would you use a male midwife?? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 79 Old 06-15-2006, 10:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by huggerwocky
Someone once asked this an ob/gyn on a forum once and he said because he's interested in surgery...makes me think he wasn't good enough to become a surgeon.
Eeeeek! I'd hate to have such a sOB! His mind would be running surgical thoughts through the whole birth!
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#62 of 79 Old 06-15-2006, 10:21 PM
 
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I see 2 midwives. A man and a woman. I adore the man. The only thing I really have to compare him to is a female OB from my DD, but I'd take him over her anyday. It depends on who is on call, whether or not I'll deliver with the male or female midwife, but I'm thrilled to deliver with the man if that is the way it works out.
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#63 of 79 Old 06-15-2006, 10:21 PM
 
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My sister finds these things out. My OB got into the field because his mom died of uterine cancer or cervical cancer or something. He hoped he could stop that from happening to other women. Too bad he cut me - everything else I know about him says he's a really nice guy...

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#64 of 79 Old 06-15-2006, 10:28 PM
 
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I wouldn't use a male midwife, for the same reasons I wouldn't use a midwife who hadn't given birth. I had 4 females at my birth- 2 were moms, 2 weren't, and I liked the way I was treated by the mothers better.
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#65 of 79 Old 06-15-2006, 10:54 PM
 
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Absolutely. Unless he is hot. I have gone to male and female gyns and I have never had a preference based on gender except this one time I saw this gorgeous male gyn. I was 27-ish at the time and I remember thinking just how cute he was when he started telling me that since I was getting older (yuck) my breast tissue was becoming less dense and it would be easier to find lumps
That is hysterical!!! LOL

A hot Dr. Pussy is much, much worse!

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#66 of 79 Old 06-17-2006, 10:37 PM
 
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It is interesting reading about those of you who used a male midwife. It's not an option where I live -- but maybe I'd reconsider it.
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#67 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 12:26 AM
 
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Iwouldn't use a man and I wouldn't use a woman who hadn't had a baby. itis important to me that my midwife has walked this road before me and has real experiance to bring to the table.

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#68 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 12:43 AM
 
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I'd never use a male midwife.

I don't have too many other absolutes. I'd accept a midwife who was childless, had had C-secs only, whatever, as long as she could respect my wishes and we were fairly compatible as far as birth philosophy goes. But she has to be a 'she'.

I agree with Poetess: the only man who touches my aptly-named 'private parts' is my husband, unless in a genuine emergency. It seems strange to me to take the trouble to ensure that my home birth is peaceful and free of stress, and yet have to force myself past deeply ingrained personal boundaries when dealing with my birth attendant.

The question "why does a man choose to become a pussy doctor?" is one I've wondered about as well. At one time, only men were doctors, and women were told they had to set aside their modesty if they wanted medical attention. That isn't necessary nowadays. Now about half of all doctors are women (at least around here). So why are men still becoming gynecologists?
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#69 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 12:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mamabadger

The question "why does a man choose to become a pussy doctor?" is one I've wondered about as well. At one time, only men were doctors, and women were told they had to set aside their modesty if they wanted medical attention. That isn't necessary nowadays. Now about half of all doctors are women (at least around here). So why are men still becoming gynecologists?
Hmmm....well, obviously I personally can't answer that question, although I do think it's a very interesting one. I could totally see how a dude could be just totally amazed and awed by the miracle of birth and want to be witness to it over and over again. What's so weird about a guy being into that. <shrug>

My midwife has never given birth, but I would choose her again and again over anyone. One of my friends and I were talking about it, and we think birthwork is more of a calling than anything. Whose to say that attending mother's isn't someones lifepath, their karmic lesson. Maybe it's not in their path to have babies?

I know lots of moms who have given birth (obviously, haha) and they do come into seeing through their own experiences and own judgements. Sometimes childbirth-less midwives are more objective, more empathetic to the family as a whole, rather than focused on the outcome (poorly worded here) Eh, I don't know what I'm trying to say....forgive me.
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#70 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 01:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mamabadger
I agree with Poetess: the only man who touches my aptly-named 'private parts' is my husband, unless in a genuine emergency. It seems strange to me to take the trouble to ensure that my home birth is peaceful and free of stress, and yet have to force myself past deeply ingrained personal boundaries when dealing with my birth attendant.
If I had the same personal boundary, I wouldn't even contemplate a male midwife or OB. Since I don't, that's not an issue for me. In my day-to-day life, the only man who sees or touches my private parts is dh...and no women see them or touch them. I certainly have no argument with the "no man but my dh" stance for other women, but it just doesn't make emotional sense to me.

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#71 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 01:13 AM
 
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My midwife is a dude.
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#72 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 01:43 AM
 
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I just wanted to jump in here to say that you can have empathy and be a good doula/midwife without having experienced birth or natural birth. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I think I'm a great labor support person (ie uncertified doula) and I did not have natural births. I am still able to fully support women who have natural births. My last birth was a home/water birth. I hope one day to be a hopsital LC after I get my nursing degree. I have helped several women get off to a good start with bfing and solve bfing issues and I never myself was able to nurse either baby (pumped for several months). One of the best LC's in my area, who is highly spoken of by so many mamas, never nursed any of her babies. I don't know what the circumstances of that were, but she's an awesome LC.

Along the same lines, I would hire a doula/midwife who had not given birth or given birth naturally as long as I was able to connect with them. I would hire a male as long as he had female assistants. My OB was male and I was very comfortable with him. He had 7 children so he knew a thing or two about laboring women, and he respected my birth choices.

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#73 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 03:40 AM
 
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As to why a man would become a pussy doctor, I really don't think it's necessarily all that sinister. I think by the time you are far enough along in medical training to pick a specialty, you've already learned to view the entire body with a kind of detachment that seems strange to non-professionals. I mean why would someone become a proctologist, or a gastro-enterologist (doing colonoscopies etc)? Gross, no? Most specialties, one way or another, are going to require you to put aside the way most people in our society feel about certain body parts.

Of course, some people would argue that this detachment is a big part of what's so bad about OB/GYN, whether practiced by males or females.
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#74 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 03:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lovinmy2babies+1
Ok, this had me thinking all night. I'm currently going to school right now with an end goal to become a certified nurse midwife. I have 2 children both born by c-sections. The reason why I wanted to become a CNM is to prevent what happened to me. Is this going to affect who is willing to see me?
I would have no problem with a midwife who has given birth by C-section. Assuming she didn't have a planned C-section or an epidural the moment she set started feeling contractions, she would still know what it feels like to be in labor and the emotions, altered mental state, and vulnerability that go along with it.

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#75 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 03:56 PM
 
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I personally would probably not use a male midwife, but I also don't use a male family practice, ob, or even pediatrician because I feel like I relate better to women.

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#76 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 05:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel
Of course, some people would argue that this detachment is a big part of what's so bad about OB/GYN, whether practiced by males or females.
The same is true of a good midwife though, in some regards. Birth is not always pretty or clean. Meconium, poop, blood, vomit. You have to get past that, too. But most midwives I know (and doulas) are less "clinical" and see the woman and her baby as part of a whole rather than a unit or a diagnosis or condition. They see the woman as part of a family unit, or with certain fears or a history of risk factors.

A doctor a lot of times will just see a person as a diagnosis. That has been true with my dd2's Ped GI's. They both just treat the condition without taking into account other factors such as family issues, how the condition affects her life and ours, the fact that the treatment may stabilize her for now but what does it do for her future? I have learned to question everything and often go against doctor's orders for the well-being of my daughter's future. Sure she could be on the feeding tube for the rest of her life and probably be fine, but wouldn't it be better if we pushed her to learn to eat, even if it's just purees? It's better than a feeding tube. The doctor doesn't care if stays on the tube for life as long as she grows. My dd's ped looks at her whole person and has been very supportive of my plans for dd.

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#77 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 06:27 PM
 
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I use a male midwife. I have a few complaints about how the birth went, but I don't think they have a thing to do with his being male, and overall he did an excellent job with the birth and a near-perfect job of prenatal, postnatal, and routine care.

Before him, I saw 8 different female gynecologists. I had some kind of hormonal imbalance, resulting in irregular cycles, and tried various medical treatments for it and sometimes had severe reactions. I was unimpressed with the supposed ability of females to understand what a female is going through. If anything, my body's refusal to behave like their bodies made them act like there was something wrong with me personally or I wasn't a real woman. Some of them treated me like I was dumb.

My midwife is different because he's a midwife, mainly--he spends more time with me than a doctor would and is more open to natural ways of doing things. But I think that being a man makes him MORE able to listen to me and look at my experiences with an open mind, because he doesn't presume that he knows what I feel.

I'm polyamorous, so the argument that my partner is the only man allowed to see me naked doesn't fly. Given that my preferred relationship style is to have two boyfriends who are pals, having my male partner and my male midwife with me through labor sounded perfect. And it was; it felt very right to me.

I think it's crucial to choose a midwife you're comfortable with, whatever that means for you.

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#78 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 06:31 PM
 
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I would- if he was a competant midwife and I felt comfortable with him. I currently have a male GYN and I don't see how this would be any different.

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#79 of 79 Old 06-18-2006, 06:32 PM
 
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I prefer a person who has experienced birth.

One of the assistants during birth of my first said something which escapes me at the moment but any it made me think so myself, easy for you to say you've never been where I am at.

I find myself holding a lot more respect for a person who is assisting me when they have had more babies than I have


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