How can I love my vagina again? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 55 Old 04-19-2006, 08:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not sure where to post this, but I suppose it fits into the "Beyond" section of this group. This is very embarrassing for me, but I am looking for empathy and advice. I gave birth a little over 1 1/2 yrs. ago to my ds. I'm a single mom so since the birth I haven't really paid much attention to my vagina, that is, until recently. I've finally began dating again. Let me preface this by saying I do remember being in a yoga class shortly after ds was born and not being able to do some of the poses because when I stood up my vagina would make a noise.

Anyway, I don't want to get too graphic, but recently I attempted to get a little physical with someone (not even sex) and that same noisie was there. My vagina kept sucking in air as I moved. How humiliating! I thought by now she would have tightened up a bit. Furthermore, my vagina looks and feel completely different now and I want my old vagina back!!!

Has anyone else experienced this? Are there any ways to change this situation or do I just need to learn to accept her?

Thanks!
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#2 of 55 Old 04-19-2006, 08:59 PM
 
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yes, being pregnant and then giving birth vaginally changes the vagina inexplicably.

kegeling can help some, but mostly it's probably just a thing to get used to.

~claudia
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#3 of 55 Old 04-19-2006, 09:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TurboClaudia
yes, being pregnant and then giving birth vaginally changes the vagina inexplicably.

kegeling can help some, but mostly it's probably just a thing to get used to.
Yep. I have a mommy 'gina now too.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#4 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 03:48 PM
 
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Well, it's a part of life that no one ever told me about....but really, since it's an after-effect of bringing such an amazing being into the world...there's no shame Humor helps!

What you describe happened to me after my second (strangely not after my first or third ) I did lots and LOTS of Kegels...and eventually, things got back to whatever "normal" is now. It certainly was odd! I was like, was that me :


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#5 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 03:57 PM
 
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hi, joining the club.

this is why i have decided that, if i ever get with a different man, he will really have to 'GET IT'. the kind of guy who reads 'cunt' (you should read this book, OP), and attends 'take back the night' marches.

ideally, he will have witnessed birth in some way or another, as a grown up. no more jocular little punks.

i am currently partnered with the same guy that knew my body before it hosted two humans. i have the queefy noises too. i am getting over it. he has helped, one time i had the biggest air bubble fart thing in the world, and i was so not ok with it. i almost let it wreck an otherwise fun romp. and he was so cool, he was very clear about the fact that he really didn't care about it at all. the shoe was kind of on the other foot, really, *I* was the one who was all turned off and he was really encouraging me not to care.

i think we should start wearing 'i have a big noisy cunt' t-shirts. i only want from here on to attract partners who can not only appreciate that fact, but respect and uplift me as i use my big floppy cunt as a tool of connection and unsilencing.

PPFFFFFFFFFPFT!
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#6 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 04:01 PM
 
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MamaQ - you really ARE unoppressed!!!

thank you for this thread. I, too, have some issues with my pre-birth and post birth vagina.
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#7 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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OMG!! : I had this same question and I have been wondering what the heck was the matter with me! I was too embarrassed to call my midwife and ask why my vagina was farting. Does anyone know what causes this?

Blessed mama of four
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#8 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 04:15 PM
 
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Is it sad that I feel like Im missing out on something?
I had an emer-c sec. so I havent experienced any of this. I know about queefing but... uhh.. how does it look different after vag. birth?


.
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#9 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 04:18 PM
 
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The first thing that pops into my mind when reading this is - do you girls all remember your Kegals?

After birth the muscles of the vagina will become looser than they used to be - and if you dont excercise them then they will loose strenght and your vagina will be "bigger". You have a much higher risk of incontinence and yes - the vagina will be more likely to make noices. If you train the muscles back up (you can find lots of guides on the internet about doing after-birth vaginal excercises and kegals) you will get tighter again and not as likely to make noices.

That being said I do lots of kegals and still my vagina makes noice at times during sex but not at other times. DP and I have just come to laugh at it - not much else to do about that...

I gave birth to two children.. I am a woman - and have a womans vagina..

Anyway my advice to you would be to do lots and lots of kegals to train the vagina muscles back up and for you to get used to feeling your vagina again - also when you are not with someone. If you like you can combine Kegals with masturbation.. adds a dimension

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#10 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 04:24 PM
 
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I am : just writing this, but I had the same concerns and have started using a jade egg while doing kegels to get an extra boost. After giving birth, doing kegels just didn't feel like ... anything ... it was all so loose in there. The resistance provided by the jade egg really helps me to feel what is going on while kegeling. I also attach some floss to the egg and gently pull down and against my muscles to provide more of a challenge while kegeling.
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#11 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 04:31 PM
 
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: Why isn't this in the thread about things people wished they knew about the post-partum period? Is this a conspiracy to keep this info from the uninitiate? It's the secret noisy-vagina-club...
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#12 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 05:41 PM
 
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So a friend was reading this thread and called me to laugh (essentially at me) because I recently told her a similar story.

And I thought this make some of you ladies feel a little better considering the fact that I have not had any children.

It so happens that my favorite position is also the same position in which it's easiest for air to sneak it's way into my vagina. So after sex in my favorite position, I have a tendency to deflate. Which was really embarrassing the first time, but now it's just funny.

In fact, the first time it happened I giggled, which made me release another queef, and then I giggled again, and queefed again, and giggled again, and queefed again, and then broke into hysterical laughing as I continuously queefed until all the air was released.

My most recent story, which is why my friend is currently laughing at me, happened the other day. When getting out from my favorite position, I squeefed. What is a squeef you ask? It's when you expell air at such a rapid pace that you actually shoot your lover's semen back at him (in particular, on his left leg). Sometimes I like to refer to it as payback.

So ladies, there's no need to be embarrassed. Sex is just funny. Consider the faces we make and the noises that come from our vocal cords, the humor in sex is all part of the fun of it. And I'm pretty certain, without doing a poll, that every woman has queefed at some point or another whether they've had a vaginal birth or not. And I'll be damned if I have to give up my favorite position just because of a little pussy fart. I understand that getting used to a new body/vagina may be overwhelming but in times of embarrassment just remind yourself "Well, at least I didn't squeef."
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#13 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 05:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yurika47
So a friend was reading this thread and called me to laugh (essentially at me) because I recently told her a similar story.

And I thought this make some of you ladies feel a little better considering the fact that I have not had any children.

It so happens that my favorite position is also the same position in which it's easiest for air to sneak it's way into my vagina. So after sex in my favorite position, I have a tendency to deflate. Which was really embarrassing the first time, but now it's just funny.

In fact, the first time it happened I giggled, which made me release another queef, and then I giggled again, and queefed again, and giggled again, and queefed again, and then broke into hysterical laughing as I continuously queefed until all the air was released.

My most recent story, which is why my friend is currently laughing at me, happened the other day. When getting out from my favorite position, I squeefed. What is a squeef you ask? It's when you expell air at such a rapid pace that you actually shoot your lover's semen back at him (in particular, on his left leg). Sometimes I like to refer to it as payback.

So ladies, there's no need to be embarrassed. Sex is just funny. Consider the faces we make and the noises that come from our vocal cords, the humor in sex is all part of the fun of it. And I'm pretty certain, without doing a poll, that every woman has queefed at some point or another whether they've had a vaginal birth or not. And I'll be damned if I have to give up my favorite position just because of a little pussy fart. I understand that getting used to a new body/vagina may be overwhelming but in times of embarrassment just remind yourself "Well, at least I didn't squeef."

love it! squeefing is no worries around here, as i don't allow any baby batter into my love tunnel....

queef on, women!
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#14 of 55 Old 04-20-2006, 07:37 PM
 
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Oh I'm laughing here. I think I may have squeefed once or twice; thank you for giving it a name Where I'm from the dry ones are known as fanny farts!

I have to agree that exercising your muscles is the best fix and isn't sex the best way of exercising them anyway I don't think its large up there more that it has the capacity to be if it wants to - to let another babe out.

I met my dh when ds2 was 2 years old and he wasn't shocked by the womanly state of my vagina and has not had any complaints. He is the same age as me and I'm more comfortable with my body than any of the non-mum women he had had relationships with before. He has his own bad/funny sex stories anyway!

Its not really any different now after another child and I hope that after this one is born I'll still feel comfortable with myself. Dh had the feeling I was pregnant about when I did (before I missed af) because he said it felt all different in there like the landscape had changed. I don't know about you others but my vagina changes over the different stages of my cycle anyway so the whole pregnancy-giving birth change is just another part of that.
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#15 of 55 Old 04-21-2006, 08:33 PM
 
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Great thread!

Just wanted to add that many women actually don't do kegels right. It is hard to figure out if you're using the right muscles.

Ben-wa Balls can help with this. Basically, you work at holding 1 ball in for a period of time, and then work up to holding 2 balls. It is NOT as easy as it sounds!
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#16 of 55 Old 04-21-2006, 11:17 PM
 
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lol.... glad to not be alone. doing some kegels now.
so ot- but kinda on topic. and embarresing!
Do you pass gas different after you have kids?
Before kids I did not fart.
after #1- I did but they did not smell....
After #2 well you know.
am i lone here too.?
thanks!
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#17 of 55 Old 04-22-2006, 04:40 AM
 
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oh my goodness.... Well for some reason mine is tighter now, after my 6th baby, than before. Who knows why, but i was extremely worried after having so many.
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#18 of 55 Old 04-22-2006, 05:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yurika47
In fact, the first time it happened I giggled, which made me release another queef, and then I giggled again, and queefed again, and giggled again, and queefed again, and then broke into hysterical laughing as I continuously queefed until all the air was released.

My most recent story, which is why my friend is currently laughing at me, happened the other day. When getting out from my favorite position, I squeefed. What is a squeef you ask? It's when you expell air at such a rapid pace that you actually shoot your lover's semen back at him (in particular, on his left leg). Sometimes I like to refer to it as payback.

So ladies, there's no need to be embarrassed. Sex is just funny. Consider the faces we make and the noises that come from our vocal cords, the humor in sex is all part of the fun of it. And I'm pretty certain, without doing a poll, that every woman has queefed at some point or another whether they've had a vaginal birth or not. And I'll be damned if I have to give up my favorite position just because of a little pussy fart. I understand that getting used to a new body/vagina may be overwhelming but in times of embarrassment just remind yourself "Well, at least I didn't squeef."
ahHHh snort! omg my dog's lookin at me funny & i don't need to do abdominals for a few weeks.. thx yurika!




yeah, don't feel weird, i've queefed & am not even a mom yet... just a woman

"When the external begins to define the internal, instead of the internal defining the external, one begins living as a mortal rather than as a universal being." ~ unknown
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#19 of 55 Old 04-22-2006, 05:42 AM
 
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I am another noisy woman who has not even had a baby yet. :

Yurika47, your story had me laughing so hard I couldn't do the Kegels I had been doing while reading this thread.

Wife to J. Mama to DD(3yo) & DS(1yo)
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#20 of 55 Old 04-22-2006, 05:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yurika47
So a friend was reading this thread and called me to laugh (essentially at me) because I recently told her a similar story.

And I thought this make some of you ladies feel a little better considering the fact that I have not had any children.

It so happens that my favorite position is also the same position in which it's easiest for air to sneak it's way into my vagina. So after sex in my favorite position, I have a tendency to deflate. Which was really embarrassing the first time, but now it's just funny.

In fact, the first time it happened I giggled, which made me release another queef, and then I giggled again, and queefed again, and giggled again, and queefed again, and then broke into hysterical laughing as I continuously queefed until all the air was released.

My most recent story, which is why my friend is currently laughing at me, happened the other day. When getting out from my favorite position, I squeefed. What is a squeef you ask? It's when you expell air at such a rapid pace that you actually shoot your lover's semen back at him (in particular, on his left leg). Sometimes I like to refer to it as payback.

So ladies, there's no need to be embarrassed. Sex is just funny. Consider the faces we make and the noises that come from our vocal cords, the humor in sex is all part of the fun of it. And I'm pretty certain, without doing a poll, that every woman has queefed at some point or another whether they've had a vaginal birth or not. And I'll be damned if I have to give up my favorite position just because of a little pussy fart. I understand that getting used to a new body/vagina may be overwhelming but in times of embarrassment just remind yourself "Well, at least I didn't squeef."

This was me last week. Queefing, not squeefing, god that is the best term, did you coin that? I could have sworn we tried to do that position before children with no problem...

Mama to my spirited J, and L, my homebirth: baby especially DTaP, MMR (family vax injuries)
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#21 of 55 Old 04-22-2006, 12:17 PM
 
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LMAO!!!!! You mamas are too hilarious!

Everyone has a little noise now and then I guess, but I Kegel a lot- I remember kegeling a few hours after birth at the advice of my midwife- she said it's important to start as soon as possible after the birth. Dp and I were both amazed that 3 weeks after birth it felt almost exactly like it used to. So Kegel away!:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inca
If you like you can combine Kegals with masturbation.. adds a dimension
no wonder I got back in shape so fast.

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#22 of 55 Old 04-22-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by yurika47
And I'll be damned if I have to give up my favorite position just because of a little pussy fart. I understand that getting used to a new body/vagina may be overwhelming but in times of embarrassment just remind yourself "Well, at least I didn't squeef."
Oh my goodness!!! You totally cracked me up!!! *rofl*
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#23 of 55 Old 04-23-2006, 09:15 PM
 
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Um, I had this when DH and I first got together. No, I'd never had a baby. It was only in one position. It eventually went away; probably about the same time we started TTC and I started taking kegels really seriously.
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#24 of 55 Old 04-24-2006, 03:29 PM
 
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I don't know if aanyone's used the term squeef before but I did think of it on my own... actual my boyfriend and I thought of it together. He's the one that decided the action needed it's own new word. Maybe we'll see if it makes it in the next updated Webster's unabridged.

I should've mentioned that this occurs even though I do my kegels and I'm pretty sure I'm doing them right.

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#25 of 55 Old 04-24-2006, 03:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yurika47
I squeefed. What is a squeef you ask? It's when you expell air at such a rapid pace that you actually shoot your lover's semen back at him (in particular, on his left leg). Sometimes I like to refer to it as payback.
. . .
. And I'll be damned if I have to give up my favorite position just because of a little pussy fart. I understand that getting used to a new body/vagina may be overwhelming but in times of embarrassment just remind yourself "Well, at least I didn't squeef."
That's just too funny.

I BTW am joining the Varters not Anonymous group here. I want to add that- cesarean section or not pregnancy puts enough strech on the vagina and pelvic floor to do this.

KEGAL KEGAL KEGAL. Write reminders to yourself and put one in your car, put one on your comp monitor, put one on the phone, put one on your bathroom mirror, one above the stove. . .etc. . .

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#26 of 55 Old 04-24-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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I made noise before my 1st baby, too. There are definitely positions that fill me with air worse (& one position that I just do not do anymore, ever!) but sometimes my partner just pushes it in during sex. It is embarassing & annoying, but -- my vagina can fill with air, that's just how it works. So I just say "oops, excuse my air" & continue with the romping.

North Idaho rural living  mama to: 23 yo DD, 16 yo DS, 8 yo DS, 6 yo DS, 4 yr old DS, 2 yo DD, and 1 yo DS. And someone new coming this Christmas!
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#27 of 55 Old 05-25-2006, 12:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by yurika47
In fact, the first time it happened I giggled, which made me release another queef, and then I giggled again, and queefed again, and giggled again, and queefed again, and then broke into hysterical laughing as I continuously queefed until all the air was released.

My most recent story, which is why my friend is currently laughing at me, happened the other day. When getting out from my favorite position, I squeefed. What is a squeef you ask? It's when you expell air at such a rapid pace that you actually shoot your lover's semen back at him (in particular, on his left leg). Sometimes I like to refer to it as payback.
: : : :
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#28 of 55 Old 05-29-2006, 01:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zjande
...& one position that I just do not do anymore, ever!...
How many positions are in your repertoire, woman?

Emilie, about the farts: Yes, I fart differently. It's annoying and goes along with the noisy punani. Instead of it rolling backward, it now rolls forward. So it either makes more noise than it used to or goes up inside me and then I queef later. (Or does it count as a queef if it actually started as a fart?) Smell, notsomuch different. Although my vagina smelled different right before and after I had my daughter. And it may be smell a little different still, and I just don't recall exactly.

Who has the "Loving my magic vagina" signature? I can't recall. I should replace mine with "Missing my old vagina." And MamaQ, I think you've given yourself your senior title.

Holy cow. This is straight-up the best thread ever written on any message board ever. Ever. Should we start a tribe? 'Cause I'm in.
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#29 of 55 Old 05-29-2006, 02:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yurika47

My most recent story, which is why my friend is currently laughing at me, happened the other day. When getting out from my favorite position, I squeefed. What is a squeef you ask? It's when you expell air at such a rapid pace that you actually shoot your lover's semen back at him (in particular, on his left leg). Sometimes I like to refer to it as payback.
: : That is F'in awesome!
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#30 of 55 Old 05-29-2006, 03:02 PM
 
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I actually don't have this problem too much...but I had a friend in 8th grade who could make herself queef(a yoni fart) and would do it a lot. It was soooo....funny!
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