This BOTHERS me!! *due date comments* - Mothering Forums
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Birth and Beyond > This BOTHERS me!! *due date comments*
Ooey's Avatar Ooey 07:46 AM 03-29-2006
Has anyone else noticed that it has become common to tell a pregnant woman "I sure hope your baby comes early," or "the sooner the better," or my personal favorite "maybe you'll get lucky and deliver at 38 weeks!"

It's driving me crazy! In my head I am figuring that I probably have another 9 weeks to go, 8 at the least (I'm 33 weeks and a ftm) and I have people telling me that I better have everything ready because it's getting *so* close. Why is everyone trying to psyc me out, do they think that this kind of comment is somehow reassuring?

I asked another first timer who is due a little before me if she knows what her doctor's policy is on induction, expecting that it would be not until 42 weeks. I was shocked whe she said that she had asked her doctor "I've heard some hospitals make you wait a whole 2 weeks past your due date to induce, your not going to do that to me are you?" And he said "No, but we do *have to* wait 7 days OR have another *valid* reason." She is 37 weeks and expecting labor any day... has no one told this girl that it's perfectly natural to go as much as *gasp* 2 weeks over your due date. She said that she is worried about the placenta deteriorating if he stays in there "too long." :

Other moms-to-be that I know (mostly younger) seem to think that 36 weeks is the magic number or something, and that if your baby doesn't come by it's due date then there is something horribly wrong and medical intervention is needed.

What irks me even more is that doctors for the most part seem to support this kind of thinking. I am hearing about more and more early inductions for various "good reasons" that may or may not be valid, but the point is that people are some how missing the fact that babies come in their own time, and due dates are not the word of god.

Maybe I am just extra annoyed by this because I am currently at that "everything bothers me, leave me alone or face my wrath" stage of pregnancy, but I still would never hope that my baby comes early, unless of course that's what she want's to do.
IF ONE MORE PERSON SAYS THAT TO ME I AM GOING TO FREAK OUT ON THEM.

Okay I think I am done with my rant now

MamaRabbit's Avatar MamaRabbit 07:53 AM 03-29-2006
When the baby is ready, the baby will come. You are doing so well!

I understand the annoyance. Very rarely do people make informed choice. :
pageta's Avatar pageta 11:59 AM 03-29-2006
That's why I'm telling everyone my 42-week date as the due date. Not that it will help once I start looking like I'm ready to deliver any day...
saritabeth's Avatar saritabeth 12:21 PM 03-29-2006
people are rude and annoying to pregnant women. I have been getting the "you look like your gonna drop that baby any day now" comment for weeks now....Im only 34 weeks and a bit. I wont tell people my due date...I say Im due 'soon'. :P

It doesn't help when you are uncomfortable to have people filling your head with going early....I know most people are really ready to just have their baby already and lose the discomforts...but patience, patience!!

Sorry...people are rude!!
Gracefulmom's Avatar Gracefulmom 12:26 PM 03-29-2006
My first baby was born at 35 weeks... about 2 hours after my water broke at home. Needless to say, we were surprised and not "ready". But what do you really need to get ready? You need breastmilk, diapers (maybe), and a carseat (also maybe).

When the baby's ready, you are!! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, long or short.
Noelia430's Avatar Noelia430 02:08 PM 03-29-2006
When I was pg with dd I was at home depot on my EDD. Someone came up to me asked me when I was due and I said, "Well, my due date is today....". The woman looked shocked that I was walking around a store on my due date! She said that I should be at home "just in case" my water broke.
orangefoot's Avatar orangefoot 02:35 PM 03-29-2006
Dh and I visited all the small towns around ours while waiting for dd and had lunch in a different place every day.

It was a lovely way to spend time together just the two of us while the boys were at school as we don't get much chance to do that often

but

The looks/comments/horror when people asked about when the baby was 'due' (I was very pregnant looking) and telling them it was last week.
CalebsMama05's Avatar CalebsMama05 02:36 PM 03-29-2006
oh i hear ya! i was miserable with my son (9lbs 10oz at birth and posterier) but he was born 2days before his due date. I was hoping he'd be late.

this time i'm hoping he'll be late cuz i want him to be bigger than his bro and the longer he bakes the bigger he'll be
CalebsMama05's Avatar CalebsMama05 02:38 PM 03-29-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noelia430
When I was pg with dd I was at home depot on my EDD. Someone came up to me asked me when I was due and I said, "Well, my due date is today....". The woman looked shocked that I was walking around a store on my due date! She said that I should be at home "just in case" my water broke.
what is with that?? I was at the hospital in labor when my water was broken. even if i'd been at home I wouldn'tw ant to be at home that's boring lol. next time i want to walk around the mall/park and have something to look at/think about besdies how much pain i'm in.
sapphire_chan's Avatar sapphire_chan 02:59 PM 03-29-2006
I'm planning to lie to people about my "due date" when the time comes. As in, say the baby was 'due' at the end of March, I'd claim "May sometime", but if the 'due' date was at the beginning of March I'd claim "April sometime".
mimid's Avatar mimid 05:09 PM 03-29-2006
Yeah, I get those comments and it really bothers me because I am actively trying to keep them in as long as possible and make no secret about it. I hate all the women who tell me about "a friend" who had a babe or babies at 22 weeks and they were fine after they got out of the hospital and have "almost no problems" and are "almost as big" as the other kids their age. Yeah, thanks.

I've started telling people that I'm due in May and not even mention triplets. They all say that I must be having a boy and that it'll be May soon.
erinkrum's Avatar erinkrum 05:22 PM 03-29-2006
I was fully prepared to be late. But, DD showed up at 34 weeks to the day. What got me was how many people thought that telling me how i was "lucky" because I missed out on "the worst part of pregnancy"-i.e. the last six or so weeks, was appropriate. And also how it's "good" to have a small baby, (DD was 5lbs 10 oz, 19 inches) especially the first time:

Yeah, its really lucky to plan a birth center birth and end up in the hospital with a baby in the NICU.
theelfqueen's Avatar theelfqueen 07:01 PM 03-29-2006
This is why I don't tell people my due date any more -- just a vague "early May" (with my last who was born April 26th) Due dates are just ESTIMATES -- you are NOT LATE if you go to 40 wks 1 day. You are not overdue. You will not expire like a carton of milk. ~~shakes head~~
Lousli's Avatar Lousli 07:48 PM 03-29-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by erinkrum
I was fully prepared to be late. But, DD showed up at 34 weeks to the day. What got me was how many people thought that telling me how i was "lucky" because I missed out on "the worst part of pregnancy"-i.e. the last six or so weeks, was appropriate. And also how it's "good" to have a small baby, (DD was 5lbs 10 oz, 19 inches) especially the first time:

Yeah, its really lucky to plan a birth center birth and end up in the hospital with a baby in the NICU.
I'm just a lurker here, not pregnant, but I had to jump in and say:

Yup, I hear you on that one. I got the same "lucky" comments and that "the last 2 months of pregnancy are the worst", and "small baby" (yeah, I always wanted a 4 pound baby, thanks!) and even worse, the tax deduction comments!
CalebsMama05's Avatar CalebsMama05 09:18 PM 03-29-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by theelfqueen
This is why I don't tell people my due date any more -- just a vague "early May" (with my last who was born April 26th) Due dates are just ESTIMATES -- you are NOT LATE if you go to 40 wks 1 day. You are not overdue. You will not expire like a carton of milk. ~~shakes head~~
haha yep! I'm due in July. if you REALLY press me I'll say the middle of July. and if you press me EVEN MORE I will tell you i hope to go over my due date. I want a big healthy baby!
Emilie's Avatar Emilie 09:40 PM 03-29-2006
Ha- I will never forget being in the Kroger- and I was due in a bit- like a week or so and the lady at the checkout was SO stupid to me
Oh- I hope you don't go into labor here- lIke I should not be out of the house!
Umm- well if I do go into labor- I think I will just go home. These are women with kids none the less- like the minute I go into labor I will pop out a baby?
Clueless.
JoyofBirth's Avatar JoyofBirth 09:54 PM 03-29-2006
I was not uncomfortable at all at the end. (But I deserved that after the first trimester I had.)And I was not in a hurry to get Emma out and have to share her with people. Also, I wanted her to be big and fat,s o I wouldn't worry about her losing weight or anything. And people w ould say things to me all the time about how I must be ready and blah blah blah. We had a scare and thought I had HELPP syndrome at 34 weeks. I was freaked that I'd have a preemie and by most standards that's not much of a preemie. Well, Emma showed up 2 days before her due date. And to me she was tiny ay 7#2oz. People used to look at me like I'd grown a 3rd head when I tell them I could have been pregnant a month longer with no problem.
CalebsMama05's Avatar CalebsMama05 10:27 PM 03-29-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie
like the minute I go into labor I will pop out a baby? Clueless.
ugh i hate it when people act that way. :
velcromom's Avatar velcromom 10:39 PM 03-29-2006
Quote:
She said that she is worried about the placenta deteriorating if he stays in there "too long."

Send her a link to this page:


http://www.birthlove.com/free/ten_month_mama.html
Peony's Avatar Peony 11:26 PM 03-29-2006
DD was born at 38 weeks, I wasn't prepared mentally yet, I was fully expecting to go to 42 weeks or so. I got all the comments about how lucky I was, I didn't feel lucky I actually felt a little cheated of not being pg for a couple more weeks.
cherubess's Avatar cherubess 11:30 PM 03-29-2006
TV shows and movies have a lot to answer for quite a number of misconceptions about pregnancy and labour :

Yanno baby coming way earlier than expected or going into labour in the most dramatic location or situation.

The majority of women do not suddenly go into full labour immediately which renders us incapable of moving and suddenly popping the baby out within five minutes.
saritabeth's Avatar saritabeth 11:31 PM 03-29-2006
yeah...I was just in the hospital last week with suspected 'early labor' (at 33 weeks and a bit...actually a week ago today..)

Anyway, people keep saying crap to me like 'OOOH you're never gonna make it to your due date" bla bla bla...it makes me really mad especailly since last week we were flirting with a nightmarish NICU experience.

People just **HAVE** to say something and its almost always stupid.
saritabeth's Avatar saritabeth 11:32 PM 03-29-2006
I should add....it makes me mad, but I also know people don't mean anything buy it....its just something to say
Brisen's Avatar Brisen 11:33 PM 03-29-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMB8301
DD was born at 38 weeks, I wasn't prepared mentally yet, I was fully expecting to go to 42 weeks or so. I got all the comments about how lucky I was, I didn't feel lucky I actually felt a little cheated of not being pg for a couple more weeks.
Yeah that. I've never gone longer than 10 days before my due date. I like being pg, and I don't get terribly big and want to spend as much time nice and round as possible. I feel a bit cheated.
dace101's Avatar dace101 05:54 AM 03-30-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noelia430
When I was pg with dd I was at home depot on my EDD. Someone came up to me asked me when I was due and I said, "Well, my due date is today....". The woman looked shocked that I was walking around a store on my due date! She said that I should be at home "just in case" my water broke.
HAHAHAHA! I got his constantly as my due date came and passed. People would almost go into shock when they asked "When are you due?" and I would tell them "last week". They were horrified that I was happily walking around and shopping after my due date, since I could "go into labour at any time"

Exactly 14 days after my EDD, my dc was born. Those last 2 weeks of my pregnancy were actually some of my favourite memories of being pregnant. As my due date passed, I began to feel like a beautiful, swollen Mother Earth contently cradling that special child inside me and protecting until ready to emerge (LOL @ preggo delusions ). Other people were amazed that I was so gloriously positive and joyous at 42 weeks, but for me it was wonderful.

OP, try not to let other people's ignorance get you down. They may want their baby out as soon as possible but it's one of life's miracles to be pregnant, I'm glad you're cherishing it for as long as it may take.
Rhannie's Avatar Rhannie 07:42 AM 03-30-2006
I'm pregnant with my first and not even close to my due date. But I thought I'd share the story of my own birth. I was an 11 month baby. No miscalculations or anything. But I was due to be born on January 1st, taht year was the coldest on record and there was a huge blizzard that week and my mom had no way to get to the hospital. Two weeks later when the roads were cleared and she went to the hospital the doctor tried to induce her. They tried again two weeks after that, and again, the doctor was seriously contemplating a c-section, because the next time he tried to induce I had turned the wrong way. Anyway I ended up being born a full two months after my due date on March 5--healthy and 8 and some odd pounds. The doctor was shocked he'd expected some kind of complications or something, my grandma just laughed saying I was smart enough to know better than leave a nice warm, cozy place to go out into the freezing cold.

My family always tends to run on the long side of pregnancies--I am so not looking forward to the fight I probably will end up having with my doctor when he wants to induce at 41 weeks (that's the norm where I'm living.) I won't let him induce, but I know he will definitely try.

Enjoy the time you have now and when the babe is ready (s)he'll come, might be waiting for a reason--I know I was (who wants to be born in the middle of a blizzard???)
sapphire_chan's Avatar sapphire_chan 11:42 AM 03-30-2006
I just love how all of a sudden they just decided that all babies have the same gestational length.
veganf's Avatar veganf 11:51 AM 03-30-2006
I hear ya!
Whenever anyone asks when I'm due, I just say "August". I don't want to say, well, anytime between July 30th - Sept 2nd, because I'd start getting phone calls mid-July asking if the baby's here yet. : To most people I just refuse to give my actually due date (which even my midwife & I disagree on by 2 days, but we both don't actually care, so it's cool).
But it seems like on every mainstream pregnancy board everyone wants to get induced at 38 weeks or just have a c-section. Drives me nuts. I can't even comment anymore it just irks me so much.

- krista
NaturalMamma's Avatar NaturalMamma 12:33 PM 03-30-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ooey
... but the point is that people are some how missing the fact that babies come in their own time, and due dates are not the word of god.
I could never understand how people forget that little point.

Hey! I think the next time someone makes a comment that bothers you, you should tell them you're only 3 months pg. That should be fun.

cindi
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar MCatLvrMom2A&X 12:55 PM 03-30-2006
I loved being pg and the farther over my due date i was the happier it made me. My only worry with my dd that the ob would soon start threatening induction. DD was 5 days late from my ovulation dating. I would have loved to have carrried her longer had the threat of induction not been over my head I would have really enjoyed it.

With my ds I felt so cheated that I got pre eclampsia my bp was running around 140/100 and i was spilling pretty high levels of protein in my urine they wouldnt let me go to 40 weeks 39 was the cut off. I begged the mw to just give me a few more days but because of there policy if I wanted to have my baby there at the birth center and not at the hospital I had no choice. The induction wasnt bad at all really. I just had my water broke that morning at 930am and left the birth center and went to the mall came back to change clothes and my ctx started so we stayed he was born at 559pm. It still bothers me to this day that he wasnt really born on the day he was supposed to. If that makes any sence.

It was really odd tho that they never once checked my bp while in labor *shrug* go figure.

I had a few people make comments about how they bet i wished it was over with and i would smile and say nope the longer pg i am the better i will like it they would give me the u cant be serious look but it was the 100% truth. I would happily stay pg the rest of my life if I could.
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