After your first birth - did you say "Never Again"? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 91 Old 05-03-2006, 01:34 PM
 
orangebird's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Barack's Camp, and still loving Mah
Posts: 7,820
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, after my first I said "never again!" I also ssaid that after my second and my third
orangebird is offline  
#62 of 91 Old 05-03-2006, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
annakiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: O-hi-o-hi-o
Posts: 16,268
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenniey
wow, you know annakiss, i just can't thank you enough for taking the time to post all that. i mean, i haven't really heard anyone else admit to feeling that way after/during birth. you have given me a lot to think about.
for the record i just wanted to say that i am really impressed with you. i mean, the cleft (and the semi ) sounds like it was so painful to go through.
Quote:
Originally Posted by annakiss
I wish sometimes I could go back and save him.
and this is one of the most profound things i've read in a long time. i am sorry y'all experienced that and at the same time i am so glad to know you feel this emotion for your child. i come from sexual abuse and i say that about my child-self sometimes. i just think it is really beautiful to say that about your own son.

Quote:
Originally Posted by annakiss
Do you really think your births affected who your children are? That's an interesting theory.
short answer: yes.

longer: i see it in them every day. the pregnancy, birth, and infancy experiences. i am not saying that tus (induced, pre-e) is a product of his scary birth, or that oak (ppd) is a product of my mental state, or that cedar (preterm) is a product of bed rest... but in a way, they are. i don't think it defines them, but i do think it is like the first line on blank paper. inevitably, it leads to a greater picture. you can basically eradicate that line but it certainly influenced the painting... i am hopelessly metaphoric.

for instance, throughout tus's preg. i loved animals and life in general. i felt magic everywhere. through oak's i kicked the dogs out of the house and really felt pretty ambivilant towards anything but my own comfort. through cedar i found life to be hilarious, i was happier than ever.
well... you see where i am going? tus speaks of magic constantly. he believes in the universe. he is full of love and compassion. oak has a dry sense of humor and would rather talk about an animal than actually touch it. and cedar was practically laughing when he came out of me.
do you ever feel this correlation b'n your pregnancy state of mind and your sons' personalities?
i don't know. i don't have any proof. but i do think they are all connected. i guess this is what i think about so much.

i don't know why i keep trying to connect things... to find a cause, effect, purpose... sometimes i wish i could just stop. perhaps it is just the search for beauty. that really kind of makes sense.
You know, I spend a lot of time thinking about birth, actually. I'm in a midwifery study group and have only ever been to my own births, so that's the reference I draw from. I spend a LOT of time talking/thinking about my births and birth in general. It's a little ridiculous, though maybe not 3 times a day.

I have always thought that it'd be nice to have circles of women with whom to talk about our births and to help process them. Like after-birth therapy or something. I didn't have it until I moved to this community and found all these wonderful, like-minded mamas. There's also like six or seven different birth meetings in the area, so that fills the need as well. It's a LOT!!! But it is so, so valuable. In fact, if you'd like to speak with me about this over the phone, please PM me and I'll be happy to give you a call.

Thank you so much for your kind words also. I appreciate knowing I'm not talking to myself here. I don't know what to say about the things we've been through. The cleft and the semi are the two great traumas of my life and when I try to think of it and pin it down, or give myself more credit than I deserve for having lived it - I dunno, it just is what it is and there's nothing I can do to change that. Those traumas are awful, but I am not irrevocably damaged for them. Just constantly reminded of the randomness and great unfairness of everything. Then I think of children in Africa and feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself.

I see what you mean now about your kids personalities. My children are now who they were in utero. Aleks moved ALL THE TIME. Sebastian I was convinced was sleeping most of the time, but as it turned out was probably mostly just not moving around much (he's starting to grow out of not moving now, but he's still really calm). I guess there's part of the personalities that in some cases can really inform how a birth happens. Aleks was posterior, and he's still a pain in my back! But I wouldn't classify either of them as in a hurry (well, Aleks maybe, but the birth wasn't soo terribly fast). With Sebastian, I was sick sick sick and didn't want to move at all forEVER. Maybe that's evidence, actually. So I guess I see what you're saying. At first I was looking at what you'd said differently... Oh! And I liked your metaphor! Makes a lot of sense!

I have actually wanted to talk here at MDC about processing birth for a long time, but never knew how to approach the subject. It's hard to just invite people to talk without it having a direction, so thank you so much for your thoughtful responses and questions! I'd love for others to talk about their experiences in relation to what we've discussed. Your line of questioning was right on for me, so again thank you!

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
annakiss is offline  
#63 of 91 Old 05-03-2006, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
annakiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: O-hi-o-hi-o
Posts: 16,268
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99
i literally sobbed and cried for WEEKS because i couldn't bear the thought of ever doing that again, yet i knew i wanted more than just one child....I was literally emotionally devastated...I had panic attacks thinking about it.....i honestly believe i had real PTSD after my birth, the horrific pain of it still blows my mind.......i thought horrible thoughts about how terrible it must have been to have been born before drugs were available, and to know, every time you got pregnant, that you would have to go through that hell again and have no way to do anything about it.....even now, although i am much less emotional about it, i still can't believe that anything on this earth should ever hurt as badly as giving birth.....
I'm so sorry, mama. What about it do you think made your birth so difficult? Where did you give birth?

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
annakiss is offline  
#64 of 91 Old 05-03-2006, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
annakiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: O-hi-o-hi-o
Posts: 16,268
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quagmire
Jeez Annakiss, you are an amazing writer. Glad you had the healing birth you deserved
Thank you so much.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
annakiss is offline  
#65 of 91 Old 05-03-2006, 03:27 PM
 
JennieYoung44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by annakiss
maybe not 3 times a day.
:nana:
Quote:
I have always thought that it'd be nice to have circles of women with whom to talk about our births and to help process them. Like after-birth therapy or something.
yes, exactly. i have often thought that this would be the cure for ppd in many women, myself included. whoa. i can feel my brain filling and need to stop myself before i type a book.
Quote:
So I guess I see what you're saying. At first I was looking at what you'd said differently...
i think that is because i didn't say what i meant. it is really hard for me to put it into words. i am still unsure that i have actually expressed myself accurately.
each of my births and pregs and post-partums have been really different, i'd say as different as my sons are from each other. and each has gotten a label from me:
one: beautiful preg, hard labor, empowering post partum.
two: uneasy (unexpected) pregnancy, empowering labor, hard post partum.
three: empowering preg, strangely difficult labor, beautiful pp.

So, its like with each i was liberated in some way and also faced trials in some way. I think it is just my nature to do this, label everything. but i can't help but think it is important b'c i go back to those things when life starts falling apart. (yes, my life falls apart on a regular basis.)
Quote:
I have actually wanted to talk here at MDC about processing birth for a long time, but never knew how to approach the subject. It's hard to just invite people to talk without it having a direction... I'd love for others to talk about their experiences in relation to what we've discussed.
i second that.

I guess my big question remains, why? Isn't that THE big question though? Why did 3 hurt so much? Why did i get pre-e with 1? Why did i have ppd after such an amazing birth experience with 2? why did 3 come so early? why did 2 not hurt at all? why did i protect 1 so fiercly after his birth? why was i unwilling to try ub? blah blah blah. so i'm looking for the answers.

i know, probably aren't any answers.

Jennie Young

JennieYoung44 is offline  
#66 of 91 Old 05-03-2006, 04:27 PM
 
USAmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Arizona
Posts: 18,763
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Anna, I read this thread when you posted it and I have not known how to reply. I have mentioned my history several times, the abuse, the pain, the trauma. When I went into labor with Abi it was so fast and intense and sudden. It brought back a lot of bad, bad feelings for me. I wanted to run and escape but I would just get knocked over with another wave. It was terrifying that I couldn't turn it off. When I got the epidural it calmed me down and the rest of the birth was as good as an epidural hospital birth can be.

My "never again" came both from the pain of the first birth and the scariness of it, and the whole breastfeeding fiasco with Abi. I didn't want to birth naturally and I didn't want to attempt to bf another child who rejected the breast (ME, her own mommy) for five months, mastitis, plugged ducts, debilitating pain and leaky breasts. So when I went into labor with Nitara I felt the same intensity right away and it scared me again and I got my epidural just as the birth team was showing up (doula, 2 best friends, dh returning from dropping Abi off). They came in and I was happily sitting in bed and did just fine the rest of the birth. No complaints. It was a nice enough birth, and a relief to finally be past that really hard pregnancy that I had.

But the birth was an anticlimax. Even though I know it was probalby the right thing for me at the time, I wonder, what if? What if I had trusted my birth team more? They were all trusted friends, a skilled doula, I knew the doctor respected my choices. I look back and wonder, what if I had just leaned on them for support and surrendered (the control freak that I am) and let labor happen? I know know how easiliy and quickly Nitara came out. It probably wouldn't have lasted long and I would have survived and even felt a sense of accomplishment.

I just attended the homebirth of a close friend. I saw the intimacy of being allowed to labor and birth in your own home, to get into her own bed, to not have nurses coming in every hour disturbing her peace in order to take vitals or pressure her to give formula, or pressuring her to send baby to the nursery for the hearing test. For all the intensity of her birth, and it was very intense the last 3 hours, she emerged at the end a changed person. It was the process of birth that healed her. It was the pain that healed her and made her cross that threshold in herself. It's hard for me to express in words.

My journey and my threshholds were in the mothering of my special needs child (children, actually, but especially Nitara), the daily grueling experiencing of that. The surrender of any plans or dreams for myself until she gets better. Which she is. That process has been painful for me and I have gotten through it. But it's a slow labor. I digress.

My point, Anna, is that although I have never had the experience of a natural childbirth, for better or for worse, part of me envies the women like you who were able to ride their pain and fear and cross that threshold, be initiated into motherhood. You had your own struggles with Alecs I know. But they came later. The first trial was the birth and you made it through that birth. You proved that even though you didn't like it, you could survive the pain and intensity. You found inner strength you didn't know you had, probably. Alecs benefitted from that in the months to come as you had to keep digging down into yourself to help him survive and thrive as he so clearly has, and continues to do.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
USAmma is offline  
#67 of 91 Old 05-03-2006, 11:14 PM
 
hipem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 323
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, I love the mamas here at MDC...so wise.

I'll start by saying I am a pregnancy and birth junky. I LOVED being pregnant and was so excited to give birth. My first birth was not as I expected (whose is?) - 54 hours of labor, 14 hours of active labor (over 8 hours at 5 cm.), 3+ hours of pushing (awkward positioning, nuchal hand) but man, when I pushed her out - ecstatic birth! I do remember thinking a couple of times "no wonder people ask for drugs for this." And even though by most people's standards I had had a hellish birth...I felt strong and happy.

I became a doula and learned everything I could about birth and about positioning before labor so I wouldn't repeat what had happened with dd. Well, my babies are maybe just troublesome being born...

I was 42+3 weeks with ds and so ready for him to come. I really intended to wait him out but my feeling was that it was time and for some reason he wasn't coming. So I did castor oil. It took affect around 1am. By 1:30 I could tell that he contractions were regular. At 2:30 I was contributing the intensity to the castor oil. At 3:30 I told dh to call everyone. (At 5:00am my homebirth midwife came by to check me...she says "you're 3 cm. and today is the day" and follows that with "I'm on call at the hospital and cannot get out of it. My back up is at her brother's funeral today and is not available. My assistant will stay with you and when it's time, I want you to come to the hospital to deliver" wtf?! So, my plan is that if this baby's going to be born without any trouble, her assistant can catch, and I guess plan b was the hospital but in my mind this baby was being born at home...more on this later) I don't remember when I realized it was back labor but I do remember thinking "this is what it is like when my clients say/yell 'my back, somebody push on my back'". So, it was pretty excruciating even between contractions. And this baby, he just would not turn...we did everything. The nice thing with this birth is that I continued to dilate and make progress which was the one thing I was worried about after last time. Eventually, my midwife's backup came (the assistant was also her apprentice and had kept in touch all morning) and helped me get ds out. More than anything she convinced me with her eyes that I *could* do it, in fact that I had no choice. She had me do all sorts of things that I would've never done if anyone else had suggested them (I had to put my foot on a birth stool, lunge and push...egads...I do not ever want to do that again!). In fact, this is when I had that thought...I will never do this again, anyone who would is insane, I can't believe I'm doing this now, I will never do this again, etc. After 40 minutes of intense, all-I-had kind of pushing ds was born sunny-side-up. He didn't breathe right away. The midwife blew two breaths into him and then he started. As soon as he was breathing I didn't want anything to do with him...I told dh to take him and I laid there in shock.

I still feel so bad that I handed him off but I was in so much pain. You can see how babies are supposed to come out with the top/back of their heads allowing for the right angle...I still look at his head and think about how wrong it felt to have him come out the way he did. TMI - it felt like he was coming out of my butt and it was awful. That said, within a few hours I was so happy that I had my homebirth and had my baby. But my recovery time was intense. First, I had to physically recover - my back and tailbone required months of chiropractic work and a lot of daily pain. About 5 months PP I started having, I guess, flashbacks to the birth while in the shower or during sex. It took me a while to figure out that I had major abandonment issues to work out with my midwife. I did work through a lot of it and then went to talk to her about it. By 7-8 months PP I felt largely healed.

For anyone who is still reading...that said, it took me a while to want to attend any more births but that came back too. I love attending births. I adore the intensity. I cry every time. I love witnessing others become parents. And I really hope to have another child and will do everything to get the birth I know is possible but I still really scared that I will have another persistant posterior...

Sorry for the incredibly long post...I think maybe I'll always be healing from that experience.
hipem is offline  
#68 of 91 Old 05-04-2006, 01:49 AM
 
jennica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,792
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had a traumatic hospital birth with my son almost one year ago. I just have one thing to say about the pain. I always see it described as coming from a certain place in someone's body, like their stomach or their back for instance, and I guess at the very beginning of my labor that is how I could describe my pain too. My labor was very fast for a first time mom, 6 hours total, 3 in the hospital. Anyway, once I got to the hospital and the fear and panic set in, I felt like the pain was no longer coming from my own body. At least I didn't feel like it was in my stomach or in my back or wherever, I felt like it was everywhere, throughout my whole body, throughout the whole room, and I was just engulfed in the pain. I felt like I couldn't contain it, which maybe doesn't even make sense. The only time that it was contained inside of me was when I was briefly in the shower and then when I was given nubain about an hour before I pushed him out. It was the most horrible thing I've ever experienced, and I think the pain itself greatly contributed to my ptsd, however there are several other factors as well. At first I wanted to give birth again right away and get it right the next time, and I am obsessed with my birth experience and birth in general. But lately I am starting to think that maybe giving birth again might not be such a good thing. Experiencing that kind of pain again is something I never want to go through, and since going back to the hospital isn't even an option, neither are drugs, and I wouldn't want them anyway. Reading how some of you had great home births, but the pain still made it traumatic, that is kind of scary. I was counting on the fact that if it was a home birth with a good (preferably hands-off) midwife, it wouldn't be as scary, therefore it wouldn't be as painful. But if it is going to be extremely, traumatically painful anyway, then I just don't know if I can face that again.
jennica is offline  
#69 of 91 Old 05-04-2006, 03:35 AM
 
Lizzardbits's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Southwestern Minnesota
Posts: 853
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son's father was talking about the next kid and the next time while I was going through my Pit induced labor--that made me say never again. But mostly to a medical birth that i felt COMPLETELY out of control, and was so INTRUSIVE (uggh like the day after birth, a nurse-in-training comes in to check my intact, non torn peri-area. I didn't know her, never seen her in my life, but i thought that I HAD to comply. She checks, and loudly announces to myself and those who were in the room that were cuddling my son "Oh, You have HEMORRHOIDS!"~Gee thanks lady....)

My daughter's birth, albeit hosp/AROM/nubain birth, was empowering and I knew that had I not gone to the hosp, been strapped to the monitors, I could have done it med free. I wanted a homebirth, but couldn't have it. I wanted med free, and I slept through my ctx until my mother woke me up and had been timing my ctx and told me that it was time to go to the hosp. had I been allowed to labor naturally, without the "temptation" of drugs, I could have had her at home quite easily. Pushing her out was quick, easy, tear-free, and painless. Infact, the doc in the other room didn't have time to make it into my room and the nurse "glided" her to the bed, and I snatched her up. "mine". I figured that she'd be my last baby, not because I didn't want any more, I just accepted that I was going to be a single mommy for the rest of my life.

Now, I have a great fiance' and we talk a lot about having a baby. I can't wait. I loved being pregnant and I know that I can love giving birth. I loved breastfeeding and I love being a parent to my son and daughter and I may have the possibility that I may get to love another "fruit of my womb"

Karin, Wife to Dear Sweet English Husband~Soon to be Legally American. Mom to Zach~13, Lily~9, Alex~2, and Izzy or Zeke arriving July 2010! Living a life full of LOVE!
Lizzardbits is offline  
#70 of 91 Old 05-04-2006, 03:59 AM
 
Lizzardbits's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Southwestern Minnesota
Posts: 853
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh I wanted to add that my Dad told my mom never again after she about died after 60 some hours of labor with my older brother. (after hearing the story of her being dazed with pain, cervix being stuck at 5-6cm for 10 hours, and then doc bracing both his feet on the delivery table as he pulled on my brother's head and neck because he was stuck, This is one case that I truely think a C would have been necessary) The birth seemed more traumatic on him than my Mom, and he was an RN! So they decided that she'd get an IUD.

Mom despirately wanted another baby, specifically a girl, so when my brother was 6 years old, she went into the doctors and had the IUD removed unbeknownst to my father. 2 months later, I was concieved and my Dad was so mad at my mom, he hardly spoke to her for a month after she told him that she was pg! My birth wasn't too great, but she said that it was almost pleasant compared to my older brother's birth. The biggest problem was that she was at the same teaching hosp that my son was born, and a nurse-in-training started my mother on the same amount of pitocin that they stopped with the night before so my mom could rest. dumb dumb N-I-T, that is a real good way to ensure that pit lives up to it's ablity to rupture wombs.

My younger brother was a surprise to both my parents and they were both happy with him. he was my mom's easiest pg and labor. she said that she was 44weeks with him, he was 10 pounds even and his placenta was starting to get reabsorbed(?) (can a placenta start to be reabsorbed after so many weeks pg?)

Mom had a m/c within a year after my younger brother's birth, and when she had the d&c she just decided that she would have a TL. she couldn't bare the trauma and heartbreak (nor do i blame her) so that was her true "never again"

Karin, Wife to Dear Sweet English Husband~Soon to be Legally American. Mom to Zach~13, Lily~9, Alex~2, and Izzy or Zeke arriving July 2010! Living a life full of LOVE!
Lizzardbits is offline  
#71 of 91 Old 05-04-2006, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
annakiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: O-hi-o-hi-o
Posts: 16,268
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennica
I had a traumatic hospital birth with my son almost one year ago. I just have one thing to say about the pain. I always see it described as coming from a certain place in someone's body, like their stomach or their back for instance, and I guess at the very beginning of my labor that is how I could describe my pain too. My labor was very fast for a first time mom, 6 hours total, 3 in the hospital. Anyway, once I got to the hospital and the fear and panic set in, I felt like the pain was no longer coming from my own body. At least I didn't feel like it was in my stomach or in my back or wherever, I felt like it was everywhere, throughout my whole body, throughout the whole room, and I was just engulfed in the pain. I felt like I couldn't contain it, which maybe doesn't even make sense. The only time that it was contained inside of me was when I was briefly in the shower and then when I was given nubain about an hour before I pushed him out. It was the most horrible thing I've ever experienced, and I think the pain itself greatly contributed to my ptsd, however there are several other factors as well. At first I wanted to give birth again right away and get it right the next time, and I am obsessed with my birth experience and birth in general. But lately I am starting to think that maybe giving birth again might not be such a good thing. Experiencing that kind of pain again is something I never want to go through, and since going back to the hospital isn't even an option, neither are drugs, and I wouldn't want them anyway. Reading how some of you had great home births, but the pain still made it traumatic, that is kind of scary. I was counting on the fact that if it was a home birth with a good (preferably hands-off) midwife, it wouldn't be as scary, therefore it wouldn't be as painful. But if it is going to be extremely, traumatically painful anyway, then I just don't know if I can face that again.
I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic birth experience, mama. It really sounds like you are describing fear that came with being in the hospital and contributed to pain - a lack of love and support maybe from being surrounded by strangers?

I have had two homebirths and I must say that though the births were painful, I don't want you to think I'm saying the pain traumatized me in any way. With my first birth, the pain was constant and intense and I couldn't, in the moments immediately following birth, see wanting to do it again, though eventually I did want to do it again. I think that my urge to not do it again was, as I said, colored by two factors: one - birth is hard work and can be very painful (I also know that some people can experience painless births, though I would never want to expect that) and two - my son was born with a cleft lip and palate that made the end product complicated and contributed to the altering of the hormonal interplay between us. I felt traumatized by the outcome and not the birth. As time went on, I fixed on something important about the pain of birth: (for the most part) it's one day. I also learned that I CAN do it, and time gave me the opportunity to integrate this idea and to feel good about myself.

Despite how hard birth is, the lesson I took away from it is that I am an incredible, empowered lady and that I take responsibility for my body and myself. I see this as battling oppression in a general sense because so many people don't take that responsibility and aren't making informed choices because they're not given the information they need to do so. Birth made me a birth advocate (and consequently becoming a mother made me a lactivist and an intactivist and a CD advocate and an AP/NFL nutcase). More importantly, birth made me a mother. I learned all I ever needed to know about being a mother in labor - I learned to let go and give myself over to the waves of my body working properly. Sometimes I look back to that and remind myself that I cannot control my children any more than I can control that runaway train of labor.

My point is that I don't want you to take our posts here to mean that you will have a second traumatic birth experience because we're not all talking about traumatic births here. I don't feel that just because I said "never again" immediately after my first birth instead of "I wanna run a marathon" means that it wasn't an empowering experience. It was just hard and shocking (much like the rest of my experiences in motherhood). That's my journey though. You have your own. I'm not saying you should absolutely have other children - that's up to you, but I'd hate for you to fear birth based on what was said in this thread.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
annakiss is offline  
#72 of 91 Old 05-04-2006, 01:04 PM
 
hipem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 323
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
, jennica.

I wanted to second what annakiss said. My post was...well...it is still hard for me to put into words what happened without making it sound awful. I think it was traumatic at the time but that really is not how I remember it. After doing what I did, I feel like there is nothing I cannot do. As hard and painful as it was, it doesn't seem the same as what you described. I had a malpositioned baby, so my pain was not labor pain, it was back (and bottom) pain. Annakiss said it best:

"That's my journey though. You have your own. I'm not saying you should absolutely have other children - that's up to you, but I'd hate for you to fear birth based on what was said in this thread."

OT: I have found it difficult to work through my not ideal homebirth because it is hard to find a safe space to discuss homebirth in general. And I don't want anyone to think I regret it or don't support homebirth because nothing could be further from the truth.
hipem is offline  
#73 of 91 Old 05-05-2006, 09:21 AM
 
JennieYoung44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
First of all hipem, I really appreciated your post. Thank you for taking the time to write it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hipem
My first birth was not as I expected (whose is?) - 54 hours of labor, 14 hours of active labor (over 8 hours at 5 cm.), 3+ hours of pushing (awkward positioning, nuchal hand) but man, when I pushed her out - ecstatic birth! I do remember thinking a couple of times "no wonder people ask for drugs for this." And even though by most people's standards I had had a hellish birth...I felt strong and happy.
When I read this I kept looking back over it... she didn't have any drugs? Seriously, that is an intense birth experience. When it lasts so long like that, I know, it is just freakin' hard to handle. I have always felt that if for my first birth I hadn't succumbed to the midwife pressuring me to "have a little nubain" I would have come away from a hellish birth feeling (as you felt) "strong and happy." Your post has helped me feel that conviction again.
Quote:
I was 42+3 weeks with ds and so ready for him to come. I really intended to wait him out but my feeling was that it was time and for some reason he wasn't coming. So I did castor oil. It took affect around 1am. By 1:30 I could tell that he contractions were regular. At 2:30 I was contributing the intensity to the castor oil. At 3:30 I told dh to call everyone. (At 5:00am my homebirth midwife came by to check me...she says "you're 3 cm.
And this, wow, somehow I thought you were going to say 5 or 6... to me 3 would have been really disappointing. Did you feel that way at all? This is the main reason I hate checks... if you don't have them done, you don't know. It really shouldn't be about how far into it you are. I mean, I was dilated to 3 cms for a week, and 5 cms for 5 days... and believe me, I was freaking out. I kept expecting things to speed up and start, and it was almost 2 weeks from that first check to my actual labor.
Quote:
About 5 months PP I started having, I guess, flashbacks to the birth while in the shower or during sex. It took me a while to figure out that I had major abandonment issues to work out with my midwife. I did work through a lot of it and then went to talk to her about it. By 7-8 months PP I felt largely healed.
These "abandonment issues..." tell me, have you ever worked them out? If so, how? I've never applied those words to my feelings about my first birth, but now that I have they are helping me somehow to process that "failure." I've said it before, my midwife left my birth to go home, her shift was up, just as they were starting the pitocin drip on me (induction, pre-eclampsia). As in, just when I REALLY needed her eyes on me, her hands checking me, her voice comforting me... she went home. And left me with a hospital happy med-wife I'd met twice. I guess I never got the chance to talk to her about it. At our 6 week appointment she was all smiles and some intern was in to watch and learn and she kept saying, "healthy baby, happy mama..." To this day I cringe when I hear those words. I thought I saw tears in my original midwife's eyes. But I can't be sure. I cried a little about how disappointing the birth was. I said, "I don't think I want any more babies... I can't go through that again. I thought birth was supposed to be natural and beautiful, I expected it to hurt, but I didn't know it would be so traumatizing." I needed to say, "you said you wouldn't leave. why did you leave me? after you left they held me down and checked my dilation and i felt like i was being raped again. they checked me like that 7 times." But the intern was there so I never said it. It is still so raw and it is 2 births, 4 years, later.
I've been told that it is unusual for an abuse survivor to have a natural, vaginal birth. After that first birth I thought they were right. But then, with my next two births, where my midwife KNEW me and my past and knew not to do vaginal exams on me especially DURING a contraction, I've never had flashbacks and unnatural pain. My 3rd birth hurt A LOT, I don't know why, but nothing has ever come close to the pain of my first birth.

I'm sorry, I know I am all over the board with this post. I'm just getting it out I guess. Because of this thread my last 3 night's dreams have been birthing babies! (this is good, i love dreams about that. of course dh is flipping out, "you can't be pregnant, i am fixed...")

Jennie Young

JennieYoung44 is offline  
#74 of 91 Old 05-05-2006, 09:46 AM
 
momto l&a's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Idaho
Posts: 13,235
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have had 3 births, all at home and all quick IMO.

Right after my first was born I said I was ready to have another, my mw said thats not something she hears often. That birth was very empowering even though painful. I am woman hear me roar : type of feeling.

After my second I again was immediately ready to have another. easy birth.

After my third I didn't even feel like I had just birthed the child. The only thing that reminded me I had just had a baby was changing my pad all the time. It was a fast and easy birth. She was 3 weeks late. Again wanted to have another right away.
momto l&a is offline  
#75 of 91 Old 05-05-2006, 12:04 PM
 
jennica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,792
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
annakiss & hipum,

Don't worry, this thread will not determine whether or not I give birth again. I understand both of your personal experiences and why you both felt the way you did about them. Contemplating the pain of my experience and how that contributed to the problems I had afterward is kind of where I'm at right now, so this thread just hit me the wrong way at first. I think I had myself convinced that I would not experience that much pain if I had total control of my setting and the people there next time. Reading this thread is a good reality check for me. It is better to know going in that it will be amazingly painful and that may be hard and shocking and upsetting, but it doesn't have to mean that I will have the same effect from it as I did with my son's birth.
jennica is offline  
#76 of 91 Old 05-05-2006, 01:08 PM
 
onlyboys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: FL
Posts: 3,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have had four natural births. I have hated pushing so much each time that I think, "I will never do this again." With my last, I knew it was my last time pushing. I said to my friend who was there, "Thank god I don't have to do this again."

And, 7 months later, I still feel that way. But, that said, I still love birth and I still think natural birth is healthy and natural.
onlyboys is offline  
#77 of 91 Old 05-05-2006, 06:56 PM
 
torinsmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Stumptown USA
Posts: 40
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
After 5 weeks I am thinking about it - although at the time I was saying "never again" mostly because of fear of similar complications. Although I had planned a homebirth, I transferred care to hosp due to pre-eclampsia at ~38.5 weeks. My vision of active labor went down the tubes with IVs (MgSO4 & Pit) and ended in a c/s, a disappointing far cry from the waterbirth I was hoping for. (Yes, of course I'm happy we're all safe & healthy, but...)

I was worried initially that a future pg would have similar results, to the point of thinking that it would be safer just to adopt. Didn't help matters that the OBs attending were saying things like "this hospital USED to do VBACs, but hardly any OBs support them anymore..."

Then an acquaintance told me about a friend of hers that had pre-ecl. ending in a c/s for her first, but 4 subsequent healthy/complication-free VBAC births. I'm now feeling much better and hopeful about future prospects.
torinsmomma is offline  
#78 of 91 Old 05-05-2006, 07:11 PM
 
EarthyLady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Central US
Posts: 1,073
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Well, I for sure said never again will I let them cut me!

But, after my vag. birth I said that I would do it the same way again if we have more kids. I also said that I realize now why many people opt for the drugs and that I have a better understanding of them. I went totally drug free for a 36 hour labor....but probably only because I have a lot of knowledge and a deep passion for drug free birth.

Mandy

Mandy - chicken3.gif  candle.gif candle.gif novaxnocirc.gif  hbac.gif  h20homebirth.gif  h20homebirth.gif  goorganic.jpg  homeschool.gif

EarthyLady is offline  
#79 of 91 Old 05-06-2006, 12:24 AM
 
hipem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 323
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenniey
When I read this I kept looking back over it... she didn't have any drugs?
Dd was born at a birth center so no real pain relievers were available. After 40 hours of labor I did allow a shot of stadol - which did nothing for the pain but did allow me to sleep between contractions (like 3 minutes at a time ...sigh) for about 60-90 minutes. I didn't leave it out of my story on purpose...I always forget that I had it. I don't regret having it but it didn't do much for me either way.

Quote:
And this, wow, somehow I thought you were going to say 5 or 6... to me 3 would have been really disappointing. Did you feel that way at all?
I definitely wish she had been able to tell me I was further along. But after waiting for labor for so long, I was just happy to know that this was "it".

Quote:
This is the main reason I hate checks... if you don't have them done, you don't know. It really shouldn't be about how far into it you are.
If I have a next time...there will not be checks like that. I know that now.

Quote:
These "abandonment issues..." tell me, have you ever worked them out? If so, how?
I do think I've worked them out. I did a lot of thinking and reading. I spoke a lot with friends I felt safe with (i.e. people who fully support homebirth). I saw my accupuncturist a couple of times for this specifically. Then I worked up my courage (I tend to avoid confrontation) and I went to see my midwife and spoke candidly about how I felt that day and how hard of a time I had been having with it. Just before ds turned one I doula'ed at a homebirth where she was the midwife. I was nervous about it but was truly able to enjoy working with her and did not harbor any bad feelings about it. That said, I'm not sure whether I will be able to go back to see her again personally...even for well woman visits. But that is a decision I am comfortable with.

Quote:
I've said it before, my midwife left my birth to go home, her shift was up, just as they were starting the pitocin drip on me (induction, pre-eclampsia). As in, just when I REALLY needed her eyes on me, her hands checking me, her voice comforting me... she went home. And left me with a hospital happy med-wife I'd met twice.
I'm so sorry about that, mama. You know, I always expect midwives to be super-women but they are people and they make mistakes. I'm just sorry that she abandoned you.

Quote:
I guess I never got the chance to talk to her about it. At our 6 week appointment she was all smiles and some intern was in to watch and learn and she kept saying, "healthy baby, happy mama..." To this day I cringe when I hear those words. I thought I saw tears in my original midwife's eyes. But I can't be sure. I cried a little about how disappointing the birth was. I said, "I don't think I want any more babies... I can't go through that again. I thought birth was supposed to be natural and beautiful, I expected it to hurt, but I didn't know it would be so traumatizing." I needed to say, "you said you wouldn't leave. why did you leave me? after you left they held me down and checked my dilation and i felt like i was being raped again. they checked me like that 7 times." But the intern was there so I never said it. It is still so raw and it is 2 births, 4 years, later.
I've been told that it is unusual for an abuse survivor to have a natural, vaginal birth. After that first birth I thought they were right. But then, with my next two births, where my midwife KNEW me and my past and knew not to do vaginal exams on me especially DURING a contraction, I've never had flashbacks and unnatural pain. My 3rd birth hurt A LOT, I don't know why, but nothing has ever come close to the pain of my first birth.
, mama. You know, abuse survivors really need a special kind of support, especially for natural, drugfree birth. Penny Simpkin has done a lot of research and writing about this. She gives seminars for doulas to learn how to support these moms through childbirth. I'm so glad that your midwife for your subsequent births was able to offer you the support that you needed the first time.

I know there are various programs/seminars for women who need to heal from birth experiences. Maybe looking into that or just writing it all out would allow you to work through what you felt like you should have said at your 6 week pp visit. Maybe you could even write that midwife a letter or speak with her...you never know how many other moms you might help.

Quote:
Because of this thread my last 3 night's dreams have been birthing babies! (this is good, i love dreams about that. of course dh is flipping out, "you can't be pregnant, i am fixed...")
Ha. I love dreams about birth. I've had a recurring one since my ds was born that is unassisted and beautiful and EASY...keep dreamin'.
hipem is offline  
#80 of 91 Old 05-06-2006, 02:18 AM
 
tash11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: OH
Posts: 744
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
in the middle of a contration (I think it was a transition one) I thought "and you want to do this again?!?" and would have said it if my husband (or anyone) had been in the room, but I was alone in the shower while my husband was getting/doing something else for me. but after it was over I was ok with doing it again.... just not anytime soon. Now (at 3 months) I am looking forward to having another newborn.

btw-I did a home birth. one midwife showed up 15 min before the birth. the other two showed up after. I liked that. it was a 10.5 hour labour. I slept twice, and we ordered pizza in the middle. it was great.
tash11 is offline  
#81 of 91 Old 05-06-2006, 12:19 PM
 
JennieYoung44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
double post

Jennie Young

JennieYoung44 is offline  
#82 of 91 Old 05-06-2006, 12:20 PM
 
JennieYoung44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by hipem
, mama. You know, abuse survivors really need a special kind of support, especially for natural, drugfree birth. Penny Simpkin has done a lot of research and writing about this. She gives seminars for doulas to learn how to support these moms through childbirth. I'm so glad that your midwife for your subsequent births was able to offer you the support that you needed the first time.
Thank you for all of your responses, but especially for this. I have read Penny but never in this context (just the Birth Partner, and an Unassissted Birth Book...? i think) I really like her style so will have to check it out. Thank you so much for your support and kindness.
I'd say the most important lesson i learned about birth as an abuse survivor is: NO DILATION CHECKS! I have to go into a very small and private place in myself to get through the transitional contractions, to be checked is so physical, and really distracting. I now know, from experience, that once the pitocin was started in my first labor that the contractions were all just like the transition contrx. So, every cervix check they did, and they did a LOT, were done when I was in the throws of those intense ones. No wonder it traumatized me. In a lot of ways, birth completed my healing from sexual abuse, but it also opened a new kettle of fish in terms of dealing with the labor. I didn't expect that.

Jennie Young

JennieYoung44 is offline  
#83 of 91 Old 05-07-2006, 03:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
annakiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: O-hi-o-hi-o
Posts: 16,268
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by USAmma
But the birth was an anticlimax. Even though I know it was probalby the right thing for me at the time, I wonder, what if? What if I had trusted my birth team more? They were all trusted friends, a skilled doula, I knew the doctor respected my choices. I look back and wonder, what if I had just leaned on them for support and surrendered (the control freak that I am) and let labor happen? I know know how easiliy and quickly Nitara came out. It probably wouldn't have lasted long and I would have survived and even felt a sense of accomplishment.

I just attended the homebirth of a close friend. I saw the intimacy of being allowed to labor and birth in your own home, to get into her own bed, to not have nurses coming in every hour disturbing her peace in order to take vitals or pressure her to give formula, or pressuring her to send baby to the nursery for the hearing test. For all the intensity of her birth, and it was very intense the last 3 hours, she emerged at the end a changed person. It was the process of birth that healed her. It was the pain that healed her and made her cross that threshold in herself. It's hard for me to express in words.

My journey and my threshholds were in the mothering of my special needs child (children, actually, but especially Nitara), the daily grueling experiencing of that. The surrender of any plans or dreams for myself until she gets better. Which she is. That process has been painful for me and I have gotten through it. But it's a slow labor. I digress.

My point, Anna, is that although I have never had the experience of a natural childbirth, for better or for worse, part of me envies the women like you who were able to ride their pain and fear and cross that threshold, be initiated into motherhood. You had your own struggles with Alecs I know. But they came later. The first trial was the birth and you made it through that birth. You proved that even though you didn't like it, you could survive the pain and intensity. You found inner strength you didn't know you had, probably. Alecs benefitted from that in the months to come as you had to keep digging down into yourself to help him survive and thrive as he so clearly has, and continues to do.
Darshani, I wanted to reply to this the other day but got side-tracked (as usual)... Thank you for sharing your story with us. I imagine that when you spend as much time here at MDC as you and I do, that it would be difficult to not internalize some of the messages about what the proper way to do things is. I know I struggle with that myself at times. I have to keep reminding myself that that's the thing about birth - it can't be controlled and our experiences are never going to be perfect as that is utterly impossible. Even with my last birth, which was so healing for me, there are things that I would change. It seems so silly in retrospect that I spent sooo much time in pregnancy focusing on how I wanted that birth to go (despite at the same time trying to "release myself from expectation"). It's just impossible to dictate and it is easy to want to change things when looking back as though experience were a menu we could choose from.

I wish that as women we could be happy with our experiences (all the men I know seem to be just fine with their own) and focus on the good in them instead of nit-picking all the tiny imperfections. Sometimes we need to acknowledge that it is what it needs to be, which it sounds like you are doing. But the nagging "what if"s don't realy go away, do they? I'm sure as our children get older these questions will diminish with time, but for now, even a year ago, two, three years ago - there are always questions, reflections, as though birth were still such a part of our life. I know that for me I spend so much time thinking about it because of my fascination with birth and because my own birthing led me to want to become a midwife. I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's very late and I am very tired.

You are right about birth as that initiation. I feel so glad to have been born into this family that I could have the trust of birth so innately. It's just lucky it all worked out how it did.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
annakiss is offline  
#84 of 91 Old 06-03-2006, 03:41 PM
 
ACesPlace's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow! This is the most pro-birth, pro-natural childbirth site I've seen, and you all had some horrible experiences as reported on this thread. No wonder someone would say never again!:
ACesPlace is offline  
#85 of 91 Old 06-03-2006, 05:06 PM
 
savithny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,820
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It was the first few weeks with a cluster-feeding infant, trying to figure out this nursing thing, etc.

After my first was born - I was energized, excited, overcome by the awesome experience I'd just had. Higher than a kite on endorphins, probably Not exactly dancing around singing "Lets have another one 9 months from now," but "Wow, look what I did! That was amazing!"

(and by awesome - I mean, "Filled me with awe.")

But going home and living hundreds of miles from family and most of my friends in a town we'd moved to not long before having no friends with babies yet and very few examples of parenting to have watched, and figuring out our nursing relationship... *that* was hard.

#2's birth was also a powerful experience and left me wired and amazed - but since #1 was 9 pounds and #2 was 10 pounds, it also left me saying "hm, #3 woudl be 11 or 12 pounds. Yikes!"

savithny, 42 year old moderate mom to DS Primo (age 12) and DD Secunda (age 9).

savithny is offline  
#86 of 91 Old 06-03-2006, 07:43 PM
 
RockStarMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: California
Posts: 1,272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I must have really overestimated the amount of pain involved, because I didn't think it was that bad. I remember telling my mom during my labor that it wasn't at all as bad as my morning sickness had been.
The thing that made me think, "Never again" was realizing that there's this little person who you care about more than yourself and you can't always be there with them to protect them and comfort them. That was the shocking, painful, intense feeling that you can't prepare for.
RockStarMom is offline  
#87 of 91 Old 06-03-2006, 08:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
annakiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: O-hi-o-hi-o
Posts: 16,268
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ACesPlace
Wow! This is the most pro-birth, pro-natural childbirth site I've seen, and you all had some horrible experiences as reported on this thread. No wonder someone would say never again!:
I am still pro-birth and pro-natural childbirth 100%. I love birth. I think it's amazing and am studying to be a midwife, but there is still a lot to process with it. I really don't want you to get the wrong impression.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
annakiss is offline  
#88 of 91 Old 06-03-2006, 09:15 PM
 
Quagmire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Quahog, RI
Posts: 1,830
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ACesPlace
Wow! This is the most pro-birth, pro-natural childbirth site I've seen, and you all had some horrible experiences as reported on this thread. No wonder someone would say never again!:
I didn't get that at all from this thread. In fact a lot of women reported bad first *hospital* births, with a fantastic homebirth as a second.

Labor hurts, sure, for a lot of people. But eventually it's over and you have this amazing baby in your arms. There's nothing like that in the whole world.

I had an epidural for my first. I got it because that was "standard" and I didn't put a lot of thought or research into the decision. I'm really looking forward to this next birth because I hated the sensation of being disconnected from my body and the amazing process it was going through. When you think about the fact that a woman's body can make a whole other human being out of a bunch of cells - nourish it for 9 months, and then push it out of her body when it's cooked - well... I understand why that famous birth video is called "The Miracle of Life." It truly is a miracle!
Quagmire is offline  
#89 of 91 Old 06-03-2006, 10:46 PM
 
thefragile7393's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 2,857
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I said this even though I had the best birth in the world (imo: ) I had a waterbirth and didn't even want to LOOK at water for the next few days. Now, of course, I've completely changed my mind and want to do it again down the road

fambedsingle2.gifnovaxnocirc.gifHappy to be a mommy and teacher to D fencing.gif, born 1-17-06 via waterbirth.jpg  and A  blahblah.gif, born 10-6-08 with a homebirth.jpghomeschool.gif

thefragile7393 is offline  
#90 of 91 Old 06-03-2006, 10:57 PM
 
boscopup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,003
Mentioned: 4 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
I think it's important to note that most of us who said we'd never do it again ended up doing it again or are planning to do it again. Those who had really horrible traumatic experiences might choose a different method of doing it again (ie, if they had a bad hospital experience, they might birth at home next time, etc.). I am one who said I'd never do it again, and look at me - I'm 15.5 weeks pregnant, and this was completely planned! I'm excited about my next birth! I can't wait! I've educated myself on how I can change things with this next birth, so that the experiences I didn't like with the first one won't happen again. Some things I can't control (like preterm baby - that was part of my experience last time), but some I can. And by educating myself, I'm empowering myself.

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
boscopup is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off