Please help me understand something... - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-05-2006, 11:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CalebsMama05
i don't know anyone who likes other peoples children. no one i know likes my child. why? because he is MY child and not theirs. *shrugs*
Everyone likes my son. Really, I'm serious. They do. But maybe it's just his personality that sucks them in.

But yeah, I don't always like other people's children, or often I just don't know what to do with them. But I have no trouble with my own! I do like some other people's children. I teach a 2 year old class at church, and those kids are so much fun to teach. There are some that I really get attached to, and some that I'm just glad they're not my child. :

When I see ill behaved children in a grocery store or something... No, I'm not sucked in by them. For example, I walked into Walmart the other day and saw this 6-7 year old (?) boy HITTING his mother. I mean swinging that arm back and slapping her! I didn't particularly like that child, obviously! And at that age, seems like he should have been taught LONG ago not to hit (even my not quite 2 year old knows better!). I can see why someone would see a child like that and decide they don't want kids. But then I see children who stay with their mom, listen to their mom, help their mom with the groceries, and look very happy and well adjusted - those kids make me want children.

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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Old 06-06-2006, 12:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by boscopup
When I see ill behaved children in a grocery store or something... No, I'm not sucked in by them. For example, I walked into Walmart the other day and saw this 6-7 year old (?) boy HITTING his mother. I mean swinging that arm back and slapping her! I didn't particularly like that child, obviously! And at that age, seems like he should have been taught LONG ago not to hit (even my not quite 2 year old knows better!). I can see why someone would see a child like that and decide they don't want kids. But then I see children who stay with their mom, listen to their mom, help their mom with the groceries, and look very happy and well adjusted - those kids make me want children.

Yeah, but its sad for them too. Obviously they're so starved for positive attention they're forced to demand attention, even if its negitive. When I see kids like that I'm usually more irritated with their parents. My brothers are like that, crazy, abusive kids. My mom is totally not a parent to them at all... I was raised by my grandmother, thank goodness! There are kids who have higher needs than others and there are kids who have mental issues that cause behavioral problems, but I really don't think there is such a thing as a "bad" child. Just parents who don't meet the child's needs or set proper boundries.

Holly, eternally in love partners.gif with Kolby, Raising Juelie Anise (10y), Behnjamin Shen (6y), and Coen Syaoran (4y). Expecting June 2013 2ndtri.gif

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Old 06-06-2006, 12:22 AM
 
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nice to know i'm not just a mean person. I really love Caleb and i adore spending time with him but the only other kids i like/can tolerate are the ones that i've spent a lot of time with. maybe because i see them as *people* and I generally am slow to warm up to people. if i spend time with other peoples kids i can get to know them and usually like them.

very interesting.

Vera-my 15month old is learning quickly that hitting is a definate no no. the one i'm having problems with is kicking...he's constantly kicking me during diaper changes. drives me batty!

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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Old 06-06-2006, 12:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by grace's voice
Yeah, but its sad for them too. Obviously they're so starved for positive attention they're forced to demand attention, even if its negitive. When I see kids like that I'm usually more irritated with their parents. My brothers are like that, crazy, abusive kids. My mom is totally not a parent to them at all... I was raised by my grandmother, thank goodness! There are kids who have higher needs than others and there are kids who have mental issues that cause behavioral problems, but I really don't think there is such a thing as a "bad" child. Just parents who don't meet the child's needs or set proper boundries.
it especially angers me when people's kids act like that and you point out their behavior and they say "oh they are just doing it to get attention" UM HELLO GIVE IT TO THEM!! i just don't get it...

oh sry for hijacking the post

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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Old 06-06-2006, 12:32 AM
 
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Originally Posted by CalebsMama05
i don't love giving birth (who does?)
I do! Well, okay, I could do without the really painful part (about two hours of intense back labor) but the rest of it (speaking of my spontaneous nonmanaged births that took place in privacy) was awesome. And the part where the baby comes down and out and the immediate minutes after birth? I wish I could remember that feeling for the rest of my life. Granted, I had pretty much an ideal birth for me, nobody fooling around with my genitals or ordering me around, no need to feel self-conscious, flooded with endorphins and oxytocin. I would do it again and again and again if I could.

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2.) they are loud and I don't know them and they seem to be alien
Come to think of it, I feel that way about a lot of adults...

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I seem to remember you saying something about kids not giving anything back...I would like to question teh parenting practices of the parents of the kids who don't show any affection for their parents...my son is almost 15mos and he shows me daily how much he loves me.
Oh wow, yeah. That is the best thing about being a parent. It's impossible to describe to someone who hasn't been inside it, I mean, how do you describe any emotional experience to someone who hasn't ever been in it? The description is always going to fall far short of the reality. But it's amazingly wonderful. It's been such a huge gift. But yeah, it's not something that just happens. Like any deeply intimate, trusting love relationship, it has to be cultivated.
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Old 06-06-2006, 12:44 AM
 
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Gosh, now I feel like a weirdo, because I do like most children. And I'm not really a stereotypical lovey-dovey mommy type either.

Of course, I also like most adults, which may also make me odd.
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Old 06-06-2006, 03:11 PM
 
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I don't dislike most children, I just don't feel anything special about them. That's true, for me, with adults in general, too, though. The difference is that I'm more likely to be able to find some way of making a connection with an adult, because the adult is more likely to be able talk on my level, and have a similar understanding of the world. Children are in such a different place, emotionally, developmentally, mentally... That said, I have even more in common with my children than any adult, because we are so close genetically and I have shared my body with them since they were conceived, and has similar life experiences since they were born. They are like me in many ways, having come from me, so I understand them. We have a deep, visceral connection that I don't have with anyone else. So I am more comfortable and find them more compelling than anyone else.
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