Don't despair, mama! I'm sorry your doc was not supportive...unfortunately most doctors, unless specialists in the issue, are woefully uneducated about how to deal with sexual pain in women. I had one doctor just ignore my obvious symptoms and pain (including an intact hymen after being married for months...didn't even mention it after the pelvic exams) and another just prescribed muscle relaxants before sex (umm, like I'm gonna be on these relaxants for the rest of my life? Besides the fact that those just don't work for some women during sex).
I agree that it sounds like it could be vaginismus. Because you have successfully had sex before w/penetration, if it is vag then it would be "secondary vaginismus" which sometimes does happen after childbirth or sexual abuse/trauma.
I had vaginismus for a few years before I could get over it...I know that feeling of "it just won't fit"...it's very frustrating, I'm sure even more so if you have had successful sex before.
I posted these suggestions in the thread linked to above, but I'll just repeat in case and try to add to it. If you suspect that it may be vaginismus, then perhaps you could give some of these a try and see if they help:
--try using dilators--they start out shaped small, almost like tampons and you practice inserting them to help stretch and retrain your pc muscles (the ones in the vagina). You can see what they look like at
http://www.vaginismus.com
--before that, try using your fingers. see if you can get one finger in, then two, three, etc. Do this (and the dilator exercises) along with some deep breathing and muscle relaxation exercises.
--if you can't/don't want to get dilators, try using other stuff that has the size and shape you need, and just cover it with a condom...I know some women who swear by zucchini!
--try EFT, a type of acupressure therapy you can do yourself or with a therapist. it stands for emotional freedom techniques.
(
http://www.emofree.com) Even though I didn't have emotional issues associated with the vaginismus (as far as I knew) EFT is also useful for physical complaints as well. It helped me get over my first dilator in one session when I had been trying it unsuccessfully for months. I then went from the smallest to the largest size within a week using this technique, which is an unusually fast rate.
--go to yahoogroups and do a search for secondary vaginismus or just vaginismus. There are a lot of women who have similar issues w/sex and will give tons of great advice and support. You might even be able to get referrals for practitioners in your area.
--if your self therapy attempts don't work or you'd rather just see someone for help, try and find a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor treatments, or an OB who is knowledgeable about the various vulvar pain disorders who can point you out to a specialist who can help.
BTW, on the having kids issue, don't worry--even if it takes time to get over this and you want to get pg during that time, there are ways, like using a narrow syringe to shoot the semen up there, etc. But I'm confident you'll get through this soon!
I hope all this helps... my heart really goes out to all women who are suffering with pain during intercourse and I wish them the best in getting treatment and support.