one holds my legs, no one puts me in sturups.

IV goes in. I move as I want to though staying on my back. I can not think. I know full well I could do this with more grace if I had planned for it. I know I need to focus. I cry out but just noise now, no words. I need to focus. No meditation comes to mind. No time between contractions it seems to even think.

I ask hubby and friend to sing a fun church song to me. And they do, and it helps, and I push. It burns. Friend stops singing to tell me babys head is coming. No crap, LOL! Just sing dang it. Another push, his head is out. Dr reaching in and it feels like he is twisting baby. Tells me to push with next contraction and baby will be out. I try to explain that the fire feeling it blurring contractions. Friends still singing, I sing too and push baby out... he starts to scream right away and off to the heater he goes. 3 minutes latter the placenta comes. It never comes before 45 mintues before. Dr puts in one stitch and tells me how cute I am.

10:20 No more tears for me, just shock. I can't think. I just hurt. I hear baby crying and can not see him and some how it did not matter. I just could not believe what had happened.

Dr asks why no eye antibiotics, vit k, hep b shot, no circ and all I can say is that I did research and think they are not worth the risks as we are low risk for all those ishues, not debatable. I feel like a robot or something, nothing felt real. Dr says "So the whole medical field is wrong?" Hubby comes to my rescue and says, "Its a possibility" and everyone leaves it at that.

Baby was 2 weeks early and perfect, still is. But I am not sure I am.

I think I still might be in shock from it all. I know for sure I can do a homebirth now and how I would love to have family and friends around. With mental prep I could handle it all. But I am not sure I will ever be pregnant again. The flash backs of it scare me so much. I felt so out of control.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal better? I feel like I am in shock. I feel like I could cry about it all the time and it is clearly over. The recovery is so much better then any Epidural one I had. I almost know it was for the best even. Still, I am lost some where still in those fearful, out of control moments.

I have always admired the natural birthers and homebirthing mothers. They always seemed so very brave to me. I just really felt like I needed an Epi if I was in the hospital and I thought a homebirth was not possible (Insurence, Gestational Diabetes, chance of placenta not coming, fear, space)

Please no one think terrible of me. I just do not know where else to ask for help and no one I know seems to understand how I am feeling.

Blessings,
Kontessa (Kimmy)

Toby Born Nov 22 @ 22:20 weighing 7lbs 7oz and 18.5 inches long.

Army wife to wonder hubby. Mama to 4 and Surrogate mother x2.: Zoey Born 5/7/2010
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#2 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 03:15 AM
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Mama, here are my thoughts. Having a natural birth is truly intense. It is powerful! It is primal!! We are not always 'allowed' to be powerful, to be primal, and to let go of control. Each of my birth experiences truly transformed me as a person. I feel that when we truly experience birth with all its power and pain, then we touch something within us that is lying dormant within- our true selves.

You DO need time to process your birth experience. You DO need time to be with your baby, your miracle of life. You DO need time to be with yourself, with the knowledge that you let go of your control and came through it with new strength and consciousness.

It sounds like you had a beautiful birth, a powerful birth filled with singing, joy, and laughter. You will look back on this and be filled with the knowledge that you birthed your beautiful baby with all your strength and that you were brave, that you ARE brave.

Every time I think of my daughters' births, I still intensely feel an all encompassing love and awareness of my power, of the power of the woman, of the power of life and birth. Birth is truly intense. Embrace it!
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#3 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 03:26 AM
 
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mama. First off, congrats on the birth of Toby! I am sorry you didn't get the birth you felt prepared for. It must have been awful to feel like people weren't listening & were patronizing you. Reading your birth story it sounds as if you handled it as best you could & you did it! I certainly don't think any less of you for having wanted an epi & I wish for your sake you could have had one since you felt that was what you needed. I hope that sharing your experience helped you.

.

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#4 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 03:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kontessa

I have always admired the natural birthers and homebirthing mothers. They always seemed so very brave to me.
Well, you can count yourself as one now too, then! You should be very proud.

I'll tell ya a secret...I was TERRIFIED!

You know I think a couple of factors are affecting the way you feel right now. One is that your doctor sounds insensitive to your needs. You mention that he treated you like a little girl. You were not being heard and that must have been terrifying for you. It happened so rapidly, too. Which must leave you feeling quite in a state of shock. Also, you just gave birth a couple of days ago. It *is* a shocking experience.

You have lots of healing to do regardless of the process. I felt quite traumatized, too, after both my births even though they were essentially problem free. And drug-free.

The process of giving birth felt, to me like walking a thin veil, for a while between life and death. Amazing the paradox. You've *just* been through that. Give yourself some time to gain perspective. I hope you get to feeling as proud of yourself for enduring the amazing (and terrifying!) journey as you should.
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#5 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 03:56 AM
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Originally Posted by mamajama
=
The process of giving birth felt, to me like walking a thin veil, for a while between life and death.

beautiful words, mamajama.
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#6 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 04:26 AM
 
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Rescue Remedy helped me come down from this feeling. And I had a homebirth. Also, the way my midwife talked to me, and what she talked with me about.

I think that women are in a really liminal space in birth, a between space. And what you say to them so much affects how they feel about themselves as mothers. Maybe talking with someone who understand this, here, friends in real life who have had natural birth/homebirth. In birth, you are so vulnerable, so open, and in the hospital---well, it's a public space...being in that space and NOT being supported, especially when things aren't going the way you expected---even if it's good, can be emotionally changllenging later.

Please take good care of yourself and your babe, mama. Snuggle and nurse. Say to yourself: I am brave. I am strong. I am here.

Do whatever you need to do to ground yourself---maybe plant a tree---heck your in TX it's not cold out....okay, well it's not cold in Houston. Maybe plant something in the ground---a stone even.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby....It's always unexpected.

mv
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#7 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 04:39 AM
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Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you went through this. In my eyes, it is every woman's right to have pain relief during labor if she so wishes. Just like it is my right to have medication if I have a tooth removed. Childbirth may be natural, but it can be one of the most painful and intense things a human will ever have to endure, and to deny you pain relief is complete BS.

I don't have any advice to give you, but I want to send some warm thoughts your way.
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#8 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 04:49 AM
 
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I suggest you call a homeopath or a chiro/naturopath you trust and see what they can suggest. I know I have something around here that was suggested at a semiar I went to but I'd have to search for it. I think it may have been Arnica but I'm not sure because it doesn't sound right.

I was in shock after my last dd's birth. Everything was different from my others, IMO I should have had a planned c-section as we knew there were issues with her heartrate. They decided to do a c-section because I was not progessing. 17minutes after I was 3-4cm and 2minutes before they were to take me down for a c-section she surprisingly came out vaginally. After she came out all I could think was "what just happened". She had already almost died once(hr 13) and almost did again. I was convinced she was dead and had to force myself to look at her across the room so I wouldn't regret it later if she didn't make it.

It took me 3 weeks to get to a point where not every moment of my life was going over all the details and to accept that she was alive. It took me a few more weeks to get over it more but I don't think I ever fully did(and she's 3.5). She had a very rough first 1 1/2-2years which didn't help. Those first weeks I felt like my eyes were bugged out of my head and I was not fully there because I was so consumed with what had happened.

I really wish I knew at the time that there were things I could take which could help me deal with what had happened.

I found my info and I was right it is Arnica for shock/trauma. I have 200c/1m wrote beside it. I also have lgratia(I think that's what it is) for grieving and depression.
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#9 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 04:49 AM
 
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I agree with MrsMoe that anyone who wants pain relief should get it, but in all cases, it's not always possible. This birth was really quick.
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#10 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 05:06 AM
 
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Unfortunately, pain relief isn't always a safe option. I've seen women that planned an epidural not get them for any number of reasons. It is really hard mentally when that is not what you had planned for.

I think what you were feeling was really normal. At transition, feeling out of control, like you can't do it, then that ring of fire as you birth are all very, very normal. But in the moment, and without reassurance (and with staff infantalizing you), it can feel terrifying. I think you should pat yourself on the back for doing a job well done. I've seen women in this situation really angry - once had a woman try to hit me when we told her she couldn't get an epidural b/c she didn't have an IV and the baby was coming! Considering what I've seen in the labor room, I think you held your own under less than the best of circumstances and give yourself credit for that.
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#11 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 05:39 AM
 
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Hospitals do not tell many people this much, but no one is guaranteed an epidural. In CA, since so few people pay and so many hospitals have closed, it used to be that anesthesiologists demanded pay, in cash, up front, before giving an epidural. A state law was passed that made that illegal, so now, epidurals still may or may not be given.

IN NOLA , during Katrina, some women were denied epidurals during and after the hurricane, because of lack of monitering staff.

It happens.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#12 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 08:11 AM
 
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My impression from reading your story is that you are not actually feeling trauma because you didn't get the epidural . The trauma is from people not taking your pain and situation seriously. Throughout your labor they continue to disrespect your wishes - like making you lie on a bed even though you ask to be able to move around. They use force to hold your arm and do an invasive IV. All the way through you are treated like a "birthmachine" - not a human being in pain. To do a natural birth and to be able to deal with the pain you need support and you need to feel respected and listened to. And the staff at the hospital where you had your birth certainly didn't. I am sure if someone had taken the time to sit down, look you in the eyes and say "you can do this - we believe in you" then you would not have this feeling of things going wrong. IT sounds like noone took the time to sit down and actually BE with you during your transition labor - and noone took you seriously even when you were begging for them to listen.
I am so sorry that you were treated this way and I would very much like to stress that it is not your fault. It seems to me that up until you were exposed to insensitive hospital staff you were managing your labor like a pro.
All my warmest thoughts to you..
Inca

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#13 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 08:32 AM
 
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We prepared for our first birth, a hospital birth, by taking Bradley classes...I think without that preparation, I would have had not a clue how to handle the pain and primitive, mystery of birthing naturally...it was great and we opted for a homebirth the second time. Preparation might have been the missing factor for you
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#14 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 10:22 AM
 
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I think Inca hit the nail on the head. Not only are you dealing with a birth that did not go as you imagined (which can throw anyone for a loop), you are dealing with the feelings of being disrespected and not taken seriously. I'm sorry.

If it makes you feel any better, most of the women I know who planned natural births (myself included) had periods of sheer panic and feelings of "I can't do this!" as they hit transition. Those are totally normal responses.

I'm sorry you feel traumatized by your birth. Give yourself time to work through it. Be gentle with yourself.
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#15 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 10:36 AM
 
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Both of mine were planned HBs and both times i ended up in the H. The first time it was a c-section and the trauma was great. I couldn't even look at the scar thus it got infected bc i wasn't compressing it with golden seal. I felt like a failure and it was hard for me to admit it to my HBing friends. The reason why we ended up there is another whole thread, but I just wanted to offer you support bc births are never what we expect or plan (well mostly)

DD stayed in utero for 14 extra days bc she felt my fear of the hopsital.

Don't beat yourself up, we are an accepting bunch here

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#16 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 10:58 AM
 
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Dear,

I don't think you had a natural birth ... I think you had a horrible, hindered birth in which people treated you with disrespect at a time where that is scary, and took away your power and then took the baby away from your body as if it was not yours and the baby's right to be together immediately ... no matter how much shock you were in at what you'd just been through.

Oh I know there are people who seem to have had it worse but that does not matter.

From your story I get the strong sense that you will ROCK if you decide to birth without an epidural in the future. You'll make sure no one is there who doesn't respect you with a capital R.

My PTSD from my birthrape didn't back off until my daughter was nearly 2. Time heals.

Sending love.
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#17 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 11:29 AM
 
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I am sorry for your traumatick experience. It must have been hart to go trough it totally unprepared.
There is a homeopathic remedy given for traumas and shocks and it's called Aconitum napellus, mostly known only as Aconitum. It's best given as soon as possible after the initial trauma for the best results. I'd suggest you buy Aconitum 30C and take 5 granules 3times a day until you feel better.

Or you could give a try to this remedy created by British homeopath especially for the kind of trauma you have experienced:

shock trauma remedy

And you can read more about it here: www.vitalremedies.com

I have tried it myself with an amazing results!
I hope you feel better about the whole experience. YOu will probably need to let go of lots of anger to feel better about it.
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#18 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 11:31 AM
 
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I'm so sorry, mama. I had a horrible first birth and I used to regret it and wonder what I could have said/done to change it, but then I realized that it's in the past, I got a healthy baby out of the deal, and then I took notes (literally) on what went wrong and what I would/would not allow to happen in the future. Try not to focus on what happened, unless you are planning more kids and want to better your next birth. Then do some thinking about what your next birth will be like and what you would do differently.

Please try and remember that you're not a failure because the pain was horrible. Childbirth hurts! And it's not your fault that the doctor seemed...well, like a jerk. I'm proud of you for not having any meds and for having a healthy babe in the end (and really, that's the biggest thing that matters). And I'm proud of you for being able to tell the doctor "NO" to all the unecessary things they want to do to babies in the hospital. Be proud of that! Focus on your babe and try and get plenty of rest! An overtired mommy is an out of control mommy!

Congrats on Toby!

Shannnon
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#19 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 11:40 AM
 
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I can feel myself in your words. I think every woman feels childbirth so differently and I felt it like you. Out of my mind in pain. My DS came so fast (6 hours) and I wasn't expecting it. I felt so helpless and in pain and scared and all of what you felt. No one ever prepared me for a fast birth even though I asked if I would birth fast because my mother did, they said it doesn't happen. With my DD I had my SIL as my birth coach and it was somewhat better, but I was still out of my mind in pain. I gave birth to my kids at a hospital, but drug free (except for the antibiotics for GBS).

I know how you feel, time is the only thing that heals I still think of my DS's birth and wonder how it could have been if I had been better prepared.

+ + =
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#20 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 11:47 AM
 
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You did incredible under the circumstances!!! How many women would go to their choir rehearsal in early labor just to pass the time??? How many women would use their love of music and singing to cope through transition??? And YOU did it under duress!

You are able to see the silver lining in all of this which was the easier recovery and happy baby which is also fantastic.

As part of the recovery from this experience I would suggest telling other women who plan on using an epidural for pain relief your story. You may be able to save another women from what you went through. Every women should be prepared for the possibility that they may not get the epidural due to a medical reason or simply for lack of time like in your case. Also, take action against the doctor and hospital that treated you so badly. Its so therapeutic to talk about it and you've already started here.

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#21 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 12:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inca
My impression from reading your story is that you are not actually feeling trauma because you didn't get the epidural . The trauma is from people not taking your pain and situation seriously. Throughout your labor they continue to disrespect your wishes - like making you lie on a bed even though you ask to be able to move around. They use force to hold your arm and do an invasive IV. All the way through you are treated like a "birthmachine" - not a human being in pain. To do a natural birth and to be able to deal with the pain you need support and you need to feel respected and listened to. And the staff at the hospital where you had your birth certainly didn't. I am sure if someone had taken the time to sit down, look you in the eyes and say "you can do this - we believe in you" then you would not have this feeling of things going wrong. IT sounds like noone took the time to sit down and actually BE with you during your transition labor - and noone took you seriously even when you were begging for them to listen.
I am so sorry that you were treated this way and I would very much like to stress that it is not your fault. It seems to me that up until you were exposed to insensitive hospital staff you were managing your labor like a pro.
All my warmest thoughts to you..
Inca

ITA - I think you were caught in a situation where maybe it was too late to get an epi, and the staff should have offered you more support under the circumstances. But instead they just treated you like a machine, like Inca said. I know when my birth didn't turn out like I wanted, one thing that made it bearable was my Dr.'s support and respectful attitude. I'm sorry the staff didn't treat you more like a human being the way you deserved to be treated.

Single mom of 2 boys
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#22 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 12:06 PM
 
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Mama, you ROCK! Look at everything you did....

You progressed to 7 cm while smiling, laughing, and having a good time with friends and family.

You instinctively knew you wanted to be up moving around and trying different positions during labor. YOU knew what to do and asserted your wishes... it was the ignorant and callous hospital staff that strapped you into that bed. Things started getting rough at this point because the staff defied your wishes and did not respect you as a human being, not because you did anything wrong!

At the worst moment... when you were told there was no way you could get an epidural, the baby would be arriving unexpectedly soon, and while you were still reeling form this shock, you had to endure being held down to have an IV forcibly inserted (an IV you really didn't need since the baby was almost there and you weren't getting an epi anyway!)... Yet, what did you do? You did not fall apart! YOU figured out how to calm yourself down and get the assistance you needed. YOU asked your support people to sing to you and YOU managed to bring yourself under control, focus and push that beautiful baby out! That is such a phenomenal accomplishment!

So, yes, get angry about the way you were treated and grieve that you did not get the birth experience you wanted and deserved... But also don't forget to feel PROUD of yourself for the awesome job you did!

I had an unexpectedly fast labor with my first. I had planned for a ncb all along, had my dh there questioning medical decisions, my doula helping to calm and talk sense into me when things started spinning out of control, a staff and dr that were respectful and treated me like a responsible adult, and I got to hold my baby immediately. But it was still intense and shocking! It doesn't take "bravery" to do what I did with all the help and support I received.

Pulling it together and singing your baby out after suffering shocks and being treated horribly.... now THAT's brave!

Congrats on your new baby!

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#23 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 12:45 PM
 
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You are amazing! You've given me the absolute confidence to know I can go through this birth (my third) at home with no epidural. Thank you so much.

My first two were hospital births, the first 5 hours and the second 2.5 hours, both with epidurals but with the second, the epidural didn't work so I know exactly what you went though, with those out of control pain feelings.

I am sorry you didn't receive the respect you so richly deserved (and earned) from the hospital staff. Maybe there is a way you could contact the hospital ombudsman and lodge a complaint? It may help others mamas in the future and will help you to feel empowered.
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#24 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 01:21 PM
 
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Preparation might have been the missing factor for you
Hospitals should be more honest with their patients that the sacred epidural may not be available.

It was not your fault.

It is the fault of those you trusted and who betrayed you by not honoring your desires and needs.

They simply went on with the necessary procedures and treated you like a piece of meat. You were not prepared for the sensations you experienced and they were not willing to deal with you.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#25 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 01:45 PM
 
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Hospitals should be more honest with their patients that the sacred epidural may not be available.
I definitely agree here, and with Inca's post as well. Two of my friends planned anesthesia during labor. The first opted for a saddle block (this was ~15 years ago, more commonly done then) and it was FOUR times before it finally took. She ended up with a C-sxn anyway. The other was my best friend who knew from the beginning she would have an epidural. She made absolutely no preparations for the possibility of her managed birth not being quite so managed. She presented to the hospital on her induction day already in labor, so they whacked her up with pitocin anyway. : Her epidural failed FIVE times and only partially took literally when she was pushing her baby out. She was terrified, in completely unknown territory with an ass (in this case her DH) in the labor room with her, and had no coping mechanism in place to deal with the force of what was occurring. She started bleeding out heavily at the end and her BP went down into low double digits. She said that she actually felt herself leave her body and was watching from above, and that what brought her back was her DH screaming, "What about the baby?! What about the baby?!" She said she was so mad at him for not giving a flip about her that she had to "come back" to tell him off. She swore off the possibility of having any more children after that experience--she is simply too scared and traumatized to go through that again.


I had an unmedicated VBAC in 2004 and it was tough, no question! But I had a midwife right down in my face with me calmly speaking words of encouragement and empowerment the whole time I was in transition. Your doc was doing the exact opposite of encouraging and empowering you, rather he was stripping away your resolve, dignity and faith in yourself to make it through. The comment about calling you cute after the stitch would have found me swinging my unepiduraled feet towards his crotch. : What a jerk!

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#26 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 01:47 PM
 
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Oh, and the icing on the cake was him questioning your specific medical requests right then and there in such a dismissive manner. It is YOUR right as a mother to decide the medical procedures for your children, not his to claim that you're questioning the "whole medical establishment." Not that you had a lot of faith in them anyway after your experience.

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#27 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 02:19 PM
 
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Her epidural failed FIVE times and only partially took literally when she was pushing her baby out.
In Down Came The Rain, by Brooke Shields, she complained repeatedly that her epidural was not doing its job and communicating with her anesthesiologist was next to impossible since he had a thick accent and kept telling her the epidural was in properly and working properly.

Later, someone else checked on it and asked her how much pain she felt 0-10, and I 'think' she said 7, and another anesthesiologist put it in properly since it was not in properly and could not do its job.

She finally got relief...I am going to assume this happens alot without many mothers complaining about it.

There is so much to do when you go home with the baby that you either get busy with the work or collapse under its weight. Few women take the time to complain about the terrible way they are treated during labor. Life tends to go on.

FRankly I would write a letter to the hospital, to the doctor, and maybe to your local papers and medical regulating board. It will make you feel better, if nothing else.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#28 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 02:24 PM
 
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The process of giving birth felt, to me like walking a thin veil, for a while between life and death.
The 'valley of death', as it is called by some....

A friend of mine, whose baby was born stillborn, described the experience as birth/life/death all in one moment and she felt as though time stood still for a long time as she held her beautiful, but lifeless, child in her arms.

She said the Universe just stood still for her.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#29 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 02:29 PM
 
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OMG! I thought I was the only one! I actually planned a natural birth with #3. My first baby, I read constantly, but unfourtunatley only mainstream stuff so I thought I was prepared. Back then I was very young and on medicade and they refused me the epi, just gave demerol in the IV, they broke my water very early and without my consent, they hooked me up to about five diffrent monitors tying me to the bed and on top of it all I had the flu and I was strapped down so I vomitted onto the floor as best I could lean over (after telling them I had to and being told to wait) and had diareah all over myself. It was horrible. Healing from the episiotomy was worse than the birth.

Fastforward 11 years and I had my second, I got the epi but made sure she broke the water herself. I had done some better research this time and I used some good coping skills early on, upright position, rocking, etc. but she had meconium staining. I had been promised no episiotomy unless necesary burt was given one again, without my consent or even knowledge. I healed better and faster, I think the cut wasnt as deep. I also suffered horribly from the aftercontractions, they took the epi away immediatly after birth and left the pitocin drip for hours. (They also left me alone all bloody and weak, thank god I had my family there). I asked my doc, next time can we skip the pitocin? He said no, standard procedure, everyone gets one. I really didnt want the pitocin. I watched the video, she was so limp and lifeless and they suctioned her forevery. My reserach, which I finally did in great deapth, told me that babies who arent suctioned actually have BETTER outcomes! And I found that the epi was probally responsible for the staining and for dd not wanted to nurse for weeks after birth.

So there I was with #3 and a midwife. Did I prepare? No, I thought well hell the pain didnt get bad, bad until right before the eip and it was only an hour or so after that that I had her so I can deal. I mean, I had the first with just demerol and that really didnt seem to do much for the pain, I can handle it.

I couldnt. And my midwives and dh were wonderful. I wouldnt let them break my water, thanks to my experiances with #1 so for an hour he tried to come down and couldnt, once I let them do AROM, he came within minutes. So the worst hour was avoidable, but live and learn, right? With my first they did the local before the episiotomy and with the second I had an epi so I never felt the actual birth. It is like being ripped in half. Once he was out, I just wanted to be left alone, I felt like a wounded animal. I kept waiting for that rush of endorphins I keep reading about. No. I was in shock, I took him and nursed him because I was suppose to, but I had no feelings beyond great relief that it was over and wanting to be left alone. The endorphin rush, the high feeling never came. I felt violated, I felt like great violence had been done, I felt betrayed that it wasnt this wonderful experiance that I keep reading about from others. I just knew I couldnt do it again. Yet I did heal amazingly quickly and easily. The baby was alert, healthy. I knew it was better. He was 10'6 and barely fit out, I have no doubt that in a hospital he would have been a csection becasue when I said "I cant" my midwives said "you can" but a hospital would have said "epidural" and at that point, I would have taken it and if he barely fit out when I was on all fours, no way he was coming out flat on my back. So I know it was better. But still I said "I cant do it again, I cant" to the point where I thought I didnt want that fourth child we had planned afterall.

I looked everywhere for someone who felt the same and could not find them. Everyone who had birth trauma had it from interventions and everyone who had natural loved it. So then I wondered what the heck was wrong with ME? I had ppd for the first time.

He is ten months old now and I just now think ok, yeah, I could have another baby, but Im still not sure I want to go through that pain then I feel guilty because I know its whats best for the baby. And really for me. I mean you trade that pain for a much easier and faster recovery time as well as an active alert baby. Also my sil just had a baby and talking to her reminds me of stuff, like her baby has jaundice and of course he had the vit k shot. My third was the only one of mine who had no shot and no jaundice. Coincidence? I think not.

But long story just to say God, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!! And to say, it does pass, you really do need time to process. I just now am starting to really feel good about it. Or at least not bad.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think you did an amazing job under the circumstances and you need to hear that, and believe it!

~Me, mama to soapbox boy (1991), photo girl (1997), gadget girl (2003), jungle boy (2005), fan boy (2003) and twirly girl (2011). Twenty years of tree hugging, breastfeeding, cosleeping, unschooling, craziness
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#30 of 56 Old 11-25-2005, 02:40 PM
 
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I was induced at 36 weeks with my second child about a month ago. My first born was born via c-section, but I did have 9 hours of labor with him. I heard inductions cause harder labors, but my first child's labor was worse in my opinion. We had planned on a vbac and everything was going smoothly. I was dilating quickly and the pain suddenly got very intense.

Only 4 hours into the labor I begged for an epidural (I had planned on using meds like you). The nurse checked me and told me I was about 8cms and that the epi would take 45 minutes to get there! Needless to say, the baby came before the epidural and he was born naturally. I was shocked that I did it and felt excellent. Compared to my c-section, this was a brreze. I feel great for doing it, almost like Superwoman!
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