How did you labor, internally or externally? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-08-2006, 02:59 AM
 
ihathi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 276
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Wow, I am so grateful for this thread. Reading it makes me think about the intense, undeniable shame I felt in the first months after DS was born... I had labored very loudly and was quite needy (DH COULD NOT leave the room) through most of labor. I was so disappointed in myself for not being the laboring woman I thought I'd be--solid, stoic, solitary... This disappointment sort of threw a shadow over the undeniable reality that I had had an awesome, completely natural birth that ended with a perfectly healthy baby (Apgar score=10)

To this day, I'm jealous when I hear beaming husbands talk about how proud or "in awe" they were of their wives after watching them give birth. I continue to think at times how no one could be "proud" or "in awe" of how I dealt with labor. Reading your posts makes me think what a crying shame that is...

Full-time-working student mama to some sweet spring babies... DS1 (4/05) DS2 (4/08) and now expecting #3 in May 2015 !
ihathi is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-08-2006, 12:50 PM
 
anjie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 38
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What I would say that the way YOU laboured was as individual and as natural as each and every child born into the world. I mean, who is to say you were TOO LOUD or too internal. You deal with the pain and emotion the only way that your mind and body knows how to. I think it is exceptionally rude for the hospital staff to react in negative ways to YOUR birth. I would have to assume that if you felt they were responding negatively to you it was either their lack of human compassion, a group of grouchy nurses and doctors or they are just so numb to the beauty of birth that they only way they know to react is in a crumby way.

I'm sorry that you had that experience but just know that there is NOTHING wrong with being loud, saying things, shouting, etc. That baby came out of you, you are fine, the baby is fine and life goes on. We are all unique and our birth experiences with each child are just as unique. Three cheers to you!!!
--Anjie
anjie is offline  
Old 07-08-2006, 01:42 PM
 
anjie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 38
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
perhaps I should also say that I laboured with a doula, my husband and a very cool nurse in the hospital with my son. I did not have drugs but enjoyed the relaxing jacuzzi tub from 5 cm to 10 cm which took only 45 in that lovely tub. I was quiet most of the time except for that very primal moaning that we all know about. I did not "choose" to be quiet..it was just the way that my mind took over for me. I didn't focus on anyone or anything in the rooms...just my own ability to get through it all. My OB/GYN was a bit numb to the whole thing but she does it daily so what did I expect??? I laboured for about 13 hours total and pushed my son out for 3 full long bottom numbing hours. I did have a wee bit 'o intervention at the end to help get his head out but that was only because I had lost the energy and stress was setting in. Birth is great and I hope to be able to do it all again in the near future. There.....that is a bit of my background with a baby.
anjie is offline  
Old 07-08-2006, 07:38 PM
 
sprout 1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
after a very long hospital-induced labor, I started to lose it and scream at the top of my lungs. At this point dh left me to go find one of the midwives (they technically had to drop me because of postdates, but one of them stayed around the hospital to kinda be my doula) and when he came back with her, she takes one look at me- sideways on the bed on my knees and chest with my face down smushed against the wall, screaming my a$$ off, and goes "that's not normal, she should have an epidural"
Because I didn't want internal exams, this same mw asked if I had a history of sexual abuse, which I had, and she really latched on to this. She decided that I was laboring abnormally because of childhood sexual abuse and that I wasn't going to be able to give birth. I felt for the longest time afterwards that I must have still been completely messed up but now I just feel that while I had moved on to 'surviving' childhood abuse, she had me pegged as a 'victim' and pretty much made sure it had an impact on my labor. Yes I did get the epidural after she told me I was not normal and I should have one. It hadn't entered into my mind before that, though. I also gave up on the fact that I could have a vaginal birth and ended up with a c/s about an hour later. It's amazing what someone else can bring into your labor and birth just because they decide it belongs there.
sprout 1 is offline  
Old 07-08-2006, 08:08 PM
 
themamamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 289
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry to hear about all the negative experiences people have had with MWs in hospitals. I had a natural birth in a hospital with a MW attending and had such a great experience. I was totally in laborland in my hour-and-a-half transition from 3cm to baby in my arms -- man, that was intense. I didn't want anybody to touch me and kept moaning really loudly (I think a pp mentioned dying cow noises ), and I just remember my MW telling me to just do what my body wanted to do, push if I needed to push. Afterwards I felt really embarrassed about all the noises I'd made, but DH was very supportive. At my PP appt with another MW in my group, she said she'd heard from the attending MW that I was the laboring goddess throughout.

Thanks for reminding me why I love my MWs and letting me share.

Anyway, like others have said, I was laboring internally -- went way within -- but sure made a lot of noise.

ETA -- got all wrapped up in my story and forgot my point, which was... I felt so fortunate to be allowed to labor the way I needed to labor. It made me sad to think they made you feel like less than the goddess you are for the way you labored.

Mama to sweet, funny Eli 9/05 and snuggly Akash 12/09
themamamama is offline  
Old 07-09-2006, 04:23 PM
 
doctorjen's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 3,082
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by morgansmom
after a very long hospital-induced labor, I started to lose it and scream at the top of my lungs. At this point dh left me to go find one of the midwives (they technically had to drop me because of postdates, but one of them stayed around the hospital to kinda be my doula) and when he came back with her, she takes one look at me- sideways on the bed on my knees and chest with my face down smushed against the wall, screaming my a$$ off, and goes "that's not normal, she should have an epidural"
Because I didn't want internal exams, this same mw asked if I had a history of sexual abuse, which I had, and she really latched on to this. She decided that I was laboring abnormally because of childhood sexual abuse and that I wasn't going to be able to give birth. I felt for the longest time afterwards that I must have still been completely messed up but now I just feel that while I had moved on to 'surviving' childhood abuse, she had me pegged as a 'victim' and pretty much made sure it had an impact on my labor. Yes I did get the epidural after she told me I was not normal and I should have one. It hadn't entered into my mind before that, though. I also gave up on the fact that I could have a vaginal birth and ended up with a c/s about an hour later. It's amazing what someone else can bring into your labor and birth just because they decide it belongs there.
Gosh, what an awful story. How awful to be told in labor that you are abnormal, and the pain you've suffered in the past means you can't do things well now.
doctorjen is offline  
Old 07-09-2006, 07:58 PM
 
mammalmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hear that "she handled it so well" nonsense all the time, and when I ask what it means, sure enough, it usually means a quiet or "relaxed" mama. OH WELL. Just hope that someday the people who say such things will screw their heads back on.
Sorry. Feeling a little cranky apparently. My first birth I was so loud and "hysterical" and ran around my house naked dripping fluids and raging. I told my partner I really needed to get on top of "it." But I never did, by the standards of the aformentioned headless people. We talk about that inner place, labor land, trance state, and you know-women get their in different ways. You're just your own culture. Many cultures have recongnized trance states. Some use drugs to get there, some use pain, some use quests, etc. etc. AND SOME DANCE. The tarantula, I think, is a wild and crazy dance done either in, or to get to, a trance state. Ultimately, you know how to give birth and your baby knows how it wants to be born. You mustve done exactly what you needed to. Good work Mama.
mammalmama is offline  
Old 07-09-2006, 08:15 PM
 
BelgianSheepDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: unemployed in Greenland
Posts: 6,878
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammalmama
My first birth I was so loud and "hysterical" and ran around my house naked dripping fluids and raging.
Right on, sister!
BelgianSheepDog is offline  
Old 07-09-2006, 08:26 PM
 
thismama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nursing the revolution
Posts: 12,099
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was super loud, super demanding, needed lots of support.

I think it is seriously messed up that you would be made to feel that being loud = not labouring well.

You did great!!!
thismama is offline  
Old 07-10-2006, 02:34 AM
 
septmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: NEPA
Posts: 364
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so thankful for this thread. I had 2 huge, posterior babies and I don't think I would have survived if not for the routine that my moans and my screams allowed me. My 1st birth was very long and I was told over and over to make my screams lower. I am now a new student midwife and have said the same thing to women as that is what I thought was "correct". After reading this thread I will never tell another momma to make it lower ever again.
septmommy is offline  
Old 07-10-2006, 04:03 AM
 
ladyslipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 312
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was extremely quiet and everyone around me remained quiet as well. Any little noise broke my concentration, and in my mind the pain became more intense. I guess this makes me an internal labor person. It was so amazingly peaceful and the hospital staff were extremely supportive and caring.
ladyslipper is offline  
Old 07-10-2006, 06:52 AM
 
annarosa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 516
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
we all need to labour how WE want - not how someone else wants
my first labour was 'easier' but even so I did kind of enjoy and need to make noise - my dh was there so I did not care what anyone thought - and no one commented afterwards
my second was much much more painful and I found the contractions very aggressive - I made loads of noise and screamed very high pitch towards the end which really helped - I am sure my midwife's ears hurt afterwards but she just said at the time - good, that's great - or something like that - and made no comments afterwards - I was a bit embarrassed incase people OUTSIDE the room had heard - but my dh who was with my dd in the playroom said he could not hear anything - only when he came inside ...
sooo - i am sorry you felt so badly judged and were treated badly by those people - reallyit is none of their business how you birth your child
hugs to you
annarosa is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off