Sterilization to avoid cesarean :( - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 57 Old 05-07-2006, 11:22 AM
 
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double post

Tracy, doula and Army wife and homeschooling mama to A and E
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#32 of 57 Old 05-07-2006, 01:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz
Sorry if I offended anyone by praising c-sections but I stand benhind my statement. I feel that it is the attitude against all, even necessary c-sections in the natural parenting world that leads many woman to be traumatized by having a c-birth. They are made to feel less than and lectured about having a less than "natural" birth.

For example, in our local AP group two women were recently pregnant. Both went for a Vbac. One was successful but the other woman ended up with another c-section after hours of labor (no drugs). The first woman was celebrated as a hero. The second woman was told "I'm so sorry for you." People in the group did not celebrate her birth. She was made to feel like she "failed." It made me soooooo upset.

I have had militant women tell me that my two planned c-births were unneccessary without even knowing anything about my medical history! Just the fact that I had a c-section was enough for me to be judged.

Sorry but it happens! What traumatizes women about c-sections is sometimes that attitude of other women, not the birth itself. C-sections should be viewed as potentially lifesaving methods of birth. Are they used sometimes when they aren't necessary? Yes - choose your OB wisely. But, I strongly believe that more babies and mothers have been saved my c-sections than have been harmed by them.

Our attitudes need to change so that more women who have c-sections feel supported, not judged or pitied.
It is simple math. When the cs rate is 30% and it should be between 5-15% there are OBVIOUSLY more unecessary cs being done than needed ones. I do believe cs have their place but they are WAY abused today. Women and babies are harmed by cs palin and simple. 2 years later BOTH me and my baby are still suffering. And i was not traumatized by comments other than "well it was for the best" and other patronizing comments. I was gald to meet other women who didnt think cs was the holy grail. Even when it is necessary telling a mom "well i LOOOOVEd my cs" isnt helpful - EVER. It diminishes her pain. And when a thread is about how a person was DAMAGED by thier cs saying how much you loved yours is only a slap in the face to her and all the others suffering. Thw world is FULL of places where you can sing the praises of OB's, modern meddling (um i mean modern medicine), and surgical extraction. The few threads for suffering moms should be a safe place.
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#33 of 57 Old 05-07-2006, 02:36 PM
 
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I'm disgusted that people think this is an appropriate thread to debate c-sections on.

On another, very mainstreain forum I visit, someone started a breastfeeding support thread. It was for the breastfeeding mamas to get together and share their experiences.
So... about four pages in, someone dropped on by and started saying how three year olds don't "need" to nurse and generally attacked people. Then she had the gall to proclaim that formula feeders were attacked and that's why she felt justified crashing the support party.

The same thing is happening here.

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#34 of 57 Old 05-07-2006, 03:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by littleteapot
I'm disgusted that people think this is an appropriate thread to debate c-sections on.
:
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#35 of 57 Old 05-07-2006, 03:56 PM
 
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I am not debating anything - just giving another perspective. Anyway, this thread was started by a person who was talking about a friend's decision, not a c-section mom looking for support. I don't think it is up to anyone to determine what is appropriate to discuss - again this is NOT a support thread that I have "invaded" as some would suggest.

Please reread my last statement in the last post. I am just asking for the natural family living community (which includes a lot of CS moms) to support all forms of birth and to not pity or judge c-section moms.

I have two beautiful childrena and the only way I would have been able to have them was through c-section (there were not any other "options" for me). There are also some dead babies as a result of Vbacs but I don't hear that statics quoted much here or at ICAN. I fully support Vbacs but I also support women who have c-sections. And it is not up to anyone here to determine if someone else's section was neccessary or not - that is judgment.

Why do people get so upset when I praise my only form of birth? That is your issue, not mind. I have a right to praise it!
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#36 of 57 Old 05-07-2006, 04:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasSuz
I am not debating anything - just giving another perspective. Anyway, this thread was started by a person who was talking about a friend's decision, not a c-section mom looking for support. I don't think it is up to anyone to determine what is appropriate to discuss - again this is NOT a support thread that I have "invaded" as some would suggest.

Please reread my last statement in the last post. I am just asking for the natural family living community (which includes a lot of CS moms) to support all forms of birth and to not pity or judge c-section moms.

I have two beautiful childrena and the only way I would have been able to have them was through c-section (there were not any other "options" for me). There are also some dead babies as a result of Vbacs but I don't hear that statics quoted much here or at ICAN. I fully support Vbacs but I also support women who have c-sections. And it is not up to anyone here to determine if someone else's section was neccessary or not - that is judgment.

Why do people get so upset when I praise my only form of birth? That is your issue, not mind. I have a right to praise it!
Re read the OP

"How sad is that? As a sufferer of 2 cesareans, my heart hurts for this woman. As I am planning a homebirth with my third, I am saddened that she does not know of the homebirth option. As a woman living in an "industrialized" society that boasts itself on our "high standard of medical care", I am OUTRAGED THAT A WOMEN HAS TO BE STERILIZED TO AVOID A FORCED SURGICAL DELIVERY!

I am sorry to vent, I just want other moms to know what is going on. Have any of you on mdc had similar experiences? I am so mad, i don't even know what to write anymore.

I waned to share this with a community that would understand."


This to me sounds like someone who "wants to share with others who understand" this frustration over the problem. And also her "heart hurts for this woman". It seems like th op would like the support of other mamas who are upset by this and are hurt by this problem.
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#37 of 57 Old 05-07-2006, 10:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz
For example, in our local AP group two women were recently pregnant. Both went for a Vbac. One was successful but the other woman ended up with another c-section after hours of labor (no drugs). The first woman was celebrated as a hero. The second woman was told "I'm so sorry for you." People in the group did not celebrate her birth. She was made to feel like she "failed."
If I had to have another section, I would want the "I'm sorry" from people. The fact that most people expect me to just smile and act as though I'm okay is one of the things that makes the post-c/s period so incredibly difficult for me.

I can assure you that the natural birth community has no ability to make me feel as though I failed. I feel that way already. I never knew anybody who'd had a natural birth until I registered here...already pregnant with my third, and desperate for a VBA2C. I caved in to coercion from my OB and I already know I failed. Nobody else has to tell me that or "make" me feel that way. I'd rather have a million commiserating comments from the natural birth community than a single "oh, you're so lucky" from the more mainstream types that I've had the pleasure of dealing with in the past.

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#38 of 57 Old 05-07-2006, 10:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride
If I had to have another section, I would want the "I'm sorry" from people. The fact that most people expect me to just smile and act as though I'm okay is one of the things that makes the post-c/s period so incredibly difficult for me.

I can assure you that the natural birth community has no ability to make me feel as though I failed. I feel that way already. I never knew anybody who'd had a natural birth until I registered here...already pregnant with my third, and desperate for a VBA2C. I caved in to coercion from my OB and I already know I failed. Nobody else has to tell me that or "make" me feel that way. I'd rather have a million commiserating comments from the natural birth community than a single "oh, you're so lucky" from the more mainstream types that I've had the pleasure of dealing with in the past.
Yes and yes and yes. Everyone was telling me how "lucky" i was and how i got the "easy way out" UM NO. I would have LOVED it if someone would have said "i am so sorry"
But i didnt hear that until i sought out support from other cs moms.
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#39 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 11:25 AM
 
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I'm another one who wants the pity. Not that I want it all the time, people harping on how unfortunate I was, but I'm getting the opposite from those who should know better-- my mom and DH, both of whom are always telling me to look at my beautiful baby and "see what I got from the c-section." No, she was in there anyway. If I'd had a vaginal birth, I'd still have this awesome baby. That I love her goes without saying. But I need to grieve and process what happened in order to make sure it doesn't happen next time. I need someone to tell me that even with a fairly uncomplicated recovery (scar never ruptured or infected), my feelings are still valid. It's been four months and I still can't work out, still have numb spots and the scar itself is purple and feels weird to the touch. Having a healthy beautiful baby is great and a wonderful experience, but it doesn't make my abdomen any better.
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#40 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 01:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz
Sorry, but I don't see why your friend had such an issue with her c-sections.
You can be happy with your c/s and praise your c/s all you want. But what you did here was basically say what's the problem? I had a c/s and I'm fine so everyone should be. That's offensive even to me and I've never had a cesarean.

I'm so sorry for the OPs friend feeling forced into a tubal.
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#41 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 01:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog
Actually the incidents someone mentioned of court orders being issued to force a woman into a caesarian are very real.
The only one that I'm familiar with the woman avoided the knife and fought the decision after the fact and it was overturned, so I guess I'm not familiar with any where it has actually happened.

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Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog
So in some jurisdictions it is legal, or has been legal long enough to cause at least a few women to be forced into surgeries they do not want.
If these jurisdictions are within the US, then no, it is not technically legal. The EMTALA is federal, so it would trump any such court order. Of course, getting the court order overturned in a timely manner to avoid the law being violated would be a very difficult thing. It's much the same as any other situation where a state or local government makes a law that violates federal law. It stands and things happen as such until such time as someone is able to bring in the legal power to overturn it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog
The other problem with relying on the idea of legality is that labor is a relatively short period of time and doctors have a lot more power than patients. This means that there is a lot of coercion and forced "consent" that can happen, with very little legal recourse. You're not going to be on the phone to your lawyer when you're 8 cm dilated, and even if you were, there's not much your lawyer would be able to get done for you between that time and the doctor starting to operate. And after the surgery has happened, unless someone dies, there's even less that can be done. This is why we have to be vigilant and pay attention to these "worst case scenario" stories, like the opening post. We have to watch out for our rights.
Absolutely. But saying that because it sometimes happens by sheer force or by coercion that it's therefore legal is like saying that because women are sometimes raped by force or coercion that it's legal for men to do so. Just because the law does not either stop it from happening or punish the perpetrators doesn't mean that it was legal.

I understand that it takes a lot of money, time, and emotional strength to pursue things legally, so I can certainly understand why more people don't do so. But at the same time I think that anyone who can, should. Because that's an important instrument in bringing about change.
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#42 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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I too appreciate the sympathetic ears and comments from people. My c-section was terribly traumatic for me and I HATE getting this standard response from people about how theirs was so easy and great and they're so thankful. Um... didn't I ask for some support?
It's as though they feel their "good feelings" over their own surgery are invalidated and threatened by my having a negative and traumatic experience and wishing the space to be ALLOWED to express that!
If you're so threatened by someone's opposite experience, are you really so confident in yours?

I can freely, honestly admit my c-section was not needed. Nor "could" it have been needed in any sense of the word. My son was breech, crowning, and a little early. I'd given birth naturally just two years before. I could have, and demanded to, push him out just fine.
I sympathize deeply with who the OP is talking about, because I think if I found out I had to go through a medical rape over and over again and just smile and act as though it's for the greater good... I don't know that I could get pregnant again.

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#43 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 02:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz
Sorry, but I don't see why your friend had such an issue with her c-sections. I had two and would have another if I got pregnant. If she really wanted more kids then she wouldn't have gotten a tubal. I think she is just giving an excuse. No one forced her into a tubal - she is responsible for her own choices just like we all are.

I am grateful that c-sections exists becasue without them I would not have been able to be a mom at all!
This seriously must be the most insensitive statement I've ever seen on MDC. : This thread has nothing to do with your c-sections, your body, your options, your feelings.

I'm actually very glad that we live in a world where mothers and babies can be saved by c-sections. I'm happy that you are able to be a mom and that c-sections gave you that gift. C-sections can be truely a life giving operation and for that I am grateful.

I am not grateful or happy when I see comments such as this. Every woman is different. Every birth is different. Every woman's feelings are different. No one has the right to undermine another woman's feeling. TexsSuz, you say that you don't like it when a woman is pitied or looked down on for having a c-section. You don't like it when you feel c-section moms are being judged. Please, reread your post I quoted above and tell me if your comment is free of judgement. It is not. It is loaded with judgement. You dished out exactly what it is you say you don't like.

I can understand why some women choose sterilization than to face another surgery. I can understand why some women are happy and/or grateful with their surgeries. I can understand why some women are angry or sad over even necessary c-sections. I understand all spectrums and all sides of the c-section issue. I don't think that the majority of moms on this board need the other perspective pointed out to us. We know that c-sections can be good. We also know that they can be bad. We know that women need support for their feelings regardless of what those feelings may be.

There was a time after my c-section that I seriously considered not having any more children. Who are you to judge that and say that someone is just looking for an excuse to not have more children? Who are you to downplay the trauma that someone may go through just because that wasn't your experience?

If I had known 100% that I would have had another c-section with my second child I would not have gotten pg ever again. If I knew that I would 100% have another c-section with any future children I would never get pg again. Not because I want an excuse to not have more children, but because my c-section was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. No one is allowed to take those feelings away from me. No one is allowed to disregard my feelings. No one is allowed to compare my experience with their own and judge.

I'll say it again that I really am happy that your c-sections were a life giving gift to you and your children. Just remember that there are women who do not feel the same and they are intitled to have those feelings.

Yes, I also like it when people tell me they are sorry I had a c-section. It doesn't make me feel like I failed. It makes me feel supported.
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#44 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 03:06 PM
 
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Beautifully said.

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#45 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 03:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mackenziesmama
I heard the saddest thing today...

I ran into a highschool classmate today who recently had her second baby, via scheduled, repeat cesarean. In the course of conversation, she mentioned she had a tubal ligation. I said, "Oh?" and her response was...

"I had to do it. If I didn't, and I got pregnant again, they would force me to have another C-section. We wanted more kids someday. I don't want to have my body cut open ever again. Not ever. So I had to do it."

How sad is that? As a sufferer of 2 cesareans, my heart hurts for this woman. As I am planning a homebirth with my third, I am saddened that she does not know of the homebirth option. As a woman living in an "industrialized" society that boasts itself on our "high standard of medical care", I am OUTRAGED THAT A WOMEN HAS TO BE STERILIZED TO AVOID A FORCED SURGICAL DELIVERY!

I am sorry to vent, I just want other moms to know what is going on. Have any of you on mdc had similar experiences? I am so mad, i don't even know what to write anymore.

I waned to share this with a community that would understand.
Wow. That's just sad. There certainly is something wrong with the system if a woman thinks that sterilization is her only way to avoid a surgery. I was really self conscious for passing on the ICAN link to a newly prego mom I know that had a cesarean before (FTP). Now I am glad. Sometimes I assume people know the facts, sometimes I feel like no one knows the facts. I think it's probably somewhere in between.

And to all the mamas on this thread who were traumatized by their cesarean sections (necessisary or not) : . I am so sorry that you're birth wasn't as satisfying as it could be. I wish you all the best of whatever you want for your next birth (if there will be one) and/or peace with your past.

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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#46 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 03:21 PM
 
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#47 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 03:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaTaraX
Do what!? I hope that was him offering and not saying "I'm goiung to do it while I'm in there with or without your knowledge, tra lala...." Ugh

Namaste, Tara
He "offered" me a tubal about six times during my last month of pregnancy. Then, after I ended up with another unnecessary c-section for ds2, he told me that three was "the perfect number" of kids, and that I already had the perfect family and that he wouldn't have any more children, if he were me. After all this, when I repeated that I still wanted another one (I've only had my heart set on four children for 20 years!), he said, "well, I'll do four c-sections, no problem - and I'll do your tubal at the same time". I don't care about a tubal, honestly...I only want one more baby, anyway. DH doesn't, so I may well not even get that one. I really, really don't like the attitude about it, though.

I'm planning a HBA3C if I do have another baby. I knew when I was ttc with with ds2 that I'd "have" to have another section, and I thought I could handle it. Then, I actually got pregnant, and the nightmares and depression started...never again. The only way I got throught that pregnancy with any semblance of my sanity intact was because I fought for a VBA2C the whole time, and believed I was going to get it.

With respect to forcing women to have sections - I never, ever said it was legal. I said it happens. The OP's friend believed that it happens, and she's right. I wasn't forced to have the second and third...I just caved in to pressure. But, I was given no options with my first.

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#48 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 04:06 PM
 
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Whatever...everyone here thinks I am an inconsiderate b*itch. I have a right to my opinions and I still don't feel that they are inappropriate or rude. Sorry so many of you have issues with your c-sections. I think women are way to caught up in having a perfect birth "experience" when all that really matters in having a healthy alive baby!

I will stay away from this forum from now on - I guess it is only for people who hated their c-sections and what to be pitied. That is not for me.

Anyway, I still don't think any of you are HEARING what I am trying to say in my last two posts because you are too caught up in thinking that my first post was rude.

I'm out of here - many someone on the c-section thread will understand why some AP women don't want to be pitied for having a c-section. We want support and encouragement just like vaginal birthing moms get.
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#49 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 04:06 PM
 
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mackenziesmama, I'm so sorry your friend felt she had no other way. I think we forget in our NFL world over here on MDC that mainstream medicine doesn't share the same facts and resources we do. I know a woman who signed her consent to her tubal while being put under for her emergency c/s. They snuck it in and she was 20 years old, and on her second child, and of hispanic descent. It was low down and dirty, and done to her.


Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasSuz
Sorry, but I don't see why your friend had such an issue with her c-sections. I had two and would have another if I got pregnant. If she really wanted more kids then she wouldn't have gotten a tubal. I think she is just giving an excuse. No one forced her into a tubal - she is responsible for her own choices just like we all are.

I am grateful that c-sections exists becasue without them I would not have been able to be a mom at all!
I had a c/sec for transverse breech. I know my c/s isn't the ones that people are talking about when they talk about unneccesary c/s. I'd have another c/s for transverse breech that won't turn any time I need to in order to get those babies out. BUT I've also gone on to have 2 vbacs since that c/s. I would never have a c/s that wasn't for that sort of issue. You have medical issues that preclude vaginal birth, hurray that c/s are available to you. Know medically neccesary c/s aren't what are being maligned on MDC. I KNOW this has all been said to you before, but maybe if it's said more YOU will feel better about your c/s and won't feel the need to defend what in over 1/2 the cases is MEDICALLY UNNECCESARY!

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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#50 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 04:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz
Whatever...everyone here thinks I am an inconsiderate b*itch. I have a right to my opinions and I still don't feel that they are inappropriate or rude. Sorry so many of you have issues with your c-sections. I think women are way to caught up in having a perfect birth "experience" when all that really matters in having a healthy alive baby!

I will stay away from this forum from now on - I guess it is only for people who hated their c-sections and what to be pitied. That is not for me.

Anyway, I still don't think any of you are HEARING what I am trying to say in my last two posts because you are too caught up in thinking that my first post was rude.

I'm out of here - many someone on the c-section thread will understand why some AP women don't want to be pitied for having a c-section. We want support and encouragement just like vaginal birthing moms get.
1) not all that matters is having a healthy baby
2) unnecessisary cesareans can damage and even kill babies
Support and encouragement is not exclusive of empathy for negative feelings about the birth. In fact, a woman can have a "perfect" birth and still have negative feelings and she deserves empathy. Support and encouragement is about validation. That is why I am happy you are happy you had cesareans. That's why I'm sad Kline Hexe is sad for her first birth.

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#51 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 04:15 PM
 
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Exactly synchro.

Saying all that matters is a healthy baby is very dismissive and offensive to women who have had traumatic births.

My MIL is an ICU nurse who recently had a patient for a month who almost died because her doctor knicked her iliac artery during an unncessary c/s. Well, her baby was alive and healthy, but the poor baby didn't have his mother for over a month over he was born. C/S are very risky and should only occur when medically necessary,.

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#52 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 04:20 PM
 
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Whatever...everyone here thinks I am an inconsiderate b*itch. I have a right to my opinions and I still don't feel that they are inappropriate or rude. Sorry so many of you have issues with your c-sections. I think women are way to caught up in having a perfect birth "experience" when all that really matters in having a healthy alive baby!
You really think that saying the woman was using her c-sections as an "excuse" when you obviously don't feel the same was as she does, and don't really understand how she feels, wasn't rude?? You're the one denying her the right to her own opinions, feelings and reactions.

If you're okay with your c-sections, that's FINE. I have no problem with it. But, you basically said that the OP's friend was lying about her reasons, even after several of us said that we feel the same way. How can you not see that that's rude?

I don't want any perfect birth experience. I don't even know what a perfect birth experience is. I just want to be able to look after my existing children, instead of screaming when my dd hugs me. I have absolutely NO reason to believe that my children wouldn't have been healthy and alive without my c-sections. So...I guess what you really mean is that if my doctor cut me open for no reason (not a c-section - just for the hell of it) and I spent the next six weeks recovering, and still had pain 8 months later, I shouldn't be upset about it? That's what happened to me - three times. I'm not talking about "c-section vs. dead baby" or "c-section vs. unhealthy baby". I'm talking "c-section vs. no surgery". The only health problem any of my children have had as newborns is breathing difficulty...which I've discovered is a common side effect of c-sections...especially the scheduled, labour-free kind that I was bullied into with dd. So - I could have had a healthy, VBAC baby or a not-as-healthy c-section baby. You're right - I should be happy that both me and my baby were unnecessarily injured. :

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#53 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 04:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz
Whatever...everyone here thinks I am an inconsiderate b*itch. I have a right to my opinions and I still don't feel that they are inappropriate or rude. Sorry so many of you have issues with your c-sections. I think women are way to caught up in having a perfect birth "experience" when all that really matters in having a healthy alive baby!

I will stay away from this forum from now on - I guess it is only for people who hated their c-sections and what to be pitied. That is not for me.

Anyway, I still don't think any of you are HEARING what I am trying to say in my last two posts because you are too caught up in thinking that my first post was rude.

I'm out of here - many someone on the c-section thread will understand why some AP women don't want to be pitied for having a c-section. We want support and encouragement just like vaginal birthing moms get.
You know... I was totally caught up in having this idealistic first sexual experience. Nice guy, gentle touches, all that stuff.
I was sexually abused at a young age. But hey, it happens to LOTS of women. I guess I just need to stop being so caught up in the idea that I would get through life virginal until I CHOSE to have my genitals touched by another person. All that matters is that in the end I eventually got a great husband who loves me and would never do those things to me.
All that PTSD and therapy I went through was silly, I COULD have just shrugged it all off and realized I got through it still able to have babies. I mean, worse things have happened, right? :

photosmile2.gifBabs + trekkie.gifCurtis - Parents of Tempest blahblah.gif(08/07/03 autismribbon.gif), Jericho angel2.gif(11/01/05 ribboncesarean.gif), Xan moon.gif(10/03/06 uc.jpghbac.gif), Zephyra baby.gif(06/02/11 hbac.gif). mdcblog5.gif @ babyslime.livejournal.com

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#54 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 04:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by littleteapot
You know... I was totally caught up in having this idealistic first sexual experience. Nice guy, gentle touches, all that stuff.
I was sexually abused at a young age. But hey, it happens to LOTS of women. I guess I just need to stop being so caught up in the idea that I would get through life virginal until I CHOSE to have my genitals touched by another person. All that matters is that in the end I eventually got a great husband who loves me and would never do those things to me.
All that PTSD and therapy I went through was silly, I COULD have just shrugged it all off and realized I got through it still able to have babies. I mean, worse things have happened, right? :

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
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#55 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 04:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz
I think women are way to caught up in having a perfect birth "experience" when all that really matters in having a healthy alive baby!
Um, that is the point it ISNT all that matters. I am more than an incubator, a piece of meat, a means to an eand. I am a person and YES it DOES matter if i am healthy too. And YES if i am able to have another child it will matter to me that i be healthy to care for ALL of my children.

And when you say something rude and offend people (even if you dont mean to) the adult thing to do would be to say "sorry, didnt mean to offend" etc. Your wording was very rude. I know a freind who had been raped and it didnt seem to faze her much but she didnt say "ugh, rape victims should stop bitching they could have been killed too. My rape wasnt that bad" You cannot tell anyone else to experience life as you do.

And to ASSume that anyone is going to want to hear "get over it" is just silly. When my dd stubs her toe i dont say "gaawd! stop crying it is just a stubbed toe! " UI instead meet her where she is at and give her AP mama love and attentionuntil she feels validated.
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#56 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 05:16 PM
 
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I think women are way to caught up in having a perfect birth "experience" when all that really matters in having a healthy alive baby!
This is exactly how I felt after my csection. I felt that FOR ME, I was so very thankful that I had a healthy, successfully breastfeeding child, that I didn't really care HOW he got here. I was also lucky in that I healed faster than my sister who birthed vaginally did... so for ME, I can say that I loved my csection & I do not regret not having a vaginal birth...

BUT- I would never be so cold & tactless to dare tell other women how they should feel. My SIL had 3 sections, attempting a vbac the second & third times. Her youngest is 15 now & she still regrets not having the births she wanted. Is she right to feel that way? Am I right to just be glad to have my child?? There is no wrong way to feel in this situation.

If you have had a csection, then however YOU feel is the right way for YOU to feel... nothing makes me sadder & madder than to see a mom have her feelings thrown aside because someone else's experience does not match up.

I feel so badly for the OP & others like her who were so badly traumatized by their csections that they feel forced into sterilization so as not to experience the pain again.
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#57 of 57 Old 05-08-2006, 11:24 PM
 
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My MIL has diabetes and due to medical reasons both her babies were emergency c/s in military hospitals... well they decided to tie her tubes while she was under general for the second baby because according to them, she would die if she got pg (therefore needing a third c/s) again. Although it wasn't her choice, she seemed ok with it. After my c/s, some of the things that hurt the worst were comments I got from her and my own mother (2 vaginal births and 1 c/s) about how I should be happy and what's the big deal? My mom would call to tell me how c/s is SO much easier and the best of her births etc. etc. etc. That's not support, and it didn't ever make me feel like celebrating my form of birth. I guess that's the whole thing- when you're supporting someone else, you're not saying things to make yourself feel better. It's about the other person and what they are feeling.
What a hard choice the woman in the original post had to make. I feel for her and all the other mamas on this thread who are in a similar place.
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